Remember cassette tapes. If you would play it on continuously, after a point it would just pause or play in fast forward making squeaky sounds. So you would have to take it out, insert a pencil in one of the holes and rewind it a bit and it would play smoothly again. 

Well, we all need this rewinding... rather UNWINDING from time to time. 

That's why we have weekday - weekend concept. 
That's why we have annual leaves. 
That's why travel and tourism exists.
That's why Netflix and Chill. 
That's why the whole F&B industry, because who doesn't need a drink and a friendly banter every once in a while. 
 
Call it breaking the monotony or clearing the clutter or rearranging your thoughts or a break... you need it. 
Whether is work, family, relationships... anything. 

If you are someone who takes too many breaks, you might think of taking a break from taking breaks and stick to some routine for a while. 

It only makes things better. 

Just stop for a bit, breathe... inhale... exhale. Stop thinking about what happened, what will happen and even what is happening right now. Take a moment from even being in the present, just stop. Silence, no noise, nothing.. Just shut up. 

And after a few moments, go back to the chaos. From where I see, it's the only way to deal with this clockwork-like life. We can't stop, so let's find some loopholes in the system and take a pause.  

A Query

When do we finish growing up and start growing old?

Virtually Yours

Screens, screens and screens. Everywhere.

We are spending all our time with the phone or iPad or computer or TV or Kindle. And less time with family, friends and ourselves. 

Something about this feels so wrong. So many ways to lose yourself but none to find oneself. 

But oh, the addiction! 

PS: I just realised that exactly one year back I had posted something on the same lines. And the world continues to be a weird place (if you know what I mean) :P 

Viscous Virtual Circle

There is too much of everything. 

Too many movies and shows on Netflix.
Too many DIY tips & quotes on Pinterest.
Too many simple hacks on Facebook.
Too many food & dance videos on YouTube.
Too much art on Instagram.
Too many opinions on Twitter.
Too many diet plans on Fitness Pal
Too many answers on Google. 
Too many part-time businesses on Etsy.
Too much 'news' on Whatsapp.

I am not sure if I need so much. So many ideas, so many solutions, so quickly. Whatever happened to searching for answers and the joy of finding them?   

The world has become a weird place. 

Nothing I do is special anymore. Nothing I create is original, and if it is, it won't remain original 5 seconds after I 'share' it with the 'world'. 

I used to do it excitedly until a couple of years ago, not because I wanted to flaunt my skills but to reach out to the right audience and the right opportunities. Sometimes it has worked. And most other times, I just felt happy looking at some positive comments / likes. 

I don't feel like doing it anymore. I don't feel like being a part of this circus anymore! 
I still do post. Sometimes with the fear of losing what little I have managed to build after years of struggle with my writing & art (which still continues). And hardly ever out of a need to express.

What is it with people? Is your life empty? Why do you want to share all your feelings and experiences with others? Why do you want to express your opinions all the time? Is it because no one is actually looking, it's virtual and you can't see faces so it is easier to boast or to say your piece or to share your sadness or express joy? 

How many times when you meet people in a group do you actually try to let them know how you feel? Wait... may be this is what it is? You want to let someone know how you truly feel, you want someone to get it. 

But isn't it better to cultivate actual, real relationships in your life where a handful of real people will actually understand you, your thoughts, your intentions?
I mean I understand it takes more effort than just typing a post and hitting share. But the pay-off is wonderful. 

This virtual audience, I believe, doesn't give a fuck. A few comments, a few likes, a few follows, a few views, they won't fill up the vacuum.

Sigh... The world has become a weird place. There is too much of everything. 

Some relationships are toxic and cannot be helped. It is not easy to remove them completely from your life but it is possible to avoid indulging in them.  

Turning 31

Early this week I was in the mood to watch a chick-flick and I chose ‘Bridget Jones’s Diary’. The movie opens with Bridget stating she is 32 years old and the rest follows. Have you noticed, in most western ‘coming-of-age’, romcom, etc. movies, the female protagonists are in their 30s? Okay remember, what is Carrie Bradshaw’s age in Sex and the City’s first episode? Another point to be noted in such shows and movies, is people in 20s are shown as too young and immature.

On the contrary, in Indian cinema, in 1990s and before, the female lead would be in her teens! And nowadays, they have graduated to be in their early 20s. 

Now, I am not trying to belittle any culture here as I understand every society has had a history and is the way it is for a reason, which is a very different and wide topic and can be discussed at another time. 

What I am trying to say is, we are a society that endorses (and ensures) childhood meets a premature death and old age blooms early. And, as feminist as it sounds, it is true that this is more so for the girls!

• Get married in early 20’s
• Have babies by mid-20s
• Make your life all about your family in your 30s
• Become a purpose-less, hopeless old hag in your 40s
• Make religion/God your priority in your 50s
• Wait for your death in and after 60s

Now, I am not saying that women are asked to follow the above timeline. I mean we are raised in a way that this seeps into our subconscious so discreetly, we don’t realize it until we are in the later phase of this pre-designed life. Perhaps this is changing for some and may be not for some.

