Today...

'Bumpy ride' by Mohombi is one of the best groovy track ever! How I love fast dance numbers!! I can really dance all day if I get a chance!

I love Milkybar and Milk treat. White chocolates are yummy! I remember when I was in school, Milkybar was newly introduced and it used to be wrapped in this hard paper cover, on the back of which, there used to be a tiny Milkybar man comic strip. Each time Milkybar man used to eat the bar, he would kick the villain's ass, bad! I loved Milkybar man!

Today, when I was heading back home via a moderately crowded train, I was tired and wanted to sit but all the seats were pre-occupied with 3 females. I started looking around to spot a seat occupied with thinner women so I could get a decent place to sit. I found one and asked the ladies to shift in and make some space for me but they hardly budged, the place offered to me was not even big enough for a 5 yr old but I was so weary that I somehow managed to sit on that edge. I was very pissed and just as I started thinking, how Mumbaikars don't care about each other and why will a stranger's discomfort ever matter to them unless they themselves are at ease.... the lady sitting on the opposite seat noticed me and she asked the other two females sitting next to her to shift in properly, she made enough room and asked me to sit there! God bless that angelic lady! I mean, you can never conclude on Mumbai.... On one hand there are these narcissist people who don't give a damn whatever happens to you and on the other hand there are these compassionate Mumbaikars who try to do something to get you out of a sticky situation!
There are many such little incidences that happen with you everyday that make you feel good and bad about a particular thing at the same time and of course I cannot list out every such event every day, this one was fresh in mind so I decided to put it here.

I miss writing so much! I'll get back as soon as my exams get over. It's been like more than 7 months now that I'd done any assignment. It made me happy! Even the pressure made me feel good about myself. I really miss that feeling a lot!

'In the end it was you' by Kat Deluna - :o)
'Without you' by David Guetta is also amazing!

Have I ever said how much I love 'Friends' and 'Everybody loves Raymond'?! Ohh yess I have, several times!! And, I can say it a million more times... I just can't get bored of them! EVER!!

90 days to go for the exams..... Ciao!

Only trying...

Times when you get sick of yourself, when you know the reasons behind you not taking the essential and quintessential actions but still those actions are the need of the hour and you know what the consequences will be if you don't do them.

'I don't need nobody telling me just what I wanna
what I what what what I wanna
do about my destiny
I say no, no
Nobody's telling me just what I wanna do, do
I'm so fed up of telling me to be
someone else but me'
That's 'Overprotected' by Britney Spears. I remember I was in SYJC when I first heard this song and fell in love with it instantly. I still love the song. I was a huge Britney Spears fan back then. I still like those old Britney favorites but I don't like her recent albums.

There are some songs after listening to which you feel that they were just made keeping your story in mind. :)

'Nobody's perfect' by Jessie J, has been my ringtone since quite sometime and I am yet not bored of it.

I read an article 'Anger is a product of fear' in Speaking tree today. Strange, I never thought of 'anger' in that manner.

............

There are too many thoughts running around in my mind at the moment. It's actually more of me trying to explain me certain awfully important things. I wish I could just begin with things... I don't know what's happened to me. Or, maybe I know but I still haven't found a way to sort things out. Anyway, I know I will soon get it sorted, no matter how arduous it is! I have to! There has to be a way out. Every locked room has a door. All you need is the right key to it.

And, sometimes an unexpected friend, comprehends your situation lucidly and says those perfect words and gives you the requisite advice... :)
But, in the end, it's you who has to make real use of that advice.

Two amazing quotes I read today...
"Life is a journey and you don't always choose the people with whom you travel that journey" - Gautama Buddha
"Overcome the forces of negative emotions by cultivating the counter forces, like love and compassion" - Dalai Lama

Biding goodbye to the storm...

Reading old journals and blog-posts makes you realize how much you have changed in all these years and months AND how somethings about you can never change... Paradoxical isn't it!

Making a fuss about small and silly events that happen to you... is the worst thing you can do! Take a look around and you'll see, you are leading one of the best life, this universe has ever designed!!

