Clearing the clutter

When we do things that we shouldn't have despite of having knowledge of what the outcome of doing them would be.
When we say things that we shouldn't have because some secrets should be locked in that little box in your heart and never to be said out loud.
When you cannot forgive yourself for doing it all, saying it all.
When you cannot stop admonishing yourself for being the fool.
Take a moment, reminisce it all again and then say to yourself, 'Yes I made more mistakes, yes I know it was a big deal and I've been extremely faulty but now instead of thinking about it as a chapter of shame and regret, I shall think of it as a lesson well learnt!'

Sigh...

Rather than trying so hard to be a part of a group, you should try to be yourself because only that makes sense.
Then again 'Be yourself' gives rise to 'Who am I' and 'How do I be myself'...
To know this, we are breathing. I hope, I will be enlightened of it someday.

I hate it when people put me in a dilemma.
Office politics- No matter how hard you try to stay out of it, it doesn't spare you.
I've decided, instead of feeling pressurized that I might hurt anyone or make "enemies", I won't care as much, breathe freely and be the way I am and not how they want me to be. To hell with them and their issues!
When it comes to those special ones in your life, it's fine to be affected for a while but people who are not all that significant shouldn't impact you.

Phew...

It's very important to not let your core self get affected by other people's life otherwise you end up living their life instead of your own.
With me, sometimes I'm able to do so and sometimes I just can't!

Don't you worry child- Swedish House Mafia

Changing scenarios!

Change. Why are we so resistant about it always without even knowing whether its good or bad?!
When you have something great going on, you would hate to have things changed even a bit because you are so comfortable and happy with the way things are. But, you know as they say, change is the only constant thing in the Universe so its inevitable.
Again, in such a scenario, where everything is "perfect", you will hate to see anything new happening. Because that "new" is unknown, uncertain and unpredictable. We tend to think negative because we believe that it can't get any better. We are having the best time of our life here if there is something new, a change, it can only make it worse because there is no better after the best.
But, in reality, who knows what "best", "perfect" or "worst" is?
How do you decide that?
How can you be so sure that nothing better or worse, as the case may be, will happen?

Haha, I know it all but still wouldn't like to accept.

What's New?

When you meet new people, you connect real good with some of them while you don't click with the rest.
New people come in life with a new set of expectations. I'm not talking about what they would be expecting from you, I'm speaking of the expectations you will build up in your mind.
Its very important to know how to detach yourself from certain people, things, situations. To lead a happy life one has to learn how to detach.

Living in the moment.

Everything fades away - Poets of Fall 

Suddenly life has started running at a jet speed, it feels as though I'm losing some of the very important things. in the meanwhile. I hope its only a feeling and not actual.

Yesterday while I was returning home in a BEST bus, a lady was being troubled by a lecherous creep. I was sitting on the seat ahead of her so I couldn't see what was happening. Suddenly this guy standing near my seat started abusing that creep very badly. It broke my sleep and I had no clue what was happening, then of course I came to know when others also yelled and abused the creep and threw him out of the bus. What was appalling, the lady never uttered a word, she was simply sitting there and letting this asshole touch herself! If women keep taking it all, staying mum in fear, they are not worth any sympathy. Sexual harassment will keep on happening. When you don't speak up, it leads to consent because silence can be interpreted in any way. And, not always, will there be someone who will fight for you!

  

one by two

Office.
Sometimes its just us, we over-think. The other person is not always the bad guy.

People are not that difficult to deal with, we make ourselves believe that they are. I know, I too have umpteen times said that its not a cinch being around people rather being happy around them but eventually I always realize it never was a big deal.

Another thing that got me thinking was, whether to say it out or not?
For say, when having a conversation with a bunch of people, you have so many things in head that you can say but you choose to stay mum. How does it matter if you speak your heart?
Now, there are countless reasons why you don't say it but for how long will this continue?
There will be a time when you'll stop not talking, when you'll start being yourself. So why not do it right away!

I think I shouldn't have done it, that thing. But now, it's all said and done so rather than fretting about it, I should do something constructive.

Home.
Feel, speak, enjoy, love, live, cry, suffer, make mistakes, be outrageous, apologize, learn, discover yourself!
Now is what we have. Who knows world might really end on 21/12/12!!
Haha...
What if it actually does?

When you wonder about death, you realize who are the ones that truly matter to you and you would wish to spend more time with them before everything is over.
If believing in 21/12/12 helps you express your love to your loved ones, then you are not as stupid as people would think!

I love Mumbai. People here can be as sweet as bitter they are! Confusing naa?? That's how we are.

Adele-Skyfall. Love it like crazy!

P.S.: I wrote half the post at work but then I got busy so I saved it as a draft and now added more and posted, hence the title!

Weekends and me

Expectations- The entire world, happenings and non-happenings, everything basically revolves around them!

Weekdays are going better than weekends.
New people and new life have taken over me...

Last weekend I remember my friend saying I've changed and that things are not as they used to be.
I pondered over this for quite sometime and concluded that either I'm being selfish or its that friend... I couldn't decide who though...

Weekends- This is the first time in life that I know how weekends look like.

....
What happened to us?
We weren't like this before!
Its not just me but you too.
You have someone to hold on to, I don't.
Stop feeling sorry for yourself and be considerate.

Right now, only reading can help me so I'll get back to my book!

Post no. 200

Surrounded by strangers only, I'm thrown out of my comfort zone and I'm liking it. I'm looking forward to take what life has to offer me. After all, how different can people be! We are all similar at heart.

What makes you beautiful-One Direction

There is so much to learn, I realize everyday
How bad my intellect is, I realize everyday
How willing I'm to learn, I realize everyday

And,
Men are shit! I don't think I need to elucidate the veracity of this statement!

I'm fine!

To begin with, let me clearly state that I'm fine. Happy and content. Truly.

Things and people that shape you as a person, for life; that are responsible for you being the way you are.

About the missing piece/peace:
I realized it is that something, that's always been missing and that will always be missing, for life. It's not me who can change it. As a matter of fact, there exists nothing that can change it, not even you Mr God!

Being happy is a choice and not a circumstance that's imposed on anyone, I know it very well and follow it too. No fucking high philosophies needed!

"I used to think I was special and only I have proved me wrong..." - Scratch by Kendall Payne.

I wish...
Why do we wish so much!

'The missing piece' or rather 'The missing peace'

Hair-cut and shopping - Life's good!
I feel beautiful today! :D

With so many positive things happening around, I should be feeling ecstatic but why do I feel like something is missing... What is it that is wrong?
Perhaps I'm so used to having something going amiss with me that when everything's perfect, I'm not able to gulp it in.
Or
There really is something missing...
I know, not going to Goa sucks but I've overcome that  now so that's not the subject of my anxiety.

Sigh...

I'm stupid!

Locked out of heaven - Bruno Mars
Jiya re - Neeti Mohan (JTHJ)

I reminisce, a few weeks back I was thinking, the ones who stand by your side, even during the moments when you hate them, are the ones who really and truly love you. But then, I discerned that these people still love you because you never showcased your hatred expressly, you either abhorred them inwardly or behaved a little cranky with them at times.
The truth is, No one can stand you, when you start behaving the way you feel, no matter how special or important you are to them!

My stepping stone!

Datamatics Global Services Ltd.- Content Writer.

Thank you Mr God!

Who knows if this could be that turning point...

No Goa for me. Of course it feels sad not be a part of it but I can manage now, I guess... because Mr God helped! 

Exam postponed!

