Why always estimate??

“I am not a princess, this ain’t a fairytale…..now its too late for you and your white horse to come around...”

‘White horse’ by Taylor Swift, I never liked Taylor Swift songs but of late I’ve developed a taste for them. 

It’s strange how sometimes we think that we won’t like a particular situation or thing or person but later when it happens we realize that its fine, there’s no feeling of dislike, it was a wrong estimate.

Estimates. Why do we always have to estimate everything? Can’t we just live in the present without thinking about future outcomes and estimations especially where it’s not necessary to do so? Why do we always want to know things beforehand?

Dr Brian Weiss writes amazing books on past life regression and future life progression. I love his work. Oh and I hate V.K. Singhania!! Not good!!

Sorry for the digression, coming back to estimates, there are some people who always have a take on every creature that breathes. They make estimates and form opinions about every person. It’s not bad but doing it every time…Dude, get a life!! We don’t have to be judgmental all the time. No one knows any anyone completely, lay aside anyone else, no one knows their ownselves completely then how can you conclude about someone else’s personality and thinking? It’s out of my reach. Different people, different mentalities. Maybe I am not smart enough to understand their approach behind all this but frankly, I don’t feel this is necessary (each time).

Oh and stress really really really leads to hairfall :(

On love and trust

Love is the most weirdest and overwhelming sentiment ever.  It’s the only magic that all the human beings can do. Love will always be one of those things that bamboozle me and amaze me at the same time. I am not talking about the love that you have for your parents, family and friends…it’s that “love”…so yaa ,I have read and heard that it makes you reach on cloud 25. It’s a beautiful feeling and the most powerful shade of happiness. But does it really last? Is it also temporary like everything else?

If love is really so short lived then why does everyone crave to experience it? Don’t they fear future deprivation? When it’s not there in the future or it vanishes away, what will you do other than spending rest of the life crying and mourning over it? And also is it really possible to love only one person for your entire life?

No, I am not against it but I am all questions about it since I have never had “that” feeling. This love seems really complicated and no one can ever understand its pros and cons without experiencing it. I most of the times feel that it just doesn’t exist. It’s either physical attraction or a crush or having similar thinking or maybe even a habit (like when u get used to or addicted to someone).

Now coming down to trust, phew this is the most dangerous and risky thing to do. I have always had a hard time trusting people. When you trust someone you are being totally vulnerable. That person has the full power and authority to hurt you profoundly and you can do nothing whatsoever. Also, love involves the highest quantity of trust, super risky!!

It’s just yesterday that I came across this quote, “Trust is like clay when you break it, it loses its shape and becomes amorphous, no matter how hard you try to win it back, you can never give it the exact same shape that it originally had”. It’s so so so so true!! I don’t understand, why is it so important to trust people but I would feel real bad if my close one’s say that they don’t trust me. No matter how perilous it is, you will always want people to trust you and in turn you will have to trust them. Trust is as complicated as love, isn’t it? Well, such are life diaries (lol...in terms of a very close friend).

Be it love or trust, I am not the risk taker; I am risk averse (as per the financial jargon). But as they say until and unless you take risk you will miss out on fun and joy. Maybe sometime soon in the future I’ll be the risk taker, for now I am already taking a risk blogging instead of studying so bye bye.

Exam-time Randomness....

A few days left for the exams and I am here blogging, I must say this Blogosphere is pretty enticing! Phew!! It was a tiring morning and noon, did a lot of in and out so I slept for while. Before going to sleep there were so many things I was thinking about and I wanted to blog about but after getting up it’s all gone, I wish this could happen always, not thinking about the worthless stuff and issues after waking up, just sleeping it off, life would have been much easier. I guess this happens only when there are lot many things to catch up with.

I was just thinking, I have missed on a lot of movies of late. Lol, I know I should be studying and not thinking about movies but I am very bored now! By the way I am having frooti right now, it’s so tasty, it’s one of those drinks that I and probably most of us are drinking since childhood, I love its soft, sweet and tangy taste… During exams, life gets so boring and dull, everything you do or think or write is all dreary and lifeless.

I just read somewhere, ‘Everyday there is someone who will push you in the pool, you just have come up with the plan to get out of the pool every time’.

I wish I could care less about things, about people. I wish I could not expect at all from people. I wish I did not wish that often…

Colors are so nice; they make this lull a little vibrant. Actually colors are the part of our surroundings invariably, its just us and our moods, sometimes we notice them and sometimes we don’t. The other day I was coming back from class and I saw a gang of friends, girls and guys, all dressed up and mingling with each other, giggling around and they were getting in a car, an Innova, I was watching them and I had a big 1 km smile on my face and suddenly I noticed a tear rolling down my cheek. Nostalgia. Reminiscence. Sometimes even sweet memories make you weep but I liked that tear, it symbolizes I have lived those priceless moments and It’s never too late to make more memories, right?!

