From House to Home

23 Aug 2020

We are moving! I am so excited for the new house. To live here, to make new memories with him here. I really wish that this house is comfortable and does not have any major problems so we can stay here for longer than a year or two. Because one year seems so less to soak in all the good things it has in store for us. 

This is a new experience for me, this settling into a house that I and he chose together. Bringing all of our belongings here. Arranging & allocating them to specific shelves, drawers, cupboards. 

It feels amazing. This is like the good part of being independent.

Yes, being independent does have a not-so-greatly-enjoyable side too! Like paying bills / cooking and cleaning / planning & saving for early retirement because god knows I cannot be spending most of years of my life earning money (read as evil)! 

Let me not digress... I was talking about the good part... I am excited!

23 Oct 2020

The house is still pretty great! The excitement is gone, but the appreciation has stayed. Just like a happy long-term relationship or marriage. It's comfortable, it's roomy enough, it lets me be, it's home now. :)

A little lost.

For a rebel, nothing is worse than not following their heart and becoming a slave to their mind.

............

When you love doing many things, focus becomes a matter of concern. You tend to be partially absent everywhere you are. And that's the test, how well do you manage to strike a balance.

............

Music: Coldplay
Can't get enough!

............

Why is there a need to fit in?
Why do we inadvertently squeeze ourselves in the crowd only to be amongst them?
It might be hard to accept the difference and respect our own eccentricities, but it brings peace.
Acceptance always does.

Having said that, in a world hugely overpopulated with social animals, it's almost impossible to be exclusive. Existence of someone like yourself is certain. However, meeting them is a matter of chance.

............

Humans are so greedy. On accomplishment of a dream, they conceive another one immediately.
Is it really greed? Or just a hope to live further?
For what is life without the hope of... having something or being something or having someone or being somewhere?

.............

I wish...
Why do we wish so much!

Accepting the newness of today

It's new day.

Every day is, isn't it?

So that's good, right?

Every day brings an opportunity to start afresh. What more can you ask for? 

:)

If expectation is the mother of all problems, then acceptance is the mother of all solutions.

It is easier said than done, I know. But do we have an option?

Yes, happiness is a state of mind, and the mind will not enter that state unless you accept the current state of events. 

You have to accept that life has brought you a bagful of issues despite having the audacity of getting a truck-ful of them! You have to accept that all good things are temporary - love, happiness, moments, memories, success, appreciation, people - just like all the bad things. You have to accept your shortcomings, but don't settle down with them. You have to accept the metamorphosis that life is going through each day, every moment. You have to accept to be hopeful again. 

You simply have to accept... that's the first step to survival. 

The voice?

The voice that comes from within. The one that has a faint texture. And speaks your instinct and intuition. The voice that is you, your soul. 

How do you know if it is that voice helping you to make a decision or it is the opinions of others or the demand of the situation? Or is it just the random flow of occurrences that has forced you to take a step without calculating anything?

How do you know?

Maybe you never know...

It will be whatever you choose to believe. 

This year has been a joyful and exhilarating ride so far. A season of newness. A chapter with too many twists and turns. 

Today's Playlist:

Phir Le Aya - Arijit Singh

Phir Se Ud Chala - Mohit Chauhan

Peekaboo - Coke Studio

Pataka Guddi - Jyoti and Sultana Nooran

Pardesi - Amit Trivedi

Time will tell.

Decisions. I still don't like them. 

How do you decide that you will be doing something for the rest of your life? It feels like prison. Despite the fact that I have picked a prison of my own choice, it still is a prison. I don't want it. I don't want to be imprisoned. I am not meant for those shackles. Those chains, they don't belong to me. 

I feel suffocated. I want to fly away. To a place far far away. Just by myself.

As an afterthought, it occurred to me that maybe what I reckon to be a decision, is not a decision after all. Perhaps it is an occurrence that was destined to transpire. And maybe what I perceive to be as chains that will pull me back or limit me, are wings that will help me fly higher. 

Maybe...

I cannot know now...

Time will tell. 

I think I will choose to believe in the latter. There, I made yet another decision. 

I wish...

