A lost moment

I see green pastures. I see colorful tents. 

It is so cold I am trembling.

I can feel the pellets of ice falling from the sky on my hand.

It seems like a dream. 

So it can really happen, I tell myself. 

Hail stones.

Every cell in my body, every artery in my heart feels elated and tranquil.

The smile is adamant, it won't leave.

................

Today when I closed my eyes while commuting to work, 

I found this moment that was hidden somewhere deep in my memory.

And within seconds I was transported back to Padri.

To that chilling moment, that beautiful moment, my moment.

The Big Bang

Yesterday when I was writing my journal. I realized a few of my Himalayan memories have faded away already. I don't remember every moment. I have forgotten the chronological order of the events that took place there.

I wish I could lock all those memories in a box, even the tiniest one, and reopen the box whenever I feel like going back. I wish all my memories could remain as fresh as a daisy, all my life. 

All memories? Would I really want that? 

Because there are painful memories as well and I don't think I would like to remember them. 

Good. Bad.

Happy. Sad.

Pros. Cons.

Black. White.

Odd. Even.

All things come in a pair. They are opposite but inseparable. Without one the other would lose its meaning. One is the reason for the other's existence. The universe seems clearly fathomable at one moment and utterly incomprehensible in the next moment.

Today's Favorite:

Bang Bang my baby shot me down - Nancy Sinatra

The Sixteenth

A month ago, on this day, I embarked on the most unexpected journey in my life. A journey that changed my life. A journey of an epic beginning.

Dear Mr. God,

I love you more than ever now. The happiness that my heart contains is of such magnitude that I am afraid to lose even an ounce of it. It feels like magic. You have surprised me, delighted me, blessed me. You have showered me with such love that  it goes beyond my imagination. I will be thankful to you till my last breath.

..........

I am at the Beas. The cold winds are making my lungs quiver. My clothes are not doing a good job at keeping me warm. I am loving the cold. My teeth clatter and my body shivers. I am standing on the rocks submerged in the river that is flowing effortlessly. The icy water is piercing each cell in my legs. My legs go numb after a while. I cannot feel them. I cannot feel the cold. I am smiling as wide as I can. A tear rolls down my cheek. I feel lighter. I am one with the river. I see pine trees around and the gargantuan mountains with a scoop of snow carelessly dropped on them. The river is feeling me, healing me. I feel empty. I feel full. I feel me. I am happiness. I am love. I am the river and she is me. We are one.

My heart yearns for her.

I wish...
Why do we wish so much?

A gift from nature

I am back from the mountains.
I am back from the snow.
I am back from the river.
I am back from the paradise.

Or may be I am not. I left a little of me there and brought back a little of them all.

It was a breathtaking journey. With every small patch of land, I learned more about me. It was a satisfying feeling. Just me and my backpack.

There are too many words coming to my mind at the moment but I do not feel like putting it all together right now. Piece by piece I shall keep posting.

I am happy to be working again. My work is as important to me as travel. It, too, defines me in a way.

Anyway,
This trip has been extremely special to me. Apart from adding a new dimension to my thinking, it has introduced me to a new side of me.
It seems like Mr. God is playing a prank with me. I hope he is not. I don't have that kind of an appetite for humor. I have taken a leap of faith. It's scary. It's exciting. It's beautiful. It's alleviating. It's fulfilling.

My heart tells me, it's a gift from nature, from Mr. God. 

24

Yes, that's how old I am now.

Have I really grown up?
Have I learned all that I was supposed to and should have by now?
Have I given enough to the world yet?
Have I bettered as a person in all these years?

Listening to Lonely Girl - Above & Beyond 

There are so many questions meandering in my head right now. Along with them, there are insecurities and inhibitions as well. There is so much I want to achieve. There is so much I wish to do. And the clock won't stop ticking. Sometimes, I wish I could simply pause 'time' for a little while. Not because I want to savor a special moment or refrain from facing the coming moment, but because I need a 'time-out'... to stop the excessive rumination and stabilize my mind.

I remember reading somewhere that most people in the world fear happiness and love, and it's because they fear losing anything they have. I am no different. Today, I am scared to death of losing even an ounce of love that surrounds me.

