trying... again...

When people are walking at a pace that almost looks like running and you are sitting on a cozy couch with a bowl of popcorn and looking at them... You can either sit back and brood about your situation or try to throw that bowl, get in your sneakers, brace up and get going...

It can get ugly when you realize you are the only one who believes in you.... And, after a while, you get used to it and stop giving a damn!

Concerned messages and phone calls seem worthless and needless...

Baby bird doesn't learn to fly because the mama bird teaches it to, it tries and tries until it really can only because it wants to...

It is not about what you should be, it is about what you want to be.
And sometimes, you just never realize when that "should" turns into "want"

Indeed, my enough wasn't enough....

"What doesn't kill you makes you stronger
 stand a little taller
 it doesn't mean I'm lonely when I'm alone..."  
(By Kelly Clarkson)


I wish...
Why do we wish so much!  

*sigh*

'God helps them, those who help themself.'

What if His help is needed to help oneself?

Times when you wish you were dead because it gets difficult to breathe. Of course life can be far worse than what it is but then at that moment such philosophies and consoling thoughts and talks fail to work.

But the truth is, its just another phase which will end soon and then maybe you'll be wanting to live life more than ever...

I don't feel like expressing myself here. I wanted to before but as I began typing I couldn't. The fact that others would know what I feel like, did not please me.
I tried writing my diary but I guess I don't wanna let me know too...Sometimes you don't want anyone to know what you feel like... not even yourself..

I wish....
Why do we wish so much!

Blank.

Growing up

Teenage, an era where friendship means the world to you, when friends, little bit of studying and fun is all you have in your life. As the years pass by, your world grows bigger, friendship is no longer the most important thing in your life, it becomes one of the important things. You have 100 other things to do, responsibilities to take up. You have to get into the marathon of having an awesome career, leading a luxurious life and maturing up! And, somewhere between all of this, you try to get some little time out for your "friends", their happiness and their sorrows.
A few years back, listening to your friend's tale of woes seemed to be the most important and imperative thing to do... Now, managing your own life has become so hectic and you simply won't enjoy listening to sad and frustrating stories.
Got a new dress, I need to call up my BFF and tell her that along with detailed descriptions on how the dress looks; this is what we were.
You meet your "BFF" at a party and she goes, "Whoa cute dress, where did you get it from?"; this is what we are.
Your happiness is celebrated by everyone but no one would want to come and weep with you for your silly little troubles like it used to happen previously... No doubt when you land yourself in big problems, they will come...
Time flies by. We grow up. Some grow faster and some take time...
Perhaps its not us who grow, its our life that grows on, moves on...

failed.

Sick, physically and mentally.

I feel so messed up at the moment for no freakin reason!
Feeling queasy, insane sneezing, wild running nose... :(

Mood swings!
Sometimes you want your friends to bear with you, be nice to you even when you act like a total bitch, understand you without you asking them to do so...
Results tomorrow, my tummy is churning badly! There's just too much pressure being imposed on me currently...
Mr God, I truly trust on you, I know whether negative or positive, You'll always be in my favor! ;)

What is it with people?! Every time before results they call and ask you if you are tensed about the forthcoming results? Duhh isn't it obvious... I mean, who is not anxious about the results, yes the level of anxiousness does vary. 

Especially when you are already behind time and the circumstances need you to be in action immediately, such stupid and unwanted concern gets too exasperating!   

Movies and books are the saving grace, I tell you..

I found perfect!

I've been to Lonavala countless times but on Saturday, when I was there with a group of friends, we discovered a pulchritudinous lake. Oh lord, that vision is something that I'm never gonna forget! Water moving so silently and graciously, a distant waterfall on the other side of the lake, huge round rocks, lots of different little bushes, each wearing a uniquely different shade of green... it was only us and no one else around... I never wanted to get out of that lake, that place... so picturesque, so perfect! Sadly, we were running out of time so we couldn't be there for long...  :(
I've not traveled a lot but what I experienced there, I hadn't experienced anywhere else!

Isn't God the best architect ever! I love Him sooooo much for creating something so alluring, marvelous, spectacular, phenomenal... ohhh I can go on and on about it until I fall short of all the adjectives known to me! It was truly a treat to the eyes... and the way it made me feel is inexplicable and unbeatable!
Thank you so much Mr God for that magnificent and bewitching view... just please don't let it elude by mind ever!
None of us had a camera or a cell phone in hand to click a picture that time.
You know, I could've enjoyed the view better if we had more time because I was inside the water all the time so my eyes did not get enough time to eat up all that they could see... but nonetheless the experience was simply divine!
Now I know where can I find it the next time I go.... and I'm certain to pay a visit again!! :)

For the first time, I knew what perfect meant, the real definition, something that can make me feel what I felt like when I was there!
I wish I was there right now...

One of my friend was shocked, how and why was I ENJOYING RAINS suddenly?! Well, that trip was meant to be for that, right, so... Moreover, I was already drenched in water due the waterfall so how would rains annoy me when I'm already soaked?? Duhh!
Actually,
it was not the rain that I loved but the cold and frigidness embedded in those icy raindrops hitting my skin... I wanted to hear my teeth clatter, see my body getting cold-creeps, feel the extreme frigidness the weather that time could offer and so I was standing out in the rain when most of them were sitting in a shanty, sipping hot tea and eating maggi...

