The voice?

The voice that comes from within. The one that has a faint texture. And speaks your instinct and intuition. The voice that is you, your soul. 

How do you know if it is that voice helping you to make a decision or it is the opinions of others or the demand of the situation? Or is it just the random flow of occurrences that has forced you to take a step without calculating anything?

How do you know?

Maybe you never know...

It will be whatever you choose to believe. 

This year has been a joyful and exhilarating ride so far. A season of newness. A chapter with too many twists and turns. 

Today's Playlist:

Phir Le Aya - Arijit Singh

Phir Se Ud Chala - Mohit Chauhan

Peekaboo - Coke Studio

Pataka Guddi - Jyoti and Sultana Nooran

Pardesi - Amit Trivedi

When the newness of something starts wearing off, you become more comfortable with it. Not that the comfort wasn't existing earlier, but it increases as you get more familiar. 

Today's favorites:

Khuda Hafiz - Yuva

Jiya Lage Na - Coke Studio

Just give me a reason - Pink

Mast Magan - 2 states

Hey, Soul Sister - Train

Drive by - Train

Too much procrastination can destroy your career. So work! Now! 

Time. Where does it go? And how? 

A lost moment

I see green pastures. I see colorful tents. 

It is so cold I am trembling.

I can feel the pellets of ice falling from the sky on my hand.

It seems like a dream. 

So it can really happen, I tell myself. 

Hail stones.

Every cell in my body, every artery in my heart feels elated and tranquil.

The smile is adamant, it won't leave.

................

Today when I closed my eyes while commuting to work, 

I found this moment that was hidden somewhere deep in my memory.

And within seconds I was transported back to Padri.

To that chilling moment, that beautiful moment, my moment.

Time will tell.

Decisions. I still don't like them. 

How do you decide that you will be doing something for the rest of your life? It feels like prison. Despite the fact that I have picked a prison of my own choice, it still is a prison. I don't want it. I don't want to be imprisoned. I am not meant for those shackles. Those chains, they don't belong to me. 

I feel suffocated. I want to fly away. To a place far far away. Just by myself.

As an afterthought, it occurred to me that maybe what I reckon to be a decision, is not a decision after all. Perhaps it is an occurrence that was destined to transpire. And maybe what I perceive to be as chains that will pull me back or limit me, are wings that will help me fly higher. 

Maybe...

I cannot know now...

Time will tell. 

I think I will choose to believe in the latter. There, I made yet another decision. 

I wish...

Why do we wish so much! 

Sick.

Emotions. They never fail to amaze you despite their predictability.

Today's Favorites:
O re piya / Rolling in the deep - Shankar Tucker Ft. Rohan
Emotional Attyachar (Rock Version)
Hey Now - London Grammar
Awari - Soch the band
Kai Po Che movie soundtrack 

How to function without music is something I don't ever wish to learn.

When you are not feeling well physically, you tend to feel sick mentally as well.

Listening to MTV unplugged - Arijit Singh

When someone surpasses your expectation. When their love and support goes beyond what you had anticipated. You are left speechless.
At one moment you feel overwhelmed, happy. At another, you feel they are just too good. So good that it makes you feel like a bad person, that it makes you hate yourself more.
The feeling that you don't deserve people like them in your life starts tormenting you.

Wanderlust. Again.

It has began again.
That urge. That craving.
My mind is restless again.
It wants to go away again.
Far away. Alone.
My eyes yearn to see the unseen.
My soul desires to explore more.
I want to travel more.
I want to fly higher and farther.
I want to meet myself again.

Bothered.

Yesterday, I tore a page from my notepad and wrote some very personal things on it with the intention of taking it home and sticking it in my personal diary.
I made the silliest mistake of forgetting that piece of paper in my office and a colleague read it.
I feel naked.
These were the thoughts that I never wanted anyone to know and now a stranger is in knowledge of it. I feel awful. My innermost feelings are known to a person whose existence barely matters to me.
I should have been careful.
Sigh...
We are so scared of showing our true self, of having no secret thoughts, of everyone knowing what we are really feeling. Maybe it is the judgements that we are scared of. More than the opinions of others, we are unable to deal with the opinions we have for ourselves.
Can we ever be free from these opinions?

And...
Times when you feel you are losing connection with the ones who mean a lot to you. And when they don't really bother to make you feel wanted and loved. Because they are unaware of your foolish thoughts.
When you are so full of insecurities that it makes you feel abandoned. It is not true and you know it, but you still want them come shower you with love and show that you are important.
This never happens though. Eventually, you move on from this feeling. No one comes to your rescue.

I wish...
Why do we wish so much?

PS: If nothing, you always have music. :)

Dear Music,

My love for you precedes everything else in the world. 

Love,

Resh. :* 

PS: This is the most truthful e-letter of my life. Hope you read it.