I had also read once that all you have to do is be a good person and you won't lose on love.
Isn't easy, right? But, for the love of 'love' you can do that much. 

I found perfect!

I've been to Lonavala countless times but on Saturday, when I was there with a group of friends, we discovered a pulchritudinous lake. Oh lord, that vision is something that I'm never gonna forget! Water moving so silently and graciously, a distant waterfall on the other side of the lake, huge round rocks, lots of different little bushes, each wearing a uniquely different shade of green... it was only us and no one else around... I never wanted to get out of that lake, that place... so picturesque, so perfect! Sadly, we were running out of time so we couldn't be there for long...  :(
I've not traveled a lot but what I experienced there, I hadn't experienced anywhere else!

Isn't God the best architect ever! I love Him sooooo much for creating something so alluring, marvelous, spectacular, phenomenal... ohhh I can go on and on about it until I fall short of all the adjectives known to me! It was truly a treat to the eyes... and the way it made me feel is inexplicable and unbeatable!
Thank you so much Mr God for that magnificent and bewitching view... just please don't let it elude by mind ever!
None of us had a camera or a cell phone in hand to click a picture that time.
You know, I could've enjoyed the view better if we had more time because I was inside the water all the time so my eyes did not get enough time to eat up all that they could see... but nonetheless the experience was simply divine!
Now I know where can I find it the next time I go.... and I'm certain to pay a visit again!! :)

For the first time, I knew what perfect meant, the real definition, something that can make me feel what I felt like when I was there!
I wish I was there right now...

One of my friend was shocked, how and why was I ENJOYING RAINS suddenly?! Well, that trip was meant to be for that, right, so... Moreover, I was already drenched in water due the waterfall so how would rains annoy me when I'm already soaked?? Duhh!
Actually,
it was not the rain that I loved but the cold and frigidness embedded in those icy raindrops hitting my skin... I wanted to hear my teeth clatter, see my body getting cold-creeps, feel the extreme frigidness the weather that time could offer and so I was standing out in the rain when most of them were sitting in a shanty, sipping hot tea and eating maggi...

And so I've been on bed since the time I've reached home with a red running nose, sore throat, no voice and fever! Gosh, I just can't stop sneezing, I would've had like a 100 aachhooss while typing this post!
BUT I still love cold! :D

Happily Nostalgic!

I just finished my last article. I just hope the agency doesn't kick me out for another late submission. 
*fingers crossed*

Anyway so, I was just about to shut down the comp but I thought of turning on the TV first, for sometime before sleeping and started shuffling the channels. I stumbled on a channel named Z Smile and what do I see... 'Rishtey' is being shown on the channel...
Back in the late 90's 'Rishtey' used to come on Zee TV, once a week on Sundays at 10PM... and I used to love it, I never used to miss it. What a lovely show! One new story in every episode.
I am watching it right now and am feeling happily nostalgic... I am feeling as though, I am still that 7 year old girl watching TV and eating fast food at home since it's Sunday and we used to order food at home on every Sunday!

Thank you Mr God for this silly little amazing moment! :D

[Episode-Rishtey: Lucky 7, 1997]

Hmmmm......

:D :D

The demented duo!

It's been circa 10 years, since we've been best friends... We know each other better than we know ourselves. There are many arguments and disagreements that happen between us frequently (& most of them are prodigal) ... And that's because we are so emotionally dependent on each other... But, still we stand strong and together and we always will. Our never-ending craziness... Sanity no where exists around us! The way we discuss our most important, serious and earnest problems and decisions also with sheer sarcasm and humor..(We can never be serious!!). How we never fall short of things to talk about...Yes, you are the only person with whom I ALWAYS have things to talk... I can't remember a single time when both us had nothing to talk about! Seriously! Hahaha.. maybe because we always talk crap and the world can never go out of crap!! We might have changed in all these years but when we are together, we are always those two silly school girls, who make fun of everything and anything that comes on their way... and I cannot be more sure of the fact that this, what we have, is never gonna change!!

Waise bhi mere alava koi aur tujhe jhel nahi sakta... All thanks to my bad karma!!