I read an article a few weeks back that said, people feel sad and miserable because they want to feel special. Only by feeling miserable can you be different in your own eyes and in the eyes of the universe. When you are happy you dissolve in the happiness and you become the happiness, you lose your SELF to the happiness and there is no YOU. No wants to lose their SELF & their place in the world. So they opt for being sad and miserable.
I was mesmerized by it. It's like the truest fact ever. I'd decided to share it on this blog the moment I read it.
For everyone, life is imperfect in someway or the other. It's not about always smiling no matter what... it's about how quickly can you regain that genuine smile...
As it is, I am a firm believer in KARMA, what you are getting now is the reaction of your own past actions. And as per Dr Brian Weiss, we select our own life before taking birth on Earth (ooh that rhymed :p).
So, the cribbing, whining and brooding is technically totally invalid!!
BUT, still we are humans, who can never do it all right and we like to cry it out once in a while. So our emotional outbursts have a benefit of doubt...(Although it's good to keep them under check!)

Post my previous blog-post, I am at peace with the fact that it really doesn't matter if "people" have misconceptions about you, even if these people are really important to you. It bothers initially but the moment you realize you cant do anything, you give a darn.

So, here it is, the difference between people that belong to my category and those with a 'care a darn' attitude... 'Care a darn' category already knows from the beginning that you cant change certain things and you don't need to change certain things... while, we try to make things work, we try to think of something to change the things and eventually we discern that we can't change certain things and we don't  need to change certain things. So, in the end, we too care a darn!!
It's just that we are a little slow. Otherwise sooner or later, all of us become a big pool of apathetic minds.

Then, there are songs which everyone in the room knows and they hum the lyrics together... while you are standing there completely unaware of the song, thinking who the hell made this stupid song!

'Good feeling' a nice and light-hearted number.
I don't hear to many Christina Aguilera songs but I love her voice.

It's one of my very good friend's marriage today and I am so happy for her! This is the same friend's marriage which I'd referred in previous posts. Where does time fly? Still feels it was yesterday when the 2 of us were sitting in our boss's cabin (of course after he would leave) and having warm heart-to-heart conversations! Feeling nostalgic! Mr God bless her with a super happy wedlock and make sure she always smiles!

People and their blah!!

'But I do love you' an amazing song by Leanne Rimes. I like the lyrics.

It's strange when people tell you, what they think about how you think. It's strange in the way that sometimes they are absolutely correct and sometimes they guess it terribly wrong.

I don't know if this happens with everyone but in the past few weeks, I've stumbled across many people, who have revealed that how I've been wrong to them. Of course, I only provoked them to let it all out. I do accept every allegation on me and I am sorry for it. Really. Acceptance is good. And it's always good to know your mistakes. Maybe initially you don't accept out of fury or whatever but with time you do realize it.

But, people cant expect you to be the way you were with them at certain time. Because we keep changing everyday, not due to other people or situations but just naturally... You can never expect some one to be the same, they were at some point of time. People change, we change, all of us. And, it's nothing wrong.
People who accept you with the ongoing changes, are very rare. It was not overnight that I myself learnt to accept things and people and changes. In fact, I am still working on it. It takes time and trust on that person. The 'blame-game' is very injurious. Acceptance is good.

Why is it so difficult to 'give a damn'?
Sometimes, it just doesn't matter what others think while sometimes you want others to take you in particular way, you want to give them your perspective and it perturbs you if they don't get you.

People- can't live with them, can't survive without them.

No, I am not judging any person here. Neither am I pointing it out to someone. This is very generic.
Gosh, I hate the fact that I just clarified myself here because this is the space where I should not be thinking of what others would think of me. But you know, now I feel daunted as in what if someone important reads this and thinks that it's for him or her and I really DON'T want to hurt any one!

God, I feel like I am in some kind of 'people-trap'! I wish I could go to some secluded & deserted beach and be there by myself and enjoy my own company. I like being with me. Although "people" have told me, being alone is being sad. But I beg to differ. Being alone is being at peace!

A few quotes that do justice to what I am trying to convey to me and to "people":
"Life is a series of natural and spontaneous changes. Don't resist them - that only creates sorrow. Let reality be reality. Let things flow naturally forward in whatever way they like." By Lao Tzu.
T. S. Eliot - "Humankind cannot bear very much reality"
Ellen Glasgow - "Every change is not growth, as all movement is not forward" 

Vagrant thoughts...

