Long time, no see.

Time heals everything. Fresh deep wounds turn into scars of the past. And then the scars begin to fade as well. The pain goes away, only faint marks remain.

If you are lucky, you meet a certain someone, who knows the accurate methods of helping you heal in a less painful manner.    
And if you are extremely lucky, you have more than just that one person, like a small gang of doctors working on you.

Times when you feel lost in all the new things that life has thrown at you.
Despite the excitement, happiness and contentment, you still miss something... Maybe what you miss is you. Because it's when things are out of order and life is in mess that you interact with yourself more and fathom yourself better. Maybe it's the chase you miss. Chasing your dreams.
Yes...
Living your dreams is an ecstatic feeling indeed. But when you are actually living it, you do miss the chase. You miss your journey.
Then... It's time to dream further. It's time to embark on a new journey.

The winter is good this year. The nights are chilly. I love cold. I love it when my skin wears millions of gooseberries. The air smells different, it feels good.

And...
Dear 2014,
Thank you for all that you have bestowed me with. The lovely places. The beautiful people. The learnings. The work. The love. I cannot be more grateful for it.
And for the bad experiences, the losses, the pain, the tears... I forgive you.
There are no qualms, no regrets.

Hoping 2015 to be as beautiful. :)

Moving on...
Love feels great. But it's too hard to not lose yourself in love. And that's a challenge, being in absolute love with someone while not forgetting to love yourself.
I like challenges. ;)

Listening to Amit Trivedi - M TV Unplugged (Season 4)
What an artist! What an artist!
I am in love with his music. Very passionately!

I feel caged. 

I cannot sit on this chair, in front of this laptop anymore. 

I don't want a return journey ticket to my workplace.

I don't want to walk from the station to my house.

I cannot do this anymore.

No... no more chaos. No more faces. No more voices. 

This phone is sucking the life out of me. 

The calls, emails, messages...

There's a need to disconnect.

I miss myself. I am not able to talk to myself. It's been a while now.

I cannot do this anymore... 

There's a need to break free. 

Even if for a day. 

It's imperative. 

Death... 

I am afraid of attachments. Old and new. 

Should I treasure the love that exists?

Or should I not love at all?

What would be more painful, memories or deprivation?

I don't know...  

That copywriter chick - 7

No. 6 still lies in my drafts. I never published it.

Sigh...

So, I am working somewhere new. This place is bigger than my previous employment, size-wise and salary-wise.

The work is good. It is too much. So much so that 24 hours in a day seem less. And I don't get any time for travel writing.
I remember complaining earlier about not getting to do enough advertising writing and investing more time in travel writing. Well, the tables have turned now.

This place provides good exposure. They have good clients and the scope of work is quite wide. So I am happy with the growth and learning it is offering me.

The only problem here is the unhealthy work atmosphere.

It's been a month and half, I still haven't adapted to the practices of this agency.

I am having a hard time dealing with the stress. It is taking a toll on my personal life.

.............

Childhood.

The other day at work, everybody was sharing stories about their childhood. The pranks they played and blunders they made as kids.

It all seemed so different then. While all that was transpiring, we never thought these would become our epic childhood moments and fondest memories.

All of us heard everyone's stories with such keenness, we wanted to know what happened next. It was a room full of smiles and warmth. I could see their juvenile avatars.

Yes, it was the same room where fights and arguments take place everyday. These were the same people who talk condescendingly about each other.

Childhood. Its memories are powerful enough to exude innocence and affection.

I wish we remembered that we were children once. That our hearts used to ooze innocence. That grudges never lasted for more than a few minutes. That smiling was our second nature. That love was for all. That friendship came naturally to us.

I wish...
Why do we wish so much!

Somethings in life deserve a magnified view.

It could make world a better place to live. 

When all your demons are chasing you. You are trying to run as fast as possible. But you know the right to do is to stop running and face them. But somehow you are not able to gather the courage to do it. Perhaps you are more exhausted than afraid.

Jealousy. Envy. Covetousness.
Such a negative emotion. So black. So painful. So human.
It has the power to kill the sanity of your mind.
It is strong enough to turn you into a person you once abhorred.

City lights

It is so important to share happy moments with your loved ones. With each one of them. And no, I don't mean special moments. I mean simple moments, like having a fruitful shopping with a friend or watching funny videos in a cafe with another. It is in these simple, silly moments that happiness dwells. Very quietly they weave your bonds stronger.

...............

And dreams... Dreams about accomplishing career milestones and traveling the world with your beloved. Dreams about making your parents proud and celebrating life with the same bunch of friends. Dreams about contributing to the world and taking from the universe. Dreams about knowing more and thinking less. And just dreams. 

On love and change.

Yesterday I was at a cafe with two of my friends and a friend's friend.

We spoke about many things, philosophical and psychological.

The last discussion we had was on the existence of love and the longevity in relationships. We had to leave the discussion incomplete as I had to leave.

He (friend's friend) said love is a temporary phenomenon. I agreed then.
Then he said it does not exist. That reminded me of my younger self, who too believed the same.

I feel he has a set definition for love. So maybe as per his definition, love is a temporary thing. He said people change, and you might not respond to the change in your partner too favorably and eventually will fall out of love.

He said you love certain qualities in a person so when the qualities fade away, there is nothing left to that person. What will you love then? Because the person you loved does not exist anymore.

He so reminded me of myself. I was of the same belief system.

Have I changed? Yes.
Because I fell in love? No.

I have broadened my perception about love and change.

Change is inevitable.
I figured, there are two faces of change. There could be more. As of now I have discovered just two, in this context.
Okay so, the first is evolution and the second is death.

Say, there's a virtue in my partner that I thoroughly admire and adore.
With time, that virtue, say, evolves. Grows in intensity. I might be able to respond to this change positively. As the virtue still exists in him. Efforts will be required to deal with the increased intensity, but I will still do it because his basic quality remains constant.
Now say, his virtue that made me fall in 'love' with him has died in the course time. It has ceased to exist. What now? I don't think I will be able to love him. If I do, it will take a lot of hard work and coercing myself.

I believe, as of now, that it is the responsibility of a person in a relationship to be open to changes their partner undergoes, willingly or reluctantly. Along with being determined to not lose the quality that swept their beloved off their feet. You have to keep trying. You have to choose evolution over death. If you can't, then you better not expect your partner to 'fathom' you and 'adapt' to the new you.
It's a dual responsibility.
Yes, love is not easy. Not in the long run. The temporary nature pertains to the effortlessness that people believe should exist in love. But the truth is no relationship is effortless. Not even the one you have with yourself. Love is hard. Loving yourself is hard. Loving the same person all your life is hard.
I don't know if it makes you a great person if you dedicate all your love to a single soul, but it certainly makes you a good student of life because you learn toilsome and sapping lessons that nothing else, no one else can teach. And I would like to believe that each of these lessons will make you a better person along with making you fall in love with yourself and your partner more deeply.

