That copywriter chick - 8

So the not-so-new job of mine is taking a toll on my health.

The work is good. I am learning a lot a new things. It is satisfying. Well, at least to an extent.

The people are the problem. There are only negative vibes floating around. Talking ill about everyone you work with is a custom here. Belittling people is a tradition here. They all suffer with superiority complex. People use others for their professional benefit.

It is transforming me into someone I am not. I have lost my mental calm. The positivity and gusto with which I always begin my day have vanished. Smiling requires too many efforts.

If this was not enough, I learned that the experience I will be gaining from here holds very little value in the market.

There are too many things to pull me down. Going to work seems like a punishment.
This is not what I signed up for.
Sometimes I feel I should quit. Most of the times...

I have began to doubt my decision of taking up writing. Was it my passion or an escape?
Everything seems hazy.
I was so confident and happy about this job, my career growth, copywriting, advertising and everything. What happened then?
Suddenly I am not even sure if I want to pursue advertising anymore...

Listening to MTV unplugged - Arijit Singh

When someone surpasses your expectation. When their love and support goes beyond what you had anticipated. You are left speechless.
At one moment you feel overwhelmed, happy. At another, you feel they are just too good. So good that it makes you feel like a bad person, that it makes you hate yourself more.
The feeling that you don't deserve people like them in your life starts tormenting you.

That copywriter chick - 5

It has been a month since I did any advertising writing.
I have been going to office and doing what is needed there, but the work is barely challenging and scarcely creative.
Also, travel writing has been eating up all my time but I'm happily doing it.

I feel I am being unjust towards the copywriter within me, she is being deprived of doing what she loves to do.

I need to strike a balance between travel writing and copywriting as only by pursuing both can I be happy and satisfied. I know myself, I will get bored by doing just one thing for a living. Variety is something that a person like me cannot survive without. And perhaps that's why I chose to be a writer. It gives me the liberty to do different things, to learn different things,  to create different things, to be a different person each time.

I fear completely losing the balance sometimes.
I also doubt if I really want this - copywriting - sometimes.
The doubt scares me. I wonder if it stems out of the frustration and fear of failing or is it my subconscious mind giving me a message.
I like to believe the former. I love copywriting. I really do and I want to learn it well. I don't like me being uncertain about it, not even sometimes.

Anyway,
The AC at my workplace broke. Due to excessive heat, thin hair on our skin had burnt and the skin was about to melt, just then an office boy got a pedestal fan and placed at the centre of our crammed studio. The fairly cool air that it heaved felt like such a luxury.
Oftentimes, we forget to appreciate the luxuries that we relish on a daily basis, such breakdowns are small reminders of their undervalued existence.

Today's playlist:
Shedding skin - Karsh Kale
Khwabon ke parindey - ZNMD
Young and beautiful - Lana Del Rey
Born to die - Lana Del Rey
Kinare - Mohan Kanan
I can't make you love me - Ester Dean

I will...
Because I dream so much.

The difference... or distance?

When I decided to switch my career path, I lost one of the common factors in my friendship with some of my very close friends.
When they entered into a serious relationship with their new respective partners, I was truly delighted for them but now there was one more thing that differentiated me from them.
And now, as they consider marriage and life after it, I wish them the very best while also making an addition to the list that keeps us from being on the same page.

Yesterday, I was out with a bunch of people, not friends really. One of them, a well-accomplished lady, mentioned that her best friend has a child and it's been 2 years now. She has been trying for one herself since a long time now.
She said whenever they used to meet, all that friend had to talk about was her daughter. It had begin to become discomforting for her to be in her friend's company now. She was not envious, in fact, she was happy that her friend was blessed with a bundle of joy.
But, she wasn't able to empathize with that friend anymore. They weren't on the same page. Their priorities, their scenarios, their day-to-schedule, everything had changed.
So, she started distancing herself from that woman, not intentionally though. It just happened. They don't meet anymore.

As I was listening to her story, I wondered, isn't it really how I too feel for those close friends of mine? I couldn't get myself to say yes, but I did not say a no as well.

I also thought if they too feel so about this situation. But then, I refuse to believe they do because there's so much going on in their lives, in our lives, that they really wouldn't have the time to sit and contemplate about something as trivial as this. It's merely me over-thinking, as usual.

Sigh...