And just when you feel like you are acing something, you see someone doing it better than you and you realize that you still have a long way to go.

Then, there are those things that you just cant be vocal about. Lay alone discussing them, just admitting them is itself not possible. Still, some where deep in your heart, you want to say it out.  

When someone says something good about you... Should you feel good about yourself? Or should you feel bad because you really don't think you are that good?

There are times when you land yourself in some sticky situations and you don't know how to figure your way out of it. There are certain things that just can't be reconciled and there are a few that you don't try to reconcile... All of us have got so many multiple personalities subsumed in one body. No one is restricted to a single color, we all have infinite shades of various different colors embedded inside us that keep changing invariably.

Selfishness is one characteristic that describes humans the best! Every goddamn one is selfish, even me... though the levels of it differs from person to person!
Tyra Banks is freaky! I love 'Everybody loves Raymond'.... it makes me smile even in the hour of grief!

And, there are people who have faced a million direful calamities and still they stand strong, with a smile on a their face... they make me feel how pleasant and easier life has been to me! Thank you God for that!

The moments, when you are surrounded by the most fathomable people in your life but you still feel no one understands or will understand and so it's better to say nothing... because sometimes it's only you who can understand you and no one else...

Those scars that are ephemeral and those that last till the end of time... Both prototypes teach you valuable lessons and then it all depends on you, for how long can you clasp these learnings.

Crankiness is never good. Some of them may bear your crankiness but then, be ready to face theirs!! Holding someone else culpable for things, only makes you more culpable. Emitting negativity does not make you lose your negative energy, it just adds to the count even more.

'Yun hi' - lovely and evergreen!
'Jiyien kyun' - sad but good!
Though I don't like listening to sad songs much but once in while, they're just fine!

At the sangeet practice (of my friend whose about to get married next week), one of her youngest brother-in-law, who's in seventh grade, played guitar and sang a few songs for us... Ohh Man, I was totally captivated!!
He played 'when September ends', 'Jiyien kyun' and 'Jo bhi main'...
There is nothing better than witnessing live music in a room filled with just handful of people!! I just loved it... his guitar sounds entered my ears and were running in my veins... the way I felt is inexpressible!! This is what music does... can't imagine my life without it!  

Vagrant = Me

Lastly, still relishing the cold. I am really gonna miss winter! It gives me a feeling of belongingness!

And while I'm trying to beat the terror...

'Poets of the fall' have become a regular on my playlist these days...'locking up the sun', 'everything fades away', 'carnival of rust' and so many more...

"Come feed the rain

Cause I'm thirsty for your love, dancing underneath the skies of lust

Yeah, feed the rain

Cause without your love, my life ain't nothing but this carnival of rust"

Ohh I'm in love with them!!

Every person is a phobic. I mean, there is always at least one thing that you are petrified of and that's your phobia. I too have one. Combating your phobia, conquering your biggest fear ain't a cinch! It requires lots of courage and a big bunch of deep-breath's. Sigh... I had conquered my fear once but it flew away. It's always temporary, each time you try to do the thing you are most afraid of, it requires gallantry! People might not take your fears seriously and they would find it stolid and trivial but only you know, how difficult it is... It makes me tremble and quiver, that jittery feeling... is morbid!!   

I know it's stupid but I really like the song 'Baby' by Justin Bieber, though I don't like him much! Lol... I feel like a silly school girl when I listen to this song...!! 

"I'm not in love, it's just a phase that I'm going through, I'm always looking for something new so look, don't go running away....ohhh..." 

I really am in a good mood for music right now and I cant think of anything but music!!

A quote by Aldous Huxley: 'After silence, that which comes nearest to expressing the inexpressible is music' and I cannot agree more to it!!!

