A little lost.

For a rebel, nothing is worse than not following their heart and becoming a slave to their mind.

............

When you love doing many things, focus becomes a matter of concern. You tend to be partially absent everywhere you are. And that's the test, how well do you manage to strike a balance.

............

Music: Coldplay
Can't get enough!

............

Why is there a need to fit in?
Why do we inadvertently squeeze ourselves in the crowd only to be amongst them?
It might be hard to accept the difference and respect our own eccentricities, but it brings peace.
Acceptance always does.

Having said that, in a world hugely overpopulated with social animals, it's almost impossible to be exclusive. Existence of someone like yourself is certain. However, meeting them is a matter of chance.

............

Humans are so greedy. On accomplishment of a dream, they conceive another one immediately.
Is it really greed? Or just a hope to live further?
For what is life without the hope of... having something or being something or having someone or being somewhere?

.............

I wish...
Why do we wish so much!

Litterings

Just because you do a certain set of things for someone doesn't entitle you to be a receiver of similar favours from them.

Doing is a choice.
Expecting is a choice.
Accepting is a choice.
But being offered is not a choice. At least not for you. It is a choice that belongs to the person offering it.

Love. Everyone has their own version. Even two people who are in love with each other have different definitions.
For one love could be "I love you!" While for the other it could simply be "Why did you miss your breakfast?"
Sometimes the difference might cause slight friction. But most of the times, the existence of love is enough. Methods employed in pursuing, matter not much.

Meanwhile...
I am in a queue. Waiting to withdraw cash from an ATM booth.
Change. Everyone wants it. Not many wish to contribute for it.

When at home people are praising this step taken by the GOI of banning 500 &1000 Rs notes as it will subject to a lot of undisclosed income becoming accountable. But when in a queue to withdraw cash or deposit it, they curse the government for harassing the "Aam Aadmi".

It's a conundrum for me, perhaps the big players in this game of black money have successfully managed to hide their income still or were already aware of the upcoming declaration and made arrangements for the same. Or may be not.
But at least the small players will be caught.

I have a hard time trusting any of the politicians. Or the Government. However I have hopes. That there must be some good Samaritans working amidst them.

Powerless

I shut my eyes.
Three fingers of my right hand gently touch my closed right eye.
And three fingers of my left hand do the same to my left eye.
I apply some pressure on my fingers and they press against my eyes.
I see red spots.
Both my thumbs block my ears. Bleak sounds still manage to penetrate.
But those sounds do not perturb me, the other voice does.
That clamorous voice which is coming from the inside.
That inner voice which is gnawing on me.
I want to shut that voice.

The Day.

My colleague tells me I haven't been myself since past few days. She thinks I am un-physically absent.

I think, she is right.

They say, universe works in mysterious ways to help you get all that you deserve. And, all that happens is for the good. You only realise it eventually. Now good is not synonymous to happiness here. It is just good. Perhaps for this present life on earth. It is good because it teaches you somethings that you have taken birth to learn.

I am in a trance. It's a phase that reoccurs each time you become a spectator of your own life. And sometimes you simply can't help being so.
Feelings of helplessness and cluelessness grope you. At first, you try to rebel. Why should you accept it anyway? No logical reasoning seems to explain it. And, a tiresome battle begins. Between you and destiny.
But you were destined to lose. So you do.
And the thing about failures is, you have to accept them even if it kills you.

Today, I am undergoing a new batch of emotions that I never knew existed. It feels as though a funeral is being conducted inside me. Every cell is grieving over the demise of something.
While I wonder what that thing is, it's a happy day, a new beginning.



   

Season of Changes

It has begun. 

On going-long-distance.

Why are we so afraid of distance?

When someone goes, they leave you to yourself. So is it that we are really afraid of ourselves rather than the distance? 

Perhaps yes. 

When two people are in love, they occupy most of each other's time and thoughts, they get lost in each other. Distance between them creates a vacuum. Now, this vacuum can either be seen as a boon or a bane. It is idiosyncratic. Life is subjective. You become what you want to. 

It's as easy to be happy as it is to be sad. 

It's perfectly okay to miss them but it's imperative not to trivialize or squelch your own presence amidst their absence.

You must have read it somewhere, you need to be a complete person in yourself to love another person completely. You might have been a complete person when you fell in love. But today, after years, has that beloved taken away some part of you or have they added to your being? Do you still complete yourself?
This distance will shower you with all the answers you have been seeking. Even with some of those that you haven't contemplated yet.

Dots

The sky... what if someday it pulls me towards itself with a strong magnetic force. Opens its infinite arms and embraces me, engulfs me. I disappear. Completely. Within a moment.

Will it make them wonder?
Will it worry them?
Will it sadden them?

Yes. It will. But time will do its job and heal them all.

What will happen to me?
I will be lost.
May be in dark blankness
May be in bright emptiness.
No existence perhaps.
Period.
The end.
Silence. Forever.

No, I am not suicidal.
Just caught in a reverie.

...........

Your body is a temple. Treat it well.
Your indulgent mind is a monster. Tame it well.

...........

People come, people go.
You change. They change.
That's the law of the universe.

Every present has a past... and a future.
Past is a memory. Future is an illusion.
Present is what we have access to.
We can feel now. Only now.

............

A breath of fresh air.
A lingering hope.
A smile taking birth.
A piece of puzzle fitting in, perfectly.
An inspiration. A reason. A god.

...........

Do incomplete thoughts classify as thoughts?
Ummm... I think incomplete thoughts refrain you from looking deeper into yourself.
They are like.... ....................................... .......................................

Unknown

When you are living the life you want to, doing all that you wish to, a life completely designed by you, and you are still unhappy. Because something is missing. 

How can it be? 

This should be your happy moment. 

This should be it. 

Where is this emptiness coming from? 

I NEED A BREAK!

No relationship is easy. Be it love or friendship.
Two people have been raised differently, with dissimilar value sets.
Each has an exclusive way of looking at things, of dealing with situations and people.
How can there not be disagreements?
How can there not be disputes?

Sigh...

I didn't realise this is my first post of 2016. I am sorry Bloggie Doggie, I began on such a melancholic note with you.

Work is great.
That Birdie. Tangled. 'Copywriting'. Freelancing.
Phew!

I am tired. I need a break. From life. From myself. From work. From people. From the world!