Don't answer!

How do you know you really feel what you think you feel?
How do you know if this is how you should be feeling?
How do you know you are not making a mistake?
What if you are making a mistake?
How fast is too fast?
Who tells you?
How do you know?
Is there a pattern in relationships? If yes, why? If no, why not?
Why do we want to know what the future holds?
Why can't we forget the past?
Why can't we trust?
Why do we need to make decisions?
Why is decision making an arduous task?
Why?
Why does right feel wrong?
Why does wrong seem right?
Why do we have to choose one?
Why can't we live without inhibitions?
Why do we overthink?
Why do we think at all?
Why do we care?
Why can't we live in the present only?
Why can't we be happy when we are meant to be happy?
Why are we afraid to lose that happiness?
Why the greed?
Why do we act immature?
Why the foolishness?
Why so many questions?

Aarrgghh!

It all seems so unreal. Sometimes it feels as though I am dreaming. Sometimes I feels like I am a part of a movie. It feels like everything other than reality. 

Happy or sad is not the question. The actuality of it is. Not that I am questioning my faith in destiny or Mr. God. It is just too good to be true. Or may be it seems so. 

The Big Bang

Yesterday when I was writing my journal. I realized a few of my Himalayan memories have faded away already. I don't remember every moment. I have forgotten the chronological order of the events that took place there.

I wish I could lock all those memories in a box, even the tiniest one, and reopen the box whenever I feel like going back. I wish all my memories could remain as fresh as a daisy, all my life. 

All memories? Would I really want that? 

Because there are painful memories as well and I don't think I would like to remember them. 

Good. Bad.

Happy. Sad.

Pros. Cons.

Black. White.

Odd. Even.

All things come in a pair. They are opposite but inseparable. Without one the other would lose its meaning. One is the reason for the other's existence. The universe seems clearly fathomable at one moment and utterly incomprehensible in the next moment.

Today's Favorite:

Bang Bang my baby shot me down - Nancy Sinatra

The Sixteenth

A month ago, on this day, I embarked on the most unexpected journey in my life. A journey that changed my life. A journey of an epic beginning.

Dear Mr. God,

I love you more than ever now. The happiness that my heart contains is of such magnitude that I am afraid to lose even an ounce of it. It feels like magic. You have surprised me, delighted me, blessed me. You have showered me with such love that  it goes beyond my imagination. I will be thankful to you till my last breath.

..........

I am at the Beas. The cold winds are making my lungs quiver. My clothes are not doing a good job at keeping me warm. I am loving the cold. My teeth clatter and my body shivers. I am standing on the rocks submerged in the river that is flowing effortlessly. The icy water is piercing each cell in my legs. My legs go numb after a while. I cannot feel them. I cannot feel the cold. I am smiling as wide as I can. A tear rolls down my cheek. I feel lighter. I am one with the river. I see pine trees around and the gargantuan mountains with a scoop of snow carelessly dropped on them. The river is feeling me, healing me. I feel empty. I feel full. I feel me. I am happiness. I am love. I am the river and she is me. We are one.

My heart yearns for her.

I wish...
Why do we wish so much?

Listening to Nirmohiya by Amit Trivedi (Coke Studio).

Music completes every of my emotion. It adds more depth to the emotion. If I am sad, I have to listen to some sad songs. If I am in rage, I need some metal. Happy numbers in my happy moments and EDM otherwise. There's a playlist for my rejuvenation needs as well. And when I am bored, I explore new genres. Call me incompetent for being dependant on music to feel the intensity of an emotion, I wouldn't mind. 

http://thedreamsville.wordpress.com/2014/06/11/64/

Noon full of randomness

Today there's barely any work in office, which means I have enough time to do a proactive ad campaign and also work on a travel article. But I don't feel like working. It could be my laziness or the unrest that yesterday's office fiasco has created in my mind or both.

I just feel like lying on my bed and listening to music. Yes, that's all I want to do.

My today's playlist is full of soft, romantic music. Initially I was enjoying the feeling but now these songs are putting me to sleep. I should listen to some EDM.

Yesterday I made a big doodle after almost 25 days. It felt good.

