Viscous Virtual Circle

There is too much of everything. 

Too many movies and shows on Netflix.
Too many DIY tips & quotes on Pinterest.
Too many simple hacks on Facebook.
Too many food & dance videos on YouTube.
Too much art on Instagram.
Too many opinions on Twitter.
Too many diet plans on Fitness Pal
Too many answers on Google. 
Too many part-time businesses on Etsy.
Too much 'news' on Whatsapp.

I am not sure if I need so much. So many ideas, so many solutions, so quickly. Whatever happened to searching for answers and the joy of finding them?   

The world has become a weird place. 

Nothing I do is special anymore. Nothing I create is original, and if it is, it won't remain original 5 seconds after I 'share' it with the 'world'. 

I used to do it excitedly until a couple of years ago, not because I wanted to flaunt my skills but to reach out to the right audience and the right opportunities. Sometimes it has worked. And most other times, I just felt happy looking at some positive comments / likes. 

I don't feel like doing it anymore. I don't feel like being a part of this circus anymore! 
I still do post. Sometimes with the fear of losing what little I have managed to build after years of struggle with my writing & art (which still continues). And hardly ever out of a need to express.

What is it with people? Is your life empty? Why do you want to share all your feelings and experiences with others? Why do you want to express your opinions all the time? Is it because no one is actually looking, it's virtual and you can't see faces so it is easier to boast or to say your piece or to share your sadness or express joy? 

How many times when you meet people in a group do you actually try to let them know how you feel? Wait... may be this is what it is? You want to let someone know how you truly feel, you want someone to get it. 

But isn't it better to cultivate actual, real relationships in your life where a handful of real people will actually understand you, your thoughts, your intentions?
I mean I understand it takes more effort than just typing a post and hitting share. But the pay-off is wonderful. 

This virtual audience, I believe, doesn't give a fuck. A few comments, a few likes, a few follows, a few views, they won't fill up the vacuum.

Sigh... The world has become a weird place. There is too much of everything. 

Turning 31

Early this week I was in the mood to watch a chick-flick and I chose ‘Bridget Jones’s Diary’. The movie opens with Bridget stating she is 32 years old and the rest follows. Have you noticed, in most western ‘coming-of-age’, romcom, etc. movies, the female protagonists are in their 30s? Okay remember, what is Carrie Bradshaw’s age in Sex and the City’s first episode? Another point to be noted in such shows and movies, is people in 20s are shown as too young and immature.

On the contrary, in Indian cinema, in 1990s and before, the female lead would be in her teens! And nowadays, they have graduated to be in their early 20s. 

Now, I am not trying to belittle any culture here as I understand every society has had a history and is the way it is for a reason, which is a very different and wide topic and can be discussed at another time. 

What I am trying to say is, we are a society that endorses (and ensures) childhood meets a premature death and old age blooms early. And, as feminist as it sounds, it is true that this is more so for the girls!

• Get married in early 20’s
• Have babies by mid-20s
• Make your life all about your family in your 30s
• Become a purpose-less, hopeless old hag in your 40s
• Make religion/God your priority in your 50s
• Wait for your death in and after 60s

Now, I am not saying that women are asked to follow the above timeline. I mean we are raised in a way that this seeps into our subconscious so discreetly, we don’t realize it until we are in the later phase of this pre-designed life. Perhaps this is changing for some and may be not for some.

Last year after I turned 30, I went through this gloomy phase for a few weeks. I have always followed my heart and rebelled my way through life so far and I was feeling like the best part of my life has just ended and that it will only go downhill further on! All this until I had the revelation (as above) about why do I really feel the way I do.

Scientifically, yes, the body gets older and gradually weaker as we grow. But how we feel or should feel does not depend on it, at least, not entirely. Moreover, ‘the best part of life’ is something we usually don't realise when living it. We will only see it that way, once it has passed or when it is about to come. 

Yesterday, I turned 31. There are many changes in the way I see and perceive things now. May be I don’t get enthusiastic too often as I have met many a new experience already. May be I am not as interested in everything that comes along my way. May be I am not always open to new friendships. May be it all sounds a little less adventurous. May be this what 'older and wiser' looks like. But, the inner curious child in me is still very much alive. And, I believe life has only just begun and that the quest to ‘I don’t know what’ continues in all its glory. 

