Who are you?

Who are you?
Are you a foe in a friend or a friend in a foe
Will I ever know...


I reminisce the times you have filled my heart with comfort
I remember the nights you have dipped my soul in despair


I wish you could ever measure the depth of the sea of sorrows, you have gifted me
By which you could gauge the profuse warmth I have for you


Nonetheless my mate, your sour gift has bestowed me with a teaching of life
Which says a human shows it's true colors only with time


Whoever you are, a foe in a friend or a friend in a foe
I hold no grudge against you as my heart forbids me to


I shall always remember you my dear
As someone who added to my soul a wisdom layer 

Movies, Men and Merry Christmas ;)

The cold is finally here. It's getting colder by each passing day. I am telling you... I am totally in love with the air!! 
Movies, hot Green tea, some munchies and a snuggle-worthy quilt - a Perfect way to enjoy a wintry day!!


So, it's yet another good friend's birthday today so I wish him a super duper Happy Birthday and a great life! :) :) 


And, the movie watching spree is still on!!
Oh and how could I forget, Merry Christmas (belated) Bloggy doggie!! :) :) :)


Okay so there's this little revelation I had a few days back, when I was at a cafe; if women are said to act pricey and be unnecessarily exigent all the time, then men inherently hold the abilities of flattery and persuasion!! Be it my younger brother or my male friends or my dad too, all of them have this incessant habit of wheedling and cajoling us! No matter how much they disagree doing it, they still do it inadvertently! 
I mean, since childhood, all we girls are treated with flattery and inveiglement, in some way or the other... 'Old habits die hard', is known by one and all, then this my friend, is an ancient habit! Women can't not be women just like men, who can never stop being men!!


I've got to catch up on another flick so hasta la vista !! :* 

W for worries. No, W for winter :)

I am so exasperated due to a friend today. I cannot put down the reason in here. Maybe the reason is not really the friend's fault; I am the one who's being callow and silly for no reason. Actually there is a reason and that is 'ego'. 

I had read somewhere long ago, there are many shades of ego. Ego is not restricted to being self-obsessed and considering oneself above others or being arrogant! That was the time I realized, I too am very egoistic in my own way. And why just me? Everyone is, in some way or the other! 

I am watching an old Hindi movie right now. It's strange how times have changed. Watching such movies and going through a few ancestral photographs always makes me wonder about it. 

Many years down the line, maybe some of my linear descendant will have similar views, just as I have now, after looking at my photos and videos and after watching movies like 'Band baaja baraat', 'Aisha', 'The twilight saga', 'Inception' etc etc.

The cold is kinda catching pace and I am loving it. The weather was pretty cool today. Getting those chills and cold-creeps due to the frosty breeze gushing in a magical manner gives me a celestial feeling! :) :) :)

Ohh, how I love winter! This season is all about merriment! And of course, Christmas and the new year's eve add on extra buckets of joy to the glee!

Whoa, the spirit of wintertide has made me forget all my annoyance and worries! :) :D

Just rambling...

I desperately need to get a grip now. Not that I am not enjoying my current life-style, in fact I am loving it! That's the reason I am feeling daunted at the moment. I've been pampering myself a lot since long now, it needs to stopped because I'm kinda getting used to this!!

I had an amazing time with one of my cousin today. It's good to spend time with a person, who's not opinionated and presumptuous!

'The Holiday' is a beautiful movie. I love it. Though it is a little fairy-tale-ish.
But then who doesn't like fairy-tales!
Some guys may oppose the statement I just stated above, saying they do not believe in fairy-tales. But, I never mentioned "believing". Which guy wouldn't "LIKE" to have the most gorgeous and rich princess as his lady!! ;) :P

Mumbai has so many different colors to it. Every area in this city gives you a different feel altogether! This city is something else! It's a prodigiously unexpected place to live in... Well, what else can you expect from the city, which is populated so immoderately with umpteen humans, who themselves are by nature, very unpredictable!!

What do you do when despite of spending Rs500 on a dinner, you are still hungry?  YOU EAT!!
What else can you do! When you're hungry, you have to pacify the tummy!
(Yeah, this was too random!)

Humma Humma- Evergreen and joyful!!
Hey soul sister- I like. No, Love!!
'Hey soul sister. Ain't that mister mister. On the radio, stereo....' :)) :)

It's still not cold! At least not cold enough to put on my orange sweat-jacket!

Dance- Invigorating, refreshing, joyful, etc etc etc.
I liked 'Rockstar'. Also it's soundtrack is great... "Oh yeah yeah yeah...", "Hawa hawa", "Aur ho"... such superb songs!! For the first time, I've liked an entire bolly movie soundtrack! Mohit Chauhan and A.R. Rehman have proved to be a perfect combo!

It's strange, how most of the times, what I think of blogging is totally different from what I end up blogging!

One of my very good friend is getting married and I guess I've already mentioned it before, her wedding preparations and shopping are on in full swing!! I am thoroughly enjoying being a part of it!
There are so many small rituals that are to be done! The best part is, the bride gets to shop as much as she can! As if the entire world is going to stop producing clothes, shoes and bags within a few days!!
Things are over-hyped! Such exorbitant venues and clothes and jewelry, goodness me!! I am so dumbfounded by looking at all of this!
I mean, the marriage has to be grand such that people remember it up till their world ends! People didn't realize when traditions and rituals were superseded by prestige and social eminence! And now, this is what they say the culture is. It's good to celebrate but only for your own self and not for the heck of societal pressure!
I know these views are good enough to blog about but when you are out there, you become one of them, even if you don't want to! One cannot stay socially dysfunctional for a long time, you know.

Desperately awaiting Christmas!! :) :)

Good mood gone bad!!

Hugh Jackman - HOT!! 
From 'Someone like you' to 'X-Men', he still remains as desirable as a man could be! 


I am getting the 'Bridget Jones' feeling... It is in relation to something that was revealed to me today! I guess, I really am the only one left! But you know what, I care too less!!  