Sadly, this is not the first time I've been perturbed by this obvious feeling. It has been worrying me since quite some time now. So, it was not this lady's words that triggered this thought. It was always there. I was just scared to admit it to myself so bluntly.

Dad says, "You should do what everyone is doing in order to be a part of the society. You will be happy only if you start living your life like everyone else does, as only then you will be able to maintain your relationships. You can't just stand there while everyone else is taking the next step."

Do I have to? Really?
I am scared. I don't know what to do about it. I never thought 'peer pressure' could actually be so pressurizing.
Perhaps Dad is right...
But, is it something I want to do? 
  
Sometimes I wish, somethings would never change. But, we humans, we are all assholes, we are responsible for most changes that transpire and later brood about them.

Anyway, I shall leave it to the future. Whatever has to happen, will happen.

Time flows differently in everyone's life. Different phases occur to different people at different times. One cannot control it. And, it's fair. It's simply life.

I wish...
Why do we wish so much!

A final goodbye... to something, which could've defined me, in a way.

Clearing the clutter

When we do things that we shouldn't have despite of having knowledge of what the outcome of doing them would be.
When we say things that we shouldn't have because some secrets should be locked in that little box in your heart and never to be said out loud.
When you cannot forgive yourself for doing it all, saying it all.
When you cannot stop admonishing yourself for being the fool.
Take a moment, reminisce it all again and then say to yourself, 'Yes I made more mistakes, yes I know it was a big deal and I've been extremely faulty but now instead of thinking about it as a chapter of shame and regret, I shall think of it as a lesson well learnt!'

Sigh...

Rather than trying so hard to be a part of a group, you should try to be yourself because only that makes sense.
Then again 'Be yourself' gives rise to 'Who am I' and 'How do I be myself'...
To know this, we are breathing. I hope, I will be enlightened of it someday.

Weekends and me

Expectations- The entire world, happenings and non-happenings, everything basically revolves around them!

Weekdays are going better than weekends.
New people and new life have taken over me...

Last weekend I remember my friend saying I've changed and that things are not as they used to be.
I pondered over this for quite sometime and concluded that either I'm being selfish or its that friend... I couldn't decide who though...

Weekends- This is the first time in life that I know how weekends look like.

....
What happened to us?
We weren't like this before!
Its not just me but you too.
You have someone to hold on to, I don't.
Stop feeling sorry for yourself and be considerate.

Right now, only reading can help me so I'll get back to my book!

Exam postponed!

My last exam which was supposed to be tomorrow got postponed due to Balasaheb's demise. I don't know how I feel or how I should feel, whether I should be sad about it or relieved that I've some more time to study.
I don't know the date when the exam will be held next, that's not out yet.
Restless.

When you cannot do anything about the way things are turning out or perhaps you should've but you refrained from doing the same... anger is the only emotion you feel the most. You know the source of your exasperation but you don't know how to kill it. It just keeps augmenting all the time. I guess, the only way it can stop impacting you is when you get completely used to it; you should get so accustomed to it that the anger shouldn't matter anymore. But if you are someone who expresses anger then God help you!

One more night by Maroon 5- awesomeness!

But then....

You can never know someone completely... And, that's just fair. I'm not complaining.

"What would you do" by Anushka Manchanda, Grey's Anatomy.

Losing a friend is always hurtful, no matter what the reason is... Because you'll have all those sweet memories and jokes left behind after that friend is gone... But then, that's how it is... Always.

'Only hope' by Mandy Moore... such a soothing tune!

Then, there are other things that go wrong at the same time... And you can't do anything but accept it as your destiny because these are the things that are simply not in your hands.
And those things that were never right and you've already accepted what life threw at you... but then there are always bouts of malcontentedness.
Also the things that were never supposed to go wrong but you messed it up and everything went astray.

But then, if it's not wrong... it's not life.
You just have to put up with things...

'Everything fades away' by Poets of Fall.

It is complicated... When is it not!

Fear...
I was just trying to recollect the times when I was scared to death about certain things -Of course, I counted out all the times I had my exam results and other stupid things- and I concluded that it was a bad idea to reminisce them because the memory of all those events was not pleasant at all although I'm not scared of it anymore!
Fear is funny. Why? Because we know it won't last long and it won't help us either as in fear is one of those unnecessary emotions yet we are always submissive to it.
But then, that's just being human, isn't it? You get scared, face it and move on.

