Workplace Stress is Real

Lately I have been reading about depression due to work-stress and I am over-whelmed to see the volume of people on various forums and platforms expressing their suffering.

Sigh...

My personal life is great, I am happy and content with it but it's this other life that occupies most part of my active daily hours that is... causing damage.

I realise, for most us, it is not the work or the nature of it. It is the people we are working for and with. The bosses and colleagues who lack empathy and compassion. I wonder if they realise how they affect a person's life, how they turn an otherwise happy person into a miserable and hopeless being. Will they ever, for a moment, realise this? I don't think so...
And even if they do think someday, ohh... I shouldn't have said that or done that... it will be too late.

Late realisations rarely make a difference. 'Better late than never' is not always a good excuse to pardon yourself from your mistakes.

How to get out of this trap?
I need money to survive. I need a roof to live. I need food to eat. So, I need a job to pay me.
Even if I need less, I still need a little for every day. I cannot escape. I need to put up with the insensitivity of people. I need to toughen up. I need to go to work and do whatever it takes.

Sigh...

Things that help on certain lucky days:
- Being unproductive at work for 5-20 mins in a day in office. Because your productivity is never rewarded, just give your tired mind a break. For a little bit don't care for real.
- Call a friend after work and rant about your woes and the unfair things you put up with daily.
- Have a good dinner.
- Listen to music that elevates your spirits.
- Lose yourself in the warm arms of your beloved and just be there in that moment feeling fortunate to have true love in your life.
- Spend some time pursuing your hobby, even if for 15 mins... draw, paint, play music, go for a run, anything.

Well.. there still will be days when none of this would make you feel good, on such days, just breathe and let the time go by.

Sigh...

Moral of the story: Yes, money is evil. But people are the bigger evil. Compassion can really make a huge difference in the world. So be kind. And sometimes be blind... to those who aren't. 

Celebrating Sadness

"Cling to happy thoughts. Think practical. How does being sad help? What good does it do to anyone around you and more importantly, to yourself?"
Makes sense, right?
Not always.

Why do people believe in nipping sadness in the bud?
Why is it a negative emotion all the time?

I understand prolonged sadness can cause serious problems but that doesn't mean you shouldn't be allowed to feel it at all.

If small things can make you happy, why can't small things make you sad?
As long as you won't spend an unusually long time wailing about it.
The sadness will fizz out eventually.

Set your melancholy free. Feel upset. Even if it is something petty. Because in that moment it is the most painful thing happening to you. It's okay. You will be fine soon. Just be there to make yourself fine once you have celebrated the sadness enough.

Give yourself a hug and let yourself know that you may be alone, you are not lonely. Because even if no one else understands, you are there for you. Always. :)

Now, I am reminded of the animated movie 'Inside Out'. If you haven't watched it, please do.

Listening to Bob Dylan...
"From East to West
Ever since the world began
I only mean it for the best
I want to be with you any way I can"

Such an admirable writer!

Powerless

I shut my eyes.
Three fingers of my right hand gently touch my closed right eye.
And three fingers of my left hand do the same to my left eye.
I apply some pressure on my fingers and they press against my eyes.
I see red spots.
Both my thumbs block my ears. Bleak sounds still manage to penetrate.
But those sounds do not perturb me, the other voice does.
That clamorous voice which is coming from the inside.
That inner voice which is gnawing on me.
I want to shut that voice.

The Day.

My colleague tells me I haven't been myself since past few days. She thinks I am un-physically absent.

I think, she is right.

They say, universe works in mysterious ways to help you get all that you deserve. And, all that happens is for the good. You only realise it eventually. Now good is not synonymous to happiness here. It is just good. Perhaps for this present life on earth. It is good because it teaches you somethings that you have taken birth to learn.

I am in a trance. It's a phase that reoccurs each time you become a spectator of your own life. And sometimes you simply can't help being so.
Feelings of helplessness and cluelessness grope you. At first, you try to rebel. Why should you accept it anyway? No logical reasoning seems to explain it. And, a tiresome battle begins. Between you and destiny.
But you were destined to lose. So you do.
And the thing about failures is, you have to accept them even if it kills you.

Today, I am undergoing a new batch of emotions that I never knew existed. It feels as though a funeral is being conducted inside me. Every cell is grieving over the demise of something.
While I wonder what that thing is, it's a happy day, a new beginning.



   

I NEED A BREAK!

No relationship is easy. Be it love or friendship.
Two people have been raised differently, with dissimilar value sets.
Each has an exclusive way of looking at things, of dealing with situations and people.
How can there not be disagreements?
How can there not be disputes?

Sigh...

I didn't realise this is my first post of 2016. I am sorry Bloggie Doggie, I began on such a melancholic note with you.

Work is great.
That Birdie. Tangled. 'Copywriting'. Freelancing.
Phew!

I am tired. I need a break. From life. From myself. From work. From people. From the world!

Utopia

A land where perfection dwells. Where harmony thrives. Where peace flows with the wind.