An hour back, I was very happy and wanted to blog about many things and now I am blank... The Blues have taken over suddenly.... 
I cannot believe this... I was in a fine and normal state of mind, just sometime back and one single piece of information about a couple of persons, blew up the good mood. I cannot elucidate it in here, but it sure is something upsetting for anyone in such a situation!!
(Yes, I just said it doesn't affect me a bit, a paragraph above, but it is affecting me. I don't know, how to stop!)


Deprivation is not a good feeling, be it with regard to anything whatsoever! :( :( :(


Phew, what would I have done without music?! Music always comes to my rescue! 
'Cry me a river', 'What goes around' and 'My love' by Justin Timberlake and 'Karma' by Alicia Keys, just never fall out of my favorites list. It's been like 5 years now and I still love listening to these numbers!


Mood swings are the quirkiest thing ever! You never know when you can go from a fab mood to a disconcerting mind set!! Ugh... I am feeling awful! 


Anyway,
I had gone for a stroll today, after dinner. It was a half an hour walk. I heard good music, with my head bobbing all the while and I thought about all the good things that have happened, will happen and can happen! It was indeed invigorating! It was like walking through positivism. I should go for such a ramble everyday, it felt real good!
.......
Ohh, I am in love with Greenday! I've been listening to them tad too much.


I guess I'll end here. I am too lost in my own cogitations and ideations, to write anything....

Qualms and consternations...!!

To begin with, it's one of my very good friend's birthday so I would like to wish all the good in the world for him!

Now,

When the heck will I learn to let go the 'bygones' and the 'what-if's'?! If this really happen's, more than half of my troubles will wither away!! 

I've also discerned that since past few months, I've been contradicting my ownself! I decide on a thing, very firmly (be it the smallest decision or an important one), and then eventually I do the complete opposite of what I had decided! 

I know, it happens with everyone but lately, the frequency of it happening with me is more than usual... I am scared of myself because of this. Whatever I want to do (and it should be done that way), I do the exact opposite! Something has gone terribly wrong with my system! It's high time I do something about it! 

I mean, if I can't trust ME to do the right things, I'll sure make my life messier! I have to listen to ME!! 

(Yeah I know, it's confounding!)  

Listening to 'Locking up the sun' by Poets of Fall... love the song!

Then, there are a few songs, I like as well as dislike... 

There are a few things I can't blog about, that's why journals exist and I have written in mine. But the fear about IT is undermining me! I am so daunted by IT! I hope I am walking on the right path. Or am I being too repressive.. Life is such a mystery, you never know, whether what you have chose is right or wrong...

Birthdays... Why are they SO important?! 

Also, I've been trying to study since last two days but I am not doing it! I know, the word 'TRY' doesn't exist. You either DO or you DON'T! I hope I start up soon...

Or maybe, I should just STOP cogitating and anticipating on certain things!! 

 

Non-ruminations...

Since last two days I've been partying with friends, I attended the first ever catholic wedding in my life, it was super fun! It's strange how different cultures actually differ so much!
I am super weary but I wanted to talk to someone and no one's available right now so this blog being my savior... I'm here. There's nothing grave or dour that I want to talk about, just want to vent out the words...


Sometimes, there's so much to blabber about and the very next moment you go blank... Sometimes, I want to say everything that comes in my heart and sometimes I find all my words meaningless, stupid and hollow...


'Kolaveri di'- stupid but addictive!


Almost everyone around me is undergoing love-troubles... Is love so troublesome? Really?
Everyone discusses their troubled moments but there's hardly anyone who talks about or elaborates their happier love moments. Why do people do that? I don't mind listening to the issues but it leaves me perplexed about the subject 'Love'. I know, I've been writing on love and relationships a lot these days but this is what's in the air, I think on what I see and I write what I think (well, most of the times).  


I love vodka. It's good! 
Red nail-color : Love it and hate it at the same time!


Variety and diversity is what I love, it is the need of life! 
'It will rain' by Bruno Mars- :) :) :)
Sometimes people are all that matter and sometimes it's only about you. Everyone likes to think of themselves as intellectuals. Maybe even I like to think so or maybe not.


My favorite season of the year has still not shown it's magic, I want the winds to be breathtakingly cold! I am desperately awaiting Christmas, not that I celebrate it in some grand manner. I just love Christmas, I don't why, it just makes me very happy.
I am in such a bizarre mind set. I cannot decipher whether I am happy or sad. But today, I am certain, I am either of the two, while most of the times I am not even this sure!!


Day before yesterday, at the wedding, one of my friend, well not that much of friend, asked me four times that why am I sad, when I was no where close to feeling sad!! I felt like kicking her ass hard and slapping her twice! This female and her boyfriend (who is also a friend to me) always ask me, why am I sad. I fail to comprehend, what is their friggin problem!! I am not feeling sad, you are bloody spoiling my mood!! Moreover, they hardly know me, how can they conclude whether I am sad or happy?! 
I do have this habit of smiling invariably for no reason but that doesn't mean I cannot give rest to my jaws by taking a break from smiling, which by the by, is not 'being sad'! 
I do embrace the fact that they just try to show their concern by asking this, but come on, the same thing every time is not some pleasant music to my ears!! 
I did show my annoyance on her repetitive questions, as much as I could. But, she still kept asking, then I decided to turn deaf to her!! And, it helped :) ;)


Pakistani singers have a good voice though I've noticed peculiarity about their voice quality.
Susheela Raman is one of the finest singers India can ever have! There's some kind of magic in her voice. Her songs have a tint of classical style as well as a tinge of modern music. I love her voice and I can go on and on about her!


I guess, I should get some sleep now. Ciao.

Me, the movie freak!!

Phew... I can die from an overdose of love-stories!! I have been thriving on 2 romantic movies per day since last three days! I am on a break for a week, from studies so I have been pampering myself by doing everything in excess (including excess-eating...LOL, though that is something I always do & not just while I am on breaks)... But seriously I should stop watching love stories, it makes me feel girlier than I actually am!!! (Yes, I do know, girlier is not a real word)


Listening to High school musical songs, Hannah Montana songs and Lizzie McGuire music takes me back to my teenage years and all the memories come rushing back, making me feel happy and sad at the same moment...
"It's hard to believe that I couldn't see, you were always there besides me, thought I was alone, with no one to hold but you were always right besides me....", such an awesome HSM song!
See, I told you, I am getting all mushy and silly and tooo girly!!


