From House to Home

23 Aug 2020

We are moving! I am so excited for the new house. To live here, to make new memories with him here. I really wish that this house is comfortable and does not have any major problems so we can stay here for longer than a year or two. Because one year seems so less to soak in all the good things it has in store for us. 

This is a new experience for me, this settling into a house that I and he chose together. Bringing all of our belongings here. Arranging & allocating them to specific shelves, drawers, cupboards. 

It feels amazing. This is like the good part of being independent.

Yes, being independent does have a not-so-greatly-enjoyable side too! Like paying bills / cooking and cleaning / planning & saving for early retirement because god knows I cannot be spending most of years of my life earning money (read as evil)! 

Let me not digress... I was talking about the good part... I am excited!

23 Oct 2020

The house is still pretty great! The excitement is gone, but the appreciation has stayed. Just like a happy long-term relationship or marriage. It's comfortable, it's roomy enough, it lets me be, it's home now. :)

The difference... or distance?

When I decided to switch my career path, I lost one of the common factors in my friendship with some of my very close friends.
When they entered into a serious relationship with their new respective partners, I was truly delighted for them but now there was one more thing that differentiated me from them.
And now, as they consider marriage and life after it, I wish them the very best while also making an addition to the list that keeps us from being on the same page.

Yesterday, I was out with a bunch of people, not friends really. One of them, a well-accomplished lady, mentioned that her best friend has a child and it's been 2 years now. She has been trying for one herself since a long time now.
She said whenever they used to meet, all that friend had to talk about was her daughter. It had begin to become discomforting for her to be in her friend's company now. She was not envious, in fact, she was happy that her friend was blessed with a bundle of joy.
But, she wasn't able to empathize with that friend anymore. They weren't on the same page. Their priorities, their scenarios, their day-to-schedule, everything had changed.
So, she started distancing herself from that woman, not intentionally though. It just happened. They don't meet anymore.

As I was listening to her story, I wondered, isn't it really how I too feel for those close friends of mine? I couldn't get myself to say yes, but I did not say a no as well.

I also thought if they too feel so about this situation. But then, I refuse to believe they do because there's so much going on in their lives, in our lives, that they really wouldn't have the time to sit and contemplate about something as trivial as this. It's merely me over-thinking, as usual.

Sigh...

Sadly, this is not the first time I've been perturbed by this obvious feeling. It has been worrying me since quite some time now. So, it was not this lady's words that triggered this thought. It was always there. I was just scared to admit it to myself so bluntly.

Dad says, "You should do what everyone is doing in order to be a part of the society. You will be happy only if you start living your life like everyone else does, as only then you will be able to maintain your relationships. You can't just stand there while everyone else is taking the next step."

Do I have to? Really?
I am scared. I don't know what to do about it. I never thought 'peer pressure' could actually be so pressurizing.
Perhaps Dad is right...
But, is it something I want to do? 
  
Sometimes I wish, somethings would never change. But, we humans, we are all assholes, we are responsible for most changes that transpire and later brood about them.

Anyway, I shall leave it to the future. Whatever has to happen, will happen.

Time flows differently in everyone's life. Different phases occur to different people at different times. One cannot control it. And, it's fair. It's simply life.

I wish...
Why do we wish so much!

A final goodbye... to something, which could've defined me, in a way.

And just when I had started to feel lonely, Mr. God sent all those who love me to erase that dirty feeling.
Of course, I love everyone around me because they love me so much, but more than anyone else I love you and my guardian angels (BM & Daddy, I believe)!

Lonliness, just like happiness, is a state of mind and a matter of choice, I guess!

I am so tired and sleepy!

Oppa Gangnam Style *dancing*!!

Oppa Gangnam Style - The song, the video and the DANCE... Quirky and super awesome!!!

My old hobby and favorite passtime, cooking, has gotten into me again. :) :D
When in school, we had to select a compulsory hobby class, I had taken up cooking and I used to try new dishes taught to us, at home, all the time. :D

Today it was Pasta! Me and mom had a 2AM snack and a little chatter. ;) :D

And, (most of the times)
Life is all about having around people, who can make you laugh and whom you can make laugh... and that's about it. ;)

Complaint box

I need to get certain things off my mind in order to get back in-order!!