One more quote (specifically apt for me) that I read in some newspaper the other day, 'Just a reminder, what others think of you is none of your business'. I read it and couldn't help but smile... :) :)

"And in the emptiness, there is a solution

just look within yourself for absolution" 

(My favorite line from 'locking up the sun')

The quest

I am locked here

There is nobody near

I need to live, I wish to fly, I want to love

But the monster obstructs me from flying like a dove

In a castle, I am enthroned as a queen

The queen of her own delusions and phantasms

There is no prince who'll come to the rescue

It is only the queen and the demons in the view

This is a quest to hunt a doorway or a window

That will get me out of this deluded world into the real show

Helpless but not hopeless as I trudge

I am certain to pave my way out of this sludge

Soon will the day come when I will be dethroned

The sun will shine and the devils will die

From illusion to verity shall I fly

More of me...

Well,
In my previous blog-post someone commented that I didn't accept something about myself so I'd been thinking about it and I concluded on: I do accept everything about it, it's just that at the moment, these are my thoughts about the subject but it's not like I'm reluctant to change. Maybe my views would be completely differing in the future but right now... this is me.
(Err, sorry for this elongated elucidation... that's one of my problems, I always like to explain and clarify tiniest of things!)


So, exam-results... is there anyone who is not apprehensive about them?! 


I am watching Disnep's 'Hercules'...It was one of my favorites during school times... 
There's something about certain cartoons, you know? No matter how old you get, you will always enjoy watching them! Especially me, me and cartoons had a longer relationship than other kids... Even when all my peers stopped watching cartoons, I went on for a few more years... that time TV was all about toons for me... Rugrats, Catdog, Aladdin, Hercules, Looney toons, Flintstones, Jetsons, Scooby doo, Jungle book, Captain planet, Timon and Pumba, Powerpuff girls, As told by Ginger, Courage the cowardly dog, Dexter's Lab, Superman, Little Mermaid, and many many more... It's an endless list!! And, that's how I ended up with my glasses!    
Ahh... those 'toony' days....were the best of all... these toons were my imaginary friends too. I didn't have many friends those days so I used to look for warmth in them and you know what? They did a pretty good job! They'll always hold a special place in my heart! :) :)
I loved the purple and violet colored sky in Aladdin, Hercules and some animated Disnep movies. That sky looked alluring, charming and fascinating. I wish it was real, I could gaze at it for hours!


Oftentimes, when things are perfectly alright and serene around you, you find a way to mess it up! 
So, what is it? Do I don't like being in a calm and peaceful atmosphere? Am I habitual to have stupid and prodigal issues and drama around me? Maybe yes...


Some two days back, I had a heated argument with a friend... and I cried... I hadn't cried after an argument with anyone, since long... this time, these tears were something else... they were the tears of an awakening... I really have changed a lot (as that friend emphatically said)... and most of this "change" is negatively colored. No, I don't regret this "change" but I am sure, with time, this "change" will also change! (fingers-crossed)


This winter has been blissful and now the fall, is even more pleasant and pulchritudinous... Thank you God for this wondrous wintertide... I've absolutely enjoyed every moment of it! God has His own magical way to keep you smiling. And, since these last 2 months, He has made the winds make me smile, all the time! Mr God, you really rock!! I love you!

It's all about what I think...

The good thing about this blog is, I feel no one judges me here and the bad thing is, people do judge but no one says it!! Now, at least here while blogging, I would like be carefree about others.... So Mr brain can you just stop fooling around!! Just let them be opinionated!!

Listening to 'Last Kiss' by Pearl Jam...

I bought two new books yesterday, after long. I wish to read them soon. Both are by Cecilia Ahern. I remember being a crazy Chetan Bhagat fan, I used to die to get his new copies and  now, I still havent read 'Revolution 2020'. I don't want to read it either!