Why do we wish so much! 

Best things happen to you when you least expect them while secretly wanting them to happen in a corner of your heart. :)

I am still an overthinker and will always be one. 

The future worries me. The circumstances in the future concern me.

I am not sure if I am ready to face them yet. 

Someone told me I should live only in the present. That's not me. No matter how much I try, I cannot just live in the present. A small part of me still dwells in my past and another small one constantly tries to peep into the future while the rest of me blissfully enjoys the present. 

Anyway,

I would like to believe, epic beginnings never have an ending.  

Current Playlist:

Magic - Colplay

When you say nothing at all - Notting Hill

Just the way you are - Bruno Mars

Alchemy - A&B

Jiya Lage na - Coke Studio (Shankar Mahadevan)

Locha-E-Ulfat - 2 States

Gustakh Dil - English Vinglish

I am in the fairytale phase of life! 

I have a feeling, I might like the rains this year. ;) 

A gift from nature

I am back from the mountains.
I am back from the snow.
I am back from the river.
I am back from the paradise.

Or may be I am not. I left a little of me there and brought back a little of them all.

It was a breathtaking journey. With every small patch of land, I learned more about me. It was a satisfying feeling. Just me and my backpack.

There are too many words coming to my mind at the moment but I do not feel like putting it all together right now. Piece by piece I shall keep posting.

I am happy to be working again. My work is as important to me as travel. It, too, defines me in a way.

Anyway,
This trip has been extremely special to me. Apart from adding a new dimension to my thinking, it has introduced me to a new side of me.
It seems like Mr. God is playing a prank with me. I hope he is not. I don't have that kind of an appetite for humor. I have taken a leap of faith. It's scary. It's exciting. It's beautiful. It's alleviating. It's fulfilling.

My heart tells me, it's a gift from nature, from Mr. God. 

That copywriter chick - 5

It has been a month since I did any advertising writing.
I have been going to office and doing what is needed there, but the work is barely challenging and scarcely creative.
Also, travel writing has been eating up all my time but I'm happily doing it.

I feel I am being unjust towards the copywriter within me, she is being deprived of doing what she loves to do.

I need to strike a balance between travel writing and copywriting as only by pursuing both can I be happy and satisfied. I know myself, I will get bored by doing just one thing for a living. Variety is something that a person like me cannot survive without. And perhaps that's why I chose to be a writer. It gives me the liberty to do different things, to learn different things,  to create different things, to be a different person each time.

I fear completely losing the balance sometimes.
I also doubt if I really want this - copywriting - sometimes.
The doubt scares me. I wonder if it stems out of the frustration and fear of failing or is it my subconscious mind giving me a message.
I like to believe the former. I love copywriting. I really do and I want to learn it well. I don't like me being uncertain about it, not even sometimes.

Anyway,
The AC at my workplace broke. Due to excessive heat, thin hair on our skin had burnt and the skin was about to melt, just then an office boy got a pedestal fan and placed at the centre of our crammed studio. The fairly cool air that it heaved felt like such a luxury.
Oftentimes, we forget to appreciate the luxuries that we relish on a daily basis, such breakdowns are small reminders of their undervalued existence.

Today's playlist:
Shedding skin - Karsh Kale
Khwabon ke parindey - ZNMD
Young and beautiful - Lana Del Rey
Born to die - Lana Del Rey
Kinare - Mohan Kanan
I can't make you love me - Ester Dean

I will...
Because I dream so much.

That copywriter chick - 3

There are moments of fear and self-doubt.
There are moments of anxiety and procrastination.
There are moments of inspiration and hope.

And now all these moments have come together and turned into a big thumping ball inside my throat!

I am getting a panic attack. Well, almost.

Since morning I have done a couple of things that I maybe shouldn't have done. I am a little scared of goofing up this opportunity as well. I should simply stop over-thinking.

If things work out, nothing like it. If they don't, they will work out later.
As they say, sometimes you succeed and sometimes you learn.    

Sometimes uncertainity is good.

There really are no free lunches in life.

I can see months of uncertainity coming up, and I am glad for them.
It is better to have that thin ray of hope than having nothing at all. So I am happy, and more than that, charged up to do some mindblowing work.