My last exam which was supposed to be tomorrow got postponed due to Balasaheb's demise. I don't know how I feel or how I should feel, whether I should be sad about it or relieved that I've some more time to study.
I don't know the date when the exam will be held next, that's not out yet.
Restless.

When you cannot do anything about the way things are turning out or perhaps you should've but you refrained from doing the same... anger is the only emotion you feel the most. You know the source of your exasperation but you don't know how to kill it. It just keeps augmenting all the time. I guess, the only way it can stop impacting you is when you get completely used to it; you should get so accustomed to it that the anger shouldn't matter anymore. But if you are someone who expresses anger then God help you!

One more night by Maroon 5- awesomeness!

Desirous

There is so much I want to do,
There is so little time left.

I wish I knew things previously.
If I would, would I be any different from what I am?

Exploration may not always lead towards the goal
But it does most of the times.

The fear of not making it is always daunting
So should I sit back and not try at all?

Perhaps I don't have it me
But that doesn't mean I never will!

How can I not hope,
When hope is the only way to survive!

How should I not dream,
When dreaming is the reason I'm alive!

There is so much I want to do,
There is so little time left.

long time, no see!

So here I am... My comp is back!

From the last time I blogged upto today, lot of things have gone wrong. I've lost my balance and everything has become so unmanageable but I'm holding up... well, I'm trying to!

I've fallen in love with Grey's Anatomy. I can relate so well with Meredith sometimes (not always). I guess every girl would.

Missed out on lot of movies and music.

I've got so many things on my mind, some I'm not able to word out and some I don't want to!

Sometimes all you need is a guiding elaborated road map, in fact at all times!

For now, this is it...
I'll keep visiting often bloggy doggy! Love you!



 

I guess...

The big big bang by Rock Mafia - LOVE IT!

If you think that you can get us anytime you want... you are highly mistaken!! We know to stand for ourselves and we aren't scared or ashamed of doing so!! - To all those jerks who take us women as weak objects!

Some old connections losing the shine and some new ones coming into picture... Is it a phase or that's how its supposed to be?
Only time will tell...

Today I was feeling like I should try to reconnect with a few very old friends, who haven't been in touch for months now but I did not get the time to do so... I guess, the feeling was not strong enough to make me take some time out for reconnecting.

25 days left for the exams. Not a good feeling.

I always enjoy listening to All I want is you from the movie Juno.

Priorities. Funny word. It changes its meaning every now and then. Meaning and not definition.

Call me maybe by Carly Rae Jepsen has been consistent on my playlist for weeks now...
'....Hey I just met you 
and this is craxy
but here's my number 
so call me maybe

It's hard to look right 
at you baby 
but here's my number 
so call me maybe...'

Whenever I'm asked to choose who's right and who's wrong out of two friends who are having a disagreement or out of my mom and my brother when they fight, it's just so hard, I can never decide or rather I can but I don't know how to tell the wrong one (as per me), they are wrong.
Sigh...
Mr God how do you do it all the time?! Your job is tough, indeed. Being the decision maker is never easy, not even if you are God.

That reminds me, I wanna watch 'Oh my God' but I guess, that'll be only after my exams now.

And,
Abbreviating the film name was started by the Johars I guess. DDLJ K3G KANK, etc. and now SOTY for 'Student of the year'! Although all film-makers do it now.

Listening to Payphone by Maroon 5, I don't like it that much though.

Damn, this "October heat" is killing me!

And lastly,
You have just lost it. I never thought you would. Bah... I over-estimated you and under-estimated me. Haha... Nonetheless, it's just good to know that I really did learn that lesson in the past and am carrying it with me. Yes, it wasn't easy back then but that was long time back and I realized how it was all planned by Mr God just so that I could have my little epiphany. Now, the time has changed... I always thought you had changed but... I don't know about you, I surely have... for good. It was a disorder, I maybe still having it but it's under the surface and I'm gonna try to hide it there for the rest of my life cause it's certainly not easy to get rid off once it shows up.

P.S.: The post is titled 'I guess...' because of the frequent usage of this expression in here. 

Oppa Gangnam Style *dancing*!!

Oppa Gangnam Style - The song, the video and the DANCE... Quirky and super awesome!!!

My old hobby and favorite passtime, cooking, has gotten into me again. :) :D
When in school, we had to select a compulsory hobby class, I had taken up cooking and I used to try new dishes taught to us, at home, all the time. :D

Today it was Pasta! Me and mom had a 2AM snack and a little chatter. ;) :D

And, (most of the times)
Life is all about having around people, who can make you laugh and whom you can make laugh... and that's about it. ;)

Missing on me-time

Times when you've been feeling extremely thoughtless... No matter how hard you try to bring up something to think about in your head, you just can't!
And, for a person who loves pondering over stuff... these are not the 'good' times!

There are times when you want to be around your friends and feel that warmth...
And, those times when you want no one around, you are simply happy being with yourself...

Listening to 'Here is a heart' by Jenny Owen Youngs...

I'm really awestruck by people who know what they want in life, from life. They don't realize how cool it is to have their goals set! I mean most of us are totally clueless about every little thing, not being in the 'nonplussed' category is something to be proud of... But then, as they say, you never value anything you have.

sigh

You know, I'm getting that feeling... when you are standing on one side of the highway, waiting to cross but all the automobiles are racing at such a pace that you just have to stand there looking at them and at that opposite side of the road...
There's no reason attached... it's just how I feel at the moment...

'Jao naa' from 'What's your rashee' - an all time favorite.

Being around too many people for long always does this to me... Perhaps, it's because I don't get much of 'me-time' now-a-days...

Grey's Anatomy- New addiction. Stress buster. Me-time. :)
  

Strange feelings...

Sometimes we just succumb into the social pressure!
Can't help it, I'm a human being and we are all SOCIAL animals... it's our primal characteristic!

Watched Barfi today. Loved it! Ranbir Kapoor just has it in his genes, he acts so effortlessly... I don't just love him because he looks smokin hot and cute at the same time but it is more because all the characters he's ever played, he's done his part so well that he's always had a long lasting impact on me!

38days to go! I'm in shit... submerged in it completely!!

Listening to 'Glad you came' by 'The wanted'... Super Song!

With time everything changes... and what changes most significantly is our feelings.

40 days to go!

Scared and grappling!

Mr God... are you even listening?!

In absolute love with 'Titanium' by David Guetta ft. Sia!

"You shoot me down but I won't fall, I am titanium..."

But then....

You can never know someone completely... And, that's just fair. I'm not complaining.

"What would you do" by Anushka Manchanda, Grey's Anatomy.

Losing a friend is always hurtful, no matter what the reason is... Because you'll have all those sweet memories and jokes left behind after that friend is gone... But then, that's how it is... Always.

'Only hope' by Mandy Moore... such a soothing tune!

Then, there are other things that go wrong at the same time... And you can't do anything but accept it as your destiny because these are the things that are simply not in your hands.
And those things that were never right and you've already accepted what life threw at you... but then there are always bouts of malcontentedness.
Also the things that were never supposed to go wrong but you messed it up and everything went astray.

But then, if it's not wrong... it's not life.
You just have to put up with things...

'Everything fades away' by Poets of Fall.

It is complicated... When is it not!

Fear...
I was just trying to recollect the times when I was scared to death about certain things -Of course, I counted out all the times I had my exam results and other stupid things- and I concluded that it was a bad idea to reminisce them because the memory of all those events was not pleasant at all although I'm not scared of it anymore!
Fear is funny. Why? Because we know it won't last long and it won't help us either as in fear is one of those unnecessary emotions yet we are always submissive to it.
But then, that's just being human, isn't it? You get scared, face it and move on.

