Viscous Virtual Circle

There is too much of everything. 

Too many movies and shows on Netflix.
Too many DIY tips & quotes on Pinterest.
Too many simple hacks on Facebook.
Too many food & dance videos on YouTube.
Too much art on Instagram.
Too many opinions on Twitter.
Too many diet plans on Fitness Pal
Too many answers on Google. 
Too many part-time businesses on Etsy.
Too much 'news' on Whatsapp.

I am not sure if I need so much. So many ideas, so many solutions, so quickly. Whatever happened to searching for answers and the joy of finding them?   

The world has become a weird place. 

Nothing I do is special anymore. Nothing I create is original, and if it is, it won't remain original 5 seconds after I 'share' it with the 'world'. 

I used to do it excitedly until a couple of years ago, not because I wanted to flaunt my skills but to reach out to the right audience and the right opportunities. Sometimes it has worked. And most other times, I just felt happy looking at some positive comments / likes. 

I don't feel like doing it anymore. I don't feel like being a part of this circus anymore! 
I still do post. Sometimes with the fear of losing what little I have managed to build after years of struggle with my writing & art (which still continues). And hardly ever out of a need to express.

What is it with people? Is your life empty? Why do you want to share all your feelings and experiences with others? Why do you want to express your opinions all the time? Is it because no one is actually looking, it's virtual and you can't see faces so it is easier to boast or to say your piece or to share your sadness or express joy? 

How many times when you meet people in a group do you actually try to let them know how you feel? Wait... may be this is what it is? You want to let someone know how you truly feel, you want someone to get it. 

But isn't it better to cultivate actual, real relationships in your life where a handful of real people will actually understand you, your thoughts, your intentions?
I mean I understand it takes more effort than just typing a post and hitting share. But the pay-off is wonderful. 

This virtual audience, I believe, doesn't give a fuck. A few comments, a few likes, a few follows, a few views, they won't fill up the vacuum.

Sigh... The world has become a weird place. There is too much of everything. 

Some relationships are toxic and cannot be helped. It is not easy to remove them completely from your life but it is possible to avoid indulging in them.  

Turning 31

Early this week I was in the mood to watch a chick-flick and I chose ‘Bridget Jones’s Diary’. The movie opens with Bridget stating she is 32 years old and the rest follows. Have you noticed, in most western ‘coming-of-age’, romcom, etc. movies, the female protagonists are in their 30s? Okay remember, what is Carrie Bradshaw’s age in Sex and the City’s first episode? Another point to be noted in such shows and movies, is people in 20s are shown as too young and immature.

On the contrary, in Indian cinema, in 1990s and before, the female lead would be in her teens! And nowadays, they have graduated to be in their early 20s. 

Now, I am not trying to belittle any culture here as I understand every society has had a history and is the way it is for a reason, which is a very different and wide topic and can be discussed at another time. 

What I am trying to say is, we are a society that endorses (and ensures) childhood meets a premature death and old age blooms early. And, as feminist as it sounds, it is true that this is more so for the girls!

• Get married in early 20’s
• Have babies by mid-20s
• Make your life all about your family in your 30s
• Become a purpose-less, hopeless old hag in your 40s
• Make religion/God your priority in your 50s
• Wait for your death in and after 60s

Now, I am not saying that women are asked to follow the above timeline. I mean we are raised in a way that this seeps into our subconscious so discreetly, we don’t realize it until we are in the later phase of this pre-designed life. Perhaps this is changing for some and may be not for some.

Last year after I turned 30, I went through this gloomy phase for a few weeks. I have always followed my heart and rebelled my way through life so far and I was feeling like the best part of my life has just ended and that it will only go downhill further on! All this until I had the revelation (as above) about why do I really feel the way I do.

Scientifically, yes, the body gets older and gradually weaker as we grow. But how we feel or should feel does not depend on it, at least, not entirely. Moreover, ‘the best part of life’ is something we usually don't realise when living it. We will only see it that way, once it has passed or when it is about to come. 

Yesterday, I turned 31. There are many changes in the way I see and perceive things now. May be I don’t get enthusiastic too often as I have met many a new experience already. May be I am not as interested in everything that comes along my way. May be I am not always open to new friendships. May be it all sounds a little less adventurous. May be this what 'older and wiser' looks like. But, the inner curious child in me is still very much alive. And, I believe life has only just begun and that the quest to ‘I don’t know what’ continues in all its glory. 

PS: These are strictly my observations and not a judgement on any particular persons. If they seem condescending, perhaps you should question yourself.  

Song paying in my head - Dance Monkey by Tones and I