Is there anything that has never been said before by anyone or any feeling that has never been felt by anyone before?? I don't think so... It's all happened before and will keep happening... And since our souls have traveled through time, we have actually seen it all, heard it all and felt it all before, many a times probably...

'Trouble is a friend' by Lenka, an all time favorite.

I wish...
Why do we wish so much!

Complaint box

I need to get certain things off my mind in order to get back in-order!!

Note: These are things that are so petty that I do not feel like putting them in my diary and so this is the best possible way to get rid of all the aimless pondering and ANGER.

1. Enough with the drama!! Just leave me alone, will you?! I too feel bad even if I don't show it!!
2. When you talk bad... it still hurts... sometimes... Because there are certain things that one can never get accustomed to COMPLETELY, no matter how hard one tries... 
3. Boys are not the only topic that we girls can talk about! So please for heaven's sake, STOP!!
4. And, just because my friends are all dating doesn't mean I HAVE to see someone too!! I ACTUALLY am very happy being single and I do not understand why is it soooooo hard to gulp that in?!
5. To myself - Speed up!! FAST!!! Be assiduous and sedulous! 
6. To Mr. God - Help me to help me! *begging*
7. Beauty is not perfection! Some people need to comprehend that being good-looking does not mean you are above everyone else or average lookers do not deserve better than you!!
8. Being candid about your thoughts and opinions may seem to be a great thing when you are practicing it but when others practice it and start throwing their unwanted and unnecessary opinions on you... you'll know how "great" it really is!!
9. You are funny- HAHA!! Now shooo!
10. If you don't find me interesting then don't talk to me... it's just that simple! I really wouldn't mind even if you are a good friend!!
11. And... I've always believed that you need a break from every person in your life at some point of time, no matter how important or special that person is!! I do this... a lot.. I need my space.. now, is that soo bad?!
12. Yes, I can be a super bitch, at times... Deal with it or leave!!
13. I knew I had to face it... I was prepared...

And yet, I survived all of it, thanks to:

1. Mr. God
2. My stupid little brother [I love you!]
3. Music (Of course, duhh!!)
4. Food (Always!)
5. Finally realizing I was being stupid by even letting myself get bothered for the last 3 hours, for these silly thoughts!

*gasp*
*sigh*

P.S.: No comments or views or opinions will be welcomed here (unless they are expressly in my favor)!!

I'm just so sad...

I'm just so sad...

Why don't I get to do what I want to?
Why? Why?

Again,
even this is my fault!

Sometimes I feel it's better to be immature and self-centered, at least then you won't think about how the other person would be feeling and why they choose to behave like this and that they are completely wrong, whatever be the circumstances!!
I just somehow, in my head, figure out a way to not blame the other person for whatever he/she has done and then end up being angry at myself!

Aaarrrghh... I just can't concentrate on studies with all this running around me!!
*sigh*
Bah... I'll figure out a way (hopefully). After all, how many excuses am I gonna make?!

Anyway,
the truth is, if I would've done the right things at the right time, MAYBE none of this would be happening right now!

I wish...
Why do we wish so much!

In the hole...

I am so annoyed at the moment!
No, I don't have a reason or maybe I do but it's not good enough!

It just vexes me that I can't be there! Ugh... this sucks. Big time.

And, people may blabber that they are here to support you... but truly that's just another statement!
You have to support yourself and that's only fair!!

Aarghh!!

You know, sometimes you just want certain people to understand that they are needed during certain times without having to say it to them explicitly, you want them to be with you or at least call you for that matter...  And it just perturbs you even more when they don't get it, when they fail to be there with you during those certain times...
But
None of them have been blessed with any kinda super powers that they would just come to know about your state of mind!
Moreover, there are good odds that they might be having a bad day themself and would be waiting for you to come and soothe them...
You know, you should never ignore the other side of the coin, not even in your worst days!

'The sweet escape' by Gwen Stefani, is what I'm listening to right now...
It reminds me of my sweet junior college days, when I didn't have a Smartphone (which means no music) and I used to be glued on to VH1 all day and this song used to be played on every hour! The first time I heard it, I hated it but then after watching it on TV so many times I ended up falling in love with it... it's still one of my best 'pep-up' songs!