Time to study, I hope I concentrate well…bye.

Man, truly a social animal

It’s funny how people need people for everything. If someone dies people need people to mourn with, if someone gets a promotion they need people to celebrate with! Apparently, world had initiated with two people accompanying each other, Adam and Eve. Actually, it’s not just us humans, its common amidst the animals too. Every one of God’s creation craves for companionship.

Sometimes or rather most of the times we do not realize how much we want people around us, to hear us, to talk to us, to love us, to debate with us and so forth. Humans start socializing as soon as they gain senses after the birth. Our life is all around and about people.

Sometimes we get so much involved with the people around us that we forget our goals and our aspirations. As a fact our goals and aspirations are formed because of the people. When a child is born, he comes with no knowledge about anything in this world. As he grows he sees and gets influenced by the persons around him and by the persons he reads or hears about and then he wants to be like them. That’s how all human beings work.

Still there exists terrorism that is all about killing people and reducing the number of persons whom we or any one of us needs or would need! As easy as it is to talk or write about this issue, working towards its reduction is equally difficult. I don’t know why but I just felt like writing about it all of a sudden. I just hope and expect of myself to help at least a tinny minny bit towards this issue in any possible way and I pretty much think that I will somehow, by writing maybe…

Not intending to write but can't resist.......

Well, I had been wanting to write since a few days but I kept avoiding because of my laziness and also I dint know what to write...I mean there are just too many things going on and so many thoughts also, I am unable to transform them into words.

I know what is it that's necessary right now, that's to be done now. Because I am running away from the actuality, my sub-conscious mind is forbidding me to do the things I enjoy and writing (blogging included) being one of them, I am not allowing myself to do it. I know its bizarre but that's how my system works!

The other day I had gone out for a walk (after days or months maybe), it felt real good, just walking, not paying attention to the people passing by, staring at the sky, the trees and the vehicles. I felt as if I had not seen them since long, these things, the nature, are invariably here but due to the rush of life (lol though i am not quite sure that my life is a rush or not) we tend to ignore them. 

The tree with light green colored leaves and bearing yellow flowers that looked like grapes hanging...such a pretty sight! The sky was painted in the lightest shade of blue with white clouds which could be seen only if you gaze at it keenly. The vehicles that were whizzing from the opposite direction (not to mention I was paying attention and walking on the pavement) made me feel the peace inside me, for half an hour I was just on foot thinking about nothing at all, just blank! 

Occasionally, listening to some soft old songs and such walks are some of the things that make me go blank when I am going through the 'neurotic phase' (which is very frequent!).

Anyway, right now I am enjoying a few Cranberries tracks, 'Just my imagination, it was...' and 'I miss you when you are gone..' Also 'Thank you ' by Dido is very relaxing. These songs, Its just their music and the voice quality of their artists that's so soothing and pleasing to the ears especially when you are not in the mood to think about any thing whatsoever!

Sleepless....

I don't understand what is it that is refraining me from sleeping!? It seems as though I am turning nocturnal. I haven't slept in like days!! In fact I just had a big glass of milk ( ugh I hate it!) in order to sleep because I have to get up at 6 am...Oh god am I an official insomniac??

There are so many things going around me but I am not able to do anything. It feels as if my brain and my body have given up! My brain is just not working!!

One of my teacher's had once said and I quote,''Action and reaction are two different things and they are mutually exclusive, when it's time for action one should not go for the reaction...''.

Okay so now that its my time for action, it turns out that neither am I active nor reactive...and this is driving me nuts!!

Exams, personal issues, emotional problems, studies, responsibilities, pressure, classes...there is everything in my life that I need to be working on but I am not doing it...why?? Well I don't know the answer!

I really don't have a problem with my situation, I have a problem with me, I want me to handle the situation which I know I can but still my brain does not obey me... I desperately need to take charge of the situation and its high time now!!

You know I was thinking what is life without problems?? It will be so bland not having them, right? Also its good when new problems come up soon, that way you wont get time to mourn about the old ones!! Yes, its hard to believe that this is coming from me because I do crib about my problems but then problems are meant to be cribbed about I feel but after we are done solving them or just letting them go, that big sigh of relief is a bliss that makes you really feel contented for a moment and that's the best part.

We humans are never satisfied and that's why God lands us in troubles so that we get that one moment of utter contentment after the trouble gets sorted out...isn't he a Genius!!

P.S. I decided to have truce with God. After all I cannot hold grudges for long against anyone and he is too special for me to be on a war actually plus I am also scared of him a little!!

THOSE PEOPLE...

We should always have ThOSe PEoPle in our life who will be with us when we need someone the most, because in life there are always times when someone will need us and when we will need someone. It makes life easy.