It is so important that you learn a few ways of motivating yourself. 

  

The difference... or distance?

When I decided to switch my career path, I lost one of the common factors in my friendship with some of my very close friends.
When they entered into a serious relationship with their new respective partners, I was truly delighted for them but now there was one more thing that differentiated me from them.
And now, as they consider marriage and life after it, I wish them the very best while also making an addition to the list that keeps us from being on the same page.

Yesterday, I was out with a bunch of people, not friends really. One of them, a well-accomplished lady, mentioned that her best friend has a child and it's been 2 years now. She has been trying for one herself since a long time now.
She said whenever they used to meet, all that friend had to talk about was her daughter. It had begin to become discomforting for her to be in her friend's company now. She was not envious, in fact, she was happy that her friend was blessed with a bundle of joy.
But, she wasn't able to empathize with that friend anymore. They weren't on the same page. Their priorities, their scenarios, their day-to-schedule, everything had changed.
So, she started distancing herself from that woman, not intentionally though. It just happened. They don't meet anymore.

As I was listening to her story, I wondered, isn't it really how I too feel for those close friends of mine? I couldn't get myself to say yes, but I did not say a no as well.

I also thought if they too feel so about this situation. But then, I refuse to believe they do because there's so much going on in their lives, in our lives, that they really wouldn't have the time to sit and contemplate about something as trivial as this. It's merely me over-thinking, as usual.

Sigh...

Sadly, this is not the first time I've been perturbed by this obvious feeling. It has been worrying me since quite some time now. So, it was not this lady's words that triggered this thought. It was always there. I was just scared to admit it to myself so bluntly.

Dad says, "You should do what everyone is doing in order to be a part of the society. You will be happy only if you start living your life like everyone else does, as only then you will be able to maintain your relationships. You can't just stand there while everyone else is taking the next step."

Do I have to? Really?
I am scared. I don't know what to do about it. I never thought 'peer pressure' could actually be so pressurizing.
Perhaps Dad is right...
But, is it something I want to do? 
  
Sometimes I wish, somethings would never change. But, we humans, we are all assholes, we are responsible for most changes that transpire and later brood about them.

Anyway, I shall leave it to the future. Whatever has to happen, will happen.

Time flows differently in everyone's life. Different phases occur to different people at different times. One cannot control it. And, it's fair. It's simply life.

I wish...
Why do we wish so much!

A final goodbye... to something, which could've defined me, in a way.

Think no more!

That moment when you finally decide to give up on your 'neurotic' act because it is literally driving you crazy.
And, finally after you come out of your delusional state, you see how badly your absence, ignorance rather, has affected the real people around you.
Good luck dealing with the awful feeling of not being there when they truly needed you!
 
"When words fail, music prevails."

Above & Beyond (Now I know why everyone was going crazy about them)

Katy Perry - Roar

Counting Stars - One Republic

Lana Del Rey (I love her almost as much as Adele)

Hardwell vs Goyte featuring Kimbra - Spaceman (The best mix ever)  

Bad Romance- Lady Gaga (Some songs can never go out of style)

O Womaniya 

I feel that I have newly started deciphering that yes we have all grown up. Now, when people around me are either getting married or are contemplating marriage. This new knowledge has brought along a lot of inhibitions and insecurities about the future.

Note to self:

• Take it easy sometimes, okay?
• Stop taking everything (including yourself) so seriously!
• There's never a need to thoroughly analyze the actions of other people or yourself. Well, not unless you actually join the CBI! 
• Come out of your sick and stupid dream-bubble. Now.    

Lastly,

I am glad that Winter is finally showing up! 

And, the blankness prevails...

I have fallen in love with this little tale. It won't leave my mind. I've been repeating it over and over again in my head.

When an ugly event from past decides to revisit your mind...

And, to you,
I buried the very thought of being like we used to be, months back.Yet you manage to hurt me each time I think about us. But, I'm fine. Really.