And so I've been on bed since the time I've reached home with a red running nose, sore throat, no voice and fever! Gosh, I just can't stop sneezing, I would've had like a 100 aachhooss while typing this post!
BUT I still love cold! :D

Rejected again

And, suddenly everything's falling apart...

How happy you feel when your work is appreciated and how awful you feel when it gets rejected twice in a row...

You start doubting your capabilities and dedication...




All you can do is hope, hope for things to fall in the right place. But doesn't hope give rise to expectations?

And expectation is the shortest route to disappointment. So, what should you do?

Some say why do you think so much? Well, those "some" should be interested in their own business and not mine because sometimes thinking, wondering, musing and mulling becomes ineluctable.

...........................

Results in 6 days. Alarmed!
I'm not gonna think about it.

Sleepy but not getting any sleep. No, it's not due to the results. Happens more than often with me.

I discerned, I enjoy movies more than books. :)
Okay, watching 'No reservations' (again)...
Cheerio.

My head is practically spinning right now. I was so drunk last night, I don't exactly remember it but I can recollect some bits and pieces of it. Haha... whatever it was, it was fun!
I had gone off to sleep but I guess the fear of my deadline tomorrow morning, woke me up.... I don't know what I'm gonna write and how but i'll do it & send it right away...

I love writing!

It's so eminent to have the right people around, who help you not make a fool of yourself while you are in a drunken state.... and then, despite of their efforts you end up looking tipsy and stupid because you are that drunk... Haha

Thanks Mr God for gifting me such stupid and sweet friends... Cheers! ;)

Listening to 'Blue (da ba de)' by Eiffel 65... and loving it...

Each time I watch 'A walk to remember', I cry. I don't know what is so great about the movie that I like it so much!
The song 'Only hope' from the movie is so lovely and heartfelt...

What is it about the sea that everyone can relate with it so well?
Had been to Bandstand yesterday, wanted to pen down all that was running in my mind but rains didn't let me do so. I was so within me that even rains didn't bother me since there were things bigger than it vexing me...

Anger needs to be subdued... Mr God help me with it, will you?!! 

I am watching 'Dil Se' right now.
Since childhood this concept of suicide bombers has intrigued me. I guess, I've seen all the available videos on suicide bombers and terrorists on Youtube.
What goes on in their minds? How is possible that someone brainwashes you so badly that you decide to kill yourself and several other people too? How bad has life treated them that they decided to take this step? How can they consider this to be the right thing? etc. etc.




Today (yesterday now) was fun! I ate everything that I love, what else is needed to make a day good! ;)

People should be obsessed with the memories embedded in the photos and not with how they look in them. It's okay to make your portfolio, go ahead click a million beautiful snaps of yourself but those pictures which hold good memories should be appreciated even if you like a piece of shit in them!
I too whine about my bad pictures that my friends click but I don't argue or beg them to delete it!
Dude, world is full of farcical humans!!
And, the raining never ends... :/
In love with Relief by coastal cities. :)
'Shaitan', the movie, the music - AWESOMENESS.

Hunter song from Gangs of Wasseypur is dirty, stupid, filthy and hilarious! Strangely, I like it! 

PEOPLE.

Mood swings are just so absurd! Ugh! I just feel so.... man it's just inexplicable! :S


When you suddenly realize, you are lucky that something you desperately wanted to happen with you, did not happen to you... it is like a little epiphany. 
Gosh, I was crazy to even be whining about something so unwanted and unnecessary. 
Thanks Mr God, I love you! You Rock! Absolutely.




And, I'm watching 'Father of the bride II' for the 3rd time in past 5days.
Life without movies loses its meaning. ;)

Mathew Perry is cute, I've always liked him.


Why does it get so difficult to handle people and their emotions?! I sometimes feel it's better to avoid them but then if I do so, I end up being a bitch which feels awful enough. 
I always have been a people pleaser, someone who's always in the loop but since quite a long time I've kinda stopped caring about others. You may think I've turned selfish but not caring about others doesn't mean I care more about myself because a few of these 'others' are some of the very important people of my life and me being reckless and not being able to maintain things with them has put them away from me which is not any sort of gain for me but strangely I've been so lost that I don't miss them and this has stopped affecting me, it's bad but that's how it is now. 
No, I am not depressed or in the blues. I am doing good. It's just how I've become.   


There's a friend of mine who also has been going through something similar or it is at least how I think. His other friends don't get him, they fail to understand why suddenly he's turned reclusive but the truth is he's not closed up or reticent; this is just how he has become over the time. You can blame the circumstances or situations if want to but he's not culpable. People change with time, you know, if not all at least some of them do and it's not bad or sad, not even a bit.  


I hate hate hate and simple hate extremely judgmental and critical people! Ugh... Good God, why do I even talk to them?! Why do I even know them?! If the world is not running according to them, it's wrong and they mock it off! Damn are they annoying or not! Screw you suckers!! *gasp*


And,
Mumbai rains are truly pleasant in the nights (of course, when I'm indoors). :) 
It's my life- Bon Jovi
Miss you- Enrique