We should always have THosE peOpLe in our life who irritate and annoy us to the core because if we don't then whom will be bitch about!!

We should always have thOSe PeoplE in our life who love us and still keep on hurting us so that we realize how even we would be sometimes unintentionally doing the same to our loved ones.

We should always have tHosE pEoPLe in our life with whom we can party, enjoy, have fun, shop, dance and drink. They are the ones who make life super fun and stress free.

We should always have thoSe peoPle in our life with whom we can always have heart to heart conversations, with whom we can be ourselves completely.

We should always have ThoSe PeoPle in our life who make it difficult and create problems, only then will we understand the importance of good things and people.

We should always have ThosE PeoplE in our life who will always advice us about the right and protect us from the wrong.

We should always have ThOse pEoPLE in our life whom we love and care about unconditionally, for whom we can do anything and everything.

We should always have THOsE PeOPLE in our life who love us more than anything else in the world, who live for us!

I have all THESE PEOPLE in my life (yet I am sure there are a few more to come, who will be a part of THESE PEOPLE), they make life worth living. Some smiles, some sighs, some love, some anger, some thank yous, some rants, some expectations and some disappointments...

My brother friend!!

Yes some girls have boyfriends and some have girlfriends well I have a brother-friend!!

Thank you for being there with me when everyone has left. You too are super loaded with pressure still you are managing to stand by me...I will never forget this...You had once told me.'I will be there for you even when every one abandons you.' You have really stood by your words.

There is a little tiff going on between me and God these days, however I would still like to thank Him for blessing me with you. You truly are my darling!!

My Dreamsville!!

When I started writing here, I hadn't thought that it would help me in anyway but because of it I have had one of the most important realizations and now I comprehend, how it is the only way through which I am able to sustain the bit of sanity left in me!

I would really not like this blog to turn into my ranting ground but sometimes it is the only way left to clear out the junk in my mind but I will certainly try to do this as seldom as possible.

This Blogosphere is a whole different world, a world where I can articulate well. This is 'My Dreamsville' de facto!!

Thank you my bloggy doggy...!! 

So much to do....

There is so little time and so much to do...i have got to study a LOT...and the articles...everything is taking a toll on me now...why does it so happen that when your fully loaded with work, you feel like doing nothing!! Right now i am just scared and perplexed as to how am i ever going to manage all the things together and do well in everything...I know i am not doing things in the right manner...I am just doing everything with two hands, fearing about the future and God knows how things are gonna be...The pressure is mounting every second and for every aspect. I sometimes feel that i over-expect from myself. 

Yes!! that is where my all problems originate..expectations of high order from myself, from God and from people...fucking hell, i really need to curtail this psychotic habit...or else..

Tring Tring…

There was a time when my phone never used to stop ringing. I used to be on phone invariably. Whenever I found any free time I would call up my friends or cousins. My boss, my parents and everyone was pissed at me for being on the phone 24*7.

Today my phone doesn’t even squeak in an entire day and neither do I call people. I guess this is what is people call growing up, when we lose touch with many of our friends and relatives, all we think about is to make our career and obtain the big goal, all the other things are left behind.

My dad says, “This is the right time, what your young blood can do and achieve now won’t be possible after a few years and so you should drop out EVERYTHING ELSE and concentrate only towards your career”.

Why can’t I have both now? A good professional as well as social life… the CA course that I am in, doesn’t allow you to have a social life, before entering it, I didn’t know this!  Now that I am doing it, I will have to become its slave… My teachers say, “You should see the positive side i.e. the bright future instead of cribbing now”.

The course is not culpable here…if you have taken it, u have to do it, no matter what it takes! You know I can go on, on this topic like forever and why just me, any CA student can write a book on it! But, I will stop now because I have got to study now… also I am not liking writing about it anymore!!

Right now I am just scared, very very scared...it feels mortal...not just studies or work but everything!! I guess its my low moment and I know its temporary...perseverance is the only way out but with this procrastinating attitude I fear where will I land myself!! See that's why I always say, knowing your mistake and working on it are two drastically different things...its all personal experience!!

A sonnet

I don’t like it when my friends enjoy without me,

I don’t like it when they abandon me,

I hate it when me not being there with them doesn’t matter to them

Because when they are not with me it bothers me then.

I hate it when people get all judgmental about me,

When they think that my life is sad and without glee.

How do they know what’s going on with me?

Passing comments and giving advices always is not what friends are supposed to do!

Maybe I am taking them in a wrong way, but I really don’t care even if I do.

They say, you should not think so much

But instead of saying this, they could have cared as much!

The more I will think, the more I will cry

So I better let this thought go pass by.

I too would have sometime, left them with a sigh!