He also said, loving someone is not like loving yourself. Because you don't have an option to not love yourself, to not accept the ever-changing mind of yours, Well okay, you do have an option but then life will be like hell.

I say yes, it is not like loving yourself. It is much more than that. It makes you much more than what you are or can be.

P.S.: I still don't know what love is and how to define it. Perhaps, it is undefinable. To me.

The war

It's a boring Saturday at work! I feel extremely lethargic today.

Anyway,

Being in a relationship changes your perception about a lot of things. It surprises you in many ways. You are appalled to see yourself doing things that seemed irrational and foolish when you were single. And if you are someone who entered the 'relationship phase' of life a little later, then you are going to have a hard time accepting the new you.

And yes, no matter how determined and adamant you were about not changing yourself for anyone, changes will engulf you. And fortunately, unfortunately, you will surrender to them.

This transformation is not going to be easy. Because you never needed one. But now something within you is welcoming this change. 

You better get ready to be on a war with yourself!   

Hello, Mumbai!

A new job. A new desk. New people. I feel so unfamiliar. And out of place. The discomfort felt on being away from home has taken over me.

But I am happy about the new desk. The new opportunities. And more than that the new location. Fort.

This place used to be the heart of Mumbai during the eighteenth century. This business district is swamped with old colonial buildings. Some of them had a significant status in history while some are just manifestations of primitive living. Well, vital or not, all these structures look mesmeric as they depict the grand architecture of those times.
I love being surrounded by history. Just a walk in these lanes and I am transported to the olden era, when the Brits ruled us. I imagine how life would've been then... The people, the lifestyle, the business, the society, the food, the clothes and the language... A little less evolved, a little more peaceful.

The glorious streets and intersections here are used by millions of Mumbaikars every day. I thoroughly enjoy my walk from the CST to the new office. Though it barely lasts 10 minutes, but it makes me realize that it is not just I, who has been residing in this city since 24 years, but the city, too, has been living, breathing inside me.

Oftentimes, it takes something new to help you connect with something old that was maybe forgotten.

The end.

The grandpa computer sitting on a tape. The dusty black chair crammed in a torrid corner.
The weak Internet connection. The chaotic desk.The notepad. The missing pen.
The murmuring. The howling. The titters.
The tring tring. The ting tong.
The chuckles.
The gossip. The bitching.
The laughter.
The work. The brain storming sessions.
The giggles.
The arguments. The disagreements.
The lunches. The post-lunch walks. The cackles.
The yelling. The tears. The resentment. The abusing. The frustration. The forgiveness.
The smiles. The jokes. The chutyapa.
The dreams. The hopes. The aspirations.
The sharing of successes and failures, happiness and sadness.
The boredom. The music. The conversations. The insanity. The creativity.
The place. The people. The love.The empathy. The compassion.

I will miss them all.

It's not the end of a journey. It's the end of an era.

Insecurities. I don't like them. Therefore I turn my back as I see them racing towards me.
The only way one could get rid of them is by conceding them in front of the person concerned. Or maybe to a confidante.
If you don't blurt it out, it keeps swelling until it becomes a monstrous blob of negativity. 

Dependent Independence?

You live your life as per your whims and fancies.
Design your decisions by yourself.
You create your own happiness.
You compose melancholy for yourself.
You dance. You laugh.
You travel. You eat.
You drink. You smoke.
You rant. You cry.

And one fine day someone steps in your life.
Quietly. Without your knowledge. Yet with your permission.

Now there is an opinion you want to take while making your decisions.
You are no more the only person responsible for your happiness and sadness.
You are dependent now. Or maybe your independence is dependent.
Because you still dance, laugh, travel, eat, drink, smoke, rant, cry.
But with that someone.
You are not alone now.

Does complete liberty come with aloneness?
Can you continue being a freewheeling soul while being attached to another soul?
Should this connection be looked upon as enslavement even minutely?

Maybe... Maybe that someone will liberate you further.
Maybe they would just stand beside you, making sure that you don't fall as you balance on a water pipe below the terrace railing, gazing at the deep view of the world and trying to conquer your fear of heights.

So maybe you are not really depended on that someone, but on your own perception.

And then you never know, you might fall in love with that dependent independence despite its odds.

Wishes of the day

Today I wish to create something marvelous.

It could be a piece of writing. A doodle. Something edible. Something Audible.
It could be a picture. A painting. A word.
It could be something significant.Or trivial.
It could be the zeal to be efficient.
It could be a new hairstyle.
It could be anything. It could be nothing.

And I wish to go back.

To Himachal. To Manali. To Kasol.
To the rivers. The mountains. The trees. The blue sky. The snow. The stars. The winds.
My heart yearns to go back.
I feel sad.
I miss them all.

Today when I close my eyes, I see myself in the woods aside the Parvati River in Kasol.
 


 

The voice?

The voice that comes from within. The one that has a faint texture. And speaks your instinct and intuition. The voice that is you, your soul. 

How do you know if it is that voice helping you to make a decision or it is the opinions of others or the demand of the situation? Or is it just the random flow of occurrences that has forced you to take a step without calculating anything?

How do you know?

Maybe you never know...

It will be whatever you choose to believe. 

This year has been a joyful and exhilarating ride so far. A season of newness. A chapter with too many twists and turns. 

Today's Playlist:

Phir Le Aya - Arijit Singh

Phir Se Ud Chala - Mohit Chauhan

Peekaboo - Coke Studio

Pataka Guddi - Jyoti and Sultana Nooran

Pardesi - Amit Trivedi

When the newness of something starts wearing off, you become more comfortable with it. Not that the comfort wasn't existing earlier, but it increases as you get more familiar. 

Today's favorites:

Khuda Hafiz - Yuva

Jiya Lage Na - Coke Studio

Just give me a reason - Pink

Mast Magan - 2 states

Hey, Soul Sister - Train

Drive by - Train

Too much procrastination can destroy your career. So work! Now! 

Time. Where does it go? And how? 

A lost moment

I see green pastures. I see colorful tents. 

It is so cold I am trembling.

I can feel the pellets of ice falling from the sky on my hand.

It seems like a dream. 

So it can really happen, I tell myself. 

Hail stones.

Every cell in my body, every artery in my heart feels elated and tranquil.

The smile is adamant, it won't leave.

................

Today when I closed my eyes while commuting to work, 

I found this moment that was hidden somewhere deep in my memory.

And within seconds I was transported back to Padri.

To that chilling moment, that beautiful moment, my moment.

Time will tell.

Decisions. I still don't like them. 

How do you decide that you will be doing something for the rest of your life? It feels like prison. Despite the fact that I have picked a prison of my own choice, it still is a prison. I don't want it. I don't want to be imprisoned. I am not meant for those shackles. Those chains, they don't belong to me. 

I feel suffocated. I want to fly away. To a place far far away. Just by myself.

As an afterthought, it occurred to me that maybe what I reckon to be a decision, is not a decision after all. Perhaps it is an occurrence that was destined to transpire. And maybe what I perceive to be as chains that will pull me back or limit me, are wings that will help me fly higher. 