Note: These are things that are so petty that I do not feel like putting them in my diary and so this is the best possible way to get rid of all the aimless pondering and ANGER.

1. Enough with the drama!! Just leave me alone, will you?! I too feel bad even if I don't show it!!
2. When you talk bad... it still hurts... sometimes... Because there are certain things that one can never get accustomed to COMPLETELY, no matter how hard one tries... 
3. Boys are not the only topic that we girls can talk about! So please for heaven's sake, STOP!!
4. And, just because my friends are all dating doesn't mean I HAVE to see someone too!! I ACTUALLY am very happy being single and I do not understand why is it soooooo hard to gulp that in?!
5. To myself - Speed up!! FAST!!! Be assiduous and sedulous! 
6. To Mr. God - Help me to help me! *begging*
7. Beauty is not perfection! Some people need to comprehend that being good-looking does not mean you are above everyone else or average lookers do not deserve better than you!!
8. Being candid about your thoughts and opinions may seem to be a great thing when you are practicing it but when others practice it and start throwing their unwanted and unnecessary opinions on you... you'll know how "great" it really is!!
9. You are funny- HAHA!! Now shooo!
10. If you don't find me interesting then don't talk to me... it's just that simple! I really wouldn't mind even if you are a good friend!!
11. And... I've always believed that you need a break from every person in your life at some point of time, no matter how important or special that person is!! I do this... a lot.. I need my space.. now, is that soo bad?!
12. Yes, I can be a super bitch, at times... Deal with it or leave!!
13. I knew I had to face it... I was prepared...

And yet, I survived all of it, thanks to:

1. Mr. God
2. My stupid little brother [I love you!]
3. Music (Of course, duhh!!)
4. Food (Always!)
5. Finally realizing I was being stupid by even letting myself get bothered for the last 3 hours, for these silly thoughts!

*gasp*
*sigh*

P.S.: No comments or views or opinions will be welcomed here (unless they are expressly in my favor)!!

Nothing's sacred anymore.... It never was...

When someone you respected truly, breaks your myth...
Something very shocking and disgusting happened yesterday, something that I never in my deadliest nightmare could have imagined...
It is strange how you can never know what goes on, on the inside of a person...

...........
Men are only men, not brothers not fathers but only men!  No relation, no love, no values, no ethics, nothing in this world is greater than the cravings of their testosterone...

Sad...

I get it why the figures show that 90% of rapes take place within the family...
It is so easy for them to cross the frontier of values...

Disgustingly morbid!

Totally shaken-up...

In one of my previous post I'd written, 'I don't get why guys love to assume that every girl who tries to interact with them is interested in them!!!' -that time it never struck me that this also applies to the male members in your family but now it is pretty much clear!

Mr God please save the planet from such parasites... they are eating up the humanity and the global cultural values... Do something!

Rightly wrong!

I feel, everyone around me is either getting married or hitched or committed. I guess, this is the age as per the Indian norms, where the girl is like a ripe mango, ready to be plucked!
(Do not read it with a perverted mind because I'm pretty serious!)


Whenever my parents come back from a social gathering, they bring up this topic of marriage. Just like we have our own peer pressure, they too have this societal peer pressure on them. Since ages, this has been prevalent in India, girls have to be put in a wedlock at an early age. This is how the system works here.


When my folks see other peoples daughters getting married at 21/22... they also feel like getting their daughter married ASAP and almost all parents are like that! They are not wrong on their part. 
It's like a marketing strategy. If one company reduces the price of their product, their competitors will also have to slash down the prices in order to maintain the competition and sustain their customers. Similarly, if there are a set of people ready to give their girls out for marriage at 21. why will any guys family go for a girl who's 25 or above?! So others to will have to get their daughters married at 21 or 22! You know, our society believes, 'younger the better'!!


I fail to understand why the society reckons marriage to be the solution for girls...
(Haha... Ipso facto, this was the topic of my first ever internet article!)


