You vs You

When you become your own enemy. When your mind starts weaving terrible nightmares and plays nasty games with you. When you know what is and what is not. but you cannot stop thinking. When you know it all - the cause, reason, effect and ramifications - and you still fail to convince your mind to stop the incessant torture.

I suppose, sometimes there is no escape. And we have to face the demons residing within us. Fight them.
You loathe yourself for being so unfair... to the people around you and to yourself. It's ugly, this war, this unrest, this chaos.
It's ugly and unnerving and insane. But you have to do it... for yourself, for your people. Because at the end, you know, these demons are not real. They are mere figments of your oppressive imagination.

Sigh...

It's funny... the relationship you share with yourself. It's the most mysterious one, the most enlightening one. 

Insecurities. I don't like them. Therefore I turn my back as I see them racing towards me.
The only way one could get rid of them is by conceding them in front of the person concerned. Or maybe to a confidante.
If you don't blurt it out, it keeps swelling until it becomes a monstrous blob of negativity. 

Happy Women's Day! Really?

I saw a women’s day parade happening near Ghatkopar Station on 8^th March, around 4:30 in the evening. For the first time on that day, I could feel the spirit of International Women’s Day, and was pretty happy that ladies are coming out and celebrating womanhood. 

Just 2 days after women's day, it's 9:30pm, I am walking from a friend's place towards home, and a biker pulls over near me. He asks me for an address, I guide him. As he gets ready to leave, instead of saying thank you, the guys throws a disgusting, lewd comment and speeds away.

Girls will find it disgusting, but they won't find it surprising because all of them have faced this and even worse already. Guys, on the other hand, may not justify this creep, but will ask me to be more cautious and careful.

There is worst that has happened in the past so I am really glad that this guy did not touch me and simply left after the comment. But why even that comment? Why is it so common? Why should I take it?

I know, people will agree that it is unacceptable, but we women still have to accept it! We have no other option, do we? Eve teasing, molestation, lewd comments and rapes are all a part of our society now. And it not just resides in a single part or area of the society, but is scattered all over.

I have nothing new to say. It's all been said and done. Feminists have been voicing their opinion against this. Men, on the other hand, have been constantly displaying their annoyance towards women generalizing on the basis of these dirty acts of some males.

There is so much I wish to say. There are so many emotions gushing inside me. But I choose not to say anything anymore. At least, not at the moment. Because I know it will all fall on deaf ears. No one can help me. This is going to happen to me again. This has been happening and will continue to happen with my girl friends, my mum, my sisters, my daughter and all other women I know and do not know. I can't do anything to help them. I can't do anything to help me.

These safety apps, helpline numbers, pepper spray and other little weapons are not always helpful. The ogling won't stop. If you are a female, every of your body part will be minutely examined even when when it is convered with layers of cloth, and you cannot do anything about it. There always will be lecherous eyes lurking around. Deal with it!  

Think no more!

That moment when you finally decide to give up on your 'neurotic' act because it is literally driving you crazy.
And, finally after you come out of your delusional state, you see how badly your absence, ignorance rather, has affected the real people around you.
Good luck dealing with the awful feeling of not being there when they truly needed you!
 
"When words fail, music prevails."

Above & Beyond (Now I know why everyone was going crazy about them)

Katy Perry - Roar

Counting Stars - One Republic

Lana Del Rey (I love her almost as much as Adele)

Hardwell vs Goyte featuring Kimbra - Spaceman (The best mix ever)  

Bad Romance- Lady Gaga (Some songs can never go out of style)

O Womaniya 

I feel that I have newly started deciphering that yes we have all grown up. Now, when people around me are either getting married or are contemplating marriage. This new knowledge has brought along a lot of inhibitions and insecurities about the future.

Note to self:

• Take it easy sometimes, okay?
• Stop taking everything (including yourself) so seriously!
• There's never a need to thoroughly analyze the actions of other people or yourself. Well, not unless you actually join the CBI! 
• Come out of your sick and stupid dream-bubble. Now.    

