The boon.

Introspection is good. One should do it seldom if not often. You need to evaluate the person you have been, the person you are and the person you are becoming. It helps you in being a good human. On the flip side, overdoing it might lead to negative thoughts.

There are days when you are not pleased with who you are. When people point out your flaws. You might defend yourself in front of them. But deep inside your heart, you know you are to blame.

Sigh...

Life is as complicated as you make it. True, isn't it? Half the troubles of life are created by us. We are all delusional people. We think a lot. Demons are mostly inside, and rarely out.
But, so is peace.
Buddha had said, 'Peace comes from within. Do not seek it without.'

Everything is a choice. Every moment is a decision. Whether to inhale the next dose of oxygen or not is a decision.
There are days when you feel exasperated and tired of making decisions, and you wish you don't have to make them anymore. But even wishing so is a decision you took.
We cannot get rid of them. And trust me, it's not a curse, but a boon.

Imagine if one day someone steals all the power of decision making away from us...
There will not be any life.

We humans know it best how to misuse our boon, and call it a curse in order to escape from reality. To escape from the person you have been, the person you are and the person you are becoming.

More? Yes, please.

Just moments after saying some mean, illogical, nonsensical and overly dramatic words, you realise you were being all that, and you wish you could go back in time and stop your foolish self from uttering those words.
But it's too late.
If it is someone who loves you, knows you... they will either understand or will not take it too seriously.
This doesn't mean you can be unapologetic about it though. :P

Drama. What would life be without it?
Umm... Simple? Uncomplicated?
Or may be... Boring? And dull?
Depends. It's very situational.

Anyway, moving on...

So, you were waiting for a particular thing to happen to you since several years. And now it happens. You are happy, you feel like you are on the top of world. Great!
But now what?
What you wanted, you got. So, is it that you don't have any more ambitions, dreams, wishes or aspirations?
Should you get so lost in that single victory or that particular happy feeling that you stop dreaming more?
No.
There is always more to life.

Also...
Destiny makes you meet people who help you grow, you just have to recognise who are those people and keep them as close as you can. Take all the inspiration that oozes out of them, the support that gushes from them, and most importantly, the love that exudes from them. Then, there always will be more things to anticipate.

I miss... Me.

I miss those nights of melancholy.
I miss the whirlwind of emotions that went on inside me.
I miss the helplessness and that struggle.
When my feelings gushed in form of words.
When my thoughts would wander away to an unknown land.
A land that seemed like my own.
A place where I belonged.
I haven't visited there in a long time.
I haven't written for myself in a long time.
I miss those nights of fulfillment.

Utopia

A land where perfection dwells. Where harmony thrives. Where peace flows with the wind.

I wish it existed. 

May be it does.  

If it truly did, would I want to inhabit it?

May be...

May be not... 

I have grown accustomed to this broken world of mine. I have gained much, I have lost little. There is a bond I share with it, which is  invisible and adamantine. No matter how hard I try... I cannot escape it. No matter how hard I try, I cannot convince myself to escape it. 

Sigh...

  

Perplexities

What if I close my eyes for a few flying seconds just to open them and find out that it's all an illusion. There are no local trains. There is no home, no work, no CST. The history of India, the world, the history of mankind was fabricated by my imaginative mind. What if the music that I listen to, that the world listens to is a figment too? Pen and paper never existed, and neither did the people I love and those I don't. What am I? Who am I? Will I ever know? Do I really wish to know or am I complacent with this illusion?

What is freedom?
I don't know.
Sometimes I think I do. Sometimes a place, a situation or a person invokes a strange kind of happiness within me, and I relate it to freedom. I say to myself that I feel liberated. But is it so really?

What is what? What is existence?
I don't know. Do I wish to know? May be...
Can I handle the truth? May be...

Today's playlist:
Invisible - U2
Ordinary love - U2
My way - Frank Sinatra
Every breath you take - The Police
Fly me to the moon - Frank Sinatra 

Inspiration can be a tricky thing sometimes. When you say somebody inspires you to be better, in a small corner of your head you place that person above yourself. You belittle your being. And sometimes that can have a negative impact on your mind.
Also, when you are inspired by somebody, you want to embrace some of their virtues. How does it differentiate you from them eventually? How do you differentiate yourself from all those who have left something on you and moulded you in some way or the other? Are we any different at all?

Hmm... I should just work. Too much to do...

When words don't help, turn to Mozart. :)

I am yet to learn if having too many dreams and ambitions is a curse or a boon. 

