Age of Realisation or Realisation of Age

I have started realising why people keep wishing they could go back in time when they were younger & frivolous. As you grow up and begin planning about how and where you wish to see yourself in another 10 years, you somehow start losing the frivolousness and the audacity to follow your heart, your instincts. Every decision you take needs to be thought through. Every step you take has to be analysed. Every move you make should be calculated. And, all these stumbling blocks are built by us. We do it to ourselves, and apparently for ourselves. Suddenly, all those "Live in the moment"and "Carpe Diem" doctrines go out of the window. Because you are a mature individual now - a grown up. You look at life with a distinct perspective. You have to. After all, you have exhausted all the free lunches that you were entitled to.

I am 27 years old.
In India, a girl of my age is not considered to be young. I think I can't even call myself a girl anymore here. Because I am a "woman". However, I still feel like a girl, so I will anyway.
Time just flies away. Kids would earlier call me Didi (elder sister), but since a couple of years, they have started addressing me as Aunty. Perhaps my age is showing. Though I have observed, it's more often the parent of the kid who decides if I am a Didi or an Aunty. Not that it matters to me. It's just the way the society has been moulded. Out of 10, 8 of my friends, who belong to my age group, are married and from those 8, 4 already have kids or are about to give birth.

Isn't it all about choices you make in life?

Choices. Decisions. I don't like making decisions. The big ones. The perturbing ones. Ones that have impact on someone else's life too. I never enjoyed making decisions anyway. But now, because I am a "grown up", this task has become more arduous. The future, no matter how uncertain, glares at me with its eyes wide open, each time I think of deciding to do what I wish to and not what I have to.

I am certain 5 years later, there is going to be a paradigm shift in the way I look at life. I will smile and look back at the present me just as I am doing right now at the younger me.

Mumbai's railway authorities, it's time you smell the shit!

11:18 PM
Thursday, 20th February, 2014
Dadar, Mumbai
The Shitrail

After meeting a friend I was returning home, waiting at Dadar station for the train to come. It arrived on time, but I got into the second class compartment despite of having a first class pass, since the first class is usually deserted during the late hours.
Since I was tired, I did not rush to get into the train unlike a few other women standing ahead of me. They held on to the handle and the pole for support, and marched into the completely empty cabin. I heard screams of disgust, and there was a rancid smell that took over suddenly. Within seconds, I noticed ladies rubbing their palms with napkins and discerned that something dirty is stuck on the door handles and the pole, so I vigilantly boarded the train with my hands in my pocket.
The foul smell worsened and so did the howling as the train started moving. As I looked around I noticed a brown substance rubbed all over the compartment. It was on every place that you could possibly touch or sit on.
What was it? Human feces. Crap. Shit. Yes!

All the ladies shifted to the first class compartment on the very next station, which took like an eternity to arrive.
A GRP helpline number was provided on one of the walls of the cabin, where I called and lodged a complaint against this horrible happening. What surprised me was the fact that the man over the phone wasn't surprised with this! Also, when I told my colleagues about this, today morning, a couple of them said they have also faced this before.


Not once before this incident had I ever felt that India is not a place to live. But after what happened yesterday, I am appalled with the state of this city and this country, I just don't feel calling this patch of land 'mine' anymore!

There have to be severe flaws in the system, otherwise how would any citizen even dare to do this kind of an act? I do not understand how some people actually rubbed their shit all over the compartment during the busy hours? Yes, busy hours because Mumbai is a city that never sleeps, right? So, 11 in the night is not really all that late.
Anyway, whatever happened to the guards that are supposed to patrol in the ladies compartment after evening? I did not see a single man in uniform there. It’s a shame for the railway authorities that they cannot prevent such acts.

I did not wish to travel by train ever as I did not know if they were going to clean it properly and sanitize it. I do not trust them anymore. But, do I have an option? I have to take the train as it is the only viable option for me to reach office. 

We, the aam janta, are helpless. Apart from lodging complaints, writing articles and spreading awareness by telling people about such incidents, what else can we do? It is the job of the government and the authorities to take care of the country, the people and the public property! They are not doing their job sincerely and we have to take the shit (quite literally now)! 

No, I am not happy to be an Indian if I have to bear this! No, I can't take it! All the politics does not help us, the people. We don't care, who gives better speeches, we want someone to give us a better India, a better place to live. The current governement is obviously doing a lousy job, and I don't see any promising candidates either. So I won't be surprised now if I find monorail or metro dipped in crap! 

Sandhan Valley

'Valley of Shadows' is another way of addressing this little piece of heaven in Maharashtra. This previous weekend, I had gone there with my office colleagues and a few others.

Expecting nothing, I left my house. My parents in disagreement and my excitement donning an invisibility cloak. 

A backpack and a sling, with only basic necessities in them came along with me. 

The train journey began in a not-so-interesting manner, but as the journey progressed, it only got better and better. 

I had my notepad and pen with me all through, and I captured most of my experience in words.

No, I'm not gonna describe it again. I have written enough about it. Writing more would make it redundant for me. Having said that, I can never be bored of thinking & reminiscing about this picturesque beauty, ever.

This place has given me a lot, but more than anything, it has added a new dimension to my perspective in life. It has made me feel complete by being with myself alone. Something which I hadn't witnessed before. 

Also, now I know what wanderlust is like. I am feeling it. 

Work-in-process

When you are being the bad guy, yelling and arguing while that little voice inside you is constantly asking you to shut up... but you just pretend as if you didn't hear it and continue being wrong, talking ill, which eventually results in a huge lump of guilt in your throat....

Anger is never good... Admitting is easy but eliminating it is certainly not!

Sometimes it just feels as though I am living a perfect life in an imperfect and erroneous manner.
It was easier when I was a teen, I used to blame God for anything wrong that happened with me, with my life...
But, as I grew up, I realized, He is not to blame, it's me... for this is not my life, this is a gift He's given to me, I'm the one who's not able to figure out how to deal with the gift... I cannot hold him culpable for anything as He's only responsible for the good things that have happened to me while me and my karma are responsible for all the bad things...
So since a few years, I actually have no one to pass on the blame... perhaps that's the source of all the anger generating within... but for how long??
Maybe, just as time taught me not to blame Him, it will also teach me to deal with all the anger...

I trust in You and no one can change that Mr God! :)
I may not be regularly visiting Your shrine... but I just don't need to because I know you are here... all the time; looking out for me! :*

And last but not the least,
Happy Independence day!
Yes, we still are a developing country, we still are struggling with immense poverty and corruption, we haven't bagged a gold in Olympics since last 3 decades... BUT there is something that has changed we are not as inert as we used to be towards the ills of the society, we are trying to search the answers, we have started pointing towards the wrong even if the wrong is someone sitting on the throne, we did bag 2 silver and 4 bronze medals and stood 55th out of the 83 participant countries and we are one of the fastest growing economies on this globe...
Desh badal raha hain....
I hope our great freedom- fighters up there would be happy to see that we are still fighting, fighting to be the best...