Lastly,

I am glad that Winter is finally showing up! 

Capricorn. Really?

There are too many things I'm not satisfied with currently.
Yes, we are never satisfied and eventually it is your way of looking at things.
Perhaps I'm taking life at large very negatively but that's how the situation is right now. I can't really help it, and I'm allowed to be mad at certain people and certain things; I have allowed myself, to be precise.

*Sigh*

Nothing and no person can help me here... I don't need any help anyway. I've always been self-sufficient in such situations.
I've lost count of the number of times I get this kind of feeling or I get stuck in such situations. Though this one is not as bad.

Anyway, moving on... (I have too)
Today, for an hour we did not have any work in office, so I was googling about zodiac signs. Capricorn especially, since that's me. I don't really believe in it, the horoscope, but whatever gives me hope for positive things to come always makes me feel good.
This is not the first time I've read about my sun sign, and I've always felt that I'm not a typical Capricornian. There are many prominent traits of Capricornains, which I lack. Not that it makes any difference; it's just an observation. On the other hand, there are certain characteristics of Capricornians that totally define me.
Perhaps, that's how it is for everyone, when it comes to zodiac.
But, I don't feel like a Capricornian, however silly it may sound.

Trying to see the brighter side

Sometimes the glass seems half empty and sometimes it seems half full.
It's not the attitude you have invariably, it is the attitude you choose to have for different situations.

Vibes- I so believe in them

It's been three years that I've been into writing but somehow I still hesitate calling myself a writer

Somethings in life have to be bad, they just can't change because that's how Mr God wants it to be.

Too many things going on in my mind, regarding people around me. I wish I could set my anger free...

One should ALWAYS try to see the brighter side. That's what I've always believed and followed. Yes cribbing is allowed to a certain extent as that is normal I believe. But, I do look at the brighter side of life. :)

Also,
When you are single, you expect more from your "friends" and somehow even if they do as much as they can, its just never enough. That's why you should always have some other single friends around. And this is not just me, its an observation and was also a topic of discussion between me and a single friend. ;)

Expectation is a funny word.
But never forget to question yourself whether you are able to meet their expectations, before accusing them.

It was one of those black days today, when life seemed unfair and all the dirt from the past made my eyes burn.

There are times when you feel like what do they care about whatever you go through in life and then you realize that even if they do, it doesn't really matter. 

one by two

Office.
Sometimes its just us, we over-think. The other person is not always the bad guy.

People are not that difficult to deal with, we make ourselves believe that they are. I know, I too have umpteen times said that its not a cinch being around people rather being happy around them but eventually I always realize it never was a big deal.

Another thing that got me thinking was, whether to say it out or not?
For say, when having a conversation with a bunch of people, you have so many things in head that you can say but you choose to stay mum. How does it matter if you speak your heart?
Now, there are countless reasons why you don't say it but for how long will this continue?
There will be a time when you'll stop not talking, when you'll start being yourself. So why not do it right away!

I think I shouldn't have done it, that thing. But now, it's all said and done so rather than fretting about it, I should do something constructive.

Home.
Feel, speak, enjoy, love, live, cry, suffer, make mistakes, be outrageous, apologize, learn, discover yourself!
Now is what we have. Who knows world might really end on 21/12/12!!
Haha...
What if it actually does?

When you wonder about death, you realize who are the ones that truly matter to you and you would wish to spend more time with them before everything is over.
If believing in 21/12/12 helps you express your love to your loved ones, then you are not as stupid as people would think!

I love Mumbai. People here can be as sweet as bitter they are! Confusing naa?? That's how we are.

Adele-Skyfall. Love it like crazy!

P.S.: I wrote half the post at work but then I got busy so I saved it as a draft and now added more and posted, hence the title!

Complaint box

I need to get certain things off my mind in order to get back in-order!!

Note: These are things that are so petty that I do not feel like putting them in my diary and so this is the best possible way to get rid of all the aimless pondering and ANGER.