Is there anything that has never been said before by anyone or any feeling that has never been felt by anyone before?? I don't think so... It's all happened before and will keep happening... And since our souls have traveled through time, we have actually seen it all, heard it all and felt it all before, many a times probably...

'Trouble is a friend' by Lenka, an all time favorite.

I wish...
Why do we wish so much!

Happy Ganesh Chaturthi!!

I'm feeling restless since the moment I woke up. What is it, I don't get it?

Well, it should be the exams (as only 45days remain) but it ain't that!

I guess, I know who has caused this anxiety pang, if only I could tell that person everything that's in my head...
I don't feel like talking about this to any other person...

Sometimes you just can't say it... perhaps because you shouldn't. Why to mess things up by speaking your mind and end up hurting someone. See, that's why... I can never be "candid".

So much for gender equality!!

If you are a girl and you smoke... you are a slut!!
If you are guy and you smoke... you are either hot or no one cares!!

I feel sorry for all the female smokers who have to be undercover when taking a fag!! 

Yes, India is a free country and democratic too but the society is still living in the past!!

Whether to smoke/drink or not is a personal choice!! I don't think anyone should form inferences on this basis!

Well, perhaps I can say this because I've had and still have plenty smokers and drinkers in my family... But still, you cannot address someone with contempt just because they drink or smoke!!

The sad thing is... it's not only the middle-aged or oldies who have this sick mentality... it's our own generation too!

You hate smoking or drinking because of health issues- Acceptable! 
But, you bitch and talk ill about a girl just because SHE practices it- You are sick jerk!!

Today, a friend (who smokes) had a bad experience and she shared it with me and somehow, I wasn't amazed at all at the backwardness and single-mindedness that still exists in OUR society!! 

I am so sick of this cheap male chauvinist society! And, MEN... someone should tell them that they not GODS!! 

:-/

P.S.: This was not unnecessary ranting! But, it is a manifestation of the persisting sexual bias in the Indian society!  

'At the end of the day, faith is a funny thing' - Meredith Grey, Grey's Anatomy.  

A new me...

It will be a whole new day tomorrow

A new sun will rise and show

Fresh new flowers will bloom

Birds will chirp a new tune

A new sparrow will learn to fly

New bright stars will fill up the dark sky

With everything new happening around to see

How can there not be a new me

GANPATI BAPPA MORYA!!

Ganesh Chaturthi is almost after a week now and I'm sooooooooo excited about it although my enthusiasm doesn't beat my baby brother's but still I just can't wait to see the pomp and grandeur throughout the city when Bappa arrives on 19th.

GANPATI BAPPA MORYA!!

No more fretting...

I just had a look at my blog today and I realized that I've been fretting too much since a few weeks...

Each time something silly perturbed me, I blogged it out... and that helped... but I think I should just stop myself from getting affected or disturbed by trivial matters rather than collecting it all and spewing it in here!

I was ruminating about certain things last night and I discerned, how bigger issues don't pest me as much as smaller ones do... I am able to keep my cool when it comes to the 'real' problems but for things that are not even eligible to be termed as issues or troubles, I just lose it completely!

I better study persistently now...
Hardly a month and half left...

Listening to 'Who we are' by Ryan Calhoun. (It just speaks to my heart... I'll always cherish this number)

'...Life hurry now
I'm running out of time
And I am growing weak as are these dreams that are mine
Though the days are long, I'm still running strong
I keep looking up so I can hold on...
For now 
I'll choose this life I live
And for now I'll choose to take my hits
Coz at the end of the day all we have is who we are...'

Complaint box

I need to get certain things off my mind in order to get back in-order!!

Note: These are things that are so petty that I do not feel like putting them in my diary and so this is the best possible way to get rid of all the aimless pondering and ANGER.

1. Enough with the drama!! Just leave me alone, will you?! I too feel bad even if I don't show it!!
2. When you talk bad... it still hurts... sometimes... Because there are certain things that one can never get accustomed to COMPLETELY, no matter how hard one tries... 
3. Boys are not the only topic that we girls can talk about! So please for heaven's sake, STOP!!
4. And, just because my friends are all dating doesn't mean I HAVE to see someone too!! I ACTUALLY am very happy being single and I do not understand why is it soooooo hard to gulp that in?!
5. To myself - Speed up!! FAST!!! Be assiduous and sedulous! 
6. To Mr. God - Help me to help me! *begging*
7. Beauty is not perfection! Some people need to comprehend that being good-looking does not mean you are above everyone else or average lookers do not deserve better than you!!
8. Being candid about your thoughts and opinions may seem to be a great thing when you are practicing it but when others practice it and start throwing their unwanted and unnecessary opinions on you... you'll know how "great" it really is!!
9. You are funny- HAHA!! Now shooo!
10. If you don't find me interesting then don't talk to me... it's just that simple! I really wouldn't mind even if you are a good friend!!
11. And... I've always believed that you need a break from every person in your life at some point of time, no matter how important or special that person is!! I do this... a lot.. I need my space.. now, is that soo bad?!
12. Yes, I can be a super bitch, at times... Deal with it or leave!!
13. I knew I had to face it... I was prepared...

And yet, I survived all of it, thanks to:

1. Mr. God
2. My stupid little brother [I love you!]
3. Music (Of course, duhh!!)
4. Food (Always!)
5. Finally realizing I was being stupid by even letting myself get bothered for the last 3 hours, for these silly thoughts!

*gasp*
*sigh*

P.S.: No comments or views or opinions will be welcomed here (unless they are expressly in my favor)!!

From a different location...

You know, how people always wish they could read everyone's mind or at least read the ones they love so that they know about their honest and sincere emotions... Well, I was never one of those people and today, I discerned how correct my opinion about this had been...
Because we humans go through an array of emotions every hour of every day, some of us are extremely emotional (like myself) while some of us are mostly apathetic... most of the times we adore the fact that there are a few souls out there who love us unconditionally but there are a few moments when we feel suffocated due to the same ones. And, just during those few moments, we say a 100 negative things about them to ourselves, wish them to vanish away from our lives...

Imagine you reading their thoughts at that time, when they are having this fit of wrath and angst, it sure wouldn't be pleasant... so isn't it better not to know that momentary hatred and make life, relationships and friendships more complicated than they already are?!

Today, I'm glad for never having to wish something so awful for any of my loved one...

Reckoning the fact that I'm emotional, which not just means that I can get sad easily but it also defines that I experience every emotion very easily, which includes sheer happiness and acute anger.
So
Of course, I've been angry on my loved ones and have said a million bad (err..worst) things to them in my head but I've never wished to eliminate them from my life.

And I would like to thank Mr God for this little revelation as now I am more sure that I will never ever make such a ghastly wish even when I'm at the apex of anger and exasperation!

For the first time, I'm glad, I didn't wish that much...

P.S. For the first time I'm blogging from a place other than my home or ex-office! And no, it's not a Cyber Cafe! :)

I'm just so sad...

I'm just so sad...

Why don't I get to do what I want to?
Why? Why?

Again,
even this is my fault!

Sometimes I feel it's better to be immature and self-centered, at least then you won't think about how the other person would be feeling and why they choose to behave like this and that they are completely wrong, whatever be the circumstances!!
I just somehow, in my head, figure out a way to not blame the other person for whatever he/she has done and then end up being angry at myself!

