From a different location...

You know, how people always wish they could read everyone's mind or at least read the ones they love so that they know about their honest and sincere emotions... Well, I was never one of those people and today, I discerned how correct my opinion about this had been...
Because we humans go through an array of emotions every hour of every day, some of us are extremely emotional (like myself) while some of us are mostly apathetic... most of the times we adore the fact that there are a few souls out there who love us unconditionally but there are a few moments when we feel suffocated due to the same ones. And, just during those few moments, we say a 100 negative things about them to ourselves, wish them to vanish away from our lives...

Imagine you reading their thoughts at that time, when they are having this fit of wrath and angst, it sure wouldn't be pleasant... so isn't it better not to know that momentary hatred and make life, relationships and friendships more complicated than they already are?!

Today, I'm glad for never having to wish something so awful for any of my loved one...

Reckoning the fact that I'm emotional, which not just means that I can get sad easily but it also defines that I experience every emotion very easily, which includes sheer happiness and acute anger.
So
Of course, I've been angry on my loved ones and have said a million bad (err..worst) things to them in my head but I've never wished to eliminate them from my life.

And I would like to thank Mr God for this little revelation as now I am more sure that I will never ever make such a ghastly wish even when I'm at the apex of anger and exasperation!

For the first time, I'm glad, I didn't wish that much...

P.S. For the first time I'm blogging from a place other than my home or ex-office! And no, it's not a Cyber Cafe! :)

I'm just so sad...

I'm just so sad...

Why don't I get to do what I want to?
Why? Why?

Again,
even this is my fault!

Sometimes I feel it's better to be immature and self-centered, at least then you won't think about how the other person would be feeling and why they choose to behave like this and that they are completely wrong, whatever be the circumstances!!
I just somehow, in my head, figure out a way to not blame the other person for whatever he/she has done and then end up being angry at myself!

Aaarrrghh... I just can't concentrate on studies with all this running around me!!
*sigh*
Bah... I'll figure out a way (hopefully). After all, how many excuses am I gonna make?!

Anyway,
the truth is, if I would've done the right things at the right time, MAYBE none of this would be happening right now!

I wish...
Why do we wish so much!

In the hole...

I am so annoyed at the moment!
No, I don't have a reason or maybe I do but it's not good enough!

It just vexes me that I can't be there! Ugh... this sucks. Big time.

And, people may blabber that they are here to support you... but truly that's just another statement!
You have to support yourself and that's only fair!!

Aarghh!!

You know, sometimes you just want certain people to understand that they are needed during certain times without having to say it to them explicitly, you want them to be with you or at least call you for that matter...  And it just perturbs you even more when they don't get it, when they fail to be there with you during those certain times...
But
None of them have been blessed with any kinda super powers that they would just come to know about your state of mind!
Moreover, there are good odds that they might be having a bad day themself and would be waiting for you to come and soothe them...
You know, you should never ignore the other side of the coin, not even in your worst days!

'The sweet escape' by Gwen Stefani, is what I'm listening to right now...
It reminds me of my sweet junior college days, when I didn't have a Smartphone (which means no music) and I used to be glued on to VH1 all day and this song used to be played on every hour! The first time I heard it, I hated it but then after watching it on TV so many times I ended up falling in love with it... it's still one of my best 'pep-up' songs!

I truly believe by going through a person's playlist, you can pretty much figure them out because music is the best way to express yourself (even listening to music is)...
But again, sometimes you hear some songs just for fun and not for what they mean... and that's why I conspicuously mentioned 'pretty much'.

It makes me so sad that I couldn't save me from falling again...

I wish... Why do we wish so much!

Work-in-process

When you are being the bad guy, yelling and arguing while that little voice inside you is constantly asking you to shut up... but you just pretend as if you didn't hear it and continue being wrong, talking ill, which eventually results in a huge lump of guilt in your throat....

Anger is never good... Admitting is easy but eliminating it is certainly not!

Sometimes it just feels as though I am living a perfect life in an imperfect and erroneous manner.
It was easier when I was a teen, I used to blame God for anything wrong that happened with me, with my life...
But, as I grew up, I realized, He is not to blame, it's me... for this is not my life, this is a gift He's given to me, I'm the one who's not able to figure out how to deal with the gift... I cannot hold him culpable for anything as He's only responsible for the good things that have happened to me while me and my karma are responsible for all the bad things...
So since a few years, I actually have no one to pass on the blame... perhaps that's the source of all the anger generating within... but for how long??
Maybe, just as time taught me not to blame Him, it will also teach me to deal with all the anger...