Tomorrow's 'To-do' list:
Watch 'Wild things', 'Gothika' and 'X-Men 2' to get the mush out.


I've been blogging everyday (rather every night). Also I've been writing my diary too much... Maybe I am trying to keep the writing alive in me... I dont want it go away... Decisions & choices are very difficult to deal with...


Looking at the old photos, is one way of realizing how time has just flied by. Around 13.5 years back, I had a baby in my hands.  From his first walk, first words & first report card to changing his diapers, carrying him in my arms, taking him everywhere I went, it all seems like a sweet and pretty dream... Now, he's got a slight mustache & he's too huge to carry him in my arms... But no matter how many years pass by, you will always be my baby and my first love... Oh God, I don't know how will I ever be able to share him with yet another woman!  


Anyway, 
why do people choose to go for a movie on the basis of the reviews? Are their choices so generic? I mean, I used to think every person is different and they have differing choices, then how come do they decide to watch a movie based on someone else's reviews and opinions? May be you'll like the movie with a bad review, maybe you will really find it entertaining... After reading the newspaper review, you will so definitely have the same perception about it! Why do people ALWAYS have to be so logical and judgmental? Cant they watch a movie for sole entertainment purposes without judging it much?! You shouldn't think so much for seeing a movie, just watch it, simple! I love watching movies for the sake of entertainment, fun and emotions and not on the basis of some stupid weekly review!! Anyway, I care too less about whatever people think in this regard.


......

Amorphous...

No, this one has no strong topics like my previous two posts. I am tired of thinking now. It was a nebulous day today, just like most of my days. I was by myself today. I saw 'Mod', a bolly movie by Nagesh Kukunoor and it was simply adorable. I was in the movie the whole day (if you get it)!
I get so involved in movies after watching them. If a movie is really touching, the post movie effect stays for days! Just two days back, a distant friend said that I quickly get too attached to people. I argued saying it's not true. But today after watching the movie, I realized how I get attached to the characters, not for hours but for days and days. I keep thinking about the characters and what would their life be now i.e. after 'THE END'.
SO maybe this friend was right, maybe I do start getting emotionally dependent on people too fast. I don't know how to kill this... He was right. I always knew this about me but... sometimes somethings cannot be controlled.


Also, I had to deal with my over-possessiveness for the things that I considered ONLY MINE. There is nothing that is only mine, there never can be.... 'Mine' is a myth, it will be better for me to comprehend this gospel as soon as possible.  


'You were not there when I needed you' - You always invariably need that person but you don't realize this need unless that person is not around for whatever reasons.


Coming out of a salon unsatisfied leaves me utterly furious!! We pay them bucks to transform us from ugly witches to pretty maidens and not to render us even uglier!!
(I know, I exaggerated a little but it came straight out of fury)


'But baby, you're the right kind of wrong', another great number, I like the lyrics!


Oftentimes I feel, this is all a dream. Me, my life, it's not real... all of this is just a dream... is it?!
I don't know why do I always think about such silly, quirky and unanswerable stuff!!


There's a faulty tube light that turned bad a few days back, you still always turn on the button for that same tube light each time you enter the dark room, then within a nano second you realize that it doesn't work and you turn on the other light in the room. It's not that you forgot the tube light ain't working, it just happens out of regular habit. 
Loving someone is exactly like that... Maybe the relationship dies, what about the habit?! It's not easy to remember not-to-love... It takes years to get rid of this custom...
(By the way, there really is a faulty tube-light at my place since more than week now and I still press that wrong button!)  


'Macy's day parade' by 'Greenday' - a lovely song! 

The Realm of Loyalty

"All men are dogs!", a very commonly used phrase... On which one of my girlfriend once said that dogs are loyal while men are an antonym to the word 'loyal'.
I contemplated about her comment for quite sometime and I discerned, dogs sure are loyal but only to humans. What about the bitches? They mate with them, knock them up and go away forever... This is a common trait found in human males too and thus the derivation of the phrase, "All men are dogs!"
(Now tell me, am I a thinker or not!!)

In the past two weeks, I've have stumbled across two absolutely opposite categories of MEN.
First category:  Who love and lust only their partner.
Second category: Who love their partner and lust other women.
The first category comprises of 2% MEN. The second category i.e. 98% of MEN are the ones on whom women generally tend to fall.

TESTOSTERONE, I guess every one would be knowing about these specific male hormones. Testosterone is the reason why men are ruled by lust and not love. It is true that sexual temptations are not easy to curb BUT is it easier to hurt the person, who loves you and thinks the world of you, for such materialistic and physical longings? I am too baffled... Are these hormones more stronger and more powerful than love and emotions?!

Speaking of sexual hormones, it's not that we women don't have them, it's just that the male species have an extra bunch of them. Infidelity is not really just a man's forte! I know women who have cheated, some did it for pure physical and sexual purposes and the rest for other reasons.

So, should I expect loyalty or not? By loyalty I mean both, emotional and physical fidelity. Is it really so arduous to live with and be loyal to one single person for your entire life?

I am all questions about this loyalty issue!! And, I know, I will never reach to a single answer for it!!
I had read somewhere, "Loyalty generates inequality and partiality, it means the outsiders cannot claim equal treatment with those who are objects to loyal attachment. The loyal attachments are formed on the basis of the bond you share with that person, the liking towards that person."  So, if the attachment or the likeness diminishes, the extent of loyalty also diminishes?! There was much more written in that article on loyalty, it is so darn complicated! 


My brain is feeling very heavy after mulling over such corpulent topics! I better stop thinking about it, as there cannot be a conclusion... I mean, I cannot stay single all my life contemplating about the fears of infidelity and neither can I live with the myth that a relationship is always loyal, so it's best not to over-think (or not to think at all) about such contingencies and conjectures! 
Living life as it comes, without thinking of past issues and future speculations, is the best and most difficult way to live and I am still striving to live each moment in this manner!!
(And, fortunately I never ever lose hope for betterment...)

Is the past really past??

