I am 30. I cannot believe that it was NINE years ago that I made an account on Blogspot and wrote my first personal blog.
When I began, I remember being afraid to publish a post every time I wrote one. As if every person on the face of this earth had subscribed to my blog and they would read my mind as soon as I published my thoughts here. Afraid that they would know how I think and judge me. I hated it... being judged. So much that I didn’t realise I was judging people to be judgemental until one day a friend in drunken state (both of us were intoxicated), tired of all my drama, said it to me.
They have stayed with me, her words. I don’t know if she knows it because we have never re-visited that conversation. What she said did not have an immediate impact on me, I didn’t change overnight. It was later, on some other occasion when I was engaged in my thoughts, miffed at a certain person and was having an argument with myself. A part of me was playing the devil’s advocate and then it uttered those words, which my friend, perhaps years ago, had expressed in frustration. Ever since then I use her statement to control my mind when it’s playing the victim card.
It makes me wonder, isn’t every person who loves you, knows you, cares about you... your guru or a god or a messenger of the Universe? They, unintentionally more often than not, help you become a better version of yourself. But how often do we reflect and allow ourselves to realise it?
I think if we did, we would put all the ‘babas’ and ‘gurus’ out of business.
It’s funny how in a world full of idols living and breathing around us, we are searching for them in the wrong places... in famous personalities. I think one should question oneself, what is it that I really want to worship?
Anyway...
Bloggie Doggie... thank you for being such a significant part of my journey all these years. Together we have grown and I hope that we will continue to explore my thoughts and help me know myself better.
When I began, I remember being afraid to publish a post every time I wrote one. As if every person on the face of this earth had subscribed to my blog and they would read my mind as soon as I published my thoughts here. Afraid that they would know how I think and judge me. I hated it... being judged. So much that I didn’t realise I was judging people to be judgemental until one day a friend in drunken state (both of us were intoxicated), tired of all my drama, said it to me.
They have stayed with me, her words. I don’t know if she knows it because we have never re-visited that conversation. What she said did not have an immediate impact on me, I didn’t change overnight. It was later, on some other occasion when I was engaged in my thoughts, miffed at a certain person and was having an argument with myself. A part of me was playing the devil’s advocate and then it uttered those words, which my friend, perhaps years ago, had expressed in frustration. Ever since then I use her statement to control my mind when it’s playing the victim card.
It makes me wonder, isn’t every person who loves you, knows you, cares about you... your guru or a god or a messenger of the Universe? They, unintentionally more often than not, help you become a better version of yourself. But how often do we reflect and allow ourselves to realise it?
I think if we did, we would put all the ‘babas’ and ‘gurus’ out of business.
It’s funny how in a world full of idols living and breathing around us, we are searching for them in the wrong places... in famous personalities. I think one should question oneself, what is it that I really want to worship?
Anyway...
Bloggie Doggie... thank you for being such a significant part of my journey all these years. Together we have grown and I hope that we will continue to explore my thoughts and help me know myself better.