Maybe...

I cannot know now...

Time will tell. 

I think I will choose to believe in the latter. There, I made yet another decision. 

I wish...

Why do we wish so much! 

Sick.

Emotions. They never fail to amaze you despite their predictability.

Today's Favorites:
O re piya / Rolling in the deep - Shankar Tucker Ft. Rohan
Emotional Attyachar (Rock Version)
Hey Now - London Grammar
Awari - Soch the band
Kai Po Che movie soundtrack 

How to function without music is something I don't ever wish to learn.

When you are not feeling well physically, you tend to feel sick mentally as well.

Listening to MTV unplugged - Arijit Singh

When someone surpasses your expectation. When their love and support goes beyond what you had anticipated. You are left speechless.
At one moment you feel overwhelmed, happy. At another, you feel they are just too good. So good that it makes you feel like a bad person, that it makes you hate yourself more.
The feeling that you don't deserve people like them in your life starts tormenting you.

Wanderlust. Again.

It has began again.
That urge. That craving.
My mind is restless again.
It wants to go away again.
Far away. Alone.
My eyes yearn to see the unseen.
My soul desires to explore more.
I want to travel more.
I want to fly higher and farther.
I want to meet myself again.

Bothered.

Yesterday, I tore a page from my notepad and wrote some very personal things on it with the intention of taking it home and sticking it in my personal diary.
I made the silliest mistake of forgetting that piece of paper in my office and a colleague read it.
I feel naked.
These were the thoughts that I never wanted anyone to know and now a stranger is in knowledge of it. I feel awful. My innermost feelings are known to a person whose existence barely matters to me.
I should have been careful.
Sigh...
We are so scared of showing our true self, of having no secret thoughts, of everyone knowing what we are really feeling. Maybe it is the judgements that we are scared of. More than the opinions of others, we are unable to deal with the opinions we have for ourselves.
Can we ever be free from these opinions?

And...
Times when you feel you are losing connection with the ones who mean a lot to you. And when they don't really bother to make you feel wanted and loved. Because they are unaware of your foolish thoughts.
When you are so full of insecurities that it makes you feel abandoned. It is not true and you know it, but you still want them come shower you with love and show that you are important.
This never happens though. Eventually, you move on from this feeling. No one comes to your rescue.

I wish...
Why do we wish so much?

PS: If nothing, you always have music. :)

Dear Music,

My love for you precedes everything else in the world. 

Love,

Resh. :* 

PS: This is the most truthful e-letter of my life. Hope you read it. 

Peekaboo

After a lot of struggle we make peace with our past. It does not play with our head anymore. Yet, every once in a while it comes back to haunt us. Should we be surprised that it still bothers us? 

I don't think so. 

We cannot eliminate the bad experiences and the agony from our memory. It stays. We can only ignore it. 

And rightly so. If we forget the bad experiences, we will also forget what we learned from them. The whole point of us going through them and taking a lesson falls flat then. 

Nothing comes easy. Especially not the strength to overcome your demons. Everything is a gradual process.

I wish...

Why do we wish so much?

It started with a pair of shoes

When you make a hasty decision that demands some compromises and adjustments and you readily do it with the belief that things will get better with time. Think twice. Things may get worse instead. You may have to make some more compromises, some more adjustments. Until finally you get accustomed to the pain, the hurt, the discomfort, the suffocation.

A couple of weeks ago, I purchased a new pair of shoes for the monsoon. They looked good, suited my purpose but were out of my budget. They were a little tight but I still bought them thinking they will loosen up as I wear them. I was wrong. The more I wore them, the worse it would hurt. The skin on my feet has been peeled off, I have a pus on my little toe and both my big toes are numb, I cannot feel them at all. Also, my feet look hideous.
There is no improvement, the shoes still hurt as hell. I just got used to it. Yet it feels like a prison I want to break free from. But I love them. I have my hard earned money invested in them. How can I let them go? Maybe after a couple of weeks more, they will fit me well and give me the comfort I deserve.

The comparison may sound foolish to you. But aren't relationships also like that. Not all of them. But the ones that don't work out eventually. Of course you get to know only in the end. You try to hold onto them for as long as you can until you finally cannot take it anymore. You free yourself from those painful shackles.

Why do we always have to wait till we know? Why can't we know beforehand?
Because how will we learn otherwise?
Earth is our school. People are chapters that teach us some lessons. Mr. God or the supreme power that is superior than us all or the universe, whatever you would like to call it, tests us if we have learned our lessons well. Depending on the results we know if we are promoted or demoted.
Yes, I believe in reincarnation. Why? Because I would like to. Because if I don't believe in the eternal existence of my soul, I would not want to improve. It wouldn't matter if I am a saint or a sinner or neither. I will cease to exist eventually. So why bother? I would kill, hurt and steal. There won't be any karma coming after me.
Questioning my existence will bring an incurable unrest. And I cannot accept that. You can call it denial. But that will be your opinion. Everything has a purpose. This life of mine has a purpose. The existence of my soul has many.

Don't answer!

How do you know you really feel what you think you feel?
How do you know if this is how you should be feeling?
How do you know you are not making a mistake?
What if you are making a mistake?
How fast is too fast?
Who tells you?
How do you know?
Is there a pattern in relationships? If yes, why? If no, why not?
Why do we want to know what the future holds?
Why can't we forget the past?
Why can't we trust?
Why do we need to make decisions?
Why is decision making an arduous task?
Why?
Why does right feel wrong?
Why does wrong seem right?
Why do we have to choose one?
Why can't we live without inhibitions?
Why do we overthink?
Why do we think at all?
Why do we care?
Why can't we live in the present only?
Why can't we be happy when we are meant to be happy?
Why are we afraid to lose that happiness?
Why the greed?
Why do we act immature?
Why the foolishness?
Why so many questions?

Aarrgghh!

It all seems so unreal. Sometimes it feels as though I am dreaming. Sometimes I feels like I am a part of a movie. It feels like everything other than reality. 

Happy or sad is not the question. The actuality of it is. Not that I am questioning my faith in destiny or Mr. God. It is just too good to be true. Or may be it seems so. 

The Big Bang

Yesterday when I was writing my journal. I realized a few of my Himalayan memories have faded away already. I don't remember every moment. I have forgotten the chronological order of the events that took place there.

I wish I could lock all those memories in a box, even the tiniest one, and reopen the box whenever I feel like going back. I wish all my memories could remain as fresh as a daisy, all my life. 

All memories? Would I really want that? 

Because there are painful memories as well and I don't think I would like to remember them. 

Good. Bad.

Happy. Sad.

Pros. Cons.

Black. White.

Odd. Even.

All things come in a pair. They are opposite but inseparable. Without one the other would lose its meaning. One is the reason for the other's existence. The universe seems clearly fathomable at one moment and utterly incomprehensible in the next moment.