No matter how much I debate with my parents, my family or anyone... there are some rules, in the society, that we'll never be able to break completely. We can be amongst the exception but we cannot expect the society to transform its beliefs! They call it Indian culture but I beg to differ!


I can comprehend the rudiment on which "arranged marriages" ever came into being. I mean, it's good that parents and families, here in India, want their children (boy or girl) to have a partner, a family, a home! 
But, the times have changed... It is not about imitating the western culture, it is about bringing certain necessary mutations in the primitive and orthodox school of norms and beliefs! We, the human beings are evolving with every new generation coming to life... so isn't it important for the society also to evolve and move along, with us?!
I don't mean to degrade or sabotage our great Indian culture, I do value it... but here, culture is not the subject of matter... It's the societal norms and beliefs that I am speaking of!
Arranged marriages are our culture and I respect that but the age bar for the girls is not our culture! The age criterion is an obstinate and dogmatic societal creation! 
It is unjust to the girls, in a way... Maybe not all girls but to the ones like me, they are! 


The funny thing is.... some portion of our generation also believes that marriage is the solution to all their problems and it's not only the girls that I mean here, even the guys believe so!
It's like... 
Relationship troubles- I guess, I should get married!
Career failures- I think, marriage is the only thing left for me.
Family fights- I better get married! 
*gasp*
And, I kid you not, I really do know few such people! 
(Also, girls I can fathom for once, if they think like that because we've been made believe so... BUT the guys?? Now see, such guys are the official 'girl-guys'!! Haha... I am sorry, I'm not being sexist! Really!)


Well,
THEY may be right and I may be wrong here.... But then, I'm known to do things wrongly... so why should I do it right here!!! ;)

I gave up!

So my friends finally coerced me and I am going to follow my heart again!! I gave up on the thought of rational and logical thinking (ONCE AGAIN)!
(Sorry Paa... I know you will hate me for this...)
Many mixed emotions gushing inside my veins.... A little scared....
........
Have to study. 

From Deedo...

Happy birthday Nanakss!! You are 15!!! So unbelievable!!
It feels just yesterday when you were a 5 year old kid who couldn't do a thing without his deedo, who used to sit on the window and look at every red BEST bus passing by the street, who used to give me geeli pappis! I vividly remember, how dad used to get those blank coloring books with various colorless images in it and we used to color it together. As soon as I would put on music, you would start spinning round and round, you could actually spin around all day!
Scores of countless memories... Can't list them all even if I want to!
Your mere presence has been the biggest strength of my life! I wouldn't have survived without you! I am here because I have you...
Thank you Mr God... for the best gift of my life... You knew how much I needed him!
I love you! I love you more than any person in this world, I don't think I have or ever will love anyone, half as much as you! I love you beyond any words and boundaries!!


A quote that's just meant for you....
"I sought my soul but my soul I couldn't see, I sought my God but my God eluded me, I sought my brother and I found all three."  

Mix

"Waiting for tonight" by JLo = old memories!

I never ever like my photographs!! I don't think I ever will!! :l :/
I don't mind getting clicked. I never bother to check how I look in the snaps because the pictures are MINE only so how does it make a difference! But... I loathe them! Can't help it!

My friend who got married, her wedding snaps were out on FB yesterday... Although I hated all my clicks but still the memories each one of those pictures carries are priceless!!
Sigh... Where does the time fly?!
I am feeling overly reminiscent, at the moment!

I just found a very old playlist in my PC... :) :)
Angry birds- I love!
All Taylor Swift songs sound just the same to me!!

Sometimes you wish to eject a few people out of your life, even though they are important and valuable. Because, excess of everything, be it good or bad, is always bad...

Boredom- One common feeling (I won't term it as an emotion because I find it inappropriate), which every one feels too frequently! It's a very funny feeling. As a matter of fact, it's the only feeling, no would want anyone to understand or you know, empathize with...
So if this word never existed, is it possible the feeling also wouldn't have existed?! Perhaps...