I truly believe by going through a person's playlist, you can pretty much figure them out because music is the best way to express yourself (even listening to music is)...
But again, sometimes you hear some songs just for fun and not for what they mean... and that's why I conspicuously mentioned 'pretty much'.

It makes me so sad that I couldn't save me from falling again...

I wish... Why do we wish so much!

Work-in-process

When you are being the bad guy, yelling and arguing while that little voice inside you is constantly asking you to shut up... but you just pretend as if you didn't hear it and continue being wrong, talking ill, which eventually results in a huge lump of guilt in your throat....

Anger is never good... Admitting is easy but eliminating it is certainly not!

Sometimes it just feels as though I am living a perfect life in an imperfect and erroneous manner.
It was easier when I was a teen, I used to blame God for anything wrong that happened with me, with my life...
But, as I grew up, I realized, He is not to blame, it's me... for this is not my life, this is a gift He's given to me, I'm the one who's not able to figure out how to deal with the gift... I cannot hold him culpable for anything as He's only responsible for the good things that have happened to me while me and my karma are responsible for all the bad things...
So since a few years, I actually have no one to pass on the blame... perhaps that's the source of all the anger generating within... but for how long??
Maybe, just as time taught me not to blame Him, it will also teach me to deal with all the anger...

I trust in You and no one can change that Mr God! :)
I may not be regularly visiting Your shrine... but I just don't need to because I know you are here... all the time; looking out for me! :*

And last but not the least,
Happy Independence day!
Yes, we still are a developing country, we still are struggling with immense poverty and corruption, we haven't bagged a gold in Olympics since last 3 decades... BUT there is something that has changed we are not as inert as we used to be towards the ills of the society, we are trying to search the answers, we have started pointing towards the wrong even if the wrong is someone sitting on the throne, we did bag 2 silver and 4 bronze medals and stood 55th out of the 83 participant countries and we are one of the fastest growing economies on this globe...
Desh badal raha hain....
I hope our great freedom- fighters up there would be happy to see that we are still fighting, fighting to be the best...

Standing at the brink...

Why is it so difficult to excel in anything?
Is there anything that I'm good at?!

I never pictured things to turn out like this, I never thought of me to become what I have become...

I need to invoke the power in me, only then things can work and life can start trudging, at least.

Will my quest ever reach its destination??
Because I am fed up now... I've never felt that before...

I am standing at the brink, there is no more farther to go. One more step ahead will land me in the deepest and the darkest chasm therefore I need to stop and tread backwards... but I still won't halt.. Why?

Inexplicably awful feelings...
I desperately need to outgrow all of this...

I wish...
Why do we wish so much!

Ugh

Instrumentals-I love!
Listening to fatal attraction.

Deadline tomorrow- everything's pending!
Why? Why the hell do I HAVE to procrastinate every bloody thing!

Awful Mood- Various Reasons.

Met some old friends today... Friends, really??
To be true, they were more of a boring set of strangers.
Not going would've been a better option if I was given that alternative!

Spent a lot this week- Guilty!
Also ate a lot- Guilty again!

Have been hiding... myself, things, habits...

Losing the grip totally!

I have been truly and totally spaced out!

Fucked up! :S 

Nothing's sacred anymore.... It never was...

When someone you respected truly, breaks your myth...
Something very shocking and disgusting happened yesterday, something that I never in my deadliest nightmare could have imagined...
It is strange how you can never know what goes on, on the inside of a person...

...........
Men are only men, not brothers not fathers but only men!  No relation, no love, no values, no ethics, nothing in this world is greater than the cravings of their testosterone...

Sad...

I get it why the figures show that 90% of rapes take place within the family...
It is so easy for them to cross the frontier of values...

Disgustingly morbid!

Totally shaken-up...

In one of my previous post I'd written, 'I don't get why guys love to assume that every girl who tries to interact with them is interested in them!!!' -that time it never struck me that this also applies to the male members in your family but now it is pretty much clear!

Mr God please save the planet from such parasites... they are eating up the humanity and the global cultural values... Do something!

Only if...

Dil Chahta Hai- :) :)


I like Palaash Sen. He has a great voice, an amazing sense of music, a cool personality, appears to be sensible (at least in his interviews) and he's also a doc!


Le jaa tu mujhe - a song that speaks to me.