Today's Favorite:

Bang Bang my baby shot me down - Nancy Sinatra

The Sixteenth

A month ago, on this day, I embarked on the most unexpected journey in my life. A journey that changed my life. A journey of an epic beginning.

Dear Mr. God,

I love you more than ever now. The happiness that my heart contains is of such magnitude that I am afraid to lose even an ounce of it. It feels like magic. You have surprised me, delighted me, blessed me. You have showered me with such love that  it goes beyond my imagination. I will be thankful to you till my last breath.

..........

I am at the Beas. The cold winds are making my lungs quiver. My clothes are not doing a good job at keeping me warm. I am loving the cold. My teeth clatter and my body shivers. I am standing on the rocks submerged in the river that is flowing effortlessly. The icy water is piercing each cell in my legs. My legs go numb after a while. I cannot feel them. I cannot feel the cold. I am smiling as wide as I can. A tear rolls down my cheek. I feel lighter. I am one with the river. I see pine trees around and the gargantuan mountains with a scoop of snow carelessly dropped on them. The river is feeling me, healing me. I feel empty. I feel full. I feel me. I am happiness. I am love. I am the river and she is me. We are one.

My heart yearns for her.

I wish...
Why do we wish so much?

Listening to Nirmohiya by Amit Trivedi (Coke Studio).

Music completes every of my emotion. It adds more depth to the emotion. If I am sad, I have to listen to some sad songs. If I am in rage, I need some metal. Happy numbers in my happy moments and EDM otherwise. There's a playlist for my rejuvenation needs as well. And when I am bored, I explore new genres. Call me incompetent for being dependant on music to feel the intensity of an emotion, I wouldn't mind. 

http://thedreamsville.wordpress.com/2014/06/11/64/

Noon full of randomness

Today there's barely any work in office, which means I have enough time to do a proactive ad campaign and also work on a travel article. But I don't feel like working. It could be my laziness or the unrest that yesterday's office fiasco has created in my mind or both.

I just feel like lying on my bed and listening to music. Yes, that's all I want to do.

My today's playlist is full of soft, romantic music. Initially I was enjoying the feeling but now these songs are putting me to sleep. I should listen to some EDM.

Yesterday I made a big doodle after almost 25 days. It felt good.

Anyway, I had too much time to while away so I went on a survey in my studio. I asked my colleagues would they prefer to be with someone who is like them or someone who is the opposite.

Three out of five said they would be with someone who is not like them. They believe it's the spice of being so different that makes a relationship exciting. If two people are very similar, their relationship gets boring because there is nothing new to know. Whatever you like, your partner will also like. Whatever you dislike, they, too, will dislike. No fun.
One female said it is about being comfortable with the person. Opposite or not doesn't really matter.
And the last one says, "The person should like me, I don't care about anything else."

What I could gauge from this little research is that no one strongly propagated being with someone who has similar interests and perspective. Some were neutral and the rest voted for 'opposites-attract'.

Perhaps it's the fear of monotony and the death of differentness. People are scared of boredom. And it's justified. Boredom is a negative emotion, I had read somewhere. I also believe, it is a doorway to numerous other negative emotions.

This doesn't mean I agree with the majority. Because sometimes it is the differences that kill a relationship.

Opposite or not, years down the line, you eventually know the person enough to not have any newness left to them. Excitement in a relationship is not restricted to contrasting choices and opinions. It is all in the head. You have to keep discovering new things all along the way. People keep changing so there always will be something new to know. Embrace those changes as newness.

It will benefit you in two ways:

1. You will not complain about the changes your partner undergoes 
2. You will have an opportunity to rediscover them and your relationship

That's all for now.
I should work.

I abuse.

It is not leaving my mind.
The thought that a man cannot accept his woman using cuss words!

Why?
Why is it so difficult?

When we (the female fraternity) can accept most of your flaws - your swearing, your uncleanliness, your phobia for commitment, etc. - why can't you accept the same?

I need to calm down.

Okay so,
The society has fed you that girls are coy, polite and docile. So I cannot really blame you for thinking so. But should I also not expect you to broaden your horizons of thinking? Can I not expect you to lose the orthodox school of thought? Is it so difficult to have an open mind? Does unconventionality scare you? Are you so feeble that anything that does not conform to the norms of the 'society' is unacceptable for you? Are you not strong enough to take it? Or are you afraid of the equality in speech?

Whatever it is... It's your problem, not mine. Loathe me! I don't give a fuck! I abuse!

"When you touch me I die just a little inside, 

I wonder if this could be love, this could be love,

'cause you're out of this world, galaxy, space and time.

I wonder if this could be love, this could be love."

Venus - Lady Gaga

Best things happen to you when you least expect them while secretly wanting them to happen in a corner of your heart. :)

I am still an overthinker and will always be one. 

The future worries me. The circumstances in the future concern me.

I am not sure if I am ready to face them yet. 

Someone told me I should live only in the present. That's not me. No matter how much I try, I cannot just live in the present. A small part of me still dwells in my past and another small one constantly tries to peep into the future while the rest of me blissfully enjoys the present. 

Anyway,

I would like to believe, epic beginnings never have an ending.  

Current Playlist:

Magic - Colplay

When you say nothing at all - Notting Hill

Just the way you are - Bruno Mars

Alchemy - A&B

Jiya Lage na - Coke Studio (Shankar Mahadevan)

Locha-E-Ulfat - 2 States

Gustakh Dil - English Vinglish

I am in the fairytale phase of life! 

I have a feeling, I might like the rains this year. ;) 

A gift from nature

I am back from the mountains.
I am back from the snow.
I am back from the river.
I am back from the paradise.

Or may be I am not. I left a little of me there and brought back a little of them all.

It was a breathtaking journey. With every small patch of land, I learned more about me. It was a satisfying feeling. Just me and my backpack.

There are too many words coming to my mind at the moment but I do not feel like putting it all together right now. Piece by piece I shall keep posting.

I am happy to be working again. My work is as important to me as travel. It, too, defines me in a way.

Anyway,
This trip has been extremely special to me. Apart from adding a new dimension to my thinking, it has introduced me to a new side of me.
It seems like Mr. God is playing a prank with me. I hope he is not. I don't have that kind of an appetite for humor. I have taken a leap of faith. It's scary. It's exciting. It's beautiful. It's alleviating. It's fulfilling.

My heart tells me, it's a gift from nature, from Mr. God. 

The Bubble Theory

It feels crap to deal with sticky situations all by myself. Not having anyone who can put me to ease while continuing to comfort the ones who need me. It is depressing and agonizing and heart-breaking! I won't lie.
But.
I need to get used to it. I hope I do.
I am not trying to be bitter here. It's a fact. Every person has their own bubble. They will visit your bubble for a while, but they have to return to their own bubble, leaving you alone in yours.

Sigh...

I love you, Mumma! And this love cannot be replicated. You are mine and I am yours. I don't need anyone else. Just you. Your touch makes me feel lighter. I feel blessed to have you as my mother. I cannot imagine a world without you. Please never leave me.