Last year after I turned 30, I went through this gloomy phase for a few weeks. I have always followed my heart and rebelled my way through life so far and I was feeling like the best part of my life has just ended and that it will only go downhill further on! All this until I had the revelation (as above) about why do I really feel the way I do.

Scientifically, yes, the body gets older and gradually weaker as we grow. But how we feel or should feel does not depend on it, at least, not entirely. Moreover, ‘the best part of life’ is something we usually don't realise when living it. We will only see it that way, once it has passed or when it is about to come. 

Yesterday, I turned 31. There are many changes in the way I see and perceive things now. May be I don’t get enthusiastic too often as I have met many a new experience already. May be I am not as interested in everything that comes along my way. May be I am not always open to new friendships. May be it all sounds a little less adventurous. May be this what 'older and wiser' looks like. But, the inner curious child in me is still very much alive. And, I believe life has only just begun and that the quest to ‘I don’t know what’ continues in all its glory. 

PS: These are strictly my observations and not a judgement on any particular persons. If they seem condescending, perhaps you should question yourself.  

Song paying in my head - Dance Monkey by Tones and I

From House to Home

23 Aug 2020

We are moving! I am so excited for the new house. To live here, to make new memories with him here. I really wish that this house is comfortable and does not have any major problems so we can stay here for longer than a year or two. Because one year seems so less to soak in all the good things it has in store for us. 

This is a new experience for me, this settling into a house that I and he chose together. Bringing all of our belongings here. Arranging & allocating them to specific shelves, drawers, cupboards. 

It feels amazing. This is like the good part of being independent.

Yes, being independent does have a not-so-greatly-enjoyable side too! Like paying bills / cooking and cleaning / planning & saving for early retirement because god knows I cannot be spending most of years of my life earning money (read as evil)! 

Let me not digress... I was talking about the good part... I am excited!

23 Oct 2020

The house is still pretty great! The excitement is gone, but the appreciation has stayed. Just like a happy long-term relationship or marriage. It's comfortable, it's roomy enough, it lets me be, it's home now. :)

Workplace Stress is Real

Lately I have been reading about depression due to work-stress and I am over-whelmed to see the volume of people on various forums and platforms expressing their suffering.

Sigh...

My personal life is great, I am happy and content with it but it's this other life that occupies most part of my active daily hours that is... causing damage.

I realise, for most us, it is not the work or the nature of it. It is the people we are working for and with. The bosses and colleagues who lack empathy and compassion. I wonder if they realise how they affect a person's life, how they turn an otherwise happy person into a miserable and hopeless being. Will they ever, for a moment, realise this? I don't think so...
And even if they do think someday, ohh... I shouldn't have said that or done that... it will be too late.

Late realisations rarely make a difference. 'Better late than never' is not always a good excuse to pardon yourself from your mistakes.

How to get out of this trap?
I need money to survive. I need a roof to live. I need food to eat. So, I need a job to pay me.
Even if I need less, I still need a little for every day. I cannot escape. I need to put up with the insensitivity of people. I need to toughen up. I need to go to work and do whatever it takes.

Sigh...

Things that help on certain lucky days:
- Being unproductive at work for 5-20 mins in a day in office. Because your productivity is never rewarded, just give your tired mind a break. For a little bit don't care for real.
- Call a friend after work and rant about your woes and the unfair things you put up with daily.
- Have a good dinner.
- Listen to music that elevates your spirits.
- Lose yourself in the warm arms of your beloved and just be there in that moment feeling fortunate to have true love in your life.
- Spend some time pursuing your hobby, even if for 15 mins... draw, paint, play music, go for a run, anything.

Well.. there still will be days when none of this would make you feel good, on such days, just breathe and let the time go by.

Sigh...

Moral of the story: Yes, money is evil. But people are the bigger evil. Compassion can really make a huge difference in the world. So be kind. And sometimes be blind... to those who aren't. 

Foolish

Around 8 years ago, I found out that it’s okay to be selfish. To live for yourself. I discovered that it is okay to choose your own dream instead of someone else’s and work towards fulfilling it. It is okay to care a little less about fitting in.
And so... I began following my heart. My foolish heart that believed I could be special... different... extraordinary!
Only to grow up and realise 8 years later that in a world of roughly 7.5 billion people, there cannot be a “different” or “special” you. I mean think about it... there are so many extraordinaries that this word is technically obsolete. Extraordinary is now an ordinary phenomenon.
Okay so I rose up and became a rebel. I revolted to do things my own way. I fought... to choose my own race. But here it is... a race after all!

Can I please stop running?

If not... then can someone please return me the foolishness of my heart... that believed I could be special. Not to the world but in my own eyes...

I wish... Why do we wish so much!

Music playing (in my head)... Bohemian Rhapsody, Queen