No matter how much you try, you cannot get rid of your past. Those broken pieces somewhere still poke your heart. The past is a part of you, just as the present and the future are. The past is always present in you, it never leaves you, not even for a minute! BUT, you can leave the past if you want to, though it is immensely arduous to do so!


Watching Oprah Winfrey shows that are about forgetting, moving on and  FORGIVING, is not just it. I've seen so many of them. Without a doubt they inspire me but the implementation is such a gradual process that at one moment, you don't even feel that the process is moving a tad bit! After watching people who too have suffered a lot but have forgiven their abusers and pain-givers, you feel like even you should forgive and learn to move on. 
When you actually start practicing it, it's not an ounce easy. Maybe that's why 'Forgiving' is the biggest lesson that you have to learn and it takes numerous life-times to learn so.


(And I am not referring to some silly fights or issues between friends or some short-term failures...There are things bigger and badder than this but we often forget and land ourselves in such worthless and unnecessary troubles)


"I can forgive but never forget"
I don't understand why people make use of this statement, even I use it! See, if you don't forget that means you still remember the agony, the suffering and unless you let go all those feelings and surpass it, you cannot forgive. 
Forgetting is forgiving, this is what I have assimilated over the years, though I don't follow it hard-core but I genuinely try. Most of the times I am not willing to forget, even if I want to, I don't let me forget... 
I hope I implement my own beliefs in my own life soon... I know it can do me a world of good! 


Why is self- alleviation of sorrows and agony so difficult? Isn't life already too harsh for us to be so hard on ourslves?!


Also, 
'Never judge a book by its cover'.
You never know what the other person has gone through. Every person has got dark secrets, of which hardly anyone knows!


Anyway, I better study now, it's my last exam tomorrow (or rather today!) and I am still left with a big chunk of the portion. But now at least for the next 6months, there wont be anymore exams....phew!

Enticed...

I do not have anything in my mind to blog right now but since my computer is working perfectly fine :) (touchwood), I got enticed to post something.

'Who owns my heart' by Miley Cyrus is :))))

Bloomer died- RIP

I failed to take care of a plant, I guess I should drop the idea of getting a pet :(

People are so different. Sometimes I am flabbergasted with the way different people react in differing situations. Why is everyone so different? How can a single circumstance get umpteen different reactions? HUMANS are so confusing, it is very difficult to understand even one and most of the times, that one human is you yourself... I still don't understand myself and I know that I will take this entire lifetime to fathom me, and maybe my future lives too! Cluelessness is the most frequent feeling that runs inside me....

'Hiding my heart' by Adele is enchanting...

I've been so out of touch with writing. I mean, I do blog and write in my diary and blue book too. But content writing and the like, I miss! 

I had to choose... I loathe selecting out of two things I desperately need to let my life work in order... why do certain valuable and beloved things have to be mutually exclusive :(((

'Dil toh pagal Hain' really makes you believe someone somewhere is made for you and once the movie is over, the reality is back and you discern that it always happens in the movies. 

There so many characters from so many different movies that I would love to be... I was just musing the other day, oftentimes the actors who play certain characters in a movie and have been working on it for months would get attached to their reel roles so much that they would never want to get back to their real life, it would be so difficult to deal with such situations. Acting as a profession is not a child's play!

Speaking of  actors, I have been reading Shobha De's column since a past few months now and I feel she really has some major issues with these actors and their lifestyle. Could there be any more interesting and fun way to mint bucks?! Attending parties, going to places, meeting big people and then writing fowl about them...hmmm.... love her or hate her but you cannot ignore her!

P.S. I love the new look for my blog :D

Finally...!!

Yes, my comp is back again and here I am blogging via it after long :)
Since days I wanted to blog but it turns out blackberry internet package doesn't go with blogger :(
See, yet another flaw... But I have decided I will embrace my BB absolutely now on. So here it is, I LOVE MY BB! (lol...that wasn't easy !)

All the excitement I had about partying after exams fell flat! I really shouldn't have been so enthusiastic about it at such an earlier stage.

One of my very close friend is getting married and I wish her new life turns out to be a great success! I am very happy and glad for her!

Today, I had gone out with a few friends, there is this one friend of mine, who is very critical about everything. When he looks at a person, the first thing that ever comes out of him is a negative comment, he has this habit or rather this is his basic characteristic! Sick!
Who the hell does he think he is.... I can get more tattoos and piercings on my body if I want so and no person on the face of this earth has the power to stop me! Get some substance in your life dude...oooppss did I say 'DUDE', I meant 'DUD'
And it's not just him, I know a few others too, who keep criticizing people like that!
Such kind of people think of themselves as the 'enlightened ones'... I don't think they deserve more of my words... Wannabe morons!

It gets a little confusing though, you like it when people compliment you unexpectedly but when the other set of people criticize for the same, you cannot take it! 
But you know what, in this case, these people who criticize or comment are the ones whom I don't give a shit about! If the genuine and important ones criticize, I can take that!


"Only you" is my new favorite these days.
During the exam leave I saw a lot of movies, on television of course (yes, the studies were on too).
'Sex and the city' - Sinful but enticing and fun... Carrie Bradshaw, I wouldn't mind being her! I would love to have a column of my own in a newspaper (I wish this happens).


Couples, relationships, commitments and the sorts have been all over the place now. Being the only single one between people who are all either in a relationship or in a 'sort of' relationship can get bugging at times. No, I am not a desperate damsel but when you are surrounded by lovers all the time, it is lucid that you will feel 'out of love' even if you are not those kinds, who are eager and day-dream about being in love. 
Then you eat a gooey dough-nut or an Oreo Ice-cream and that stupid 'out of love' feeling vanishes away completely! Food is the perfect solution to all problems.... at least my problems :))


I am very tired now as another set of exams is on.... so hooroo for now!
Love being back :))

Phoney!!

This is so not the original and genuine post that it was supposed to be!!

TWICE... Twice it so happened that I lost the entire post because I tabbed some wrong stupid key on this stupid phone!!
I am so aggravated!! Aaaarrrghhh!! To hell with this piece of crap!! I so miss my old phone, it was so much better. :(

This is sooo annoying! I am not typing it all again!