PS: These are strictly my observations and not a judgement on any particular persons. If they seem condescending, perhaps you should question yourself.  

Song paying in my head - Dance Monkey by Tones and I

Workplace Stress is Real

Lately I have been reading about depression due to work-stress and I am over-whelmed to see the volume of people on various forums and platforms expressing their suffering.

Sigh...

My personal life is great, I am happy and content with it but it's this other life that occupies most part of my active daily hours that is... causing damage.

I realise, for most us, it is not the work or the nature of it. It is the people we are working for and with. The bosses and colleagues who lack empathy and compassion. I wonder if they realise how they affect a person's life, how they turn an otherwise happy person into a miserable and hopeless being. Will they ever, for a moment, realise this? I don't think so...
And even if they do think someday, ohh... I shouldn't have said that or done that... it will be too late.

Late realisations rarely make a difference. 'Better late than never' is not always a good excuse to pardon yourself from your mistakes.

How to get out of this trap?
I need money to survive. I need a roof to live. I need food to eat. So, I need a job to pay me.
Even if I need less, I still need a little for every day. I cannot escape. I need to put up with the insensitivity of people. I need to toughen up. I need to go to work and do whatever it takes.

Sigh...

Things that help on certain lucky days:
- Being unproductive at work for 5-20 mins in a day in office. Because your productivity is never rewarded, just give your tired mind a break. For a little bit don't care for real.
- Call a friend after work and rant about your woes and the unfair things you put up with daily.
- Have a good dinner.
- Listen to music that elevates your spirits.
- Lose yourself in the warm arms of your beloved and just be there in that moment feeling fortunate to have true love in your life.
- Spend some time pursuing your hobby, even if for 15 mins... draw, paint, play music, go for a run, anything.

Well.. there still will be days when none of this would make you feel good, on such days, just breathe and let the time go by.

Sigh...

Moral of the story: Yes, money is evil. But people are the bigger evil. Compassion can really make a huge difference in the world. So be kind. And sometimes be blind... to those who aren't. 

Foolish

Around 8 years ago, I found out that it’s okay to be selfish. To live for yourself. I discovered that it is okay to choose your own dream instead of someone else’s and work towards fulfilling it. It is okay to care a little less about fitting in.
And so... I began following my heart. My foolish heart that believed I could be special... different... extraordinary!
Only to grow up and realise 8 years later that in a world of roughly 7.5 billion people, there cannot be a “different” or “special” you. I mean think about it... there are so many extraordinaries that this word is technically obsolete. Extraordinary is now an ordinary phenomenon.
Okay so I rose up and became a rebel. I revolted to do things my own way. I fought... to choose my own race. But here it is... a race after all!

Can I please stop running?

If not... then can someone please return me the foolishness of my heart... that believed I could be special. Not to the world but in my own eyes...

I wish... Why do we wish so much!

Music playing (in my head)... Bohemian Rhapsody, Queen

A fool never learns

To live in a society and not adhere to its ways, will give you the title of a rebel. Or a fool.

But for how long can you continue to be a rebel. Or a fool.

For how long can you sustain the fight.

I don’t know the answer. I am stuck between walking away from the entire set up and giving into their ways.

Well, no good thing comes without compromises and sacrifices. What I wish for also comes with a price.

Sigh...

I was a fool of a sort once upon a time. I used to think of myself as the creator of my own destiny. I thought if I worked hard enough to deserve something, I would earn it for myself. Because if you honestly desire something and sincerely work towards it, how can you not accomplish it? How can you not be victorious? 

I was taught by time, very little is in my hands at any given time. While I may work hard and set my heart at something, I need not be worthy of it yet. There will be times of helplessness. There will be uncertainty. I will have to deal with failures and deprivation of my reward without being given a reason. Because I will have no choice. Because there is a force much bigger than me, a power much greater than me that controls my destiny more than I do, if not fully.

I am a fool of another sort now. 

I wish...

Why do we wish so much!

Age of Realisation or Realisation of Age

I have started realising why people keep wishing they could go back in time when they were younger & frivolous. As you grow up and begin planning about how and where you wish to see yourself in another 10 years, you somehow start losing the frivolousness and the audacity to follow your heart, your instincts. Every decision you take needs to be thought through. Every step you take has to be analysed. Every move you make should be calculated. And, all these stumbling blocks are built by us. We do it to ourselves, and apparently for ourselves. Suddenly, all those "Live in the moment"and "Carpe Diem" doctrines go out of the window. Because you are a mature individual now - a grown up. You look at life with a distinct perspective. You have to. After all, you have exhausted all the free lunches that you were entitled to.