Life is full of people who'll keep finding flaws in you and your work, whether the faults truly exist or not, whether with good intentions or bad. You have to learn how not to be demoralized and keep going on.
When they say that you should take it positively, ask them fuck themselves, and simply ignore.
Because when you've heard bad things about yourself all your life, they fail to serve any kind of inspirational or motivational purpose after a while.

Having said that, constructive criticism should always be welcomed because that helps you learn and grow, in every aspect of your life.

I wish...
Why do we wish so much!

Mixed Fruit Salad.

I don’t know what to do with myself! Procrastination has its roots stuck deep inside of me!

I've read a lot of articles on most writers being a victim to procrastination but I don’t want to be in that writers’ list or at least not in the first hundred.

Solution: Kill the laziness.

I’m feeling sick, physically and mentally.

This Sunday was fun. I miss Winter. 

One thing I noticed, sometimes you tend to say things just for the heck of it, to have a conversation going. At that time you feel what am I saying, do I even mean it, do I agree with myself, why am I talking like that. But, later you’ll realize, it was your sub-conscious mind speaking and it will all make sense then. And perhaps, you might be embarrassed that you revealed your true and hidden feelings out in the open.  

I like working in the nights with light music playing along. I like blogging while doing so. 

You know an eyelash cannot actually fulfill that big dream, that wish of yours but still sometimes out of hope you like to believe that it will do so, and you softly blow it from the back of your palm, which I just got to know is also known as 'Opisthenar'.
What is life without hope? Death, maybe (I know that was a rhetorical question I stated but the answer just came to me instantly.)

Music at the moment:
Life is Short
Since you've been around
Daddy Cool
Here is a heart
Scratch 
Other side of the world
The dog song
(Yes, these are the same old numbers I like.)

There's maddening traffic everyday in Mumbai. Traffic that doesn't allow any vehicle to move for hours! It's becoming difficult to cope with travelling in this city now.

NO HORN OK PLEASE

What is it with Mumbaikars and honking?

Okay so, you are stuck in traffic and want to reach some place urgently so you start honking like mad. For once, please notice that others are also stuck in the same traffic, and the person driving the vehicle ahead of you is not having the time of his life in that situation.

Stop creating unnecessary noise pollution you fucking moron!!

MONSOON GO SOON

Due to rains, all autowalas have become very pricey, quite literally also. I’m so mad at these autowalas; they think of themselves as the kings of Mumbai, which they are not! I badly need a Vespa now.
Soon I shall get one for myself post monsoon.

Anyway,
I should get back to work now and maybe pop another Crocin!

Happy Valentine's Day!

Today I feel like creating something very beautiful, something that comes straight from the heart.


Cecilia Ahern writes magical stories. I love her writing. Of what books I've read, she always elaborates the sadness and melancholy of the characters in the story so well that despite the happy ending, I still cannot get over those tragedies. Her stories are all heart-breaking at some point and that's the beauty of it.

I can't make you love me- Ester Dean
Fade into Darkness- Avicii
Alive- Superchick

Happy birthday bloggy doggy! Time flies and you never realize that, most of the times. And, on a day like this, it suddenly strikes you, how far you have traveled along with time.

Too many inhibitions have surrounded me. I don't know whether I should be trusting me, my heart... but then there ain't another option.

I loved the google doodle for today. Its damn cute!

 Lastly, Happy Valentine's day! :)

What's New?

When you meet new people, you connect real good with some of them while you don't click with the rest.
New people come in life with a new set of expectations. I'm not talking about what they would be expecting from you, I'm speaking of the expectations you will build up in your mind.
Its very important to know how to detach yourself from certain people, things, situations. To lead a happy life one has to learn how to detach.

Living in the moment.

Everything fades away - Poets of Fall 

Suddenly life has started running at a jet speed, it feels as though I'm losing some of the very important things. in the meanwhile. I hope its only a feeling and not actual.

Yesterday while I was returning home in a BEST bus, a lady was being troubled by a lecherous creep. I was sitting on the seat ahead of her so I couldn't see what was happening. Suddenly this guy standing near my seat started abusing that creep very badly. It broke my sleep and I had no clue what was happening, then of course I came to know when others also yelled and abused the creep and threw him out of the bus. What was appalling, the lady never uttered a word, she was simply sitting there and letting this asshole touch herself! If women keep taking it all, staying mum in fear, they are not worth any sympathy. Sexual harassment will keep on happening. When you don't speak up, it leads to consent because silence can be interpreted in any way. And, not always, will there be someone who will fight for you!