Damn this friggin phone!! Only if you were a real person BB 8520, I would've stabbed you right in the face and would have kicked your friggin ass till the time you would turn assless!! Ughh!!

This is not how I wanted say a 'short-term adieu' to my bloggy doggy but this fucking phone ruined it all!!

I cannot believe, I just abused a gadget like that!! Jeez, I can really be short-tempered and super-irritable sometimes (No, at all times actually)!

Anyway, see you after the exams!

P.S. How well does the title go with the post as well as the phone!! Pun absolutely intended (i.e. if you get it)!!

An enlightening day...

I have to re-type this post because I tabbed the back key of this stupid phone! Now, who can say I have an eminently important exam that is held at an all India level, in about 18days!! I can be so so so absurd at times!!

Anyway, I had yet another revelation about me (the inner me) today. Although I won't exactly put it here as it's a bit too personal.
But yaa, it's good to know you are wrong, at times, by yourself. It's better than living life in an utterly erroneous manner and presuming it to be the correct way! Well, how far will I be benefited by this epiphany is a different issue, though it depends on me...

Music- life (though not invariably!)
'When I dream at night' by Marc Anthony mesmerizes me. Yes, I should be engrossed in studies at the moment, instead of Marc Anthony BUT what the heck! Have I ever done the right thing at the right moment? HELL NO!!

You know I am so amazed with people, who work according to their plan, stick to a program and accomplish targets. Be it studies, be it work, be it career etc.
ME- I don't beat my targets but my targets do surely beat me HARD!! But someday even I will start winning from my targets ;)

'Perfect' by Pink makes me feel really good. I loved it's video as well, I could relate so much with it, I had this 'deja vu' moment while watching it... Moreover, she sings 'you are perfect' which no one has ever said to me...except for Pink ;p

In a day or two, my internet plan will get over and I don't plan to restart it until exams are through with so I won't get to blog after that :(

Anyway, Mr God do something, don't sit idle like that, c'mon help me concentrate!!

Time-out

Sitting at home, sipping my green tea and contemplating what should be done at the moment, what I am doing and what am I not doing is worthless! Isn't it better to get into action than to mull over the future reactions?!

Most of the times I blog to enunciate certain things and thoughts to myself, just as I am doing now. This blog is more about me talking to myself rather than a pitstop for my viewpoints or so called philosophies (as most of the people mistake it to be so!!)

'Shakespeare in Love', what a movie!! It was due to this movie that I liked Gwenyth Palthrow for the first time.

It feels good to have me by myself at certain times... Having a pandemonium around or even just having a lot of quiet faces surrounding me all the time, makes me mad! I always need MY space, where it's just me and me and me!! A time-out from the people,the world and everything whatsoever, is imperative!

Anyway, it's time to fall in love with taxes... Cheerio bloggy doggy!!

Venting out...maybe...

A lot has happened in these past few weeks...self disappointment, losing a cell phone, getting a Blackberry,etc etc... 22 days left for my exams and here I am sitting on the staircase outside the library and blogging via my new Blackberry (finally I get to blog!!)


I had a lot of things to blog but since my super comp is ill again, I couldn't. Anyway now that I am here let me tell you that I am in love with Jennifer Lopez's voice, it's out of the world and also Adele is very good, I love her songs too.

I've discerned that people hate listening to or acknowledging other people's point of views or life fundamentals, all of us are so complacent about our own thinking and our mentality! Why do we always have this 'I know it all' attitude invariably? May be even I am like that or may be I am not...

But it's not easy to be a good listener always, though one should learn how to be so. Denial, un-acceptance and stubborn-ness can transform you into a fool of the highest order!

Sometimes even if you are aware of what someone is trying to express, it's better not to slam an 'I know' or a 'tell me about it'. Just shut up and listen! No one has asked you to judge or advice...Never advice unless it's asked for!

I think I should get back to studies now, I hope I will study better now that I've blogged!

Randomizer...

It's my part of the play now, if I do my role well... I don't know about the reward but self-satisfaction is certain! 
'Self-satisfaction', I don't remember if I've ever worked so hard as to satisfy myself?! Hmmm...Anyway, I am still alive and I guess, I am going to be there for long, and there is ALWAYS room for improvement, isn't it?


"I'm into you" by JLo is an AMAZING track, that tune has been continually meandering in my head... :))


It's been raining cats and dogs since 2days now...it's exasperating!


'Friends' and 'Everybody loves Raymond' are the best comedy sitcoms there can ever be. These are invincible!


Challenges- Scary but great experience providers. I believe, challenges can turn into great opportunities provided they are smartly and sincerely dealt with. 


Sometimes even extreme weariness doesn't do enough to put you to sleep.


Advises-  Available in plethora. Why do people love to advice? Can't they just shut-up and advice only when asked to! You know, sometimes people should just stop putting in their little unasked-for suggestions and let you experience things (whether good or bad) by yourself.


Mumbai's most loved festival 'Ganesh Chaturthi' has almost arrived...looking forward to it :) :)
Except for the traffic part, as along with festivals comes the traffic jam! Traffic in Mumbai has been incessant since past few weeks.


'The way you treat yourself sets the standard for others' - an eminently true quote... I still need to instill this in my life!

Hoping for betterment and persistence

I am so flaked out right now, it was a long long day! I don't remember the last time I was this active for an entire day! Anyway, day before yesterday I made an eminently important decision, it's more of a risk actually... maybe not from anyone else's point of view but for me, it's quite bold a decision. I hope things work out well. I don't wanna speak more on it and jinx it!  


Two quotes that I stumbled across today and instantly fell in love with...
"If you judge people, You have no time left to love them" - Mother Teresa (that's so perfect!)
And
"The things that made me stronger are the ones that didn't let me sleep at first"


And 
'Rain over me' by Marc Anthony and Pitbull, is what I love these days. Nothing can compete R & B and Pop!! :)

Dedicated to: Respectable Mr Anna Hazare

74 years old Anna Hazare is been in Jail for 8 straight days now, without having a morsel! I guess for the first time, I've seen public rallies, awareness and support campaigns and candle marches happening, NOT on account of a terrorist attack or an innocent victim's elongated murder court case! I mean, usually, as per the recent past record,  the masses would react so vigorously only on loss of life or lives. Now, people finally realize that social evils like corruption act as slow poison and it's killing a huge part of the populace simultaneously. 