A befitting quote that comes to my mind, for us:
"It's the privilege of friendship to talk nonsense, and have her nonsense respected"

From Deedo...

Happy birthday Nanakss!! You are 15!!! So unbelievable!!
It feels just yesterday when you were a 5 year old kid who couldn't do a thing without his deedo, who used to sit on the window and look at every red BEST bus passing by the street, who used to give me geeli pappis! I vividly remember, how dad used to get those blank coloring books with various colorless images in it and we used to color it together. As soon as I would put on music, you would start spinning round and round, you could actually spin around all day!
Scores of countless memories... Can't list them all even if I want to!
Your mere presence has been the biggest strength of my life! I wouldn't have survived without you! I am here because I have you...
Thank you Mr God... for the best gift of my life... You knew how much I needed him!
I love you! I love you more than any person in this world, I don't think I have or ever will love anyone, half as much as you! I love you beyond any words and boundaries!!


A quote that's just meant for you....
"I sought my soul but my soul I couldn't see, I sought my God but my God eluded me, I sought my brother and I found all three."  

Mix

"Waiting for tonight" by JLo = old memories!

I never ever like my photographs!! I don't think I ever will!! :l :/
I don't mind getting clicked. I never bother to check how I look in the snaps because the pictures are MINE only so how does it make a difference! But... I loathe them! Can't help it!

My friend who got married, her wedding snaps were out on FB yesterday... Although I hated all my clicks but still the memories each one of those pictures carries are priceless!!
Sigh... Where does the time fly?!
I am feeling overly reminiscent, at the moment!

I just found a very old playlist in my PC... :) :)
Angry birds- I love!
All Taylor Swift songs sound just the same to me!!

Sometimes you wish to eject a few people out of your life, even though they are important and valuable. Because, excess of everything, be it good or bad, is always bad...

Boredom- One common feeling (I won't term it as an emotion because I find it inappropriate), which every one feels too frequently! It's a very funny feeling. As a matter of fact, it's the only feeling, no would want anyone to understand or you know, empathize with...
So if this word never existed, is it possible the feeling also wouldn't have existed?! Perhaps...

Anyway so,
Everyday I read at least 1 rape case in the newspapers. They say only 15-20% of the cases are actually registered with the police and still we (India) rank amongst the top-most countries, where rapes are most prevalent! It gives me chills to read them or watch them on news! Rapists are as repugnant as the terrorists... They can never imagine what it can do to the victim! I wish each one of the rapists that exists on this globe anywhere, gets punished  and agonized so hard and so ugly that they would pray for their death but Mr God would not let them die; He would keep them alive and as miserable as a human being can ever bear to be, in fact more forlorn than that!! Rape is an incorrigible offence! 

(Papa...Belated Happy birthday! You will always be my SUPERHERO!)

Just out of habit...

"...you are so stuck in my heart, like counting a million stars, for that many reasons you are...."  -  by C21 :) :) :)

I feel so thoughtless at the moment... Like there's just nothing to talk about or write about... Anyway, it just came to me that I haven't donated blood and it's been more than 3months since I last did... I should do it soon now.

Since a few days I'm feeling pretty spaced-out... It always happens during exams; exam period is like a sanctuary for me!!

I had a dream last night about a friend, who's no more in contact... I've been feeling this urge to contact that friend since morning but there's no way to do so!
It's strange how people come in and go out of our life... Few always stay, few stay in the memories only and a few are forgotten...

BBM, Whatsapp, Facebook, Chat messengers etc, have made it so easier for people to socialize... you don't realize when you befriend a stranger and when that new friend becomes your best friend! It's not all that good though... too much socializing can get too annoying!

Sometimes it's so difficult to find the perfect song you wish to hear... Just shuffling through my music folder and no song is really inviting me at the moment!! Music and mood always should go hand in hand!

Found one... "Why do all good things come to an end?" by Nelly Furtado...

Summer is here :( The noons are too sunny and I already feel tanned!

When you desperately want to talk to a person and there are too many emotions to vent out but somehow you never permit yourself to do so... For certain vague reasons, it seems befitting to keep things to yourself!