Anyway so,
Everyday I read at least 1 rape case in the newspapers. They say only 15-20% of the cases are actually registered with the police and still we (India) rank amongst the top-most countries, where rapes are most prevalent! It gives me chills to read them or watch them on news! Rapists are as repugnant as the terrorists... They can never imagine what it can do to the victim! I wish each one of the rapists that exists on this globe anywhere, gets punished  and agonized so hard and so ugly that they would pray for their death but Mr God would not let them die; He would keep them alive and as miserable as a human being can ever bear to be, in fact more forlorn than that!! Rape is an incorrigible offence! 

(Papa...Belated Happy birthday! You will always be my SUPERHERO!)

Poker-faced.....

"Dilemma" by Nelly (featuring Kelly) lists amongst those 1st favorite English numbers of mine. I was in school and used to listen to this song all day! Also, "Get down" by Backstreet boys... Man, I was crazy about this song...
"I feel like heaven when I look in your eyes, 
I know that you're the one for me.
You drive me crazy cz you're one of a kind,
I want your lovin baby and I want it right now woahoahoah woahoah...."  

How do you know that he/she is the one for you???
I don't think one can ever know... at least I can't!
Maybe that's the feeling you get when you are enamored and smitten by that person but you may not incessantly and invariably feel so! I wish there was some certain way to know that because then there would be no perplexity. As it is I am like this big befuddled glob of pensiveness and thoughtlessness! See, my perception about me itself is so paradoxical and bamboozled! Sometimes I really feel... Mera kuch nahi ho sakta...!!

Listening to 'Poker face' by Lady Gaga...

I sometimes feel my heart is poker-faced! I myself can never be sure of what it wants!

When you know what is that something, that's missing but you can't really help it.
When you prefer being ignorant about things because accepting them and facing them is not a cinch.

When you say "never" purposefully because you want the "never say never" to work there!
When you want something so desperately and so eagerly, since ages but there are still no signs of it getting any closer and it really is not in your hands, at all!! That feeling of helpless restlessness can be tackled only by being oblivious and blithe. You know, those things that are totally dependent on your destiny... I guess ignorance really is bliss, there!!
Just wishing and hoping......

Alas, the mirthful wintertide went away :( :( This was the best winter of my life, till date. I wish to witness this sublimity and jocundity every year!

"Auntyji" and "Gubbare" from EMAET - I love!


Lastly, Happy Birthday Mom. I Love you! I really do...Maybe more than I will ever know!

Happy Valentines day!

It's valentines day... and also my bloggy-doggy's 1st birthday! Happy Birthday 'My Dreamsville'!! This blog is a piece of me... just can't articulate what it means to me... :) :)


Valentines day... A day that gives you just another reason to celebrate love. It is a day full of positive energy. Love is literally in the air on this day! I know, many don't believe in celebrating valentines but as I said, it gives you just another reason to celebrate love AND if you really love 'love', you won't refrain from celebrating it!
But, the V-Day kinda emphasizes the disadvantages of single-hood :/


There are some songs that give you a rush... You just capitulate to its music, its lyrics, its melody... 'Bad Romance' by Lady Gaga is one such song! I am in deep love with this track! Almost all Lady Gaga numbers are enchanting!!
"I want your love and I want your revenge
You and me could write a bad romance
I want your love and all your love is revenge
You and me could write a bad romance
Oooooohhhhhhhhhhh caught in bad romance..."  SIMPLY LOVE IT!!! :D




Why do people always choose to consider your words over your intentions? If someone really loves you, be it your family, friends or your beloved, you have got to trust in them that they would never even think about hurting you in any way.
The feeling you get when you have been highly misconstrued by a friend... is awfully upsetting! :( :(
Why do people love to think that everyone else is here to hurt them and the entire world is conspiring against them?? 
I mean, quit the negativity, dude!! Stop being so unaffirmative and cynical!! The world doesn't exactly revolve around you! 
I am fucking sick of being around the grouchy ones, the sullen ones and the huffy ones!!!


........


There's always a part of your heart that can never think practically or rationally come what may!  


And sometimes despite of having many dear ones, when you are feeling very chatty, somehow you can't manage to find a single person to talk to!!
Then, you realize that you actually blabber and drivel a little too much!


It's not good to turn blase about important issues. Levity and flippancy can really mess your life up to no limits!  
.......