Though, I personally have done nothing to support this movement except for promoting this ideology, I hope this movement helps to clean our country a bit at least! Had it not been for this old man's initiative and gallantry, we would have never gone this far too! He has brought in a revolution and a hope for the better future of this country. I salute him and his courage!


There are still many people criticizing him but I fail to understand, how can they not see that he was the only one who stood up, spoke and took actions against corruption while we sat at home, cribbing about our country being in corrupted hands and doing nothing whatsoever!!       

Abruptly Absurd or Absurdly Abrupt !!

I turned on my computer, at this point in time, despite of having class at 7AM tomorrow or rather today and considering the fact that I am "super-punctual" and "highly determined" towards attending my actually valuable and imperative lectures, it's an audacious thing to do!! But I needed to blog this as I wanted me to understand the importance of what I've lost and what I still hold the ability to lose! Today, all day, I kept lecturing myself and this is the last rebuke of the day...!! Please for heaven's sake, UNDERSTAND the earnestness of the situation 'Mr stupid and ignorant mind' or else you know what can happen!! 
(The title of this post very efficiently defines me!!)


Anyway, it hurts when SOME people stop missing you and they are absolutely fine and cool with your absence! When life gets monotonous, we realize the importance of 'Change'. Be it good or bad, changes are required!! There can be nothing worse than living in monotony!! 


The 'coyote ugly' movie soundtrack is amazing, I like almost all songs of the movie.


But the song that suits me the most in most of the situations is 'Main aisa kyun hun...', a Hindi song from a bolly movie 'Lakhshya'. If they ever decide to make a female version of that song, they just CANNOT find a better specimen than me to enact it (I don't mind singing it either but then I am dubious of whether any sane person would ever take heart to hear it!)

My Dreamsville to the rescue !! :)

I feel that there's something missing... I know everyone always feels so, invariably. I mean you get these pangs, when you feel that something very important is left incomplete but you don't know what it is and if at all you are aware about it, you don't know how to fix this anxiety! 
I am never complacent, I somehow always manage to find out a thing that is not going right, every time. I know a lot of people don't embrace this trait of mine but I cannot help it, it's me, that's how I am and no one in this world is absolutely sanctimonious! Each person has various odds.
I wish I knew how to meditate, I wish I was not so reluctant in doing it...
I didn't know what to do as I was feeling very restless so I decided to blog. I love writing, I don't know what I would've done without it and especially this blog, it really has helped me a lot. 
"Thank you" by Dido is real good (I guess, I've mentioned this song before).  
(I was talking to a friend, amid this post now, who too was feeling sleepless and wanted to speak to someone so I got digressed for a while...)
Mood Swings are bizarre! Sometimes you crave company and sometimes you crave solitude. Sometimes you wish to party hard and sometimes you want to be in a silent and peaceful atmosphere. Why is it so that most of us are oscillating between our own several wants, why cant we be steadfast of what we want in life and from life... 
I remember having a plan for my life some 4 years back but I failed the execution process and since then no plan has ever worked for me... It's not a bad thing, not having a plan. It's OK. You can pave your way as you walk. 
I had gone to a cafe today with a bunch of friends and there was this guy there, playing guitar to entertain the customers, he sang and played Enrique's 'Hero'...that tune is still playing in my head and this has linked me to a few other Enrique numbers. I like 'Ring my bells' and 'Tired of being sorry' and many more of his songs...ugh he's so cute.. :) :)
I am too sleepy now...signing off...

Awry me......

In the past week, I learnt, how timely victory is important. When you have no one to celebrate with, to share that free feeling with and to discuss the worries of the road ahead, the victory loses its essence. This co-relates with my earlier blogpost ‘Man, truly a social animal’.

When I was struggling with PCC, many used to say that it is good that you have got a few friends, who are also struggling with the same thing but I didn’t agree to it as I always feel that my struggle is my struggle, it doesn’t matter if I have co-equals or not!

I personally feel that if you don’t have a compeer while you are struggling, it is okay. I know, it adds to the misery and you get more frustrated and dejected for a while but even if you have a company while you are failing, you will still be disconsolate, it doesn’t make life any easier. Its just your state of mind, you feel good when you know that you are not the only one suffering and making mistakes!! On the other hand, when you don’t have companions to celebrate your accomplishments, it lessens the happiness and ruins your moment.

It is always better to be sadder when you are already sad rather than being sad and lonely when you should be oozing with glee!!   

The last week has been indeed an awakening week, full of changes and epiphanies. I had to gulp in the bad and adjust with them, I had to battle with the negative me in order to have truce with positivism (this is still in progress)…

And, accepting that my perception of looking at life has been erroneous was very difficult but, what is even tougher is mutation…and I don’t know how long will the metamorphosis take...

Garrison Wynn is an amazing speaker, I read a few of his speeches and I quite liked them.

Boss- a soul without heart

Why do bosses consider us as their slaves? They don’t have any right over our life. I am so annoyed with my boss. He is an epitome and a perfect manifestation of selfishness, a devil incarnate!! I know everyone wants their work to be done but it should not be at the cost of losing your humanity and dignity. My boss can fall to any extent for getting his work done.

He is a CA and I am an intern. He must’ve gone through all the pressure that I am going through now; still he chooses to be monstrous to me and my career. This is not just my story but it is commonly shared by 90% of the Article-intern community.

Our teachers say that one day even we will become like them and our bosses are the replica of our future. Is it true? Will I turn into a heartless and sadist demon too?

Oh god please, I don’t want to turn into a person, who doesn’t think it is wrong to be a trouble-maker for several people. I don’t want to be cursed by scores of people. Please help me to maintain my humanity in the future.

What the heck…I know, I am never going to be as devilish as him. I know, I will never play with people’s careers…not for the life of me!!

I know people, who have bosses that are so angelic, they understand them and do not play evil career-killers. These bosses are also successful and they too get their work done but they do stand by their dignity!!