And, some food for thought:
"What we see mainly depends on what we look for"  (I personally too believe so, substantially!)
"Whatever you can do, or you believe you can, begin it. Boldness has genius, power and magic in it"

"If you hate a person, you hate something in him that is a part of yourself. What isn't part of ourselves doesn't disturb us." (So true!!)

'Disturbia' by Rihanna ..... 

Feminine!

I can see a slight beam of light coming out of the shut window so there's still a thin ray of hope left... So Mr stupid little brain, are you there?! Hellloooo?! Kindly start working!!!

Why are the heart and head always battling? Can't they for once settle on a single mutual thing?!

I've been listening too much to "Oh Johnny..." since last 2 days. It's a song by 'Andrew sisters'. It was a US chart-buster during the world-war!! I know... it's a very old song but it's very gleeful! 

Also, the soundtrack from the Bolly movie 'Life in a metro' is really good. Too romantic songs, not really my thing but sometimes they work well because the music is amazing (especially the guitar sounds)... When the movie was out years back, everyone was crazy about its songs but I never paid attention and now when people are bored of them... I've started liking them (All thanks to the radio stations that still keep playing them)! This always happens with me...late realizations... most of the times over songs and some of the times with real people!

Girls, females, women... No one can understand them, not even they themselves!

Sometimes we can take it all in good humor and sometimes something said sarcastically can hurt us immensely! 

I know guys who are like that too... in my head, I refer to them as 'girl-guys'!! I mean SOMETIMES it's OK for a guy to think like a girl, exceptions are allowed but dude.. not invariably!! It's easy to tell a girl-guy from the real guys! I personally know quite a few of them! Now, girl-guys are straight men, interested in women. They also have all the male body parts... the only thing they lack is some peculiar and necessary male thinking habits, which I can't elucidate properly... perhaps you'll need the girl-antennas to figure out what I mean here! And NO, I am not referring to the habit of lusting other women... because be it a guy or a girl-guy... they still own testosterone!! 

Anyway,

Why does being called 'fat' always bothers us? 

Maybe because girls have to be thin (not plump, not pudgy, not healthy... but THIN and LEAN) to be accepted by everyone! I don't know who started it... but now it's like the word 'Fat' sounds like an abuse to a girl, at times! I remember, till I was 17, I used to refer someone as 'fat' only if they were highly overweight or obese but as the years passed and my interactions with people increased, I've learnt that even if you are moderately out of proportion then you are freaking FAT!! 

But you know what... Screw you... Go eat yourself up and stop bothering me... I am fat and I don't fucking have a problem with that!!! 

We don't need anyone's acceptance, except our own! Often when people look at us scornfully, we start doubting ourselves (well, most of the girls do)... why do we do that?! However, sooner or later we do realize...we don't need to give a shit about it!

Right now, I am reminded of this song by Lady Sovereign, I enjoyed listening to few years back, that goes..

"Love me or hate me, is that an obsession

love me or hate me, that is the question

if you love me then thank you

if you hate me then fuck you!!"  

It's a fun song, you know! I really like it! ;)

Also, the movie 'Shallow Hal' is coming to my memory, at the moment... It is a good movie with a nice message... Somewhere I feel, all of us are just as shallow as Hal was before the climax of the movie...

And,

Sometimes, you call up a person, looking for warmth but all you get is a gigantic cold ice-cube! 

Sometimes, why is it necessary to hear the words we already know, from someone else?!

Sometimes, healthy flirting is fun! ;)

Today...

'Bumpy ride' by Mohombi is one of the best groovy track ever! How I love fast dance numbers!! I can really dance all day if I get a chance!

I love Milkybar and Milk treat. White chocolates are yummy! I remember when I was in school, Milkybar was newly introduced and it used to be wrapped in this hard paper cover, on the back of which, there used to be a tiny Milkybar man comic strip. Each time Milkybar man used to eat the bar, he would kick the villain's ass, bad! I loved Milkybar man!