I wish it existed. 

May be it does.  

If it truly did, would I want to inhabit it?

May be...

May be not... 

I have grown accustomed to this broken world of mine. I have gained much, I have lost little. There is a bond I share with it, which is  invisible and adamantine. No matter how hard I try... I cannot escape it. No matter how hard I try, I cannot convince myself to escape it. 

Sigh...

  

Bothered.

Yesterday, I tore a page from my notepad and wrote some very personal things on it with the intention of taking it home and sticking it in my personal diary.
I made the silliest mistake of forgetting that piece of paper in my office and a colleague read it.
I feel naked.
These were the thoughts that I never wanted anyone to know and now a stranger is in knowledge of it. I feel awful. My innermost feelings are known to a person whose existence barely matters to me.
I should have been careful.
Sigh...
We are so scared of showing our true self, of having no secret thoughts, of everyone knowing what we are really feeling. Maybe it is the judgements that we are scared of. More than the opinions of others, we are unable to deal with the opinions we have for ourselves.
Can we ever be free from these opinions?

And...
Times when you feel you are losing connection with the ones who mean a lot to you. And when they don't really bother to make you feel wanted and loved. Because they are unaware of your foolish thoughts.
When you are so full of insecurities that it makes you feel abandoned. It is not true and you know it, but you still want them come shower you with love and show that you are important.
This never happens though. Eventually, you move on from this feeling. No one comes to your rescue.

I wish...
Why do we wish so much?

PS: If nothing, you always have music. :)

Peekaboo

After a lot of struggle we make peace with our past. It does not play with our head anymore. Yet, every once in a while it comes back to haunt us. Should we be surprised that it still bothers us? 

I don't think so. 

We cannot eliminate the bad experiences and the agony from our memory. It stays. We can only ignore it. 

And rightly so. If we forget the bad experiences, we will also forget what we learned from them. The whole point of us going through them and taking a lesson falls flat then. 

Nothing comes easy. Especially not the strength to overcome your demons. Everything is a gradual process.

I wish...

Why do we wish so much?

A relationship that hurts you the most and has no warmth left anymore, is it worth keeping?

If yes, then why? For the memories? What if I say that the misery of today is poisoning the memories of yesterday, is it still worth keeping?

If no, then how do you get rid of it? 

When a bond is irreparable and the desire to make things alright has died, almost... It's stuck like a tattoo on you, you can't do anything about it. It's a curse and you have to deal with it all your life.

Somethings may never change and so you have to change. This can't be easy. Try.

Nonetheless, there always will be a few others who will make life worth living with their unconditional love. :)
Thank you Mr. God, for them. 

....................................

To a special friend,

We will make it till the end. :*

...................................

And above all, you will always have music.
A thousand years - Christina Perri
Queen Soundtrack
Dark Horse - Katy Perry
Adore you - Miley Cyrus
Wrecking ball - Miley Cyrus
Demons - Imagine Dragons

The difference... or distance?

When I decided to switch my career path, I lost one of the common factors in my friendship with some of my very close friends.
When they entered into a serious relationship with their new respective partners, I was truly delighted for them but now there was one more thing that differentiated me from them.
And now, as they consider marriage and life after it, I wish them the very best while also making an addition to the list that keeps us from being on the same page.

Yesterday, I was out with a bunch of people, not friends really. One of them, a well-accomplished lady, mentioned that her best friend has a child and it's been 2 years now. She has been trying for one herself since a long time now.
She said whenever they used to meet, all that friend had to talk about was her daughter. It had begin to become discomforting for her to be in her friend's company now. She was not envious, in fact, she was happy that her friend was blessed with a bundle of joy.
But, she wasn't able to empathize with that friend anymore. They weren't on the same page. Their priorities, their scenarios, their day-to-schedule, everything had changed.
So, she started distancing herself from that woman, not intentionally though. It just happened. They don't meet anymore.

As I was listening to her story, I wondered, isn't it really how I too feel for those close friends of mine? I couldn't get myself to say yes, but I did not say a no as well.

I also thought if they too feel so about this situation. But then, I refuse to believe they do because there's so much going on in their lives, in our lives, that they really wouldn't have the time to sit and contemplate about something as trivial as this. It's merely me over-thinking, as usual.

Sigh...

Sadly, this is not the first time I've been perturbed by this obvious feeling. It has been worrying me since quite some time now. So, it was not this lady's words that triggered this thought. It was always there. I was just scared to admit it to myself so bluntly.

Dad says, "You should do what everyone is doing in order to be a part of the society. You will be happy only if you start living your life like everyone else does, as only then you will be able to maintain your relationships. You can't just stand there while everyone else is taking the next step."

Do I have to? Really?
I am scared. I don't know what to do about it. I never thought 'peer pressure' could actually be so pressurizing.
Perhaps Dad is right...
But, is it something I want to do? 
  