I am 27 years old.
In India, a girl of my age is not considered to be young. I think I can't even call myself a girl anymore here. Because I am a "woman". However, I still feel like a girl, so I will anyway.
Time just flies away. Kids would earlier call me Didi (elder sister), but since a couple of years, they have started addressing me as Aunty. Perhaps my age is showing. Though I have observed, it's more often the parent of the kid who decides if I am a Didi or an Aunty. Not that it matters to me. It's just the way the society has been moulded. Out of 10, 8 of my friends, who belong to my age group, are married and from those 8, 4 already have kids or are about to give birth.

Isn't it all about choices you make in life?

Choices. Decisions. I don't like making decisions. The big ones. The perturbing ones. Ones that have impact on someone else's life too. I never enjoyed making decisions anyway. But now, because I am a "grown up", this task has become more arduous. The future, no matter how uncertain, glares at me with its eyes wide open, each time I think of deciding to do what I wish to and not what I have to.

I am certain 5 years later, there is going to be a paradigm shift in the way I look at life. I will smile and look back at the present me just as I am doing right now at the younger me.

Litterings

Just because you do a certain set of things for someone doesn't entitle you to be a receiver of similar favours from them.

Doing is a choice.
Expecting is a choice.
Accepting is a choice.
But being offered is not a choice. At least not for you. It is a choice that belongs to the person offering it.

Love. Everyone has their own version. Even two people who are in love with each other have different definitions.
For one love could be "I love you!" While for the other it could simply be "Why did you miss your breakfast?"
Sometimes the difference might cause slight friction. But most of the times, the existence of love is enough. Methods employed in pursuing, matter not much.

Meanwhile...
I am in a queue. Waiting to withdraw cash from an ATM booth.
Change. Everyone wants it. Not many wish to contribute for it.

When at home people are praising this step taken by the GOI of banning 500 &1000 Rs notes as it will subject to a lot of undisclosed income becoming accountable. But when in a queue to withdraw cash or deposit it, they curse the government for harassing the "Aam Aadmi".

It's a conundrum for me, perhaps the big players in this game of black money have successfully managed to hide their income still or were already aware of the upcoming declaration and made arrangements for the same. Or may be not.
But at least the small players will be caught.

I have a hard time trusting any of the politicians. Or the Government. However I have hopes. That there must be some good Samaritans working amidst them.

I abuse.

It is not leaving my mind.
The thought that a man cannot accept his woman using cuss words!

Why?
Why is it so difficult?

When we (the female fraternity) can accept most of your flaws - your swearing, your uncleanliness, your phobia for commitment, etc. - why can't you accept the same?

I need to calm down.

Okay so,
The society has fed you that girls are coy, polite and docile. So I cannot really blame you for thinking so. But should I also not expect you to broaden your horizons of thinking? Can I not expect you to lose the orthodox school of thought? Is it so difficult to have an open mind? Does unconventionality scare you? Are you so feeble that anything that does not conform to the norms of the 'society' is unacceptable for you? Are you not strong enough to take it? Or are you afraid of the equality in speech?

Whatever it is... It's your problem, not mine. Loathe me! I don't give a fuck! I abuse!

Happy Women's Day! Really?

I saw a women’s day parade happening near Ghatkopar Station on 8^th March, around 4:30 in the evening. For the first time on that day, I could feel the spirit of International Women’s Day, and was pretty happy that ladies are coming out and celebrating womanhood. 

Just 2 days after women's day, it's 9:30pm, I am walking from a friend's place towards home, and a biker pulls over near me. He asks me for an address, I guide him. As he gets ready to leave, instead of saying thank you, the guys throws a disgusting, lewd comment and speeds away.

Girls will find it disgusting, but they won't find it surprising because all of them have faced this and even worse already. Guys, on the other hand, may not justify this creep, but will ask me to be more cautious and careful.

There is worst that has happened in the past so I am really glad that this guy did not touch me and simply left after the comment. But why even that comment? Why is it so common? Why should I take it?