Today, when I was heading back home via a moderately crowded train, I was tired and wanted to sit but all the seats were pre-occupied with 3 females. I started looking around to spot a seat occupied with thinner women so I could get a decent place to sit. I found one and asked the ladies to shift in and make some space for me but they hardly budged, the place offered to me was not even big enough for a 5 yr old but I was so weary that I somehow managed to sit on that edge. I was very pissed and just as I started thinking, how Mumbaikars don't care about each other and why will a stranger's discomfort ever matter to them unless they themselves are at ease.... the lady sitting on the opposite seat noticed me and she asked the other two females sitting next to her to shift in properly, she made enough room and asked me to sit there! God bless that angelic lady! I mean, you can never conclude on Mumbai.... On one hand there are these narcissist people who don't give a damn whatever happens to you and on the other hand there are these compassionate Mumbaikars who try to do something to get you out of a sticky situation!
There are many such little incidences that happen with you everyday that make you feel good and bad about a particular thing at the same time and of course I cannot list out every such event every day, this one was fresh in mind so I decided to put it here.

I miss writing so much! I'll get back as soon as my exams get over. It's been like more than 7 months now that I'd done any assignment. It made me happy! Even the pressure made me feel good about myself. I really miss that feeling a lot!

'In the end it was you' by Kat Deluna - :o)
'Without you' by David Guetta is also amazing!

Have I ever said how much I love 'Friends' and 'Everybody loves Raymond'?! Ohh yess I have, several times!! And, I can say it a million more times... I just can't get bored of them! EVER!!

90 days to go for the exams..... Ciao!

Biding goodbye to the storm...

Reading old journals and blog-posts makes you realize how much you have changed in all these years and months AND how somethings about you can never change... Paradoxical isn't it!

Making a fuss about small and silly events that happen to you... is the worst thing you can do! Take a look around and you'll see, you are leading one of the best life, this universe has ever designed!!

I read an article a few weeks back that said, people feel sad and miserable because they want to feel special. Only by feeling miserable can you be different in your own eyes and in the eyes of the universe. When you are happy you dissolve in the happiness and you become the happiness, you lose your SELF to the happiness and there is no YOU. No wants to lose their SELF & their place in the world. So they opt for being sad and miserable.
I was mesmerized by it. It's like the truest fact ever. I'd decided to share it on this blog the moment I read it.
For everyone, life is imperfect in someway or the other. It's not about always smiling no matter what... it's about how quickly can you regain that genuine smile...
As it is, I am a firm believer in KARMA, what you are getting now is the reaction of your own past actions. And as per Dr Brian Weiss, we select our own life before taking birth on Earth (ooh that rhymed :p).
So, the cribbing, whining and brooding is technically totally invalid!!
BUT, still we are humans, who can never do it all right and we like to cry it out once in a while. So our emotional outbursts have a benefit of doubt...(Although it's good to keep them under check!)

Post my previous blog-post, I am at peace with the fact that it really doesn't matter if "people" have misconceptions about you, even if these people are really important to you. It bothers initially but the moment you realize you cant do anything, you give a darn.

So, here it is, the difference between people that belong to my category and those with a 'care a darn' attitude... 'Care a darn' category already knows from the beginning that you cant change certain things and you don't need to change certain things... while, we try to make things work, we try to think of something to change the things and eventually we discern that we can't change certain things and we don't  need to change certain things. So, in the end, we too care a darn!!
It's just that we are a little slow. Otherwise sooner or later, all of us become a big pool of apathetic minds.

Then, there are songs which everyone in the room knows and they hum the lyrics together... while you are standing there completely unaware of the song, thinking who the hell made this stupid song!

'Good feeling' a nice and light-hearted number.
I don't hear to many Christina Aguilera songs but I love her voice.

It's one of my very good friend's marriage today and I am so happy for her! This is the same friend's marriage which I'd referred in previous posts. Where does time fly? Still feels it was yesterday when the 2 of us were sitting in our boss's cabin (of course after he would leave) and having warm heart-to-heart conversations! Feeling nostalgic! Mr God bless her with a super happy wedlock and make sure she always smiles!

Temperamentally exhausted....

Yesterday, me and my brother found our bad of old stuffed toys and here I am typing, with my little black stuffed king-kong sitting on my lap and staring at my blog!!