Aaarrrghh... I just can't concentrate on studies with all this running around me!!
*sigh*
Bah... I'll figure out a way (hopefully). After all, how many excuses am I gonna make?!

Anyway,
the truth is, if I would've done the right things at the right time, MAYBE none of this would be happening right now!

I wish...
Why do we wish so much!

In the hole...

I am so annoyed at the moment!
No, I don't have a reason or maybe I do but it's not good enough!

It just vexes me that I can't be there! Ugh... this sucks. Big time.

And, people may blabber that they are here to support you... but truly that's just another statement!
You have to support yourself and that's only fair!!

Aarghh!!

You know, sometimes you just want certain people to understand that they are needed during certain times without having to say it to them explicitly, you want them to be with you or at least call you for that matter...  And it just perturbs you even more when they don't get it, when they fail to be there with you during those certain times...
But
None of them have been blessed with any kinda super powers that they would just come to know about your state of mind!
Moreover, there are good odds that they might be having a bad day themself and would be waiting for you to come and soothe them...
You know, you should never ignore the other side of the coin, not even in your worst days!

'The sweet escape' by Gwen Stefani, is what I'm listening to right now...
It reminds me of my sweet junior college days, when I didn't have a Smartphone (which means no music) and I used to be glued on to VH1 all day and this song used to be played on every hour! The first time I heard it, I hated it but then after watching it on TV so many times I ended up falling in love with it... it's still one of my best 'pep-up' songs!

I truly believe by going through a person's playlist, you can pretty much figure them out because music is the best way to express yourself (even listening to music is)...
But again, sometimes you hear some songs just for fun and not for what they mean... and that's why I conspicuously mentioned 'pretty much'.

It makes me so sad that I couldn't save me from falling again...

I wish... Why do we wish so much!

Work-in-process

When you are being the bad guy, yelling and arguing while that little voice inside you is constantly asking you to shut up... but you just pretend as if you didn't hear it and continue being wrong, talking ill, which eventually results in a huge lump of guilt in your throat....

Anger is never good... Admitting is easy but eliminating it is certainly not!

Sometimes it just feels as though I am living a perfect life in an imperfect and erroneous manner.
It was easier when I was a teen, I used to blame God for anything wrong that happened with me, with my life...
But, as I grew up, I realized, He is not to blame, it's me... for this is not my life, this is a gift He's given to me, I'm the one who's not able to figure out how to deal with the gift... I cannot hold him culpable for anything as He's only responsible for the good things that have happened to me while me and my karma are responsible for all the bad things...
So since a few years, I actually have no one to pass on the blame... perhaps that's the source of all the anger generating within... but for how long??
Maybe, just as time taught me not to blame Him, it will also teach me to deal with all the anger...

I trust in You and no one can change that Mr God! :)
I may not be regularly visiting Your shrine... but I just don't need to because I know you are here... all the time; looking out for me! :*

And last but not the least,
Happy Independence day!
Yes, we still are a developing country, we still are struggling with immense poverty and corruption, we haven't bagged a gold in Olympics since last 3 decades... BUT there is something that has changed we are not as inert as we used to be towards the ills of the society, we are trying to search the answers, we have started pointing towards the wrong even if the wrong is someone sitting on the throne, we did bag 2 silver and 4 bronze medals and stood 55th out of the 83 participant countries and we are one of the fastest growing economies on this globe...
Desh badal raha hain....
I hope our great freedom- fighters up there would be happy to see that we are still fighting, fighting to be the best...

Blessed :)

Yesterday was one of my best friend's party and I danced like crazy (just as always)! The 'dance hangover' still exists and that's the reason I've been prancing all over my house since morning, err afternoon because that's when I woke up!! :D

Also, I realized if I had to choose, I would choose dance over drinks... haha...
(though it would make no difference because whenever I'm dancing, I dance like I'm already a few shots down even if I ain't... so I've been told by all!)

And yesterday, I could empathize with her happiness and gaiety completely... It was as if her achievement had become my achievement...
I love you so much and I truly and totally wish, you to be as happy all your life!

Also,
Today is my childhood best friend's birthday, which is another reason why I'm feeling so gleeful. She knows me in and out, more than anyone else could ever know... and I guess its vice versa too!
Despite the fact that it's so difficult to admit (it really is), I will have to say that you are "the best friend" that everyone should have, that they show in the movies and soaps, that I never ever imagined me having and I'm just so blessed to have you.  

Thank you Mr God for bestowing me with such happy moments. You, I love the most! :*

'I set fire to the rain' by Adele.

Cause there's a side to you that I never knew, never knew
All the things you said, they were never true, never true
And all the games you'd play, you would always win, always win

Standing at the brink...

Why is it so difficult to excel in anything?
Is there anything that I'm good at?!

I never pictured things to turn out like this, I never thought of me to become what I have become...

I need to invoke the power in me, only then things can work and life can start trudging, at least.

Will my quest ever reach its destination??
Because I am fed up now... I've never felt that before...

I am standing at the brink, there is no more farther to go. One more step ahead will land me in the deepest and the darkest chasm therefore I need to stop and tread backwards... but I still won't halt.. Why?

Inexplicably awful feelings...
I desperately need to outgrow all of this...

I wish...
Why do we wish so much!

It's complicated... NAH!! It's simply me. ;)

Okay so, 'moving on' turned out to be having two faces. Which way should I take up and will it be right...? I have no clue but I have finally chosen and I'm gonna stick to that... It's just too hard to give up, not because I'm scared but because somewhere in my heart I still believe that I can... I just hope that I don't disappoint me this time...

Have I mentioned before how I hate choosing!!


"Just because I'm losing
 doesn't mean I'm lost
 doesn't mean I'll stop
 doesn't mean I'm across..." - COLDPLAY 
#loveit

Envy- is when you wish you were living someone else's life for that little moment...

It's not easy being yourself when you do not know who you really are....

And,
That moment when you realize... "Seriously, what was I thinking?? I never had a shot... and somehow I'm glad that I didn't!!"
Strange isn't it, I wanted something to happen so desperately for so long but it did not happen and so somehow I just argued myself into believing that it wasn't ever meant to be and now when I get to know that it can actualize, I mean there chances of it to happen... I don't want it anymore!
So what is it?
Is it my super convincing power OR perhaps, I was never really into it, ever... You never know...
But, as of now I'm sorted about it.

Life never fails to amuse you and the antithesis is that this is the best as well as the worst part about it!

'It's raining men' by Geri Halliwell- an all time favorite!

Complication has become my way of life now and I'm totally acclimated to it.
I kinda do it myself, though subconsciously. I guess, simplicity is just not my scene... And, I am more than okay with it!
 

Despite of knowing it all, sometimes why is it so necessary to hear it out from someone else...
Who knows perhaps that's the reason friendship was ever invented... :) :)

Of Television and Schmucks!

After Friends, Everybody loves Raymond, Full house, Sex and the City and Make it or break it, The big bang theory has been qualified to be one of my favorite American sitcoms of all times! :)

Damn, I can watch them all my life and prove the Law of Diminishing Marginal Utility wrong! :D :D

I don't know how would I have survived today without TV.
It was one of those utter grave days today.

I thought I would never have to face you again ever in my life. No, rather I tried to think that but I knew this had to happen, not once, not twice but many times....
Yet another person added to that list, the list I wish no person on this earth to have...
Bah, who ever said there won't be any schmucks on this globe?!

trying... again...

When people are walking at a pace that almost looks like running and you are sitting on a cozy couch with a bowl of popcorn and looking at them... You can either sit back and brood about your situation or try to throw that bowl, get in your sneakers, brace up and get going...