I know, people will agree that it is unacceptable, but we women still have to accept it! We have no other option, do we? Eve teasing, molestation, lewd comments and rapes are all a part of our society now. And it not just resides in a single part or area of the society, but is scattered all over.

I have nothing new to say. It's all been said and done. Feminists have been voicing their opinion against this. Men, on the other hand, have been constantly displaying their annoyance towards women generalizing on the basis of these dirty acts of some males.

There is so much I wish to say. There are so many emotions gushing inside me. But I choose not to say anything anymore. At least, not at the moment. Because I know it will all fall on deaf ears. No one can help me. This is going to happen to me again. This has been happening and will continue to happen with my girl friends, my mum, my sisters, my daughter and all other women I know and do not know. I can't do anything to help them. I can't do anything to help me.

These safety apps, helpline numbers, pepper spray and other little weapons are not always helpful. The ogling won't stop. If you are a female, every of your body part will be minutely examined even when when it is convered with layers of cloth, and you cannot do anything about it. There always will be lecherous eyes lurking around. Deal with it!  

What's New?

When you meet new people, you connect real good with some of them while you don't click with the rest.
New people come in life with a new set of expectations. I'm not talking about what they would be expecting from you, I'm speaking of the expectations you will build up in your mind.
Its very important to know how to detach yourself from certain people, things, situations. To lead a happy life one has to learn how to detach.

Living in the moment.

Everything fades away - Poets of Fall 

Suddenly life has started running at a jet speed, it feels as though I'm losing some of the very important things. in the meanwhile. I hope its only a feeling and not actual.

Yesterday while I was returning home in a BEST bus, a lady was being troubled by a lecherous creep. I was sitting on the seat ahead of her so I couldn't see what was happening. Suddenly this guy standing near my seat started abusing that creep very badly. It broke my sleep and I had no clue what was happening, then of course I came to know when others also yelled and abused the creep and threw him out of the bus. What was appalling, the lady never uttered a word, she was simply sitting there and letting this asshole touch herself! If women keep taking it all, staying mum in fear, they are not worth any sympathy. Sexual harassment will keep on happening. When you don't speak up, it leads to consent because silence can be interpreted in any way. And, not always, will there be someone who will fight for you!

  

I guess...

The big big bang by Rock Mafia - LOVE IT!

If you think that you can get us anytime you want... you are highly mistaken!! We know to stand for ourselves and we aren't scared or ashamed of doing so!! - To all those jerks who take us women as weak objects!

Some old connections losing the shine and some new ones coming into picture... Is it a phase or that's how its supposed to be?
Only time will tell...

Today I was feeling like I should try to reconnect with a few very old friends, who haven't been in touch for months now but I did not get the time to do so... I guess, the feeling was not strong enough to make me take some time out for reconnecting.

25 days left for the exams. Not a good feeling.

I always enjoy listening to All I want is you from the movie Juno.

Priorities. Funny word. It changes its meaning every now and then. Meaning and not definition.

Call me maybe by Carly Rae Jepsen has been consistent on my playlist for weeks now...
'....Hey I just met you 
and this is craxy
but here's my number 
so call me maybe

It's hard to look right 
at you baby 
but here's my number 
so call me maybe...'

Whenever I'm asked to choose who's right and who's wrong out of two friends who are having a disagreement or out of my mom and my brother when they fight, it's just so hard, I can never decide or rather I can but I don't know how to tell the wrong one (as per me), they are wrong.
Sigh...
Mr God how do you do it all the time?! Your job is tough, indeed. Being the decision maker is never easy, not even if you are God.

That reminds me, I wanna watch 'Oh my God' but I guess, that'll be only after my exams now.

And,
Abbreviating the film name was started by the Johars I guess. DDLJ K3G KANK, etc. and now SOTY for 'Student of the year'! Although all film-makers do it now.

Listening to Payphone by Maroon 5, I don't like it that much though.

Damn, this "October heat" is killing me!

And lastly,
You have just lost it. I never thought you would. Bah... I over-estimated you and under-estimated me. Haha... Nonetheless, it's just good to know that I really did learn that lesson in the past and am carrying it with me. Yes, it wasn't easy back then but that was long time back and I realized how it was all planned by Mr God just so that I could have my little epiphany. Now, the time has changed... I always thought you had changed but... I don't know about you, I surely have... for good. It was a disorder, I maybe still having it but it's under the surface and I'm gonna try to hide it there for the rest of my life cause it's certainly not easy to get rid off once it shows up.