1. Enough with the drama!! Just leave me alone, will you?! I too feel bad even if I don't show it!!
2. When you talk bad... it still hurts... sometimes... Because there are certain things that one can never get accustomed to COMPLETELY, no matter how hard one tries... 
3. Boys are not the only topic that we girls can talk about! So please for heaven's sake, STOP!!
4. And, just because my friends are all dating doesn't mean I HAVE to see someone too!! I ACTUALLY am very happy being single and I do not understand why is it soooooo hard to gulp that in?!
5. To myself - Speed up!! FAST!!! Be assiduous and sedulous! 
6. To Mr. God - Help me to help me! *begging*
7. Beauty is not perfection! Some people need to comprehend that being good-looking does not mean you are above everyone else or average lookers do not deserve better than you!!
8. Being candid about your thoughts and opinions may seem to be a great thing when you are practicing it but when others practice it and start throwing their unwanted and unnecessary opinions on you... you'll know how "great" it really is!!
9. You are funny- HAHA!! Now shooo!
10. If you don't find me interesting then don't talk to me... it's just that simple! I really wouldn't mind even if you are a good friend!!
11. And... I've always believed that you need a break from every person in your life at some point of time, no matter how important or special that person is!! I do this... a lot.. I need my space.. now, is that soo bad?!
12. Yes, I can be a super bitch, at times... Deal with it or leave!!
13. I knew I had to face it... I was prepared...

And yet, I survived all of it, thanks to:

1. Mr. God
2. My stupid little brother [I love you!]
3. Music (Of course, duhh!!)
4. Food (Always!)
5. Finally realizing I was being stupid by even letting myself get bothered for the last 3 hours, for these silly thoughts!

*gasp*
*sigh*

P.S.: No comments or views or opinions will be welcomed here (unless they are expressly in my favor)!!

I'm just so sad...

I'm just so sad...

Why don't I get to do what I want to?
Why? Why?

Again,
even this is my fault!

Sometimes I feel it's better to be immature and self-centered, at least then you won't think about how the other person would be feeling and why they choose to behave like this and that they are completely wrong, whatever be the circumstances!!
I just somehow, in my head, figure out a way to not blame the other person for whatever he/she has done and then end up being angry at myself!

Aaarrrghh... I just can't concentrate on studies with all this running around me!!
*sigh*
Bah... I'll figure out a way (hopefully). After all, how many excuses am I gonna make?!

Anyway,
the truth is, if I would've done the right things at the right time, MAYBE none of this would be happening right now!

I wish...
Why do we wish so much!

In the hole...

I am so annoyed at the moment!
No, I don't have a reason or maybe I do but it's not good enough!

It just vexes me that I can't be there! Ugh... this sucks. Big time.

And, people may blabber that they are here to support you... but truly that's just another statement!
You have to support yourself and that's only fair!!

Aarghh!!

You know, sometimes you just want certain people to understand that they are needed during certain times without having to say it to them explicitly, you want them to be with you or at least call you for that matter...  And it just perturbs you even more when they don't get it, when they fail to be there with you during those certain times...
But
None of them have been blessed with any kinda super powers that they would just come to know about your state of mind!
Moreover, there are good odds that they might be having a bad day themself and would be waiting for you to come and soothe them...
You know, you should never ignore the other side of the coin, not even in your worst days!

'The sweet escape' by Gwen Stefani, is what I'm listening to right now...
It reminds me of my sweet junior college days, when I didn't have a Smartphone (which means no music) and I used to be glued on to VH1 all day and this song used to be played on every hour! The first time I heard it, I hated it but then after watching it on TV so many times I ended up falling in love with it... it's still one of my best 'pep-up' songs!

I truly believe by going through a person's playlist, you can pretty much figure them out because music is the best way to express yourself (even listening to music is)...
But again, sometimes you hear some songs just for fun and not for what they mean... and that's why I conspicuously mentioned 'pretty much'.

It makes me so sad that I couldn't save me from falling again...

I wish... Why do we wish so much!