It can get ugly when you realize you are the only one who believes in you.... And, after a while, you get used to it and stop giving a damn!

Concerned messages and phone calls seem worthless and needless...

Baby bird doesn't learn to fly because the mama bird teaches it to, it tries and tries until it really can only because it wants to...

It is not about what you should be, it is about what you want to be.
And sometimes, you just never realize when that "should" turns into "want"

Indeed, my enough wasn't enough....

"What doesn't kill you makes you stronger
 stand a little taller
 it doesn't mean I'm lonely when I'm alone..."  
(By Kelly Clarkson)


I wish...
Why do we wish so much!  

*sigh*

'God helps them, those who help themself.'

What if His help is needed to help oneself?

Times when you wish you were dead because it gets difficult to breathe. Of course life can be far worse than what it is but then at that moment such philosophies and consoling thoughts and talks fail to work.

But the truth is, its just another phase which will end soon and then maybe you'll be wanting to live life more than ever...

I don't feel like expressing myself here. I wanted to before but as I began typing I couldn't. The fact that others would know what I feel like, did not please me.
I tried writing my diary but I guess I don't wanna let me know too...Sometimes you don't want anyone to know what you feel like... not even yourself..

I wish....
Why do we wish so much!

Blank.

Growing up

Teenage, an era where friendship means the world to you, when friends, little bit of studying and fun is all you have in your life. As the years pass by, your world grows bigger, friendship is no longer the most important thing in your life, it becomes one of the important things. You have 100 other things to do, responsibilities to take up. You have to get into the marathon of having an awesome career, leading a luxurious life and maturing up! And, somewhere between all of this, you try to get some little time out for your "friends", their happiness and their sorrows.
A few years back, listening to your friend's tale of woes seemed to be the most important and imperative thing to do... Now, managing your own life has become so hectic and you simply won't enjoy listening to sad and frustrating stories.
Got a new dress, I need to call up my BFF and tell her that along with detailed descriptions on how the dress looks; this is what we were.
You meet your "BFF" at a party and she goes, "Whoa cute dress, where did you get it from?"; this is what we are.
Your happiness is celebrated by everyone but no one would want to come and weep with you for your silly little troubles like it used to happen previously... No doubt when you land yourself in big problems, they will come...
Time flies by. We grow up. Some grow faster and some take time...
Perhaps its not us who grow, its our life that grows on, moves on...

failed.

Sick, physically and mentally.

I feel so messed up at the moment for no freakin reason!
Feeling queasy, insane sneezing, wild running nose... :(

Mood swings!
Sometimes you want your friends to bear with you, be nice to you even when you act like a total bitch, understand you without you asking them to do so...
Results tomorrow, my tummy is churning badly! There's just too much pressure being imposed on me currently...
Mr God, I truly trust on you, I know whether negative or positive, You'll always be in my favor! ;)

What is it with people?! Every time before results they call and ask you if you are tensed about the forthcoming results? Duhh isn't it obvious... I mean, who is not anxious about the results, yes the level of anxiousness does vary. 

Especially when you are already behind time and the circumstances need you to be in action immediately, such stupid and unwanted concern gets too exasperating!   

Movies and books are the saving grace, I tell you..

I found perfect!

I've been to Lonavala countless times but on Saturday, when I was there with a group of friends, we discovered a pulchritudinous lake. Oh lord, that vision is something that I'm never gonna forget! Water moving so silently and graciously, a distant waterfall on the other side of the lake, huge round rocks, lots of different little bushes, each wearing a uniquely different shade of green... it was only us and no one else around... I never wanted to get out of that lake, that place... so picturesque, so perfect! Sadly, we were running out of time so we couldn't be there for long...  :(
I've not traveled a lot but what I experienced there, I hadn't experienced anywhere else!

Isn't God the best architect ever! I love Him sooooo much for creating something so alluring, marvelous, spectacular, phenomenal... ohhh I can go on and on about it until I fall short of all the adjectives known to me! It was truly a treat to the eyes... and the way it made me feel is inexplicable and unbeatable!
Thank you so much Mr God for that magnificent and bewitching view... just please don't let it elude by mind ever!
None of us had a camera or a cell phone in hand to click a picture that time.
You know, I could've enjoyed the view better if we had more time because I was inside the water all the time so my eyes did not get enough time to eat up all that they could see... but nonetheless the experience was simply divine!
Now I know where can I find it the next time I go.... and I'm certain to pay a visit again!! :)

For the first time, I knew what perfect meant, the real definition, something that can make me feel what I felt like when I was there!
I wish I was there right now...

One of my friend was shocked, how and why was I ENJOYING RAINS suddenly?! Well, that trip was meant to be for that, right, so... Moreover, I was already drenched in water due the waterfall so how would rains annoy me when I'm already soaked?? Duhh!
Actually,
it was not the rain that I loved but the cold and frigidness embedded in those icy raindrops hitting my skin... I wanted to hear my teeth clatter, see my body getting cold-creeps, feel the extreme frigidness the weather that time could offer and so I was standing out in the rain when most of them were sitting in a shanty, sipping hot tea and eating maggi...

And so I've been on bed since the time I've reached home with a red running nose, sore throat, no voice and fever! Gosh, I just can't stop sneezing, I would've had like a 100 aachhooss while typing this post!
BUT I still love cold! :D

Rejected again

And, suddenly everything's falling apart...

How happy you feel when your work is appreciated and how awful you feel when it gets rejected twice in a row...

You start doubting your capabilities and dedication...




All you can do is hope, hope for things to fall in the right place. But doesn't hope give rise to expectations?

And expectation is the shortest route to disappointment. So, what should you do?

Some say why do you think so much? Well, those "some" should be interested in their own business and not mine because sometimes thinking, wondering, musing and mulling becomes ineluctable.

...........................

Results in 6 days. Alarmed!
I'm not gonna think about it.

Sleepy but not getting any sleep. No, it's not due to the results. Happens more than often with me.

I discerned, I enjoy movies more than books. :)
Okay, watching 'No reservations' (again)...
Cheerio.

My head is practically spinning right now. I was so drunk last night, I don't exactly remember it but I can recollect some bits and pieces of it. Haha... whatever it was, it was fun!
I had gone off to sleep but I guess the fear of my deadline tomorrow morning, woke me up.... I don't know what I'm gonna write and how but i'll do it & send it right away...

I love writing!

It's so eminent to have the right people around, who help you not make a fool of yourself while you are in a drunken state.... and then, despite of their efforts you end up looking tipsy and stupid because you are that drunk... Haha

Thanks Mr God for gifting me such stupid and sweet friends... Cheers! ;)

Listening to 'Blue (da ba de)' by Eiffel 65... and loving it...

Each time I watch 'A walk to remember', I cry. I don't know what is so great about the movie that I like it so much!
The song 'Only hope' from the movie is so lovely and heartfelt...

What is it about the sea that everyone can relate with it so well?
Had been to Bandstand yesterday, wanted to pen down all that was running in my mind but rains didn't let me do so. I was so within me that even rains didn't bother me since there were things bigger than it vexing me...

Anger needs to be subdued... Mr God help me with it, will you?!! 

I am watching 'Dil Se' right now.
Since childhood this concept of suicide bombers has intrigued me. I guess, I've seen all the available videos on suicide bombers and terrorists on Youtube.
What goes on in their minds? How is possible that someone brainwashes you so badly that you decide to kill yourself and several other people too? How bad has life treated them that they decided to take this step? How can they consider this to be the right thing? etc. etc.