P.S.: The post is titled 'I guess...' because of the frequent usage of this expression in here. 

So much for gender equality!!

If you are a girl and you smoke... you are a slut!!
If you are guy and you smoke... you are either hot or no one cares!!

I feel sorry for all the female smokers who have to be undercover when taking a fag!! 

Yes, India is a free country and democratic too but the society is still living in the past!!

Whether to smoke/drink or not is a personal choice!! I don't think anyone should form inferences on this basis!

Well, perhaps I can say this because I've had and still have plenty smokers and drinkers in my family... But still, you cannot address someone with contempt just because they drink or smoke!!

The sad thing is... it's not only the middle-aged or oldies who have this sick mentality... it's our own generation too!

You hate smoking or drinking because of health issues- Acceptable! 
But, you bitch and talk ill about a girl just because SHE practices it- You are sick jerk!!

Today, a friend (who smokes) had a bad experience and she shared it with me and somehow, I wasn't amazed at all at the backwardness and single-mindedness that still exists in OUR society!! 

I am so sick of this cheap male chauvinist society! And, MEN... someone should tell them that they not GODS!! 

:-/

P.S.: This was not unnecessary ranting! But, it is a manifestation of the persisting sexual bias in the Indian society!  

I hate 'have tos'!

I've upgraded my blogger and yeah... it's different! I don't know in what way is this the "upgraded" version yet! Since I am not used to it, I am finding it too drab to work with!


Hmm,
So, long back when I revealed my love for writing to my bunch, they started teasing me saying "Soon you'll  be out with a book... blah..." and I used to laugh it off, giving them a "maybe".
Of course, I'd never contemplated about the idea of writing a book, earnestly... But, today I am certain about it! There is going to be no book!
Why? Well, I don't wanna state the reasons...
Also, writing is not only restricted to "books"! It's an art and it totally depends on your creativity, how you decide to play with it!  


'Devil woman' by Cliff Richard :)
I heard this song from the movie Housefull 2 on the radio today, I don't remember the lyrics or the title of the song but it is some papa song. This song is a ghastly Hindi version of 'We speak no Americano' !! It hugely sucks! Man... it's such a disgrace to the awesome original one!              


"Awareness without action is worthless" - Phil McGraw  
Something that I need to understand and IMPLEMENT!


Just sometime back I read an article by Osho. He is the first spiritual Guru, whom I've heard, promoting live-in relationships for a few years before marriage. Dude... I've started respecting this man more! Whatever things I've read, that he has written, always make sense to me. There's really lot to learn from him! No doubt Badi Mummy devoted him so religiously!
I don't understand why our society hates the idea of 'live-in' relationships! I personally believe more in live-in than marriage! There are too many 'have tos' in a marriage! Like, you have to throw these stupid wedding parties, you (girls) have to leave your parents but he still has his folks by his side, you have to stick to that person even if you realize you never loved him/her or love just never happened (because divorce is looked upon with contempt in the Indian society), you (guys) have to give huge pin-money to the wives (they should be earning themself) etc. etc. One single stupid certificate adds on too much of burden! It's like this binding obligation, which you have to fulfill and you just have to get married to be accepted by the society! 
I mean, why do you need a certificate to validate your relationship if you really love the person and if it's arranged marriage, you are stuck for the rest of your life (if at all true love never comes your way)?! 


(Again very subjective and mostly unacceptable by all!!)
Gasp, me and my exceptionally liberated ideas, I hope we find OUR space in the real world too!
Anyway,
I have to study now! 
(A month to go)
                                                                                                                                                             

Rightly wrong!

I feel, everyone around me is either getting married or hitched or committed. I guess, this is the age as per the Indian norms, where the girl is like a ripe mango, ready to be plucked!
(Do not read it with a perverted mind because I'm pretty serious!)


Whenever my parents come back from a social gathering, they bring up this topic of marriage. Just like we have our own peer pressure, they too have this societal peer pressure on them. Since ages, this has been prevalent in India, girls have to be put in a wedlock at an early age. This is how the system works here.