"It's never too late to be what you might have been" - George Eliot
I had cold-creeps when I first read this quote... I don't know why?!
Maybe because I know I lack the gumption...


When you are craving for a heart-to-heart conversation and you also try to have it with your bunch but somehow you are unable to click. Then the annoyance that follows thereafter...


Just now, while having a conversation with a friend... I (rather we) discerned how people don't give out all the information. I mean, I kinda reveal out excess unnecessary things, about myself, when interacting with people. This has to be slashed down! But then, I've tried it before and it has never worked with me...So perhaps, now or in future...
You should do what you have to do..... Now only if I followed it!!!



"The more you take responsibility of your past and present, the more you are able to create the future you seek"  - Celestine chua 


Ugh... In a bizarre state of mind... feeling too antsy!! 


..................................................................................

The subject of matter

When in a sticky situation...at first, you fret about the fact that no one understands you and when someone actually understands... what happens next? What happens after getting an "I understand" from someone? Is the problem solved?
No, it isn't! You are still there. In the same place where you were before that person or anyone fathomed you. So how does it matter?! Really?
'No one understands me'... A statement that's void ab initio. Because, why should someone or anyone understand you, when their comprehension is actually worth a diddly and if it's not at all conducive to the situation! Rather than concentrating on making things better, we brood about no one grasping us!
But still.. we are humans (and I am no different)... we love to feel that no one understands us... so be it!


I've always done what I've wanted to do, be it right or wrong! I've always followed my heart (well, 98% of the times)... But when the heart is misleading you to do something that it knows is not good for you, in any possible way... the pleasure won't be worth the pain, at all... then it's advisable not to follow it! Certain times it is necessary to follow your brain! Because you have got to be rational, logical and practical, to understand the gravity of the situation! Life really has been a party (since quite sometime now)... but just like every other party, this one also has to be ended! Fun cannot be the only essence of life! I need to put a break to the 'My way or the highway' thing that I've been practicing!!

In both the above paragraphs... All that matters is the knowledge and acumen of the subject of matter in those situations!

Never back down is a nice movie. I quite liked it!
Stronger by Kelly Clarkson- Awesome!

Less than 2months left for the exams! I should be studying now! Mr God... Please, the 3D's... deliver them to me ASAP!!

Actually...

Sometimes when you truly start feeling that something good is actually here, things are really working out well and this is your time.... suddenly it turns out you were totally mistaken and it was nothing but a fake mirage!

Music- Always here to make things right for me! I love music. Can't do without it! 

Even now, it feels as though the beats are charging me up with optimism,when my heart is kinda sinking!

Doing wrong things, knowing they are wrong all through but still continuing to do them stubbornly BUT never actually regretting them, is what I always do. And strangely, I've accepted me like that! Again, I know it's wrong to actually accept such a way of life and continue doing it. But this is me now! Can't help it, really!!

"Nain parindey" from the movie Lafangey parindey... soulful!

"Grace Kelly" by Mika is one song that I loved years back, then I got bored of it and now again I like it!

"I tried to be like Grace Kelly

But all her looks were too sad

So I tried a little a Freddy, (ooooh)

I've gone identity mad!"

This song helps me feel more comfortable in my own skin, when I am bothered by the judgments and conjectures about me! Listening to it right now... and loving it!!

You know, they say that never let anyone else control your emotional buttons... but being a human it is not possible to do that unless you are some saint or a yogi or whatever! It's fine to be sad for a while. Why do people consider being sad as a bad thing? I mean, it's okay...only you should know how to change back to being happy!!

Also, sometimes it's better to keep your sadness and anxiety to yourself. Because when you open your heart about it to people and they don't say the words you want to hear, it only makes you more mad!!  

And YOU... better get out of the door! Hah... YOU don't matter now!! Actually, YOU never did!!!

Poker-faced.....

"Dilemma" by Nelly (featuring Kelly) lists amongst those 1st favorite English numbers of mine. I was in school and used to listen to this song all day! Also, "Get down" by Backstreet boys... Man, I was crazy about this song...
"I feel like heaven when I look in your eyes, 
I know that you're the one for me.
You drive me crazy cz you're one of a kind,
I want your lovin baby and I want it right now woahoahoah woahoah...."  