Today (yesterday now) was fun! I ate everything that I love, what else is needed to make a day good! ;)

People should be obsessed with the memories embedded in the photos and not with how they look in them. It's okay to make your portfolio, go ahead click a million beautiful snaps of yourself but those pictures which hold good memories should be appreciated even if you like a piece of shit in them!
I too whine about my bad pictures that my friends click but I don't argue or beg them to delete it!
Dude, world is full of farcical humans!!
And, the raining never ends... :/
In love with Relief by coastal cities. :)
'Shaitan', the movie, the music - AWESOMENESS.

Hunter song from Gangs of Wasseypur is dirty, stupid, filthy and hilarious! Strangely, I like it! 

PEOPLE.

Mood swings are just so absurd! Ugh! I just feel so.... man it's just inexplicable! :S


When you suddenly realize, you are lucky that something you desperately wanted to happen with you, did not happen to you... it is like a little epiphany. 
Gosh, I was crazy to even be whining about something so unwanted and unnecessary. 
Thanks Mr God, I love you! You Rock! Absolutely.




And, I'm watching 'Father of the bride II' for the 3rd time in past 5days.
Life without movies loses its meaning. ;)

Mathew Perry is cute, I've always liked him.


Why does it get so difficult to handle people and their emotions?! I sometimes feel it's better to avoid them but then if I do so, I end up being a bitch which feels awful enough. 
I always have been a people pleaser, someone who's always in the loop but since quite a long time I've kinda stopped caring about others. You may think I've turned selfish but not caring about others doesn't mean I care more about myself because a few of these 'others' are some of the very important people of my life and me being reckless and not being able to maintain things with them has put them away from me which is not any sort of gain for me but strangely I've been so lost that I don't miss them and this has stopped affecting me, it's bad but that's how it is now. 
No, I am not depressed or in the blues. I am doing good. It's just how I've become.   


There's a friend of mine who also has been going through something similar or it is at least how I think. His other friends don't get him, they fail to understand why suddenly he's turned reclusive but the truth is he's not closed up or reticent; this is just how he has become over the time. You can blame the circumstances or situations if want to but he's not culpable. People change with time, you know, if not all at least some of them do and it's not bad or sad, not even a bit.  


I hate hate hate and simple hate extremely judgmental and critical people! Ugh... Good God, why do I even talk to them?! Why do I even know them?! If the world is not running according to them, it's wrong and they mock it off! Damn are they annoying or not! Screw you suckers!! *gasp*


And,
Mumbai rains are truly pleasant in the nights (of course, when I'm indoors). :) 
It's my life- Bon Jovi
Miss you- Enrique

Happily Nostalgic!

I just finished my last article. I just hope the agency doesn't kick me out for another late submission. 
*fingers crossed*

Anyway so, I was just about to shut down the comp but I thought of turning on the TV first, for sometime before sleeping and started shuffling the channels. I stumbled on a channel named Z Smile and what do I see... 'Rishtey' is being shown on the channel...
Back in the late 90's 'Rishtey' used to come on Zee TV, once a week on Sundays at 10PM... and I used to love it, I never used to miss it. What a lovely show! One new story in every episode.
I am watching it right now and am feeling happily nostalgic... I am feeling as though, I am still that 7 year old girl watching TV and eating fast food at home since it's Sunday and we used to order food at home on every Sunday!

Thank you Mr God for this silly little amazing moment! :D

[Episode-Rishtey: Lucky 7, 1997]

Hmmmm......

:D :D

me love music & movies

So yaa yesterday I did see 'One missed call'
I'd been planning to watch it since like years and I finally did it yesterday!
The movie was good but not better than 'I know who killed me'. The psychological quotient, thrill and suspense was much better in'I know...'

Listening to 'Hey there Delilah' by Plain White T...
i L-O-V-E this track! The first time I heard it was on some American singing reality show and that very moment I fell in love with it! I also loved the way that female contestant sang it... it was great!
"Ohhh it's what you do to me,
 Ohhh it's what you do to me..."

P.S.: I got the title from my labels ;P ;) 

I know who killed me

I just finished watching 'I know who killed me' and I just have to admit that I haven't seen a horror/thriller movie like this one, in a long while!
Shit.... Totally awestruck!
I loved it to the core!
I had coldcreeps during the entire movie... it was so damn scary!
Phew...
How I truly love horror flicks! They scare the shit out of me but then that is the real fun about it!
Planning to watch another horror flick now! :D

'I know who killed me' is totally worth a watch! Absolutely amazing movie! It's a hair-raiser!

:D :D :D

Gift of the murk...

Sitting at the wide window and staring out, when the world around is surrounded with murk and the roads are empty with nothing even nearly human being visible to the naked eye, when the light looming from the street lights dimly brightens up the trees, when there's only silence, silence which consists of the sound of breeze gushing swiftly and remnants of rainwater on the tree leaves sprinkling down, when the moon is looking straight into your eyes... while rest of the world has surrendered to sleep... and it feels nothing but peaceful and serene. 


You know, nights are not always scary... because sometimes, it is this darkness that you need, this sound of silence is what is missing inside you and this peace... is a priceless gift from Mr God and Mother Nature...  

Time zonal

26th June, 2:14AM

Iktara from Wake up Sid is an all time favorite. Both versions. :)

"Ik raat baasi baasi padhi hain sirhane, band darwaaja dekhe roti hain subah..."

And, phew... Español no es fácil!
(i.e. Spanish is not easy!)

I have developed this strange habit of listening to movies while writing, instead of music... Perhaps the boring subjects are culpable for this...

So 'Listening' to Before Sunset! :)

26th June, 2:14PM


I never expected me to be soooooo late for an assignment! I am amused at my capacity of flippancy!

Kishore kumar's Music is something to die for! :) :)

Estoy feliz! :) :D

"Bailamos, let the rhythm take you over Bailamos... Te quiero amor mio..." by Enrique is one awesome number of all times! Enrique Iglesias is a gifted man. Amazingly sexy voice, looks, body and music... Damn, how can you not be his fan!


I have fallen in love with espaniol (spanish)... Have started taking online lessons. :D :)

Ugh

Instrumentals-I love!
Listening to fatal attraction.

Deadline tomorrow- everything's pending!
Why? Why the hell do I HAVE to procrastinate every bloody thing!

Awful Mood- Various Reasons.

Met some old friends today... Friends, really??
To be true, they were more of a boring set of strangers.
Not going would've been a better option if I was given that alternative!

Spent a lot this week- Guilty!
Also ate a lot- Guilty again!

Have been hiding... myself, things, habits...

Losing the grip totally!

I have been truly and totally spaced out!

Fucked up! :S 

Moving along with the scars...

"Can we pretend that airplanes in the night sky are like shooting stars
I could really use a wish right now, wish right now, wish right now"


*sigh*


Whatever... it was a bad phase and I can already feel that it's fading away... it may leave behind its remnants but at least a major chunk will be let gone... which is good, isn't it?!


I discerned, I cannot brood for more than 3 days, that's the limit for me! Even when Badimummy passed away, I cried like crazy for 2 days, then on the 3rd day all tears had dried up and I went blank and after the 3rd day I started accepting things the way they were... and the similar thing happened now... 


Black pages are present in every person's life; you weep, yell, brood and finally you move on but moving on doesn't mean you forget about it completely. Just the way every page is a part of a book, every event that happened, be it good or bad, is a part of you, your life. It shapes your personality. Of course, what has happened in these past few days has impacted me badly but I cannot stop there, I'll at least start trudging ahead; the agony will still be there but then that's how it is...


