Age of Realisation or Realisation of Age

I have started realising why people keep wishing they could go back in time when they were younger & frivolous. As you grow up and begin planning about how and where you wish to see yourself in another 10 years, you somehow start losing the frivolousness and the audacity to follow your heart, your instincts. Every decision you take needs to be thought through. Every step you take has to be analysed. Every move you make should be calculated. And, all these stumbling blocks are built by us. We do it to ourselves, and apparently for ourselves. Suddenly, all those "Live in the moment"and "Carpe Diem" doctrines go out of the window. Because you are a mature individual now - a grown up. You look at life with a distinct perspective. You have to. After all, you have exhausted all the free lunches that you were entitled to.

I am 27 years old.
In India, a girl of my age is not considered to be young. I think I can't even call myself a girl anymore here. Because I am a "woman". However, I still feel like a girl, so I will anyway.
Time just flies away. Kids would earlier call me Didi (elder sister), but since a couple of years, they have started addressing me as Aunty. Perhaps my age is showing. Though I have observed, it's more often the parent of the kid who decides if I am a Didi or an Aunty. Not that it matters to me. It's just the way the society has been moulded. Out of 10, 8 of my friends, who belong to my age group, are married and from those 8, 4 already have kids or are about to give birth.

Isn't it all about choices you make in life?

Choices. Decisions. I don't like making decisions. The big ones. The perturbing ones. Ones that have impact on someone else's life too. I never enjoyed making decisions anyway. But now, because I am a "grown up", this task has become more arduous. The future, no matter how uncertain, glares at me with its eyes wide open, each time I think of deciding to do what I wish to and not what I have to.

I am certain 5 years later, there is going to be a paradigm shift in the way I look at life. I will smile and look back at the present me just as I am doing right now at the younger me.

You owe it to yourself

After squashing your wishes to do all that you really want to.
Letting a crooked organisation manipulate your true potential for their benefit.
Sacrificing the most active hours of your day in order to earn a living.
Refraining yourself from exploring the unexplored mountains and seas.

You owe yourself a few hours of doing something that restores your sanity, everyday.
Something that benefits your inner being. Something that commands you to be happy.

3 weeks ago, I began practising Yoga.
It has brought me closer to peace.
It has brought me closer to myself.

Yoga gives me the feeling of being on a mountain alone, of being at a bank of a clear and cold Himalayan river.

I am thankful to myself for doing this.

Someone had said and I quote, "Do not try to find your happiness in people, instead look for it in activities."
I cannot agree more.
When I doodle, I feel happy.
When I read a good book, I feel happy.
When I listen to music, I feel happy.
When I do Yoga, I feel happy.
When I write profoundly, I feel happy.

These joys are different in nature from those bestowed upon you by your loved ones. These joys are created by yourself. They are imperative to your being. They make you an independent person, a complete person and a happy person.

In a life full of chaos, you can never find your peace outside, for it resides within you. Therefore, take a plunge into yourself  and embrace the light of happiness. Only it can lead you to the path of tranquillity.

Change.
I have written about it so many times.
It is the thing we eagerly wait for. It is the thing we yearn for. Yet, it is the thing we fear the most.

Happiness is a choice. A few years ago I practised it. I created happiness for myself.
Few years ago, I made a decision. With that decision, unknowingly, I put the key to my happiness in somebody else's pocket. I became dependent on them for my happiness.
However, the source has been constantly supplying happiness in my life. But, I still am dependent.
And, I wish to make a copy of that key for myself.

Happy 2017

Year after year, since 2012, life has been evidently shedding old skin and donning a distinctive one.
I wonder if it was always so. If every year brought with it unpredictable and astounding changes that made me thoughtful towards the end. If each year always came with a tremendous set of revelations about myself and life. 

Perhaps I began noticing it... rather acknowledging it since 2012. The year, I took a decision to take charge of my life. 

Anyway, I know it's too late, but...

Happy New Year, Bloggie Doggie! :) 

A little lost.

For a rebel, nothing is worse than not following their heart and becoming a slave to their mind.

............

When you love doing many things, focus becomes a matter of concern. You tend to be partially absent everywhere you are. And that's the test, how well do you manage to strike a balance.

............

Music: Coldplay
Can't get enough!

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Why is there a need to fit in?
Why do we inadvertently squeeze ourselves in the crowd only to be amongst them?
It might be hard to accept the difference and respect our own eccentricities, but it brings peace.
Acceptance always does.

Having said that, in a world hugely overpopulated with social animals, it's almost impossible to be exclusive. Existence of someone like yourself is certain. However, meeting them is a matter of chance.

............

Humans are so greedy. On accomplishment of a dream, they conceive another one immediately.
Is it really greed? Or just a hope to live further?
For what is life without the hope of... having something or being something or having someone or being somewhere?

.............

I wish...
Why do we wish so much!

Litterings

Just because you do a certain set of things for someone doesn't entitle you to be a receiver of similar favours from them.

Doing is a choice.
Expecting is a choice.
Accepting is a choice.
But being offered is not a choice. At least not for you. It is a choice that belongs to the person offering it.

Love. Everyone has their own version. Even two people who are in love with each other have different definitions.
For one love could be "I love you!" While for the other it could simply be "Why did you miss your breakfast?"
Sometimes the difference might cause slight friction. But most of the times, the existence of love is enough. Methods employed in pursuing, matter not much.

Meanwhile...
I am in a queue. Waiting to withdraw cash from an ATM booth.
Change. Everyone wants it. Not many wish to contribute for it.

When at home people are praising this step taken by the GOI of banning 500 &1000 Rs notes as it will subject to a lot of undisclosed income becoming accountable. But when in a queue to withdraw cash or deposit it, they curse the government for harassing the "Aam Aadmi".

It's a conundrum for me, perhaps the big players in this game of black money have successfully managed to hide their income still or were already aware of the upcoming declaration and made arrangements for the same. Or may be not.
But at least the small players will be caught.

I have a hard time trusting any of the politicians. Or the Government. However I have hopes. That there must be some good Samaritans working amidst them.

Powerless

I shut my eyes.
Three fingers of my right hand gently touch my closed right eye.
And three fingers of my left hand do the same to my left eye.
I apply some pressure on my fingers and they press against my eyes.
I see red spots.
Both my thumbs block my ears. Bleak sounds still manage to penetrate.
But those sounds do not perturb me, the other voice does.
That clamorous voice which is coming from the inside.
That inner voice which is gnawing on me.
I want to shut that voice.

The Day.

My colleague tells me I haven't been myself since past few days. She thinks I am un-physically absent.

I think, she is right.

They say, universe works in mysterious ways to help you get all that you deserve. And, all that happens is for the good. You only realise it eventually. Now good is not synonymous to happiness here. It is just good. Perhaps for this present life on earth. It is good because it teaches you somethings that you have taken birth to learn.

I am in a trance. It's a phase that reoccurs each time you become a spectator of your own life. And sometimes you simply can't help being so.
Feelings of helplessness and cluelessness grope you. At first, you try to rebel. Why should you accept it anyway? No logical reasoning seems to explain it. And, a tiresome battle begins. Between you and destiny.
But you were destined to lose. So you do.
And the thing about failures is, you have to accept them even if it kills you.

Today, I am undergoing a new batch of emotions that I never knew existed. It feels as though a funeral is being conducted inside me. Every cell is grieving over the demise of something.
While I wonder what that thing is, it's a happy day, a new beginning.



   

Season of Changes

It has begun.