Anyway so, the best thing about Bombay Times is, the comic strips!! I love them all... they are sooooo cute! Hi and Lois, Archie, Peanuts are superb and Garfield and Nancy are my favorites!!! They always make me smile :) :)

The rhetorical question of the day is: Is it necessary to love back someone who loves you?
Yesterday, one of my friend (who got in touch after long) brought up this topic and at the moment, I know a bunch of people going through this same problem!
No, I am not a 'Dear Diana', so I don't have an answer to it but I can surely add some more questions...
So yea,
You know that someone loves you but you don't love them back.
On this one of my friend said, out of her soap opera and filmy gyaan, usually girls melt down and end up falling for the guy because the guy parades his care and affection and blah. Why should the girl melt down or give in? I mean, is that love from her side too?
I personally feel and have observed that...
Most of the females get scared of the future. They worry whether they'll ever find anyone else, who will love them at all? And if at all, they find a lover, will he be better than this current proposal? Will rejecting the current guy be a mistake or will accepting him be a mistake?
Often times, it's this fear that makes you say a 'yes'!
Sometimes, this 'yes' turns out to be perfect and sometimes, you meet someone else, who makes you think, what if the 'yes' moment had never transpired? Was it really love?
I really don't have an answer, as I mentioned before but I believe, you should be sure that you love this person, there is chemistry, there are sparks... mere crush or infatuation or a melt-down, should not form the basis of a relationship!
And, this came out from the singlest-girl-ever's mind... LOL... so reckon it at your own risk!! :P

Relationships are stupid and most of the times unnecessary! But, it's India, you are not allowed to think like that, it's a taboo here! If people come know about my thoughts on this, they either think that I'm lying or they doubt my sexuality! But neither am I lying and nor am I gay!

This same friend (whom I mentioned earlier) asked me, 'Don't you feel a vacuum or the emptiness that you do not have your special someone?' I said, "No."
The reasons behind my NO, which I did not give her are...
My life  has all the colors without me being in a relationship! I have people who care for me, I have people who make me laugh, I have people who love me, I have people who hurt me and I have people who hate me too!
Moreover, who says that I wont feel "the vacuum" after being in a relationship! I agree with the saying, "Love completes a person". Here, I interpret "Love" as a huge and inclusive term. I do not believe that a relationship completes a person! There's this entire road ahead of me and I am absolutely in no hurry to be with "someone"! Almost everyone around me is looking out for a relationship, I fail to comprehend their 'need' or 'desperation' behind this rummage!!

As the title says, this post is all about what I think.... about things, about feelings, about situations, etc etc...
WAIT, Isn't this entire blog about what I think???? Haha...  What the heck, bear with the title, will you?!

That's it, I am watching 'Wild things 3' and it's almost reached climax and since it's a thriller, I need to be attentive...
So bye! :)

P.S. I love the songs from 'Pyaar Impossible'!!

Temperamentally exhausted....

Yesterday, me and my brother found our bad of old stuffed toys and here I am typing, with my little black stuffed king-kong sitting on my lap and staring at my blog!!

Childhood memories always manage to bring a smile on your face, no matter how old you are! (Of course, here I am referring to the HAPPIER memories only)

I also had a bright red stuffed poodle but I lost it :(... Well, I was not really a child when I bought the poodle, it was just 3 years back :D... But I'd be happy if I had it on my lap too!!

It's mom and dad's wedding anniversary today so congratulations to them for 23 years of great survival and I wish them all the happiness in the world for the rest of their lives because they deserve it, the most!! I hardly say it but I really love you both!!

Anyway so,
I don't know why, I just hate that date! Why do people have to make a fuss about it?! I know all of them care about me and all but seriously, I'd like to be left alone on that day! I am full of fury, absolutely irritable and emotionally vulnerable on that day! I don't have an explanation for it or may be I do have but I don't want anyone to know the real reason...
The day is almost here... I wish I could delete it from the calender! I care too little for what any person thinks of my attitude regarding this... "Stop throwing tantrums!", "What's your problem?", "You are so sad!!!", etc etc... I don't give a shit!!
I respect everyone who try to make it special but anything they do cannot change the way I feel inside or maybe I just don't want to change it... I may be a push-over but no one can rule my emotions in this case!!

I loathe the 'angry & furious bitch' side of me! I want to kill it ASAP... There is hardly anyone who has witnessed the real angry me. I can kill a person (and I am not kidding)!!!


I saw "The cell" yesterday, I quite liked the movie. I've been watching too many Sci-Fi movies these days.
"Be yourself" is a nice song. The wordings are good!