I am scared.

You might think that fear is the only emotion I feel these days. Perhaps. But this one is different.

She may be going away forever. I may not be able to see her anymore. Not that I did too often, but now it won't be even for that one time in months.

They say she has a fat chance. I hope not.

I can see a younger her and a younger me. I can see her hugging me and kissing me. I can see her teasing me. I can see me being angry about it. I can see her saying sorry. I can see us smiling together. I can see her hugging me and kissing me. It's a blur. Yet I can see through it. The haze is clearing up now. I am able to see more lucidly.

I am scared. 

Me, are you listening?

That copywriter chick - 5

It has been a month since I did any advertising writing.
I have been going to office and doing what is needed there, but the work is barely challenging and scarcely creative.
Also, travel writing has been eating up all my time but I'm happily doing it.

I feel I am being unjust towards the copywriter within me, she is being deprived of doing what she loves to do.

I need to strike a balance between travel writing and copywriting as only by pursuing both can I be happy and satisfied. I know myself, I will get bored by doing just one thing for a living. Variety is something that a person like me cannot survive without. And perhaps that's why I chose to be a writer. It gives me the liberty to do different things, to learn different things,  to create different things, to be a different person each time.

I fear completely losing the balance sometimes.
I also doubt if I really want this - copywriting - sometimes.
The doubt scares me. I wonder if it stems out of the frustration and fear of failing or is it my subconscious mind giving me a message.
I like to believe the former. I love copywriting. I really do and I want to learn it well. I don't like me being uncertain about it, not even sometimes.

Anyway,
The AC at my workplace broke. Due to excessive heat, thin hair on our skin had burnt and the skin was about to melt, just then an office boy got a pedestal fan and placed at the centre of our crammed studio. The fairly cool air that it heaved felt like such a luxury.
Oftentimes, we forget to appreciate the luxuries that we relish on a daily basis, such breakdowns are small reminders of their undervalued existence.

Today's playlist:
Shedding skin - Karsh Kale
Khwabon ke parindey - ZNMD
Young and beautiful - Lana Del Rey
Born to die - Lana Del Rey
Kinare - Mohan Kanan
I can't make you love me - Ester Dean

I will...
Because I dream so much.

Going Away.

I can’t wait to cease to exist. I can’t wait to go missing. I can’t wait to lose all connections. I can’t wait to go away.

It’s an exaggeration, of course. I am going on a 15-day adventure trip. There is no cell phone network in that area. So I cannot be contacted neither can I get in touch with people.

Every now and then we all need such breaks. They suck all the negative energies that we keep accumulating incessantly.

‘Kal ke andheron se nikal ke, dekha hai aankhein malte malte…

Ful hi ful zindagi kahan hai. Tey kar liyaaa,
Aaj fir jeene ki tamana hai, aaj fir marne ka irada hai.’

How many times have you wished you were dead?

No, not because life is being too harsh on you, but just for fun or for no reason or perhaps out of anger on a loved one.

My train of thought on ‘going away’ got me thinking on this topic.

I have had a few friends who had at some point mentioned that they wonder what it would be like when they are dead. They were keen to know how their family and friends will cope with it. I deciphered that there was a sense of sadism attached to this thought of theirs. It pleased them to imagine their loved ones craving for them. To be honest, I, too, have thought about it, and yes, I did gain some delight out of it.

It's okay, everyone likes to think in this manner, at least once or twice, because we are a self-centered species. We love it when people love us and want us. We simply love the attention, doesn’t matter if we are dead or alive.

In contrast to the above, can I say that it is our fear of losing that love, respect and want, or the feeling that we are not getting enough? It is not pleasure, but remedy for the pain that stems of out of our anxiety and insecurities.
Think about it.
  

Parity. Disparity.

I just read a blog, which said, play with blaze of fire. If you burn yourself, it will heal. If you keep yourself from it, it won't leave.

And I couldn't agree more. I believe, making my own mistakes is better than sitting back without taking risks, contemplating what it would have been like if I followed my heart.

I never used to listen to myself. I only did what they said I should be doing. One day I heard a faint voice. It did not sound happy. It was not authoritative either. It sounded feeble but hopeful. I did what the voice said. It made them angry, but it liberated me. I was nonplussed. How could something that disappointed them, pleased me?
That faint voice was my heart.

All of us are different, what you want and what they want may not always coincide. This doesn't mean, you are wrong or they are right. Who decides right or wrong anyway? Everyone has their own perspective and postulations in life. Marjority lying in a particular direction doesn't make it the right one.

Today morning, while commuting I was reading The Oath of The Vayuputras, and I read a statement that is fastened in my head. Shiva, the lead character, says, 'There is your truth and there is my truth. As for the universal truth, it does not exist."

I don't know if the universal truth exists or not. What I do know is neither you nor me are blessed with the divine wisdom of knowing about its existence. All we can do is presuppose its reality, and that is what we do.

Anyway so,
I found a similarity in that page of the book, the words of that blog (one I mentioned at first) and my dogma. There is a parity in how the author, the blogger and I think. This reaffirms my another belief that all humans, no matter how different, are the same. We are all one.


Today's playlist:
Bittersweer - Ellie Goulding
Dil Cheez kya hai - Karsh Kale featuring Monali Thakur 
Chal Diyay - Zeb & Hania 
The monster - Eminem featuring Rihanna
I am what I am - Above & Beyond vs Pres Oceanlab 
Tornado - Tiesto vs Steve Aoki 
The other side - Bruno Mars (Cee-Lo) [My favorite of the lot] 

I feel sad. 

To be continued...

A couple of times before this, I had clicked on 'New Post' but closed the tab without saving the draft. Because I'd been dumping all my frustration in here, this blog was emitting extremely negative vibes and I couldn't write. So I decided to terminate the negativity by writing something which is not negative.
...............
I could not torment myself anymore. I wanted to heal. And so I became the assassin of my own ego. I got rid of the grudge. Now... I am healing.

Life puts you to test in many different ways. Coping with them is already arduous, why do you want to further burden yourself by holding a grudge?

I always knew I could avoid this and live a happier life, but it took me two years to gather the courage to end my suffering.

I am a slave to my own demons and am fighting for my freedom. I have defeated a couple of them by forgiving and forgetting some things. But I know this war is not going to end soon.

Judge Me.

Accepting criticism is so difficult for us humans. We cannot stand the idea of someone judging us, let alone them giving us advises on improving our ways.

So what is it?

Is it our ego that refuses to accept that we can be wrong or there is someone who knows better than us? 

Or is it the insecurity of not being good enough and inability to accept the same? 

May be it's a mix of both. 

Whatever it is, success cannot come without acceptance of our flaws. And we cannot point out our own flaws, it is the job of an onlooker. Only after knowing and welcoming the critiques can we grow personally and professionally. Therefore it is better to deal with them with an open and positive mind.  

  

See bad. See good.