When they say, no one can even imagine what you really are from within and what you have been through, they are right...
People see what you want them to see about you, well 97% of the times...
And, I'm not just talking about me but everyone... I have a few friends who've been through hell in real terms but when you see them, you may never be able to tell...
Such people are real life heroes to me! Kudos to each of them! 


One such source of inspiration to me is one of my best friend's little sister. How to live life and value it, should be learned from her! She may not know but she has indirectly been a great teacher to me, I do not pity her, not a bit... BUT I respect her with all my heart. Thank you, thank you so much darling!

When I start liking listening to sad songs, it's then that I realize, I'm super sad and extra grave...
And right now, I'm liking Jal-Aadat... that means I'm not happy inside though I'm trying to be... No matter how hard I try, I can't fool myself!

Like dealing with the present wasn't already difficult that the past also knocked at my door...

:( :'(

Absolute nothingness

It is strange how presence of work and people keep you away from yourself... and how sometimes it is all that might just help you...

When the pain is so grave that you don't want to talk of it to anyone... in fact you don't want anyone to even know about it...

When we say 'I want to be alone', do we really mean it?
Well... sometimes yes and sometimes no!

But truly, I did not expect me to be so dense... How could I just...
*sigh*

Absolute nothingness is what I feel....
Perhaps this is what happens after the tears dry up...

Cannot survive without music and writing...

And suddenly I'm loving Bon Jovi!

A silent cry

Darkness is all I can see and feel.
Am I really making it a big deal?
It is only me who knows what had happened.
And how it had happened.
How could I trust so easily?
How could I just let it happen to me?
How could I just sit back and see?
What has happened is gone.
I know I can't change it and should move on.
But how do I heal my soul,
For it is wounded deeply.
The tearless agony of which
Will never lessen an inch...

The touch

He swiftly held her hand and started caressing it softly

Softness of that touch had set her soul ablaze

He then touched her left thigh

And the sea of revulsion within her turned more violent

As he kept feeling her

She kept dying a little more

When his hands were on her waist

She felt as though a dagger was smoothly slicing her marrow

Next he grabbed her tight in his arms

Hollowness conquered her

And each molecule in her body had surrendered to trepidation

She could feel his piercing breath on her neck

The touch of his breath was like a boa’s teeth penetrating gradually in her skin

Suddenly a little pang of valor erupted in her veins

And she shoved him away, she escaped him

She saved her soul from vacating her body

But that gruesome touch will remain intact inside her for eternity 

Nothing's sacred anymore.... It never was...

When someone you respected truly, breaks your myth...
Something very shocking and disgusting happened yesterday, something that I never in my deadliest nightmare could have imagined...
It is strange how you can never know what goes on, on the inside of a person...

...........
Men are only men, not brothers not fathers but only men!  No relation, no love, no values, no ethics, nothing in this world is greater than the cravings of their testosterone...

Sad...

I get it why the figures show that 90% of rapes take place within the family...
It is so easy for them to cross the frontier of values...

Disgustingly morbid!

Totally shaken-up...

In one of my previous post I'd written, 'I don't get why guys love to assume that every girl who tries to interact with them is interested in them!!!' -that time it never struck me that this also applies to the male members in your family but now it is pretty much clear!

Mr God please save the planet from such parasites... they are eating up the humanity and the global cultural values... Do something!

My POV!

Was watching 'Mere yaar ki shaadi hai' on Max yesterday, at this time.
I guess I was in 8th grade when the movie came out and since then each time it's been on TV and I've had the knowledge of it, I've seen it. In short, I love the movie!


YashRaj Movies are always worth watching... even if the script sucks, the locations and the cinematography wins you over!


Anyway so,
'Ek ladka aur ladki kabhi dost nai ho sakte...' , a discussion that goes on between Riya and Sanjay in the very start of the movie.
Hmmm... I guess everyone would've had this discussion with a friend, at least once.
As much as I hate to admit, the statement is not completely false!
Why?
I don't know... May be because everyone is so keen on looking for love every where that they even start considering their best friends.
Perhaps I'm wrong but it's just a personal observation.
Actually, it's the movies that are more culpable here, I mean for eg.,
'Made of honor', 'Ek main aur ek tu', 'Sky high', 'My best friend's wedding', 'Some kind of wonderful', etc etc etc.
All of them promote the subject of best friends falling in love. 
Okay so, is it a thumb rule that if you have a best friend from the opposite sex (and otherwise in case of homosexuals) and that friend understands you well, you are in frequent touch with that friend and you like the company... you have to date that friend?!
All of this is too subjective and situational. 
Actually, the society since the very beginning has always accepted a boy either as a brother or as a husband to a girl. Though the people have become open-minded about the 'friendship' aspect between a boy and a girl, with time but still some remnants of ancient orthodoxical and narrow-minded beliefs haven't vacated the human minds yet!


And, the struggle is still on...

Listening to Lost by Coldplay... Love it!

Basshunter- First time I heard the song was few days before the Taj-terror attack and each time I listen to the song, those visuals of terrorists firing at CST, Grenade explosions from the hotel windows and the blood shed, start running in my head and I get the cold-creeps! I can never forget those 3 terror-filled days, that attack had a huge impact on all the Mumbaikars, I guess... I vividly remember everything that happened in those 3 days. Still get tears in my eyes reminiscing that time. 
And, that Goddamn Kasab is still breathing the Indian air!! I mean, I respect the Indian law and order and also the fact that everyone is given an opportunity to be heard and defend themselves here but for heaven's sake, we know he is the culprit, he had ghastly and malicious intentions and also had killed many innocent lives so why the wait?!
Then I think, perhaps this serves him better... let him plead for his life, let him live in the fear of death, let him be all restless and anxious as to what and when will the court decide for him and then finally after all the mental torture, he should be sentenced to death! 
All in all, I want him dead, sooner or later!! 

Why does it so happen that when you are not at the peak of happiness, every such person who is singing happy, annoys you?!

hmm....
Insecurities and inhibitions... why is it so difficult to get rid of them??

You know, I could have been miserable about it but I decided not to make it a big deal and let it go... and now it doesn't bother me... say 2 months back, when it happened, I was a lil stumped but I handled it pretty well! Though, there are times when I question Mr God but then I know He'll never be unfair to me.

Aaaaarrrrrggghhhhhh!
I hate this ! I hate this! I hate this!!
The feeling of deprivation... The air of annoyance.... Ugh!!

I can be such a sucker, at times!!

Life is not a cinch for anyone. Everyone is living in some sort of crises. Each time I see around, I feel mine is easier.

I hate rains! ;) :P

Yes, I am a feminist! So... Is that a problem?! Umm... I don't think so ;)


'God is a girl'- an all time favorite!


'Promiscuous girl' by Nelly Furtado is on the radio. I guess it came out when I was in SYJC and me & one of my cousins were all gaga about it... I still like that number.
"It's okay, it's alright, I got something that you don't like..."
Back then, Nelly Furtado was all that I used to listen all day!


And the monsoon has begun.... 
Shew... finally, the summer is done with!!