(Phew… I am feeling so much better now!!) 

Rather me...

The closed door opened, when she just started exploring a small new path,

She was attracted towards that bright light coming from the other side of the grand opened gateway.

And then, she discerned that she’ll never be able to walk on the newly discovered path…

She was ambling towards the enticing gateway and hoping that the small path, she had carved when she had no hope of the shut door opening, shall meet the road beyond the gateway.... 

I got to live it

When people are happy because of you and for you, it makes you feel worth living and I finally got to catch a glimpse of that moment, when you feel worth living...

Phew...I am still in awe

(I feel so emotional posting this one here..)

I finally defeated the demon, though I realize, this was the small one and the real son of evil still awaits me...

Finally getting to see that big, wide and hearty grin (that you caused) on your parents' faces is priceless...

Still cannot belive it...!! 

I am falling short of words to articulate this alleviation...It has happened only because of the Almighty and everyone's prayers... I hope, I dont dissapoint them ever again !!

And, the statement I was dying to own, since past 3years: 

  FINALLY REACHED THE FINALS !!

Why the heck do you always assume things about people?!

I have become so grumpy these days. It's not at all difficult to tick me off!! Goodness me...!! I am fuming even now when I am typing about it!! 

Anyway, I had been wanting to blog since my rickety computer went in for repairs and when it got back, I just couldn't write here anymore. It always happens like that, you talk to this one person in your mind a 100 times but when that person comes in front of you, you are unable to utter a friggin word to him/her. In that one moment, you imagine that person giving countless different reactions to what you will say and then you end up not saying anything!! Why do we always assume what the opposite person is thinking or will say or will do or blah?? Isn't it stupid to have such silly assumptions?! 

We never know what is going on in the opposite person's head, just as they don't know what we are thinking but still both will have certain assumptions as to each other's take and comprehension about an issue or topic or feelings...

This assumption thing has been driving me crazy since months. It really plays badly with your head. It is always better to communicate rather than drawing conclusions on the basis of some baseless assumptions!! Your conjectures can really hurt you more than any other person.


It is so easy to be negative, right? Many a times, I find it eminently difficult to be positive about people. It is very important to be positive about the people in your life rather more important than being positive about your own life. Being positive about them is equivalent to trusting them, if you take them in a negative way, it implies that you have lost trust in them. It's better to quit postulating other people's intentions!! 


The monsoon blues are incessant...it keeps getting gloomier and darker...

13th July 2011, Wednesday, Mumbai- Is there a solution??

Yet another manifestation of terrorism transpired in Mumbai. Three high intensity bomb blasts at Opera House, Dadar (Kabutarkhana) and Zaveri Bazaar between 6:30PM and 7:00PM. 19 dead and 130 severely injured as per the official figures, which we know is always understated. Is there any answer to terrorism? If not then will we ever find one in the future? After the attack, people started blaming the police, the politicians, national security, etc. They might be at fault but blaming them has never helped, I don't know what are we as individuals supposed to do except for talking about this issue, discussing it and expressing disconsolation! 

When the colossal 1993 blasts took place, outraged Indians blamed the government and all those who were in authority, it's 2011 now and the chapter of accidents has still not reached its climax! Our anger, helplessness, peace marches, pleas, cries, woes, nothing affected terrorism, it is still destroying us and neither did it affect the people in authority, they are still inefficient at their work and see what their inefficiency can do to us! Whoever wants to run the country is mesmerized and awestruck by the power such positions give but they forget that 'with great power comes great responsibility'. Terrorism is THE MAJOR CHALLENGE that our globe (& not just our city or country) is facing and if the higher authorities and officials (all over the world) are unable to tackle that then what is the point in giving them the power?! We elect them because we think they are capable of managing all the big things that we as individuals cannot.

I am feeling helpless typing this blogpost as this (and the peace march, discussions, etc...) is all that I can do for my Mumbai.

Work and Rains...

A lot of content writing is up this week. Then there’s office, class and also a few other plans. It’s going to be 1 hell of a week. This time, I cannot be late with respect to writing because I have been given a final warning so now on if I take the work; I have to do it ON TIME. No excuses will be entertained. I got pretty apprehensive about this, at first but then I thought, I will have to be responsible and PUNCTUAL someday, right? So why not now! There are so many people who slog butts and work like anything. I mean, work is really worship to them and if they can do it, even I can try!  

I am still in love with the song “I just died in your arms tonight, it must have been something you said…” by Smitty.

Traffic jams due to rains, water dripping from the trees, damp hair, wet clothes, shoes soaked in water, mossy surfaces, grey sky, the sound of raindrops falling on the ground, on the umbrellas, raincoats and wind cheaters, crowded vada pav stalls, slow music on the headset and the chaos can make you feel either gloomy or furious or like a lively Mumbaikar or all of these at the same time!!

I really find monsoon gloomy and sad (most of the times). I wonder why people love it so much!! The icky feeling you get when you are almost wet is so repulsive!

Having said all of the above, I still find rains amusing. I am familiar with the water cycle that we were taught in the second grade but rains still seems like magic to me (only when I am indoors)!!

Random midnight ruminations...

"I am keeping you forever and for always...", a beautiful Shania Twain track playing on the radio, in this hour of murkiness is a perfect thing to ask for. There's still so much to learn, my knowledge about writing is still like a baby in the womb. I just read a few pieces and I am appalled by the way people make use of the language, it made me feel inferior as well as gave me a drive. Though, I know, my laziness will soon drive away the 'drive'!!

It's cold, I love cold! 

Acting as a profession is over-hyped. I think actors get unnecessary attention, they don't deserve it that much. They need not be worshiped like Gods and Goddesses! I mean, c'mon, Amitab Bachchan is a fine actor, we all know (Although I don't like him that much) but a Temple in his name, having his idol is just too much! That man holds citizenship of various countries in order to evade taxes, God would never try to elude taxes (I hope and assume so)!! Had he been some businessman, he wouldn't be getting such responses. People idolize Dhirubhai Ambani, Azim Premji and J R D Tata but there are no Temples in their names (Thankfully). This can be expected only of Indians, making Temples in the name of actors, Preposterous!!! 