When my folks see other peoples daughters getting married at 21/22... they also feel like getting their daughter married ASAP and almost all parents are like that! They are not wrong on their part. 
It's like a marketing strategy. If one company reduces the price of their product, their competitors will also have to slash down the prices in order to maintain the competition and sustain their customers. Similarly, if there are a set of people ready to give their girls out for marriage at 21. why will any guys family go for a girl who's 25 or above?! So others to will have to get their daughters married at 21 or 22! You know, our society believes, 'younger the better'!!


I fail to understand why the society reckons marriage to be the solution for girls...
(Haha... Ipso facto, this was the topic of my first ever internet article!)


No matter how much I debate with my parents, my family or anyone... there are some rules, in the society, that we'll never be able to break completely. We can be amongst the exception but we cannot expect the society to transform its beliefs! They call it Indian culture but I beg to differ!


I can comprehend the rudiment on which "arranged marriages" ever came into being. I mean, it's good that parents and families, here in India, want their children (boy or girl) to have a partner, a family, a home! 
But, the times have changed... It is not about imitating the western culture, it is about bringing certain necessary mutations in the primitive and orthodox school of norms and beliefs! We, the human beings are evolving with every new generation coming to life... so isn't it important for the society also to evolve and move along, with us?!
I don't mean to degrade or sabotage our great Indian culture, I do value it... but here, culture is not the subject of matter... It's the societal norms and beliefs that I am speaking of!
Arranged marriages are our culture and I respect that but the age bar for the girls is not our culture! The age criterion is an obstinate and dogmatic societal creation! 
It is unjust to the girls, in a way... Maybe not all girls but to the ones like me, they are! 


The funny thing is.... some portion of our generation also believes that marriage is the solution to all their problems and it's not only the girls that I mean here, even the guys believe so!
It's like... 
Relationship troubles- I guess, I should get married!
Career failures- I think, marriage is the only thing left for me.
Family fights- I better get married! 
*gasp*
And, I kid you not, I really do know few such people! 
(Also, girls I can fathom for once, if they think like that because we've been made believe so... BUT the guys?? Now see, such guys are the official 'girl-guys'!! Haha... I am sorry, I'm not being sexist! Really!)


Well,
THEY may be right and I may be wrong here.... But then, I'm known to do things wrongly... so why should I do it right here!!! ;)

INHUMANE

She was a free will

Living her imperfect life in her own little ways

With a face that never failed to sport a smile

Her expressive eyes always filled with umpteen dreams to chase

An optimist who never hoped of anything ugly

She could've never guessed what the fate had conjured up for her

But there came a day which couldn't have been more murky

Her life took a turn which no man could ever decipher

She was lost in her own little world, ambling her way home

Two demons with humanly masks and attire

Appeared out of nowhere and caught her when she was alone

And her innocence was shredded in fire

Their grip was rigidly firm to her dismay  

Their touch was sharper than the incisiveness of hundred knives

She was trying so hard to fight them, to push them away

But all her efforts weren’t enough to match the strength of those two evil lives

They thrashed her, slapped her and ripped off her guise

She tried to shove them off but there was no way she could’ve escaped

She cried, yelled and howled in disgrace, dolor and despise

Yet there came not a single soul to her help… she was raped

Destiny took away all her colors and her smile, left her with darkness to accompany

There she was abandoned in the middle of nowhere with a naked body and a nude heart

All she could feel was a sharp twinge of abashment, woe and melancholy

With a twinge that would last all her life; she fell prey to the devil’s dart

[Rape is an Incorrigible offence. My heart goes out to every such girl, every such woman, who has been a victim to this ghastly human act.] 

Mix

"Waiting for tonight" by JLo = old memories!

I never ever like my photographs!! I don't think I ever will!! :l :/
I don't mind getting clicked. I never bother to check how I look in the snaps because the pictures are MINE only so how does it make a difference! But... I loathe them! Can't help it!

My friend who got married, her wedding snaps were out on FB yesterday... Although I hated all my clicks but still the memories each one of those pictures carries are priceless!!
Sigh... Where does the time fly?!
I am feeling overly reminiscent, at the moment!

I just found a very old playlist in my PC... :) :)
Angry birds- I love!
All Taylor Swift songs sound just the same to me!!

Sometimes you wish to eject a few people out of your life, even though they are important and valuable. Because, excess of everything, be it good or bad, is always bad...

Boredom- One common feeling (I won't term it as an emotion because I find it inappropriate), which every one feels too frequently! It's a very funny feeling. As a matter of fact, it's the only feeling, no would want anyone to understand or you know, empathize with...
So if this word never existed, is it possible the feeling also wouldn't have existed?! Perhaps...