How do you know that he/she is the one for you???
I don't think one can ever know... at least I can't!
Maybe that's the feeling you get when you are enamored and smitten by that person but you may not incessantly and invariably feel so! I wish there was some certain way to know that because then there would be no perplexity. As it is I am like this big befuddled glob of pensiveness and thoughtlessness! See, my perception about me itself is so paradoxical and bamboozled! Sometimes I really feel... Mera kuch nahi ho sakta...!!

Listening to 'Poker face' by Lady Gaga...

I sometimes feel my heart is poker-faced! I myself can never be sure of what it wants!

When you know what is that something, that's missing but you can't really help it.
When you prefer being ignorant about things because accepting them and facing them is not a cinch.

When you say "never" purposefully because you want the "never say never" to work there!
When you want something so desperately and so eagerly, since ages but there are still no signs of it getting any closer and it really is not in your hands, at all!! That feeling of helpless restlessness can be tackled only by being oblivious and blithe. You know, those things that are totally dependent on your destiny... I guess ignorance really is bliss, there!!
Just wishing and hoping......

Alas, the mirthful wintertide went away :( :( This was the best winter of my life, till date. I wish to witness this sublimity and jocundity every year!

"Auntyji" and "Gubbare" from EMAET - I love!


Lastly, Happy Birthday Mom. I Love you! I really do...Maybe more than I will ever know!

Feminine!

I can see a slight beam of light coming out of the shut window so there's still a thin ray of hope left... So Mr stupid little brain, are you there?! Hellloooo?! Kindly start working!!!

Why are the heart and head always battling? Can't they for once settle on a single mutual thing?!

I've been listening too much to "Oh Johnny..." since last 2 days. It's a song by 'Andrew sisters'. It was a US chart-buster during the world-war!! I know... it's a very old song but it's very gleeful! 

Also, the soundtrack from the Bolly movie 'Life in a metro' is really good. Too romantic songs, not really my thing but sometimes they work well because the music is amazing (especially the guitar sounds)... When the movie was out years back, everyone was crazy about its songs but I never paid attention and now when people are bored of them... I've started liking them (All thanks to the radio stations that still keep playing them)! This always happens with me...late realizations... most of the times over songs and some of the times with real people!

Girls, females, women... No one can understand them, not even they themselves!

Sometimes we can take it all in good humor and sometimes something said sarcastically can hurt us immensely! 

I know guys who are like that too... in my head, I refer to them as 'girl-guys'!! I mean SOMETIMES it's OK for a guy to think like a girl, exceptions are allowed but dude.. not invariably!! It's easy to tell a girl-guy from the real guys! I personally know quite a few of them! Now, girl-guys are straight men, interested in women. They also have all the male body parts... the only thing they lack is some peculiar and necessary male thinking habits, which I can't elucidate properly... perhaps you'll need the girl-antennas to figure out what I mean here! And NO, I am not referring to the habit of lusting other women... because be it a guy or a girl-guy... they still own testosterone!! 

Anyway,

Why does being called 'fat' always bothers us? 

Maybe because girls have to be thin (not plump, not pudgy, not healthy... but THIN and LEAN) to be accepted by everyone! I don't know who started it... but now it's like the word 'Fat' sounds like an abuse to a girl, at times! I remember, till I was 17, I used to refer someone as 'fat' only if they were highly overweight or obese but as the years passed and my interactions with people increased, I've learnt that even if you are moderately out of proportion then you are freaking FAT!! 

But you know what... Screw you... Go eat yourself up and stop bothering me... I am fat and I don't fucking have a problem with that!!! 

We don't need anyone's acceptance, except our own! Often when people look at us scornfully, we start doubting ourselves (well, most of the girls do)... why do we do that?! However, sooner or later we do realize...we don't need to give a shit about it!

Right now, I am reminded of this song by Lady Sovereign, I enjoyed listening to few years back, that goes..

"Love me or hate me, is that an obsession

love me or hate me, that is the question

if you love me then thank you

if you hate me then fuck you!!"  

It's a fun song, you know! I really like it! ;)

Also, the movie 'Shallow Hal' is coming to my memory, at the moment... It is a good movie with a nice message... Somewhere I feel, all of us are just as shallow as Hal was before the climax of the movie...

And,

Sometimes, you call up a person, looking for warmth but all you get is a gigantic cold ice-cube! 

Sometimes, why is it necessary to hear the words we already know, from someone else?!

Sometimes, healthy flirting is fun! ;)