NOVEMBER

My 'Nov'ember is here.
My new start is here.

With itself it will bring not just new plans but fresh implementations.
It's going to free me from the excruciating arms of my demons.
It will draw me closer to my guardian angels.
It's goal will be to make me stronger by reminding me my goals.
It won't let me cry to sleep any more.
It will keep me hopeful of the umpteen bright tomorrows in the waiting.
To make me smile from the bottom of my heart each day will be it's priority.
It will turn the mistakes I made into lessons.
It will teach me how to be happy again.

My 'Nov'ember is here... to make me a better person.


P.S.: 'Nov' read as 'nav' means new in Hindi. 

That phase when you really try hard not to bother yourself with what others do or say but you do not succeed...

And, when this phase prolongs its stay...

I'm going crazy! I need help. Really!

Anyway, 

I finished  Kiterunner. It's so heartbreaking and leaves an impact that won't let you sleep for days. Pain cannot be articulated in a better manner than this. Khaled Hosseini is such a skilful writer. There's so much to learn from his writing, the way he expresses, his metaphors. I am just spellbound.

Yesterday, my baby brother tells me...
"You know, your problem is that you say you don't expect but you really really do. And, no one in this world really cares enough so please stop doing this to yourself because I don't like to see you sad..."
He's not completely wrong, but he's not completely right either.
He is one sweet thing and I love him like no other. May God be with him always. 

Let's call the security!

Today if you ask me to describe human being in a single word, I would say insecurity.
Last whole week was like that, all I could see was insecurity brimming everywhere.

Why are we so insecure by nature?
Why can't we be satisfied with what we have in our hands?
I wondered...

Perhaps, it's because we see others having plenty of something we lack in, or because we had it earlier and now it's either fading away or it's completely gone.

Be it friendships, relationships, love, weight loss, money, job, career, future, anything, everything... insecurity persists and it always will.
It's like the tides, sometimes provoking high tides haunt your life, and then there are low tides that quietly come touch you and tread backwards

The problem with me is all people around me are infected with high intensity of insecurity, at the same time. And, I don't know about you but I do believe in the concept of 'vibes'. Yes, it's contagious - insecurity. No matter how hard you try to hide, it will for look you, grab you by the hand and punch you hard in the face.

I'm sick and tired - literally also, thanks to this stupid sinus attack - of people being at their rudest best and then blaming their 'insecurities' for it; of people shedding tears, making their loved ones feel helpless, because they are 'insecure' about a certain something; of people screaming at others in the most offensive tone and justifying to themselves that it was their 'insecurity' speaking and not them; and of all the rest who parade their 'insecurities' in various other ways.

I hope all of these discontent souls find peace in the coming week. I hope I find peace too. If not completely, at least a piece of peace. If not for long, at least for a couple of days.

When the inconceivable happens...

Summertime Sadness by Lana Del Rey is an incredible number
"Honey, I'm on fire, I feel it everywhere 
Nothing scares me anymore."

In her shoes - the movie. 

..........

They fell in love years back. They were not perfect, but they knew how to love each other perfectly. Years went by. The love remained the same, grew rather. Until 'change' came.
He met new people, he saw a new shade of life, he loved it, he changed. Because he wanted to.
She still stood there. Watching him become a stranger. Hoping it to be a plain phase. She waited long.
He was a different person now. It was the same old her.
She was helpless. They were supposed to be together 'forever' and he had simply vanished. There was this stranger disguised to be him, but it was not him.
He's not a bad person. He's not wrong or culpable.
She cried, yelped, prayed, feared... It's over.


How do you trust anyone after something like this happens? How do you trust anyone after knowing something like this can happen?

Being a mere spectator to this is so saddening and perturbing. I can't gauge the intensity of the pain and hurt she would be carrying in her heart right now. And, that he would, I believe, will go through at some given point of time in future.

Love is an illusion. Togetherness is a delusion. I was right in believing so.
.......

When no one succeeds in comforting you.
When no one manages to get even a faint smile on your face.
When no one cares enough for that little moment.
When no one makes you feel loved and wanted.
It's time you stop fretting about it and be there for yourself.
Only you can love you the way you've wanted to be loved.


Eagerly waiting for the exit of October heat and the mystical entry of the wonderous wintertide.


I wish...
Why do we wish so much!

And, the blankness prevails...

I have fallen in love with this little tale. It won't leave my mind. I've been repeating it over and over again in my head.

When an ugly event from past decides to revisit your mind...

And, to you,
I buried the very thought of being like we used to be, months back.Yet you manage to hurt me each time I think about us. But, I'm fine. Really.

Life is full of people who'll keep finding flaws in you and your work, whether the faults truly exist or not, whether with good intentions or bad. You have to learn how not to be demoralized and keep going on.
When they say that you should take it positively, ask them fuck themselves, and simply ignore.
Because when you've heard bad things about yourself all your life, they fail to serve any kind of inspirational or motivational purpose after a while.

Having said that, constructive criticism should always be welcomed because that helps you learn and grow, in every aspect of your life.

I wish...
Why do we wish so much!