I trust in You and no one can change that Mr God! :)
I may not be regularly visiting Your shrine... but I just don't need to because I know you are here... all the time; looking out for me! :*

And last but not the least,
Happy Independence day!
Yes, we still are a developing country, we still are struggling with immense poverty and corruption, we haven't bagged a gold in Olympics since last 3 decades... BUT there is something that has changed we are not as inert as we used to be towards the ills of the society, we are trying to search the answers, we have started pointing towards the wrong even if the wrong is someone sitting on the throne, we did bag 2 silver and 4 bronze medals and stood 55th out of the 83 participant countries and we are one of the fastest growing economies on this globe...
Desh badal raha hain....
I hope our great freedom- fighters up there would be happy to see that we are still fighting, fighting to be the best...

Blessed :)

Yesterday was one of my best friend's party and I danced like crazy (just as always)! The 'dance hangover' still exists and that's the reason I've been prancing all over my house since morning, err afternoon because that's when I woke up!! :D

Also, I realized if I had to choose, I would choose dance over drinks... haha...
(though it would make no difference because whenever I'm dancing, I dance like I'm already a few shots down even if I ain't... so I've been told by all!)

And yesterday, I could empathize with her happiness and gaiety completely... It was as if her achievement had become my achievement...
I love you so much and I truly and totally wish, you to be as happy all your life!

Also,
Today is my childhood best friend's birthday, which is another reason why I'm feeling so gleeful. She knows me in and out, more than anyone else could ever know... and I guess its vice versa too!
Despite the fact that it's so difficult to admit (it really is), I will have to say that you are "the best friend" that everyone should have, that they show in the movies and soaps, that I never ever imagined me having and I'm just so blessed to have you.  

Thank you Mr God for bestowing me with such happy moments. You, I love the most! :*

'I set fire to the rain' by Adele.

Cause there's a side to you that I never knew, never knew
All the things you said, they were never true, never true
And all the games you'd play, you would always win, always win

Standing at the brink...

Why is it so difficult to excel in anything?
Is there anything that I'm good at?!

I never pictured things to turn out like this, I never thought of me to become what I have become...

I need to invoke the power in me, only then things can work and life can start trudging, at least.

Will my quest ever reach its destination??
Because I am fed up now... I've never felt that before...

I am standing at the brink, there is no more farther to go. One more step ahead will land me in the deepest and the darkest chasm therefore I need to stop and tread backwards... but I still won't halt.. Why?

Inexplicably awful feelings...
I desperately need to outgrow all of this...

I wish...
Why do we wish so much!

It's complicated... NAH!! It's simply me. ;)

Okay so, 'moving on' turned out to be having two faces. Which way should I take up and will it be right...? I have no clue but I have finally chosen and I'm gonna stick to that... It's just too hard to give up, not because I'm scared but because somewhere in my heart I still believe that I can... I just hope that I don't disappoint me this time...

Have I mentioned before how I hate choosing!!


"Just because I'm losing
 doesn't mean I'm lost
 doesn't mean I'll stop
 doesn't mean I'm across..." - COLDPLAY 
#loveit

Envy- is when you wish you were living someone else's life for that little moment...

It's not easy being yourself when you do not know who you really are....

And,
That moment when you realize... "Seriously, what was I thinking?? I never had a shot... and somehow I'm glad that I didn't!!"
Strange isn't it, I wanted something to happen so desperately for so long but it did not happen and so somehow I just argued myself into believing that it wasn't ever meant to be and now when I get to know that it can actualize, I mean there chances of it to happen... I don't want it anymore!
So what is it?
Is it my super convincing power OR perhaps, I was never really into it, ever... You never know...
But, as of now I'm sorted about it.

Life never fails to amuse you and the antithesis is that this is the best as well as the worst part about it!

'It's raining men' by Geri Halliwell- an all time favorite!

Complication has become my way of life now and I'm totally acclimated to it.
I kinda do it myself, though subconsciously. I guess, simplicity is just not my scene... And, I am more than okay with it!
 

Despite of knowing it all, sometimes why is it so necessary to hear it out from someone else...
Who knows perhaps that's the reason friendship was ever invented... :) :)

Of Television and Schmucks!

After Friends, Everybody loves Raymond, Full house, Sex and the City and Make it or break it, The big bang theory has been qualified to be one of my favorite American sitcoms of all times! :)

Damn, I can watch them all my life and prove the Law of Diminishing Marginal Utility wrong! :D :D

I don't know how would I have survived today without TV.
It was one of those utter grave days today.

I thought I would never have to face you again ever in my life. No, rather I tried to think that but I knew this had to happen, not once, not twice but many times....
Yet another person added to that list, the list I wish no person on this earth to have...
Bah, who ever said there won't be any schmucks on this globe?!