Despite of knowing why, I sometimes wonder why do we give the right of hurting us immensely to the people who keep hurting us all the time, knowingly and unknowingly.
Sigh...
I wish I never knew you. I wish we never had the good moments. I wish to lose the memory of you, of us. I wish to hate you so much that it finally stops hurting. I wish... Why do we wish so much!

Taking this as a lesson, I now value my loved ones even more, those who don't hurt me, at least not knowingly.

The Protective One
She takes me as her younger sister. She likes to see me happy. She has been my backbone all through, supported me in ways I fail to describe. She says she gets insecure about me sometimes. What she doesn't know is that I am as insecure about her. This insecurity, this feeling of losing possession over the other is nothing but love, as pure as a baby's heart. I desire to be her priority over others. Yes, I am that selfish because I love and respect her enough to demand so.

The Loving One
She swiftly entered my heart from no where. Her heart beats for her loved ones and she showers all her care and warmth on them. She inspires me to be a better person everyday. She loves me selflessly and I have grown to love her as much. She has restored my lost trust. She gives me peace. We belong to each other.

My two pillars because of whom I manage to deal with bad times and feel like celebrating good times. Their actions, both good and bad, affect me the most. Therefore, I made a vow to myself, to nurture these two relationships for life and to never take them for granted.

That copywriter chick - 4

So may be I am not good enough yet, but that doesn't mean I will not rock it tomorrow! 

Always remember, your time will come.

I will...

Because I dream so much.

That copywriter chick - 3

There are moments of fear and self-doubt.
There are moments of anxiety and procrastination.
There are moments of inspiration and hope.

And now all these moments have come together and turned into a big thumping ball inside my throat!

I am getting a panic attack. Well, almost.

Since morning I have done a couple of things that I maybe shouldn't have done. I am a little scared of goofing up this opportunity as well. I should simply stop over-thinking.

If things work out, nothing like it. If they don't, they will work out later.
As they say, sometimes you succeed and sometimes you learn.    

After a weekend of fun, it takes a little time for the head to come out of the party zone.

And
Sometimes you wonder what if some things had never gone wrong, what if they stayed unchanged. But there is nothing much you can do about it, is there? So all you do is accept the mess.

I wish...
Why do we wish so much!

Here's something on doodling

It turns out doodling is not as simple as I thought it was. There are various terms used for this meditative art, depending on your intention behind doing it.

Doodling is said to be done out of boredom and mindlessness. It is done when you are blank and randomly scribbling on a piece of paper or your text book even. I had read somewhere that doodling is somewhat like automatic writing because it just happens sub-consciously.  

Zentangle, on the other hand, is an art where you plan and doodle. It includes making repetitive patterns like doodling, but it is well-proportioned and neat. Since it is planned and requires more attention and discipline, the outcome is way better. Zen-doodle is another word for it.

Mandala is Sanskrit for sacred circle. You basically draw a big circle and doodle within it. Many even paint in it. Since centuries, various eastern cultures have been practicing this therapeutic art.

It was interesting to know that this is such a developed art. I wasn't aware that all this while I've not just been doodling, but making zentangles and mandalas as well. :D 

So for all those dummies who call it a mehendi design drawn on a paper, I hope this helped. 

Somewhere in the clear skies

You must have heard people saying that sometimes one has to go farther to get closer to them self. They mean, when we go away from our regular course of life, from our chaotic routine and this pandemonium that we call home, we are able to reconnect with ourselves. We get an opportunity to listen to our heart beating and feel the air going in and out.

I remember getting off the car in the middle of an unknown road that ended at Sandhan Valley eventually. It was 4am in the morning, and it was just us on the road. God, it was so cold! My teeth were clattering. The sky wore a dark shade of blue with a million stars embedded on it. That was the first time in my life when I could see the stars with such flawless clarity. It felt… divine. Truly!

There are many such beautiful and unforgettable moments that place has gifted me. That trip will always be a special one because it marked the start of my journey as a traveler.

No, I may not travel all the time. And no, I’m certainly not trying to emulate some fictitious movie character. I am a real person, with real ambitions, financial uncertainty and big dreams to be an inspiring writer. I just know that I am going to explore the world, little by little. And by doing so, explore myself, little by little.

Also, there is some magic in the murk as it is only during the night when I am able to connect with myself, even in this pandemonium that we call home.

‘...akelepan se chedhi jab guftagu, mere dil ne awaz di...’
Some songs have a soul of their own.

P.S.: I am eagerly waiting for my next trip in May. I’m eagerly waiting to be with myself, and only myself, again.

  

My New Blog

Okay so, in order to write some more I finally acted upon the thought of having another blog.

My new blog address is: http://thedreamsville.wordpress.com/

This doesn't mean I won't be posting here. Of course, I will. This place is my voice as an individual, a woman, a writer.
The new blog is created with the purpose of enhancing my knowledge in Literature.

An incomplete story...

How did she even enter the dark valley, this was not the route she had taken. 

She wondered if she was lost or was this the right path.

Bewildered as she continued to explore the valley to find a way out, it grew darker and darker.

She trudged through the jagged path, thorny branches tearing her skin and laborious insects stinging and buzzing incessantly. 

She was exhausted. Hope was eluding her. She did not wish to go any further. 

But what was she to do? Await death? And for how long?

There seemed no other alternative to moving ahead.

And so she did.

The murk grew thick, and strangely, so did her faith.

She was oblivious to the will that was budding inside of her.

She knew there has to be light at the end of the tunnel. She just needs to get there.

Devious creatures resided deep in the dark valley.

She could hear them and even feel them nearing.

She was valorous, but their deviltry knew no bounds.

All of us, at some point in life, have encountered this phase where it's hard to say no. And then, we learn to do it. I, too, have learned to say no with time. I do hesitate sometimes, but I still do it.

What's the big deal is saying no, anyway? 

Perhaps it's the fear of losing your likeability or hurting the other person.

As I grew up, I realized, saying no is what makes you, you. It defines you in a way. If you don't wish to do something or go someplace or talk to someone, then you don't because that's how you are and that's what you want. Saying yes to the things you wouldn't want to do is hypocrisy. You are portraying yourself to be someone you are not. 

Today's playlist:

RAMelia

Dynamo

Clarity

No beef

And,
My dislike has grown towards people who boast about all good & expensive places they have been to, the latest albums they have in their phone and the juicy gossip they get from their 'sources'.

A relationship that hurts you the most and has no warmth left anymore, is it worth keeping?

If yes, then why? For the memories? What if I say that the misery of today is poisoning the memories of yesterday, is it still worth keeping?

If no, then how do you get rid of it? 

When a bond is irreparable and the desire to make things alright has died, almost... It's stuck like a tattoo on you, you can't do anything about it. It's a curse and you have to deal with it all your life.

Somethings may never change and so you have to change. This can't be easy. Try.

Nonetheless, there always will be a few others who will make life worth living with their unconditional love. :)
Thank you Mr. God, for them. 

....................................