Anyway so,
Everyday I read at least 1 rape case in the newspapers. They say only 15-20% of the cases are actually registered with the police and still we (India) rank amongst the top-most countries, where rapes are most prevalent! It gives me chills to read them or watch them on news! Rapists are as repugnant as the terrorists... They can never imagine what it can do to the victim! I wish each one of the rapists that exists on this globe anywhere, gets punished  and agonized so hard and so ugly that they would pray for their death but Mr God would not let them die; He would keep them alive and as miserable as a human being can ever bear to be, in fact more forlorn than that!! Rape is an incorrigible offence! 

(Papa...Belated Happy birthday! You will always be my SUPERHERO!)

Just rambling...

I desperately need to get a grip now. Not that I am not enjoying my current life-style, in fact I am loving it! That's the reason I am feeling daunted at the moment. I've been pampering myself a lot since long now, it needs to stopped because I'm kinda getting used to this!!

I had an amazing time with one of my cousin today. It's good to spend time with a person, who's not opinionated and presumptuous!

'The Holiday' is a beautiful movie. I love it. Though it is a little fairy-tale-ish.
But then who doesn't like fairy-tales!
Some guys may oppose the statement I just stated above, saying they do not believe in fairy-tales. But, I never mentioned "believing". Which guy wouldn't "LIKE" to have the most gorgeous and rich princess as his lady!! ;) :P

Mumbai has so many different colors to it. Every area in this city gives you a different feel altogether! This city is something else! It's a prodigiously unexpected place to live in... Well, what else can you expect from the city, which is populated so immoderately with umpteen humans, who themselves are by nature, very unpredictable!!

What do you do when despite of spending Rs500 on a dinner, you are still hungry?  YOU EAT!!
What else can you do! When you're hungry, you have to pacify the tummy!
(Yeah, this was too random!)

Humma Humma- Evergreen and joyful!!
Hey soul sister- I like. No, Love!!
'Hey soul sister. Ain't that mister mister. On the radio, stereo....' :)) :)

It's still not cold! At least not cold enough to put on my orange sweat-jacket!

Dance- Invigorating, refreshing, joyful, etc etc etc.
I liked 'Rockstar'. Also it's soundtrack is great... "Oh yeah yeah yeah...", "Hawa hawa", "Aur ho"... such superb songs!! For the first time, I've liked an entire bolly movie soundtrack! Mohit Chauhan and A.R. Rehman have proved to be a perfect combo!

It's strange, how most of the times, what I think of blogging is totally different from what I end up blogging!

One of my very good friend is getting married and I guess I've already mentioned it before, her wedding preparations and shopping are on in full swing!! I am thoroughly enjoying being a part of it!
There are so many small rituals that are to be done! The best part is, the bride gets to shop as much as she can! As if the entire world is going to stop producing clothes, shoes and bags within a few days!!
Things are over-hyped! Such exorbitant venues and clothes and jewelry, goodness me!! I am so dumbfounded by looking at all of this!
I mean, the marriage has to be grand such that people remember it up till their world ends! People didn't realize when traditions and rituals were superseded by prestige and social eminence! And now, this is what they say the culture is. It's good to celebrate but only for your own self and not for the heck of societal pressure!
I know these views are good enough to blog about but when you are out there, you become one of them, even if you don't want to! One cannot stay socially dysfunctional for a long time, you know.

Desperately awaiting Christmas!! :) :)

The Realm of Loyalty

"All men are dogs!", a very commonly used phrase... On which one of my girlfriend once said that dogs are loyal while men are an antonym to the word 'loyal'.
I contemplated about her comment for quite sometime and I discerned, dogs sure are loyal but only to humans. What about the bitches? They mate with them, knock them up and go away forever... This is a common trait found in human males too and thus the derivation of the phrase, "All men are dogs!"
(Now tell me, am I a thinker or not!!)

In the past two weeks, I've have stumbled across two absolutely opposite categories of MEN.
First category:  Who love and lust only their partner.
Second category: Who love their partner and lust other women.
The first category comprises of 2% MEN. The second category i.e. 98% of MEN are the ones on whom women generally tend to fall.

