Turning 31

Early this week I was in the mood to watch a chick-flick and I chose ‘Bridget Jones’s Diary’. The movie opens with Bridget stating she is 32 years old and the rest follows. Have you noticed, in most western ‘coming-of-age’, romcom, etc. movies, the female protagonists are in their 30s? Okay remember, what is Carrie Bradshaw’s age in Sex and the City’s first episode? Another point to be noted in such shows and movies, is people in 20s are shown as too young and immature.

On the contrary, in Indian cinema, in 1990s and before, the female lead would be in her teens! And nowadays, they have graduated to be in their early 20s. 

Now, I am not trying to belittle any culture here as I understand every society has had a history and is the way it is for a reason, which is a very different and wide topic and can be discussed at another time. 

What I am trying to say is, we are a society that endorses (and ensures) childhood meets a premature death and old age blooms early. And, as feminist as it sounds, it is true that this is more so for the girls!

• Get married in early 20’s
• Have babies by mid-20s
• Make your life all about your family in your 30s
• Become a purpose-less, hopeless old hag in your 40s
• Make religion/God your priority in your 50s
• Wait for your death in and after 60s

Now, I am not saying that women are asked to follow the above timeline. I mean we are raised in a way that this seeps into our subconscious so discreetly, we don’t realize it until we are in the later phase of this pre-designed life. Perhaps this is changing for some and may be not for some.

Last year after I turned 30, I went through this gloomy phase for a few weeks. I have always followed my heart and rebelled my way through life so far and I was feeling like the best part of my life has just ended and that it will only go downhill further on! All this until I had the revelation (as above) about why do I really feel the way I do.

Scientifically, yes, the body gets older and gradually weaker as we grow. But how we feel or should feel does not depend on it, at least, not entirely. Moreover, ‘the best part of life’ is something we usually don't realise when living it. We will only see it that way, once it has passed or when it is about to come. 

Yesterday, I turned 31. There are many changes in the way I see and perceive things now. May be I don’t get enthusiastic too often as I have met many a new experience already. May be I am not as interested in everything that comes along my way. May be I am not always open to new friendships. May be it all sounds a little less adventurous. May be this what 'older and wiser' looks like. But, the inner curious child in me is still very much alive. And, I believe life has only just begun and that the quest to ‘I don’t know what’ continues in all its glory. 

PS: These are strictly my observations and not a judgement on any particular persons. If they seem condescending, perhaps you should question yourself.  

Song paying in my head - Dance Monkey by Tones and I

Litterings

Just because you do a certain set of things for someone doesn't entitle you to be a receiver of similar favours from them.

Doing is a choice.
Expecting is a choice.
Accepting is a choice.
But being offered is not a choice. At least not for you. It is a choice that belongs to the person offering it.

Love. Everyone has their own version. Even two people who are in love with each other have different definitions.
For one love could be "I love you!" While for the other it could simply be "Why did you miss your breakfast?"
Sometimes the difference might cause slight friction. But most of the times, the existence of love is enough. Methods employed in pursuing, matter not much.

Meanwhile...
I am in a queue. Waiting to withdraw cash from an ATM booth.
Change. Everyone wants it. Not many wish to contribute for it.

When at home people are praising this step taken by the GOI of banning 500 &1000 Rs notes as it will subject to a lot of undisclosed income becoming accountable. But when in a queue to withdraw cash or deposit it, they curse the government for harassing the "Aam Aadmi".

It's a conundrum for me, perhaps the big players in this game of black money have successfully managed to hide their income still or were already aware of the upcoming declaration and made arrangements for the same. Or may be not.
But at least the small players will be caught.

I have a hard time trusting any of the politicians. Or the Government. However I have hopes. That there must be some good Samaritans working amidst them.

I abuse.

It is not leaving my mind.
The thought that a man cannot accept his woman using cuss words!

Why?
Why is it so difficult?

When we (the female fraternity) can accept most of your flaws - your swearing, your uncleanliness, your phobia for commitment, etc. - why can't you accept the same?

I need to calm down.

Okay so,
The society has fed you that girls are coy, polite and docile. So I cannot really blame you for thinking so. But should I also not expect you to broaden your horizons of thinking? Can I not expect you to lose the orthodox school of thought? Is it so difficult to have an open mind? Does unconventionality scare you? Are you so feeble that anything that does not conform to the norms of the 'society' is unacceptable for you? Are you not strong enough to take it? Or are you afraid of the equality in speech?

Whatever it is... It's your problem, not mine. Loathe me! I don't give a fuck! I abuse!

Links for an Indian woman

You may have seen these videos before as they gained a lot of popularity, but I would like to share them again.

Happy Women's Day! Really?

I saw a women’s day parade happening near Ghatkopar Station on 8^th March, around 4:30 in the evening. For the first time on that day, I could feel the spirit of International Women’s Day, and was pretty happy that ladies are coming out and celebrating womanhood. 

Just 2 days after women's day, it's 9:30pm, I am walking from a friend's place towards home, and a biker pulls over near me. He asks me for an address, I guide him. As he gets ready to leave, instead of saying thank you, the guys throws a disgusting, lewd comment and speeds away.

Girls will find it disgusting, but they won't find it surprising because all of them have faced this and even worse already. Guys, on the other hand, may not justify this creep, but will ask me to be more cautious and careful.

There is worst that has happened in the past so I am really glad that this guy did not touch me and simply left after the comment. But why even that comment? Why is it so common? Why should I take it?

I know, people will agree that it is unacceptable, but we women still have to accept it! We have no other option, do we? Eve teasing, molestation, lewd comments and rapes are all a part of our society now. And it not just resides in a single part or area of the society, but is scattered all over.

I have nothing new to say. It's all been said and done. Feminists have been voicing their opinion against this. Men, on the other hand, have been constantly displaying their annoyance towards women generalizing on the basis of these dirty acts of some males.

There is so much I wish to say. There are so many emotions gushing inside me. But I choose not to say anything anymore. At least, not at the moment. Because I know it will all fall on deaf ears. No one can help me. This is going to happen to me again. This has been happening and will continue to happen with my girl friends, my mum, my sisters, my daughter and all other women I know and do not know. I can't do anything to help them. I can't do anything to help me.

These safety apps, helpline numbers, pepper spray and other little weapons are not always helpful. The ogling won't stop. If you are a female, every of your body part will be minutely examined even when when it is convered with layers of cloth, and you cannot do anything about it. There always will be lecherous eyes lurking around. Deal with it!