I know I sounded like a loser commenting on someone elses fame and achievement but degrading or sabotaging any person or profession was never my intention, I just jotted down the truth according to me!!

I never used to like James Blunt earlier but now, I find his music pretty soothing.I like his song "Tears and rain".

I was just musing, how much acknowledgement is needed by all of us, for everything. Maybe I'll blog about it separately sometime later.

'The mystery of existence is the connection between our faults and our misfortunes.', a true quote that requires a lot of brains to comprehend!! It has a very profound meaning.

Today, in the noon, I was watching 'Something's gotta give'. It made me believe that love can happen and can SUCCEED at any age but then again, it's just a movie!!

Another amazingly true quote, 'We do not see things as they are. We see them as we are.' That's the reason all of us have a different perception and  take on one same single incident but no one knows, which one of us is correct. Some might have similar views but that doesn't make them true and right, majority doesn't always win you see!!

Premonitions

When you try to make everyone happy, you land yourself in a pickle! I have always known this but I invariably tend to forget this TRUTH but God loves me so much that he keeps reminding it to me! Today, I am all free (at least for some hours now) and now I realize how habitual I have become of being worried, of trying to fit into my deadlines, of lot of work lying around me and of trying be less late for things. Getting into sticky situations and then coping to get out of them has become like a routine now. I know I should bring some changes in this routine.

“Instinct is the nose of the mind”, an amazing quote that I stumbled across the other day. This quote is indeed true but even the nose can go wrong at times.  

“….follow your heart, your intuition, it will lead you in the right direction”
I am now listening to this song; I like its music, the lyrics and its feel.

Do instincts or intuitions really lead you to the right direction? When your heart believes that something is totally right and perfect for you, that’s an intuition or what you call as an inner instinct or the sixth sense or a hunch, it’s your own inner voice. If your heart is always right and the inner voice is correct invariably then why do we end up badly sometimes, even after following our instincts!

Sometimes we should just leave it to the destiny. True, you might end up in a mess or it may prove to be a wrong decision following your heart but at least the “what if, I had done it my way?” mystery won’t be there. And, as the Murphy’s Law states, ‘If something has to go wrong, it will go wrong’ then isn’t it better to end up in a shit by taking the road of your choice rather than ending up in shit along with regretting all the time about not doing it the way you wanted to! Trusting your heart is imperative.

And,

There always should be someone or the other, who tries to make up your mood, when you are sad!

Listening to ‘Around the world’, takes me to a different planet, this song makes me really very happy!

Then there are songs in languages I don’t understand but I still enjoy listening to them

Oh and Bengali sweets are undoubtedly scrumptious and delectable! :) 

lost sight of articulation...

It's been ages since I've posted anything here. I find my blog rather boring now. I remember how earlier I used to visit my blog and re-read my old posts. May be because previously I used to write about my views and now I write about me and I don't find me interesting. Many a times in the past few days I opened the blog with the intention of writing but whenever I would start to type, I would go blank. I feel I have become less expressive over the days... :(


Although a few assignments have been coming from here and there, they have not been enough so as to satisfy me. Also my work is getting erroneous day by day. What is it? Is it the lethargy, the situation or just me? CONFUSED (as always) !!?!


So, the rains are getting very irksome now. When it should rain, it doesn't and when it should not, it pours heavily!! Well, my own life doesn't go according to me, how can I expect the monsoon to work as per me!!


Right now  I am feeling as if I am sitting in a roller coaster, thoughtless and emotionless and the roller coaster is going round and round, it wont stop until I am all set to hurl. 


I met some old friends last week. It was fun. I realized that friends can be old or new but friendships are always evergreen. We didn't party nor did we go to some amazing place, it was a normal dinner and a long walk but my happiness on being with them was so huge that it made me enjoy those simple moments more than anything. I guess this what true friends do to you! And, my baby bloomer bloomed a flower after weeks (touchwood), I am very glad this happened !! :))


One thing I hate the most about Mumbai is that people here really can be mean and rude. No one cares even if you get hit by a car, at times. You are the only one who has to be careful about yourself, no one comes to help, you have to be your own help!!  


Anyway, I don't have anything more to write now. When the thoughts in your head stop meandering for a while, you can express it out but when they just keep running continuously it's hard to catch pace and articulate!!

The fun week ends…

1 Party + 1 dinner + Manori + Lonavala = A week full of fun and entertainment. While returning from Manori, I wanted to blog about it ASAP but I was drained by the trip till the time I reached home so I could not and little did I know that the awesome Lonavala weekend was waiting for me. So now I will put down all the fun together here.

The fun week started with a friend’s awesome party. All of us danced our hearts out. It was superb. Then the next day, me and my mad gang (as we call it) left for Manori. The beach, the cottage, the horse-cart ride, the ferry ride, the weird dog and the dark room, all made it a perfect picnic. Actually, I had the perfect set of people and that’s what made it a hit. The little jokes, the funny events, the teasing, the yelling and hooting made it one of most memorable outings for all of us. To top it all, it rained. My first proper rainy session, all of us got wet and enjoyed the weather thoroughly. I would specifically like to mention the horse cart ride while returning; the sun was setting, it was very windy and cloudy by then. The narrow road on which our horses were galloping was margined by trees on both sides. Most of the trees bore red flowers. It looked like they were on fire. And then, the sky started sprinkling water. Oh! What a sight! What a feeling! It was indeed an enchanting ride!

Another event to add to my merriment was one of my closest friend’s birthday on 3^rd June. All of us met and went for dinner.

 And then the next morning I Ieft for Lonavala with my family. The climate was amazing there. The clouds were touching the hills. I was actually sitting on cloud nine. I could touch the sky. The scenery, the weather, the fresh air and the swiftly blowing wind were just perfect. Apart from this, I enjoyed the little badminton session with my family. This trip will remain in my memory forever and ever. I feel like I am back from heaven.   

 I don’t remember when was the last that I actually enjoyed for an entire week like that without going to office so all in all it was an exuberating week filled with loads of fun, pleasure and a little guilt for not working at all.

There was not much of writing work this week so I really wish for more of it ahead.