Speaking of monsoon, just yesterday a friend popped up the same old mysterious question... 'Why are you single?'
Hahaha... okay so I've never understood how to answer that question and as far as I remember, each time, I've answered different
So yaa... we were talking about rains and I mentioned how I hate them, on that she said ' Once you get into a relationship, you'll love rains!' and I said 'Umm Okay!!!!'
This friend is not the first girl who has made this statement. A few of my other girlfriends had also said the same once...
Okay so let me make it clear, I hate rains but I don't hate monsoon! Meaning I hate the wetness, the dampness and the swamp about monsoon but I truly love the sweet and mellow fragrance of the soil embedded in the swirling monsoon breeze and of course, the floral greenery!! hmmmm.... I love that and what I love more is a stroll in such weather, PROVIDED it's not raining or even drizzling and the roads are not all that damp and swampy!! 
Pretty complicated huh...that's why to make it short and avoid the excess blabber, I say I hate rains! 
Anyway so,
these are the things that I like and dislike about monsoon and I don't think, I know that this will remain the SAME despite of what my relationship status is!!!
Phew... 
Why do people make a big deal about singlehood? 
To this, a friend answered, 'Because everyone around you is dating so being single really becomes a big deal!!'
Damn... it's ridiculously hilarious!


'You give the strength to me' - love the song! 


New in town- nice movie :)

In the groove :D

Mujhse fraanship karoge- Cute :)

Mango Cake- My new love! :D
(the taste is still lingering in my mouth.... damn... how can something ever taste soooooo crazily delectable!!! I wish it was low calorie, I'd eat it all the time!)

Okay so...
I was just reminiscing how I was this silly girl who was always scared to do anything and everything, some years back! I used to be scared and intimidated invariably... I still remember how scared I was to open an Orkut account, I actually asked my mom whether I should do that!
And now, I never ask, I just do!
Damn, have I changed!
Though not completely...

Listening to Futuristic Lover by Katy Perry....
"Boy, your an alien
your touch are foreign
it's super natural
extra-terrestrial"


Katy Perry is damn good!

"Coz baby your a firework
c'mon show'em what your worth..."


Ohh,I love her!


Am I in a good mood or what! :D
It was an awesomely amazing weekend!

I had really expected a lot of writing to come my way post exams but none did! :(

I loveeee Movies!

Reading The Gift by Cecelia Ahern currently...

Love to dance!

Oh and FYI I still abhor summer!!

Damn, since when am I trying to download a few tracks but something's wrong, unable to download!!! Aaaarrgghh!! :/

'Good Girl', this movie always gets me thinking...

And,
I don't get why do guys love to assume that every girl who tries to interact with them is interested in them!!!
Dude, get a life... Shit aren't they desperate!! If a girl approaches you, it doesn't always mean she wants to sleep with you! Please for Christ's sake grow up and for once think of things other than intercourse and blow-jobs!!! Boys are highly and over-excessively self centered! And then they ask me why am I single!! Hellllooo....

(I am not generalizing, there can be exceptions but I haven't stumbled across many yet!)

Some freaky jerk concluded that I have a crush on a so-so friend's boyfriend just because I once said he looks good! What single-mindedness!! Since when did appreciating good looks turn into having an infatuation! Fuckerr! Ugh... I feel like shoving him off from the 26th floor of any goddamn sky-scrapper!!

I told him, how sick his thought process is but I still feel morbid reminiscing that conversation.... Dude I feel like puking on your face!!

Anyway... I need not let some thick-headed and obtuse fool affect me!
*Sigh* 


'Like I love you' by JT :))

losing grip

When you are running late, running late on life...

Some bad habits that are catching up and some good habits that are fading away...

Just looking at the world from a distant peak is not called living a life, you've got to be a part of that world and not a mere spectator, in order to validate your life...


Travelling places gives me that kinda feeling... the one that is difficult to verbalize...

Pizza - One of the best creation humankind has ever been able to beget!

I simply loathe summer!!! Ugh!
I wish the equator belt could shift away!

When the things that perturbed once, don't matter to you anymore... calmness follows

When the clandestine evil face of someone whom you once referred as a friend comes to your knowledge and you realize what an asshole that someone really is... all you can feel is sorry for that asshole! ;)

Stronger- Kelly Clarkson :)

A picture of me from a recent trip that made me wonder....

Promises are meant to be broken!

Promises... I have never believed in them, no matter how close the person making the promise is to me or what relation do I share with that person. I don't know why everyone else believes?!
'Promises are meant to be broken', a saying that was encrypted in my veins at a very young age. 


A very good friend, whom I just spoke to, became yet another victim to "promises"! I just hope and pray that Mr God gives my friend all the strength to deal with these dire circumstances!


They say, you should not see the promises made but the intentions of the person who made them... All of it is crap because people change and so do their intentions... 


Assurances, guarantees, promises, commitments... are mere words that are cogent and help you convince others... that's it!


Anyway so,
Why do some people find it difficult to accept singlehood?!
A friend, who has been 'single since birth', is brooding and sulking at being so & has eaten up all of my tiny little brain... haha...
How crazy can you get! I mean, seriously, go date any guy/gal you want to if you are so eager, it's as simple! This is not something to moan about!


And,
'Rang de basanti' - The movie of my generation.
There is nothing about this movie that I don't love! The background score, songs, screenplay, dialogues, acting, locations, etc everything is more than perfect!


In the last 3 days, I've seen like 9 horror/thriller flicks and I'm still not done! :D :) 


  

hmm...

18th and 19th of May have been the best days of 2012 for me, by far!

Writing, dancing, drinking, good food, long drive, laughing, friends, fun and everything that I like and have been wanting to do, happened in these 2 days! 

And,

A little pissed with the scenario around me right now!

Aaaarrrggghhh!

Don't know how to deal with myself in this situation....

Hoping and hoping and hoping and still hoping.....

Why can't rationality and positivity go hand in hand, for once?!
If I am positive, I am being impractical and if I am practical, then I lack a positive attitude...


So how do I do this?
Should I be positive about the future outcomes and then accept whatever that transpires later? 
OR 
Should I practice a rational approach, stop weaving stupid dreams and living in denial and accept what might happen in the future, right from the beginning?
.......................
Jeez... I guess, I'll keep oscillating between the two, because we can never decide what we want to feel or think... maybe we try to curb those feelings when they erupt at first but we can never stop them from coming to life...


hmm....


A Jewish proverb, "I ask not for lighter burden, but for broader shoulders".


The other day, I was watching SNL and I saw this gig where Justin Timberlake was a bottle of beer and Lady Gaga played a bottle of wine.... I loved that gig and the way JT said "Bring it on down to liquorville" each time, was H-O-T!!


Things, people that you leave behind... and times when you wish you could still have them... Isn't it strange, when we can have it, we never want it and once it's gone and not available anymore, you feel as though you always wanted it... 
ABSURD is the word for us humans!

And, 
When someone suddenly gets the life you've always dreamed of... the exact same things happen to them that you happened to dream (or rather day-dream) to be happening with you... and now you are just a mere spectator to all of it... it leaves you stumped, blued, speechless and exasperated!!!
And then comes acceptance... which marks the beginning of your new set of dreams!!


I am becoming unhinged by each passing day.... DUDE, wake up and let bygones (really) be bygones!! 


Anyway just 2 days more and a different shade of craziness will begin... I wanted things to go well so that I would welcome this new phase with a HUGE smile... nevertheless, I can still manage an average smile ;)


'Hit the road Jack' by Ray Charles always sets my mood up! What a pep-up!

Shit.... I am totally wigging out right now!!
*Gasp*
Don't wanna talk it out to anyone....
But seriously I am feeling extremely unnerved at the moment!
..............
Why did I do this?!!
Fuckshit!!

*Gasp*
I need to calm down now!
Okay.... *Sigh*
C'mon, just collect yourself sedately...
And, solemnly try to mend things...

Damn!!