Why are people so stubborn? Why do we always want things to happen our way? And if things don't workout as per us, we get all annoyed and spiteful... Some of us are invariably stubborn while some of us get stubbornness pangs at decent intervals. It's strange how we get worked up for silly matters like, some cell phone of a particular brand, color of the paint for your house walls, selecting a diner or a cuisine to eat, etc.
When we think about it later, it all seems worthless, unnecessary and stupid. How does it matter whether an eating joint of your choice is selected or that of your friend's choice? The main motive of filling the tummy and having a good time, fades away... So maybe it's not stubbornness, it's ego...Or maybe stubbornness is just another shade of ego...Who knows?! I just know both are bad and negative characteristics and I hold certain quantities of both!!
Of course, I am not boasting them... Saint in the making... Haha !!

"High hopes" by Pink Floyd is another great number. I am listening to it right now...

Me and king-kong signing off here!! :)

A day that sucked and a night that hoped!

Anyway, it wasn't one of my best days today (yesterday since it's past 12 AM). I was late, sad, disappointed, tired, annoyed, irritable, awry and ultra-furious!! 
[It was also one of my very good friends birthday so belated happy birthday to him!]


Sometimes words do not suffice the expression of your emotions...


Sometimes, I know it's my fault, I am the one making purposeful and deliberate mistakes, I am acting flippant but I still want to cry and whine and fret about it!! I can be such a drama-queen at times!! 
You know, I've observed, everyone tends to become a drama-queen at some point, even the boys! Though they will never agree to it due to their "testicle-ego"! 


This year is a crucially important year for me, career-wise and I hope I duly respect it! There are many repayments to be made and I really want to be able to do that... But mere 'wanting' has never helped... I will have to move that butt and get to work and do something (No, many things!). 


God, Daddy, BM where ever you guys are please bestow me with persistence and perseverance this year and that will be enough! I assure you guys, I will not ask for anything more this year except for my family and friends' pink health! This is what I always ask you guys for, every year, isn't it?! But this time you have to help me do it anyhow!!!




And, something that just happened:

So, I was just reading Shobha De's blog and the comments and I stumbled on this one fan who thanked her because he got into blogging after being inspired by her. And, out of curiosity, I visited that fan's blog (he had mentioned his URL in his comment, with a plea for Shobha De to visit it). 
He blogs on movie reviews, Bollywood happenings and film industry and after reading some 7 reviews and 2 Bolly articles, I was assured that he really is an ardent Shobha De fan because all his views and reviews were adverse and spoke repugnantly against the subject matter! I mean, he didn't even inadvertently, mention a single good word about anyone or anything! I must say, there are too many 'Shobha De wannabes' flying around!!  

Welcome twenty-twelve!!

HAPPY NEW YEAR bloggy doggy !! :) :*


Just like most of the people, I ended my 2011 with a blast and beer :) and entered my 2012 with a bag-full of hopes and aspirations.


Yesterday, Cafe Mondegar was oozing with people. I had never seen it like that. Not that I was ever a regular there but during my junior college days, I used to go there often. It's a lovely place!
It was just me and my bestie. We had to share our table due to excess crowd, with a to-much-in-love french couple. So many noises and voices, fun and frolic, music, french fries, some alcohol, party hats and us. I could see people bursting with glee. I saw them shout and roar at 12. I saw a few of them dancing on the tables. I saw the cute french couple kiss at 12. I could feel the excitement with which everyone was wishing new year to their friends and even strangers! Cell phones ringing and beeping with wishes and blessings! And everyone had an ear-to-ear smile on their faces. I could feel the happy vibrations!
I had never celebrated my 31st in this manner. Yes, I didn't dance and I was not with a big group of friends but it was an awesomely unexpected night! Had it not been for the people who opted not to be with us, we couldn't have had this staggering new year's eve!! 


About new year resolution, well, I never keep one because I never follow. But, there are umpteen things I would like to change about myself and so if I had to, then the metamorphosis would've been my new year resolution!


There ain't any big wish-list that I gave God for this year but I did pray for self-augmentation because only if I improve my ways, things are gonna work in my favor. Of course, god has to help but first I will have to do my bit in every aspect of life!


Happy birthday Guruji! Always keep blessing my family and friends and me!! U rock!! :) :)