Think no more!

That moment when you finally decide to give up on your 'neurotic' act because it is literally driving you crazy.
And, finally after you come out of your delusional state, you see how badly your absence, ignorance rather, has affected the real people around you.
Good luck dealing with the awful feeling of not being there when they truly needed you!
 
"When words fail, music prevails."

Above & Beyond (Now I know why everyone was going crazy about them)

Katy Perry - Roar

Counting Stars - One Republic

Lana Del Rey (I love her almost as much as Adele)

Hardwell vs Goyte featuring Kimbra - Spaceman (The best mix ever)  

Bad Romance- Lady Gaga (Some songs can never go out of style)

O Womaniya 

I feel that I have newly started deciphering that yes we have all grown up. Now, when people around me are either getting married or are contemplating marriage. This new knowledge has brought along a lot of inhibitions and insecurities about the future.

Note to self:

• Take it easy sometimes, okay?
• Stop taking everything (including yourself) so seriously!
• There's never a need to thoroughly analyze the actions of other people or yourself. Well, not unless you actually join the CBI! 
• Come out of your sick and stupid dream-bubble. Now.    

Lastly,

I am glad that Winter is finally showing up! 

Times when you feel you are not passionate enough about your passion.

And, when you are not happy with the fact that someone, who is not all that important in your life, manages to be the master of your moods! 

Aaarrgghh... I hate this! 

So you mess things up sometimes, so what!
You also always find a way out of it, right?
And, if not, you simply stop bothering yourself with it by not giving a damn.

And...
Music is not just on my mind, but on my phone too now! Yay! So happy!

Also,
You... confuse me!

Childhood

These two little boys were playing gun on the side of the street near my workplace.

We are all born with a good soul, a pure mind.
Away from the evil ways of the world.
Lost in our own bubble of goodness.
Happy faces making us glow in glee.
Sad faces curling our lips downwards.

Then, time happened...
Innocence started to wear off.
Compassion and empathy were mere words now.
We had grown out of our childhood, We had grown up.

I Love Hardwell!
https://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=player_embedded&v=R5JGOnZGjLg


Mistakes that you do. That won't stop bothering you no matter how hard you try. Yes, regrets are annoying and they won't let you live in peace till they have sucked the last drop of blood from your head.
And, it doesn't make any sense talking about it to anyone because all they can say is 'forget about it', 'such things happen', 'it's okay', etc. It's not their fault as nothing can make you feel better about what has happened. You just have to wait for time to erode your memory of it.

Final goodbyes list amongst the most difficult things to deal with in life. I wish things were different. 

It's strange how one single relationship can change you as a person and change the way you see all your other relationships, while it lasted and when it broke. Yes, I'm still stuck there. As I've mentioned before, I can never move on.

Anyway, I finished my next Cecelia Ahern, 'A place called here'. I'm scared to see the day when I'll finish all her books. I know it will happen soon. But, I don't want to get out of the magical world that she has created, yet. 

Currently reading The laws of the spirit world. My cousin recommended this book.

My cousin without whom it would've been very difficult to remain sane and survive. 

P.S.: A friendship is also a relationship.

  

NOVEMBER

My 'Nov'ember is here.
My new start is here.

With itself it will bring not just new plans but fresh implementations.
It's going to free me from the excruciating arms of my demons.
It will draw me closer to my guardian angels.
It's goal will be to make me stronger by reminding me my goals.
It won't let me cry to sleep any more.
It will keep me hopeful of the umpteen bright tomorrows in the waiting.
To make me smile from the bottom of my heart each day will be it's priority.
It will turn the mistakes I made into lessons.
It will teach me how to be happy again.

My 'Nov'ember is here... to make me a better person.


P.S.: 'Nov' read as 'nav' means new in Hindi. 

That phase when you really try hard not to bother yourself with what others do or say but you do not succeed...

And, when this phase prolongs its stay...

I'm going crazy! I need help. Really!

Anyway, 

I finished  Kiterunner. It's so heartbreaking and leaves an impact that won't let you sleep for days. Pain cannot be articulated in a better manner than this. Khaled Hosseini is such a skilful writer. There's so much to learn from his writing, the way he expresses, his metaphors. I am just spellbound.

Yesterday, my baby brother tells me...
"You know, your problem is that you say you don't expect but you really really do. And, no one in this world really cares enough so please stop doing this to yourself because I don't like to see you sad..."
He's not completely wrong, but he's not completely right either.
He is one sweet thing and I love him like no other. May God be with him always. 

Let's call the security!

Today if you ask me to describe human being in a single word, I would say insecurity.
Last whole week was like that, all I could see was insecurity brimming everywhere.

Why are we so insecure by nature?
Why can't we be satisfied with what we have in our hands?
I wondered...

Perhaps, it's because we see others having plenty of something we lack in, or because we had it earlier and now it's either fading away or it's completely gone.

Be it friendships, relationships, love, weight loss, money, job, career, future, anything, everything... insecurity persists and it always will.
It's like the tides, sometimes provoking high tides haunt your life, and then there are low tides that quietly come touch you and tread backwards

The problem with me is all people around me are infected with high intensity of insecurity, at the same time. And, I don't know about you but I do believe in the concept of 'vibes'. Yes, it's contagious - insecurity. No matter how hard you try to hide, it will for look you, grab you by the hand and punch you hard in the face.

I'm sick and tired - literally also, thanks to this stupid sinus attack - of people being at their rudest best and then blaming their 'insecurities' for it; of people shedding tears, making their loved ones feel helpless, because they are 'insecure' about a certain something; of people screaming at others in the most offensive tone and justifying to themselves that it was their 'insecurity' speaking and not them; and of all the rest who parade their 'insecurities' in various other ways.

I hope all of these discontent souls find peace in the coming week. I hope I find peace too. If not completely, at least a piece of peace. If not for long, at least for a couple of days.