To a special friend,

We will make it till the end. :*

...................................

And above all, you will always have music.
A thousand years - Christina Perri
Queen Soundtrack
Dark Horse - Katy Perry
Adore you - Miley Cyrus
Wrecking ball - Miley Cyrus
Demons - Imagine Dragons

Because I wished to write.

I just read an awesomely inspiring blogpost and I feel like writing something beautiful and honest.
I want to write something magical. Something that lights up the eyes of the reader.
I want to write something that comes right from my heart and reaches out to many other hearts.

I want to write about...
the sound produced on pulling the strings of a guitar
the bubbles that protrude and burst when tea boils
the relief that one feels on finally reaching home after an exhausting day at work
the clattering of teeth when the weather gets cruelly cold
the feeling I get when I step on sand and it takes the shape of my feet
how music inspires me, how the pumping beats make me want to achieve more while the soothing rhythms pacify me
the smallest of my dreams

I just want to write till the end of time.
Pen down every sight I see, every sound I hear, every emotion I feel.

I want to write not for the sake of writing, but because that is the easiest way to express myself. I want to write because I wish to create something, whether good or bad, beautiful or ugly.

I want to write to become a writer. I want to write so I learn some more. I want to write to be a better person. I want to write to inspire. I want to write to be inspired.

I want to write because I don't know if there is something else that I can ever do with such intense passion.

The Big 'Bhaang' Theory

I with my bunch had gone to Uran Beach to celebrate Holi on Sunday and we also had bhaang. It was a different experience. We actually consumed a lot of it; we should've gone slow. 

The effect was quite similar to what they show on TV. We were all delusional and hallucinating. There was puke everywhere. I couldn't eat and neither could I keep my eyes open. I was getting adrenaline pangs every now and then. I experienced an array of emotions and each one was so intense. I had never in my life felt the way I did then. Everything seemed so psychedelic.

It felt as though we were a part of some silly zombie movie.

I am not saying that I won't have it again, but I am certainly going to be careful about the quantity next time. 

Here are some things you should know when planning to have bhaang:

• Do not mix 10-12 bhaang golis in just 3 litres of thandai. 6 bhaang golis in 7-8 litres of milk/thandai or more is the right mix.
• Go slow. Don't keep chugging glass after glass like a fool. It is not beer or tequilla  
• Do not go to a beach or in a pool after having bhaang because you might pass out there and die
• Make sure you have it at some safe place so that it's okay if you doze off there. Bhaang makes you sleepy
• Always do it with a bunch of people you trust
• Keep munching and drink lots of water after you consume bhaang

You need to be careful about the decisions you make as even a small one can affect your life enormously. It is in your hands to make this festival of colors a source of joy or a reason for regret.

We just got lucky. 

Links for an Indian woman

You may have seen these videos before as they gained a lot of popularity, but I would like to share them again.

Happy Women's Day! Really?

I saw a women’s day parade happening near Ghatkopar Station on 8^th March, around 4:30 in the evening. For the first time on that day, I could feel the spirit of International Women’s Day, and was pretty happy that ladies are coming out and celebrating womanhood. 

Just 2 days after women's day, it's 9:30pm, I am walking from a friend's place towards home, and a biker pulls over near me. He asks me for an address, I guide him. As he gets ready to leave, instead of saying thank you, the guys throws a disgusting, lewd comment and speeds away.

Girls will find it disgusting, but they won't find it surprising because all of them have faced this and even worse already. Guys, on the other hand, may not justify this creep, but will ask me to be more cautious and careful.

There is worst that has happened in the past so I am really glad that this guy did not touch me and simply left after the comment. But why even that comment? Why is it so common? Why should I take it?

I know, people will agree that it is unacceptable, but we women still have to accept it! We have no other option, do we? Eve teasing, molestation, lewd comments and rapes are all a part of our society now. And it not just resides in a single part or area of the society, but is scattered all over.

I have nothing new to say. It's all been said and done. Feminists have been voicing their opinion against this. Men, on the other hand, have been constantly displaying their annoyance towards women generalizing on the basis of these dirty acts of some males.

There is so much I wish to say. There are so many emotions gushing inside me. But I choose not to say anything anymore. At least, not at the moment. Because I know it will all fall on deaf ears. No one can help me. This is going to happen to me again. This has been happening and will continue to happen with my girl friends, my mum, my sisters, my daughter and all other women I know and do not know. I can't do anything to help them. I can't do anything to help me.

These safety apps, helpline numbers, pepper spray and other little weapons are not always helpful. The ogling won't stop. If you are a female, every of your body part will be minutely examined even when when it is convered with layers of cloth, and you cannot do anything about it. There always will be lecherous eyes lurking around. Deal with it!  

Ideas, where do they come from?
This has been such an unproductive week! I am so tired and uninspired, and I am not liking that.

Listening to Hardwell On Air - Episode 157

On girls and their friendships

This entire concept of 'BFF' has been a joke with me. I have never had a friend who has been my BFF. I do have long-running friendships, which I know are going to be there with me throughout my life. But I am talking about that one best friend who knows you better than yourself, who is a part of your everyday life, just like a boyfriend/girlfriend. You will always have other close friends, but you and her share a bond that is more special. And more than anything, it's not a temporary affair.

I have had my share of failed BFF-ships until I finally concluded that maybe I am not the kind of person who can maintain consistency in any sort of relationship. But this conclusion seems like a foolish excuse for escapism.
Perhaps, you don't want to take too many efforts to save a friendship because all other relationships - like with your family and partner - require enough struggle.
Why do we take our friendships so lightly?
(I have walked out on some of my good friends in the past, and there have been some who have abandoned me. So I am not removing my frustration on anyone here in this post.)

In my social circuit, there are a couple of examples, where I've seen two girls maintaining their best-friendship over years. Their ship has been successfully sailing through the sea of changing scenarios. Touch wood.
I had met two BFFs yesterday, and I was so happy to have them around. They share this great bond, which may have taken enough efforts, I'm sure, to be the way it is, but they did it, and maybe without even realizing that they have actually taken pains for the survival of this special bond.
When people say they have never had fights and arguments with their best friends, it is because they understood that it was unnecessary and unimportant.
The rest who have survived all the misunderstandings and disagreements, must be nurturing their friendship with sufficient reassurances, security, love and expression.

Well, I feel it's a mark of being a good human if you have a 'BFF' because this kind of bond, being platonic, has the least selfishness involved, neither is there an obligation of being related by blood.

Sometimes uncertainity is good.

There really are no free lunches in life.

I can see months of uncertainity coming up, and I am glad for them.
It is better to have that thin ray of hope than having nothing at all. So I am happy, and more than that, charged up to do some mindblowing work.

It is so important that you learn a few ways of motivating yourself. 