Anyway, I had too much time to while away so I went on a survey in my studio. I asked my colleagues would they prefer to be with someone who is like them or someone who is the opposite.

Three out of five said they would be with someone who is not like them. They believe it's the spice of being so different that makes a relationship exciting. If two people are very similar, their relationship gets boring because there is nothing new to know. Whatever you like, your partner will also like. Whatever you dislike, they, too, will dislike. No fun.
One female said it is about being comfortable with the person. Opposite or not doesn't really matter.
And the last one says, "The person should like me, I don't care about anything else."

What I could gauge from this little research is that no one strongly propagated being with someone who has similar interests and perspective. Some were neutral and the rest voted for 'opposites-attract'.

Perhaps it's the fear of monotony and the death of differentness. People are scared of boredom. And it's justified. Boredom is a negative emotion, I had read somewhere. I also believe, it is a doorway to numerous other negative emotions.

This doesn't mean I agree with the majority. Because sometimes it is the differences that kill a relationship.

Opposite or not, years down the line, you eventually know the person enough to not have any newness left to them. Excitement in a relationship is not restricted to contrasting choices and opinions. It is all in the head. You have to keep discovering new things all along the way. People keep changing so there always will be something new to know. Embrace those changes as newness.

It will benefit you in two ways:

1. You will not complain about the changes your partner undergoes 
2. You will have an opportunity to rediscover them and your relationship

That's all for now.
I should work.

I abuse.

It is not leaving my mind.
The thought that a man cannot accept his woman using cuss words!

Why?
Why is it so difficult?

When we (the female fraternity) can accept most of your flaws - your swearing, your uncleanliness, your phobia for commitment, etc. - why can't you accept the same?

I need to calm down.

Okay so,
The society has fed you that girls are coy, polite and docile. So I cannot really blame you for thinking so. But should I also not expect you to broaden your horizons of thinking? Can I not expect you to lose the orthodox school of thought? Is it so difficult to have an open mind? Does unconventionality scare you? Are you so feeble that anything that does not conform to the norms of the 'society' is unacceptable for you? Are you not strong enough to take it? Or are you afraid of the equality in speech?

Whatever it is... It's your problem, not mine. Loathe me! I don't give a fuck! I abuse!

"When you touch me I die just a little inside, 

I wonder if this could be love, this could be love,

'cause you're out of this world, galaxy, space and time.

I wonder if this could be love, this could be love."

Venus - Lady Gaga

Best things happen to you when you least expect them while secretly wanting them to happen in a corner of your heart. :)

I am still an overthinker and will always be one. 

The future worries me. The circumstances in the future concern me.

I am not sure if I am ready to face them yet. 

Someone told me I should live only in the present. That's not me. No matter how much I try, I cannot just live in the present. A small part of me still dwells in my past and another small one constantly tries to peep into the future while the rest of me blissfully enjoys the present. 

Anyway,

I would like to believe, epic beginnings never have an ending.  

Current Playlist:

Magic - Colplay

When you say nothing at all - Notting Hill

Just the way you are - Bruno Mars

Alchemy - A&B

Jiya Lage na - Coke Studio (Shankar Mahadevan)

Locha-E-Ulfat - 2 States

Gustakh Dil - English Vinglish

I am in the fairytale phase of life! 

I have a feeling, I might like the rains this year. ;) 

A gift from nature

I am back from the mountains.
I am back from the snow.
I am back from the river.
I am back from the paradise.

Or may be I am not. I left a little of me there and brought back a little of them all.

It was a breathtaking journey. With every small patch of land, I learned more about me. It was a satisfying feeling. Just me and my backpack.

There are too many words coming to my mind at the moment but I do not feel like putting it all together right now. Piece by piece I shall keep posting.

I am happy to be working again. My work is as important to me as travel. It, too, defines me in a way.

Anyway,
This trip has been extremely special to me. Apart from adding a new dimension to my thinking, it has introduced me to a new side of me.
It seems like Mr. God is playing a prank with me. I hope he is not. I don't have that kind of an appetite for humor. I have taken a leap of faith. It's scary. It's exciting. It's beautiful. It's alleviating. It's fulfilling.

My heart tells me, it's a gift from nature, from Mr. God.