Me, the movie freak!!

Phew... I can die from an overdose of love-stories!! I have been thriving on 2 romantic movies per day since last three days! I am on a break for a week, from studies so I have been pampering myself by doing everything in excess (including excess-eating...LOL, though that is something I always do & not just while I am on breaks)... But seriously I should stop watching love stories, it makes me feel girlier than I actually am!!! (Yes, I do know, girlier is not a real word)


Listening to High school musical songs, Hannah Montana songs and Lizzie McGuire music takes me back to my teenage years and all the memories come rushing back, making me feel happy and sad at the same moment...
"It's hard to believe that I couldn't see, you were always there besides me, thought I was alone, with no one to hold but you were always right besides me....", such an awesome HSM song!
See, I told you, I am getting all mushy and silly and tooo girly!!


Tomorrow's 'To-do' list:
Watch 'Wild things', 'Gothika' and 'X-Men 2' to get the mush out.


I've been blogging everyday (rather every night). Also I've been writing my diary too much... Maybe I am trying to keep the writing alive in me... I dont want it go away... Decisions & choices are very difficult to deal with...


Looking at the old photos, is one way of realizing how time has just flied by. Around 13.5 years back, I had a baby in my hands.  From his first walk, first words & first report card to changing his diapers, carrying him in my arms, taking him everywhere I went, it all seems like a sweet and pretty dream... Now, he's got a slight mustache & he's too huge to carry him in my arms... But no matter how many years pass by, you will always be my baby and my first love... Oh God, I don't know how will I ever be able to share him with yet another woman!  


Anyway, 
why do people choose to go for a movie on the basis of the reviews? Are their choices so generic? I mean, I used to think every person is different and they have differing choices, then how come do they decide to watch a movie based on someone else's reviews and opinions? May be you'll like the movie with a bad review, maybe you will really find it entertaining... After reading the newspaper review, you will so definitely have the same perception about it! Why do people ALWAYS have to be so logical and judgmental? Cant they watch a movie for sole entertainment purposes without judging it much?! You shouldn't think so much for seeing a movie, just watch it, simple! I love watching movies for the sake of entertainment, fun and emotions and not on the basis of some stupid weekly review!! Anyway, I care too less about whatever people think in this regard.


......

The fun week ends…

1 Party + 1 dinner + Manori + Lonavala = A week full of fun and entertainment. While returning from Manori, I wanted to blog about it ASAP but I was drained by the trip till the time I reached home so I could not and little did I know that the awesome Lonavala weekend was waiting for me. So now I will put down all the fun together here.

The fun week started with a friend’s awesome party. All of us danced our hearts out. It was superb. Then the next day, me and my mad gang (as we call it) left for Manori. The beach, the cottage, the horse-cart ride, the ferry ride, the weird dog and the dark room, all made it a perfect picnic. Actually, I had the perfect set of people and that’s what made it a hit. The little jokes, the funny events, the teasing, the yelling and hooting made it one of most memorable outings for all of us. To top it all, it rained. My first proper rainy session, all of us got wet and enjoyed the weather thoroughly. I would specifically like to mention the horse cart ride while returning; the sun was setting, it was very windy and cloudy by then. The narrow road on which our horses were galloping was margined by trees on both sides. Most of the trees bore red flowers. It looked like they were on fire. And then, the sky started sprinkling water. Oh! What a sight! What a feeling! It was indeed an enchanting ride!

Another event to add to my merriment was one of my closest friend’s birthday on 3^rd June. All of us met and went for dinner.

 And then the next morning I Ieft for Lonavala with my family. The climate was amazing there. The clouds were touching the hills. I was actually sitting on cloud nine. I could touch the sky. The scenery, the weather, the fresh air and the swiftly blowing wind were just perfect. Apart from this, I enjoyed the little badminton session with my family. This trip will remain in my memory forever and ever. I feel like I am back from heaven.   

 I don’t remember when was the last that I actually enjoyed for an entire week like that without going to office so all in all it was an exuberating week filled with loads of fun, pleasure and a little guilt for not working at all.

There was not much of writing work this week so I really wish for more of it ahead.