Time will tell.

Schooling

It is astounding how people unknowingly and unintentionally teach you such important lessons of life. 

You never know the story hidden underneath a face. Why they smile like they do. Why they weep like they do. Why they talk like they do. Why they choose to stay the way they are. 

A million tiny reasons lie behind them being them. 

There is so much to learn from every person around. From their little habits to how they manage their emotions and face challenges. 

Or sometimes some of them show you what not to do at their own expense without realizing. 

When I look around, I don't see people. I see millions of experiences, thousands of hopes, hundreds of storms entangled and integrated with each other to form a body-like shape. 

Oftentimes I try to decode them, with the knowledge that whatever I can imagine their story to be, wouldn't even be close to what their reality must have been. 

It is true, the world is a school and everyone around has a dual role to play of a teacher and student.

You vs You

When you become your own enemy. When your mind starts weaving terrible nightmares and plays nasty games with you. When you know what is and what is not. but you cannot stop thinking. When you know it all - the cause, reason, effect and ramifications - and you still fail to convince your mind to stop the incessant torture.

I suppose, sometimes there is no escape. And we have to face the demons residing within us. Fight them.
You loathe yourself for being so unfair... to the people around you and to yourself. It's ugly, this war, this unrest, this chaos.
It's ugly and unnerving and insane. But you have to do it... for yourself, for your people. Because at the end, you know, these demons are not real. They are mere figments of your oppressive imagination.

Sigh...

It's funny... the relationship you share with yourself. It's the most mysterious one, the most enlightening one. 

Mine is a Myth.

These four words took birth in my mind when I was 15 years old.
And till date, I haven't found a set of words that supersede the veracity of this one.
Its realization is a revelation each time.

Mine is possessiveness. Mine is ego. Mine is destruction. Mine is false delight. Mine is melancholy. Mine is anything but real.

Yet, we persistently use 'You are mine' & 'This is mine'.
It's out of habit perhaps.
Also, oftentimes we do not recognize the ugly truth behind it, and therefore use it superficially.

There is a thin line between the feeling of possessiveness and belongingness.

You are mine - is possessiveness.
I am yours - is belongingness.

The former is all about taking while the later is about giving.

The joy of giving is matchless, and we all may not agree on it, but sooner or later, everyone realizes it.

Accepting the newness of today

It's new day.

Every day is, isn't it?

So that's good, right?

Every day brings an opportunity to start afresh. What more can you ask for? 

:)

If expectation is the mother of all problems, then acceptance is the mother of all solutions.

It is easier said than done, I know. But do we have an option?

Yes, happiness is a state of mind, and the mind will not enter that state unless you accept the current state of events. 

You have to accept that life has brought you a bagful of issues despite having the audacity of getting a truck-ful of them! You have to accept that all good things are temporary - love, happiness, moments, memories, success, appreciation, people - just like all the bad things. You have to accept your shortcomings, but don't settle down with them. You have to accept the metamorphosis that life is going through each day, every moment. You have to accept to be hopeful again. 

You simply have to accept... that's the first step to survival. 

An incomplete thought

Everything is divided in different patterns.

Patterns of time. Patterns of life. Patterns of nature. 

Our body, mind and soul don ever-changing patterns.

..............

Happiness is a state of mind.
Indeed true.

Listening to Haule Haule.
It's a light and sweet number that puts a smile on your face.

That copywriter chick - 8

So the not-so-new job of mine is taking a toll on my health.

The work is good. I am learning a lot a new things. It is satisfying. Well, at least to an extent.

The people are the problem. There are only negative vibes floating around. Talking ill about everyone you work with is a custom here. Belittling people is a tradition here. They all suffer with superiority complex. People use others for their professional benefit.

It is transforming me into someone I am not. I have lost my mental calm. The positivity and gusto with which I always begin my day have vanished. Smiling requires too many efforts.

If this was not enough, I learned that the experience I will be gaining from here holds very little value in the market.

There are too many things to pull me down. Going to work seems like a punishment.
This is not what I signed up for.
Sometimes I feel I should quit. Most of the times...

I have began to doubt my decision of taking up writing. Was it my passion or an escape?
Everything seems hazy.
I was so confident and happy about this job, my career growth, copywriting, advertising and everything. What happened then?
Suddenly I am not even sure if I want to pursue advertising anymore...

Happy 2015!

Hello, World!

Wishing you a year full of love, peace and compassion.