TESTOSTERONE, I guess every one would be knowing about these specific male hormones. Testosterone is the reason why men are ruled by lust and not love. It is true that sexual temptations are not easy to curb BUT is it easier to hurt the person, who loves you and thinks the world of you, for such materialistic and physical longings? I am too baffled... Are these hormones more stronger and more powerful than love and emotions?!

Speaking of sexual hormones, it's not that we women don't have them, it's just that the male species have an extra bunch of them. Infidelity is not really just a man's forte! I know women who have cheated, some did it for pure physical and sexual purposes and the rest for other reasons.

So, should I expect loyalty or not? By loyalty I mean both, emotional and physical fidelity. Is it really so arduous to live with and be loyal to one single person for your entire life?

I am all questions about this loyalty issue!! And, I know, I will never reach to a single answer for it!!
I had read somewhere, "Loyalty generates inequality and partiality, it means the outsiders cannot claim equal treatment with those who are objects to loyal attachment. The loyal attachments are formed on the basis of the bond you share with that person, the liking towards that person."  So, if the attachment or the likeness diminishes, the extent of loyalty also diminishes?! There was much more written in that article on loyalty, it is so darn complicated! 


My brain is feeling very heavy after mulling over such corpulent topics! I better stop thinking about it, as there cannot be a conclusion... I mean, I cannot stay single all my life contemplating about the fears of infidelity and neither can I live with the myth that a relationship is always loyal, so it's best not to over-think (or not to think at all) about such contingencies and conjectures! 
Living life as it comes, without thinking of past issues and future speculations, is the best and most difficult way to live and I am still striving to live each moment in this manner!!
(And, fortunately I never ever lose hope for betterment...)

Enticed...

I do not have anything in my mind to blog right now but since my computer is working perfectly fine :) (touchwood), I got enticed to post something.

'Who owns my heart' by Miley Cyrus is :))))

Bloomer died- RIP

I failed to take care of a plant, I guess I should drop the idea of getting a pet :(

People are so different. Sometimes I am flabbergasted with the way different people react in differing situations. Why is everyone so different? How can a single circumstance get umpteen different reactions? HUMANS are so confusing, it is very difficult to understand even one and most of the times, that one human is you yourself... I still don't understand myself and I know that I will take this entire lifetime to fathom me, and maybe my future lives too! Cluelessness is the most frequent feeling that runs inside me....

'Hiding my heart' by Adele is enchanting...

I've been so out of touch with writing. I mean, I do blog and write in my diary and blue book too. But content writing and the like, I miss! 

I had to choose... I loathe selecting out of two things I desperately need to let my life work in order... why do certain valuable and beloved things have to be mutually exclusive :(((

'Dil toh pagal Hain' really makes you believe someone somewhere is made for you and once the movie is over, the reality is back and you discern that it always happens in the movies. 

There so many characters from so many different movies that I would love to be... I was just musing the other day, oftentimes the actors who play certain characters in a movie and have been working on it for months would get attached to their reel roles so much that they would never want to get back to their real life, it would be so difficult to deal with such situations. Acting as a profession is not a child's play!

Speaking of  actors, I have been reading Shobha De's column since a past few months now and I feel she really has some major issues with these actors and their lifestyle. Could there be any more interesting and fun way to mint bucks?! Attending parties, going to places, meeting big people and then writing fowl about them...hmmm.... love her or hate her but you cannot ignore her!

P.S. I love the new look for my blog :D

Dedicated to: Respectable Mr Anna Hazare

74 years old Anna Hazare is been in Jail for 8 straight days now, without having a morsel! I guess for the first time, I've seen public rallies, awareness and support campaigns and candle marches happening, NOT on account of a terrorist attack or an innocent victim's elongated murder court case! I mean, usually, as per the recent past record,  the masses would react so vigorously only on loss of life or lives. Now, people finally realize that social evils like corruption act as slow poison and it's killing a huge part of the populace simultaneously. 


Though, I personally have done nothing to support this movement except for promoting this ideology, I hope this movement helps to clean our country a bit at least! Had it not been for this old man's initiative and gallantry, we would have never gone this far too! He has brought in a revolution and a hope for the better future of this country. I salute him and his courage!


There are still many people criticizing him but I fail to understand, how can they not see that he was the only one who stood up, spoke and took actions against corruption while we sat at home, cribbing about our country being in corrupted hands and doing nothing whatsoever!!