Disclaimer. This is just another bundle of rants.

I am really not the emotional person I used to be. Doesn't mean I don't appreciate or respect my friendships and relationships. I still am a human.

Uff! I'm just sick of being the incapable friend for everyone. Can't they just cut me some slack? Let me be. Not expect anything from me. My expectations anyway have all faded away. Nothing in life is going so wrong that I'm emotionally disturbed or anything. I'm just a more relaxed person, with a temper.

Having said all that, I still NEED people in my life! They all think I need to be left alone and I don't care anymore. Someone has rightly stated, "Presumption is the mother of all fuck-ups."

I don't understand how to explain! 

It's such a disappointment to be misunderstood by the people you thought understood you more than anyone else.

While having a heated argument today, a friend said, "You are at loss."

Sigh..

I know that and I even said it. Everyone's just walking away or I'm making them do so, perhaps. Whatever be the reason, I'm the one who's being abandoned, right? So, it has to be my loss.

Here's one big THANK YOU to EACH 'Friend' who has very conveniently (or not so conveniently) given up on me! True, you have left a vacuum in my life but you have also saved me from the guilt of being a disappointment in the name of a friend.
(This is not out of fury or melancholy, I mean it in a very positive and mature way. I can't be who you want me to be anymore and if you can't accept that, it's good for you to leave. I'll deal with it.)

And, This is not self-pity! I just know the nature of problems everyone seems to have with me and I don't feel like working on them and I don't feel sorry for myself for that. 

Once a friend in one of her blogs had called me an extremely emotional shit and hated me for being so. When I stopped being so, she said I've changed and hated me for that. It was funny and sad at the same time. 

Anyway...

By now I've understood that it's not a 'phase', it's my way of life. Because, that's how things have been since almost a year now and I'm pretty much okay with my social behavior, opinions and perspective. I have accepted myself with the so called 'change', only they haven't!

I won't say I'm sad but I'm not happy either. I'm just fine.

Conclusion: I have forgotten everything about the art of maintaining relationships. And, I'm not being pardoned for this crime.