Childhood memories always manage to bring a smile on your face, no matter how old you are! (Of course, here I am referring to the HAPPIER memories only)

I also had a bright red stuffed poodle but I lost it :(... Well, I was not really a child when I bought the poodle, it was just 3 years back :D... But I'd be happy if I had it on my lap too!!

It's mom and dad's wedding anniversary today so congratulations to them for 23 years of great survival and I wish them all the happiness in the world for the rest of their lives because they deserve it, the most!! I hardly say it but I really love you both!!

Anyway so,
I don't know why, I just hate that date! Why do people have to make a fuss about it?! I know all of them care about me and all but seriously, I'd like to be left alone on that day! I am full of fury, absolutely irritable and emotionally vulnerable on that day! I don't have an explanation for it or may be I do have but I don't want anyone to know the real reason...
The day is almost here... I wish I could delete it from the calender! I care too little for what any person thinks of my attitude regarding this... "Stop throwing tantrums!", "What's your problem?", "You are so sad!!!", etc etc... I don't give a shit!!
I respect everyone who try to make it special but anything they do cannot change the way I feel inside or maybe I just don't want to change it... I may be a push-over but no one can rule my emotions in this case!!

I loathe the 'angry & furious bitch' side of me! I want to kill it ASAP... There is hardly anyone who has witnessed the real angry me. I can kill a person (and I am not kidding)!!!


I saw "The cell" yesterday, I quite liked the movie. I've been watching too many Sci-Fi movies these days.
"Be yourself" is a nice song. The wordings are good!

Why are people so stubborn? Why do we always want things to happen our way? And if things don't workout as per us, we get all annoyed and spiteful... Some of us are invariably stubborn while some of us get stubbornness pangs at decent intervals. It's strange how we get worked up for silly matters like, some cell phone of a particular brand, color of the paint for your house walls, selecting a diner or a cuisine to eat, etc.
When we think about it later, it all seems worthless, unnecessary and stupid. How does it matter whether an eating joint of your choice is selected or that of your friend's choice? The main motive of filling the tummy and having a good time, fades away... So maybe it's not stubbornness, it's ego...Or maybe stubbornness is just another shade of ego...Who knows?! I just know both are bad and negative characteristics and I hold certain quantities of both!!
Of course, I am not boasting them... Saint in the making... Haha !!

"High hopes" by Pink Floyd is another great number. I am listening to it right now...

Me and king-kong signing off here!! :)

Exam-time Randomness....

A few days left for the exams and I am here blogging, I must say this Blogosphere is pretty enticing! Phew!! It was a tiring morning and noon, did a lot of in and out so I slept for while. Before going to sleep there were so many things I was thinking about and I wanted to blog about but after getting up it’s all gone, I wish this could happen always, not thinking about the worthless stuff and issues after waking up, just sleeping it off, life would have been much easier. I guess this happens only when there are lot many things to catch up with.

I was just thinking, I have missed on a lot of movies of late. Lol, I know I should be studying and not thinking about movies but I am very bored now! By the way I am having frooti right now, it’s so tasty, it’s one of those drinks that I and probably most of us are drinking since childhood, I love its soft, sweet and tangy taste… During exams, life gets so boring and dull, everything you do or think or write is all dreary and lifeless.

I just read somewhere, ‘Everyday there is someone who will push you in the pool, you just have come up with the plan to get out of the pool every time’.

I wish I could care less about things, about people. I wish I could not expect at all from people. I wish I did not wish that often…

Colors are so nice; they make this lull a little vibrant. Actually colors are the part of our surroundings invariably, its just us and our moods, sometimes we notice them and sometimes we don’t. The other day I was coming back from class and I saw a gang of friends, girls and guys, all dressed up and mingling with each other, giggling around and they were getting in a car, an Innova, I was watching them and I had a big 1 km smile on my face and suddenly I noticed a tear rolling down my cheek. Nostalgia. Reminiscence. Sometimes even sweet memories make you weep but I liked that tear, it symbolizes I have lived those priceless moments and It’s never too late to make more memories, right?!

Time to study, I hope I concentrate well…bye.