  

My stepping stone!

Datamatics Global Services Ltd.- Content Writer.

Thank you Mr God!

Who knows if this could be that turning point...

No Goa for me. Of course it feels sad not be a part of it but I can manage now, I guess... because Mr God helped! 

I guess...

The big big bang by Rock Mafia - LOVE IT!

If you think that you can get us anytime you want... you are highly mistaken!! We know to stand for ourselves and we aren't scared or ashamed of doing so!! - To all those jerks who take us women as weak objects!

Some old connections losing the shine and some new ones coming into picture... Is it a phase or that's how its supposed to be?
Only time will tell...

Today I was feeling like I should try to reconnect with a few very old friends, who haven't been in touch for months now but I did not get the time to do so... I guess, the feeling was not strong enough to make me take some time out for reconnecting.

25 days left for the exams. Not a good feeling.

I always enjoy listening to All I want is you from the movie Juno.

Priorities. Funny word. It changes its meaning every now and then. Meaning and not definition.

Call me maybe by Carly Rae Jepsen has been consistent on my playlist for weeks now...
'....Hey I just met you 
and this is craxy
but here's my number 
so call me maybe

It's hard to look right 
at you baby 
but here's my number 
so call me maybe...'

Whenever I'm asked to choose who's right and who's wrong out of two friends who are having a disagreement or out of my mom and my brother when they fight, it's just so hard, I can never decide or rather I can but I don't know how to tell the wrong one (as per me), they are wrong.
Sigh...
Mr God how do you do it all the time?! Your job is tough, indeed. Being the decision maker is never easy, not even if you are God.

That reminds me, I wanna watch 'Oh my God' but I guess, that'll be only after my exams now.

And,
Abbreviating the film name was started by the Johars I guess. DDLJ K3G KANK, etc. and now SOTY for 'Student of the year'! Although all film-makers do it now.

Listening to Payphone by Maroon 5, I don't like it that much though.

Damn, this "October heat" is killing me!

And lastly,
You have just lost it. I never thought you would. Bah... I over-estimated you and under-estimated me. Haha... Nonetheless, it's just good to know that I really did learn that lesson in the past and am carrying it with me. Yes, it wasn't easy back then but that was long time back and I realized how it was all planned by Mr God just so that I could have my little epiphany. Now, the time has changed... I always thought you had changed but... I don't know about you, I surely have... for good. It was a disorder, I maybe still having it but it's under the surface and I'm gonna try to hide it there for the rest of my life cause it's certainly not easy to get rid off once it shows up.

P.S.: The post is titled 'I guess...' because of the frequent usage of this expression in here. 

A new me...

It will be a whole new day tomorrow

A new sun will rise and show

Fresh new flowers will bloom

Birds will chirp a new tune

A new sparrow will learn to fly

New bright stars will fill up the dark sky

With everything new happening around to see

How can there not be a new me

No more fretting...

I just had a look at my blog today and I realized that I've been fretting too much since a few weeks...

Each time something silly perturbed me, I blogged it out... and that helped... but I think I should just stop myself from getting affected or disturbed by trivial matters rather than collecting it all and spewing it in here!

I was ruminating about certain things last night and I discerned, how bigger issues don't pest me as much as smaller ones do... I am able to keep my cool when it comes to the 'real' problems but for things that are not even eligible to be termed as issues or troubles, I just lose it completely!

I better study persistently now...
Hardly a month and half left...

Listening to 'Who we are' by Ryan Calhoun. (It just speaks to my heart... I'll always cherish this number)

'...Life hurry now
I'm running out of time
And I am growing weak as are these dreams that are mine
Though the days are long, I'm still running strong
I keep looking up so I can hold on...
For now 
I'll choose this life I live
And for now I'll choose to take my hits
Coz at the end of the day all we have is who we are...'