The Bubble Theory

It feels crap to deal with sticky situations all by myself. Not having anyone who can put me to ease while continuing to comfort the ones who need me. It is depressing and agonizing and heart-breaking! I won't lie.
But.
I need to get used to it. I hope I do.
I am not trying to be bitter here. It's a fact. Every person has their own bubble. They will visit your bubble for a while, but they have to return to their own bubble, leaving you alone in yours.

Sigh...

I love you, Mumma! And this love cannot be replicated. You are mine and I am yours. I don't need anyone else. Just you. Your touch makes me feel lighter. I feel blessed to have you as my mother. I cannot imagine a world without you. Please never leave me.

I am scared.

You might think that fear is the only emotion I feel these days. Perhaps. But this one is different.

She may be going away forever. I may not be able to see her anymore. Not that I did too often, but now it won't be even for that one time in months.

They say she has a fat chance. I hope not.

I can see a younger her and a younger me. I can see her hugging me and kissing me. I can see her teasing me. I can see me being angry about it. I can see her saying sorry. I can see us smiling together. I can see her hugging me and kissing me. It's a blur. Yet I can see through it. The haze is clearing up now. I am able to see more lucidly.

I am scared. 

Me, are you listening?

That copywriter chick - 5

It has been a month since I did any advertising writing.
I have been going to office and doing what is needed there, but the work is barely challenging and scarcely creative.
Also, travel writing has been eating up all my time but I'm happily doing it.

I feel I am being unjust towards the copywriter within me, she is being deprived of doing what she loves to do.

I need to strike a balance between travel writing and copywriting as only by pursuing both can I be happy and satisfied. I know myself, I will get bored by doing just one thing for a living. Variety is something that a person like me cannot survive without. And perhaps that's why I chose to be a writer. It gives me the liberty to do different things, to learn different things,  to create different things, to be a different person each time.

I fear completely losing the balance sometimes.
I also doubt if I really want this - copywriting - sometimes.
The doubt scares me. I wonder if it stems out of the frustration and fear of failing or is it my subconscious mind giving me a message.
I like to believe the former. I love copywriting. I really do and I want to learn it well. I don't like me being uncertain about it, not even sometimes.

Anyway,
The AC at my workplace broke. Due to excessive heat, thin hair on our skin had burnt and the skin was about to melt, just then an office boy got a pedestal fan and placed at the centre of our crammed studio. The fairly cool air that it heaved felt like such a luxury.
Oftentimes, we forget to appreciate the luxuries that we relish on a daily basis, such breakdowns are small reminders of their undervalued existence.

Today's playlist:
Shedding skin - Karsh Kale
Khwabon ke parindey - ZNMD
Young and beautiful - Lana Del Rey
Born to die - Lana Del Rey
Kinare - Mohan Kanan
I can't make you love me - Ester Dean

I will...
Because I dream so much.

Going Away.

I can’t wait to cease to exist. I can’t wait to go missing. I can’t wait to lose all connections. I can’t wait to go away.

It’s an exaggeration, of course. I am going on a 15-day adventure trip. There is no cell phone network in that area. So I cannot be contacted neither can I get in touch with people.

Every now and then we all need such breaks. They suck all the negative energies that we keep accumulating incessantly.

‘Kal ke andheron se nikal ke, dekha hai aankhein malte malte…

Ful hi ful zindagi kahan hai. Tey kar liyaaa,
Aaj fir jeene ki tamana hai, aaj fir marne ka irada hai.’

How many times have you wished you were dead?

No, not because life is being too harsh on you, but just for fun or for no reason or perhaps out of anger on a loved one.

My train of thought on ‘going away’ got me thinking on this topic.

I have had a few friends who had at some point mentioned that they wonder what it would be like when they are dead. They were keen to know how their family and friends will cope with it. I deciphered that there was a sense of sadism attached to this thought of theirs. It pleased them to imagine their loved ones craving for them. To be honest, I, too, have thought about it, and yes, I did gain some delight out of it.

It's okay, everyone likes to think in this manner, at least once or twice, because we are a self-centered species. We love it when people love us and want us. We simply love the attention, doesn’t matter if we are dead or alive.

In contrast to the above, can I say that it is our fear of losing that love, respect and want, or the feeling that we are not getting enough? It is not pleasure, but remedy for the pain that stems of out of our anxiety and insecurities.
Think about it.
  

Parity. Disparity.

I just read a blog, which said, play with blaze of fire. If you burn yourself, it will heal. If you keep yourself from it, it won't leave.

And I couldn't agree more. I believe, making my own mistakes is better than sitting back without taking risks, contemplating what it would have been like if I followed my heart.

I never used to listen to myself. I only did what they said I should be doing. One day I heard a faint voice. It did not sound happy. It was not authoritative either. It sounded feeble but hopeful. I did what the voice said. It made them angry, but it liberated me. I was nonplussed. How could something that disappointed them, pleased me?
That faint voice was my heart.

All of us are different, what you want and what they want may not always coincide. This doesn't mean, you are wrong or they are right. Who decides right or wrong anyway? Everyone has their own perspective and postulations in life. Marjority lying in a particular direction doesn't make it the right one.

Today morning, while commuting I was reading The Oath of The Vayuputras, and I read a statement that is fastened in my head. Shiva, the lead character, says, 'There is your truth and there is my truth. As for the universal truth, it does not exist."

I don't know if the universal truth exists or not. What I do know is neither you nor me are blessed with the divine wisdom of knowing about its existence. All we can do is presuppose its reality, and that is what we do.

Anyway so,
I found a similarity in that page of the book, the words of that blog (one I mentioned at first) and my dogma. There is a parity in how the author, the blogger and I think. This reaffirms my another belief that all humans, no matter how different, are the same. We are all one.


Today's playlist:
Bittersweer - Ellie Goulding
Dil Cheez kya hai - Karsh Kale featuring Monali Thakur 
Chal Diyay - Zeb & Hania 
The monster - Eminem featuring Rihanna
I am what I am - Above & Beyond vs Pres Oceanlab 
Tornado - Tiesto vs Steve Aoki 
The other side - Bruno Mars (Cee-Lo) [My favorite of the lot] 

I feel sad.