  

That copywriter chick - 2

When the shitrail thing happened with me, I was so agitated, I wanted to tell everyone that a thing as gross as this really happens in Mumbai. I wrote a blog and published it on social media as well, and as a co-incidence a small weekly that is run by a bunch of journalism students in Delhi, contacted me for similar kind of articles. I gave them the link to my blogpost, they liked it enough to publish it in their newspaper on the next day. I shared that as well on FB and twitter, and got a good deal of appreciation for it.

People from the same field won't consider it to be an accomplishment while those not from this industry regard this as a great achievement. As for me, this is just another step towards becoming all those things that I had dreamed to be as a child and that I wish to be now.

Current Playlist:
Jolene - Miley Cyrus
Pimpin smokin dro (Hardwell mix)
If I lose myself - Alesso vs. One Republic
Thousand years - Christina Perry
Chaudhry - Amit Trivedi vs. Mame Khan
Kattey - Ram Sampat, Hard Kaur and Bhanvari Devi

Also, there was an ad contest I wanted to partake in, but I did not have a motivated team. I can write, but I can't design ads, so there went my opportunity to do some good work.
Nevertheless, I am hoping to do some good proactive work in the coming days, and I am hoping that my team actively supports me.
One other thing that I have learned now is that if you don't have an enthusiastic creative partner, you cannot think of participating in contests, let alone winning them!

I have also been doing some travel writing in the meanwhile. Waiting for it to get published now.
I have realized and am slowly accepting the fact that I am more of a writer than a copywriter. This does not mean that I am not going to be a good copywriter, it just means that I will be writing a lot of other things along with ads and marketing collateral. 

Mumbai's railway authorities, it's time you smell the shit!

11:18 PM
Thursday, 20th February, 2014
Dadar, Mumbai
The Shitrail

After meeting a friend I was returning home, waiting at Dadar station for the train to come. It arrived on time, but I got into the second class compartment despite of having a first class pass, since the first class is usually deserted during the late hours.
Since I was tired, I did not rush to get into the train unlike a few other women standing ahead of me. They held on to the handle and the pole for support, and marched into the completely empty cabin. I heard screams of disgust, and there was a rancid smell that took over suddenly. Within seconds, I noticed ladies rubbing their palms with napkins and discerned that something dirty is stuck on the door handles and the pole, so I vigilantly boarded the train with my hands in my pocket.
The foul smell worsened and so did the howling as the train started moving. As I looked around I noticed a brown substance rubbed all over the compartment. It was on every place that you could possibly touch or sit on.
What was it? Human feces. Crap. Shit. Yes!

All the ladies shifted to the first class compartment on the very next station, which took like an eternity to arrive.
A GRP helpline number was provided on one of the walls of the cabin, where I called and lodged a complaint against this horrible happening. What surprised me was the fact that the man over the phone wasn't surprised with this! Also, when I told my colleagues about this, today morning, a couple of them said they have also faced this before.


Not once before this incident had I ever felt that India is not a place to live. But after what happened yesterday, I am appalled with the state of this city and this country, I just don't feel calling this patch of land 'mine' anymore!

There have to be severe flaws in the system, otherwise how would any citizen even dare to do this kind of an act? I do not understand how some people actually rubbed their shit all over the compartment during the busy hours? Yes, busy hours because Mumbai is a city that never sleeps, right? So, 11 in the night is not really all that late.
Anyway, whatever happened to the guards that are supposed to patrol in the ladies compartment after evening? I did not see a single man in uniform there. It’s a shame for the railway authorities that they cannot prevent such acts.

I did not wish to travel by train ever as I did not know if they were going to clean it properly and sanitize it. I do not trust them anymore. But, do I have an option? I have to take the train as it is the only viable option for me to reach office. 

We, the aam janta, are helpless. Apart from lodging complaints, writing articles and spreading awareness by telling people about such incidents, what else can we do? It is the job of the government and the authorities to take care of the country, the people and the public property! They are not doing their job sincerely and we have to take the shit (quite literally now)! 

No, I am not happy to be an Indian if I have to bear this! No, I can't take it! All the politics does not help us, the people. We don't care, who gives better speeches, we want someone to give us a better India, a better place to live. The current governement is obviously doing a lousy job, and I don't see any promising candidates either. So I won't be surprised now if I find monorail or metro dipped in crap! 

February 14, 2014

Belated Happy Birthday, Bloggy Doggy! You are three! :D
Also, Happy Valentine's Day, belated! :*

Thank you for such wonderful three years Bloggy Doggy! You have helped me grow in every aspect, and I love you! :* <3
 .

Possessiveness, a devil.

I am referring to all kinds of possessiveness here. Be it for a lover, friend, ideas, music or any random thing.
It makes you a negative person because you start to despise the one who gives the air of ownership for what you consider to be yours.
I remember mentioning in a previous post, 'mine' is a myth.
The earlier you start digesting this fact, the simpler your life will be.
 

The Future Store

Life is calling - JoeySuki & Kill The Buzz (Hardwell mix)
"...And we are always finding places where the silence is so loud
And there's something about a distance but we can't be fading now.

Most of us always want to know what the future has in store for us, expecting something positive to be in there, obviously. And when you get to know that the picture is not all that rosy, fears, insecurities, anxiety, inhibitions, and all other negative emotions start chasing after you.

Why can't we leave the future for the future? Is it so hard to do that? Can't we be happy with knowing the present?

Anyway, if you are now aware of something not-so-good that might happen later, keep your eyes open and stay focused to avoid it from occuring. That's the only thing you can do.

Be it a palmist, an astrologer, a numerologist or a tarot card reader; all of them only offer possibilities, probablities, warnings and hopes. What more than that? They never give a guarantee, it's always a 'may', 'might', 'can' or 'could'.

Here are a few common readings:

• You might meet someone and fall in love 
• Finances may need some control
• Someone in the family might fall victim to health issues
• New opportunities could come in your way
• Relationships might need more attention
• blah blah blah

They never have anything exciting or new to tell you. It's always the same. 

Don't be dishearterned if your readings show some impediments, negative signs or unfavorable circumstances. Take it as a warning. Now that you have an idea of what could go wrong, you can try not going in that direction or if not that, at least you'll be prepared for the worst.

Destiny may not be in your hands completely, but it is not completely off your hands too!

Sandhan Valley

'Valley of Shadows' is another way of addressing this little piece of heaven in Maharashtra. This previous weekend, I had gone there with my office colleagues and a few others.

Expecting nothing, I left my house. My parents in disagreement and my excitement donning an invisibility cloak. 

A backpack and a sling, with only basic necessities in them came along with me. 

The train journey began in a not-so-interesting manner, but as the journey progressed, it only got better and better. 

I had my notepad and pen with me all through, and I captured most of my experience in words.

No, I'm not gonna describe it again. I have written enough about it. Writing more would make it redundant for me. Having said that, I can never be bored of thinking & reminiscing about this picturesque beauty, ever.

This place has given me a lot, but more than anything, it has added a new dimension to my perspective in life. It has made me feel complete by being with myself alone. Something which I hadn't witnessed before. 

Also, now I know what wanderlust is like. I am feeling it.