Sometimes I wish, somethings would never change. But, we humans, we are all assholes, we are responsible for most changes that transpire and later brood about them.

Anyway, I shall leave it to the future. Whatever has to happen, will happen.

Time flows differently in everyone's life. Different phases occur to different people at different times. One cannot control it. And, it's fair. It's simply life.

I wish...
Why do we wish so much!

A final goodbye... to something, which could've defined me, in a way.

And, the blankness prevails...

I have fallen in love with this little tale. It won't leave my mind. I've been repeating it over and over again in my head.

When an ugly event from past decides to revisit your mind...

And, to you,
I buried the very thought of being like we used to be, months back.Yet you manage to hurt me each time I think about us. But, I'm fine. Really.

Life is full of people who'll keep finding flaws in you and your work, whether the faults truly exist or not, whether with good intentions or bad. You have to learn how not to be demoralized and keep going on.
When they say that you should take it positively, ask them fuck themselves, and simply ignore.
Because when you've heard bad things about yourself all your life, they fail to serve any kind of inspirational or motivational purpose after a while.

Having said that, constructive criticism should always be welcomed because that helps you learn and grow, in every aspect of your life.

I wish...
Why do we wish so much!

Trying to see the brighter side

Sometimes the glass seems half empty and sometimes it seems half full.
It's not the attitude you have invariably, it is the attitude you choose to have for different situations.

Vibes- I so believe in them

It's been three years that I've been into writing but somehow I still hesitate calling myself a writer

Somethings in life have to be bad, they just can't change because that's how Mr God wants it to be.

Too many things going on in my mind, regarding people around me. I wish I could set my anger free...

One should ALWAYS try to see the brighter side. That's what I've always believed and followed. Yes cribbing is allowed to a certain extent as that is normal I believe. But, I do look at the brighter side of life. :)

Also,
When you are single, you expect more from your "friends" and somehow even if they do as much as they can, its just never enough. That's why you should always have some other single friends around. And this is not just me, its an observation and was also a topic of discussion between me and a single friend. ;)

Expectation is a funny word.
But never forget to question yourself whether you are able to meet their expectations, before accusing them.

It was one of those black days today, when life seemed unfair and all the dirt from the past made my eyes burn.

There are times when you feel like what do they care about whatever you go through in life and then you realize that even if they do, it doesn't really matter. 

I'm just so sad...

I'm just so sad...

Why don't I get to do what I want to?
Why? Why?

Again,
even this is my fault!

Sometimes I feel it's better to be immature and self-centered, at least then you won't think about how the other person would be feeling and why they choose to behave like this and that they are completely wrong, whatever be the circumstances!!
I just somehow, in my head, figure out a way to not blame the other person for whatever he/she has done and then end up being angry at myself!

Aaarrrghh... I just can't concentrate on studies with all this running around me!!
*sigh*
Bah... I'll figure out a way (hopefully). After all, how many excuses am I gonna make?!

Anyway,
the truth is, if I would've done the right things at the right time, MAYBE none of this would be happening right now!

I wish...
Why do we wish so much!

In the hole...

I am so annoyed at the moment!
No, I don't have a reason or maybe I do but it's not good enough!

It just vexes me that I can't be there! Ugh... this sucks. Big time.

And, people may blabber that they are here to support you... but truly that's just another statement!
You have to support yourself and that's only fair!!

Aarghh!!

You know, sometimes you just want certain people to understand that they are needed during certain times without having to say it to them explicitly, you want them to be with you or at least call you for that matter...  And it just perturbs you even more when they don't get it, when they fail to be there with you during those certain times...
But
None of them have been blessed with any kinda super powers that they would just come to know about your state of mind!
Moreover, there are good odds that they might be having a bad day themself and would be waiting for you to come and soothe them...
You know, you should never ignore the other side of the coin, not even in your worst days!

'The sweet escape' by Gwen Stefani, is what I'm listening to right now...
It reminds me of my sweet junior college days, when I didn't have a Smartphone (which means no music) and I used to be glued on to VH1 all day and this song used to be played on every hour! The first time I heard it, I hated it but then after watching it on TV so many times I ended up falling in love with it... it's still one of my best 'pep-up' songs!

I truly believe by going through a person's playlist, you can pretty much figure them out because music is the best way to express yourself (even listening to music is)...
But again, sometimes you hear some songs just for fun and not for what they mean... and that's why I conspicuously mentioned 'pretty much'.

It makes me so sad that I couldn't save me from falling again...

I wish... Why do we wish so much!

Standing at the brink...

Why is it so difficult to excel in anything?
Is there anything that I'm good at?!

I never pictured things to turn out like this, I never thought of me to become what I have become...

I need to invoke the power in me, only then things can work and life can start trudging, at least.

Will my quest ever reach its destination??
Because I am fed up now... I've never felt that before...

I am standing at the brink, there is no more farther to go. One more step ahead will land me in the deepest and the darkest chasm therefore I need to stop and tread backwards... but I still won't halt.. Why?

Inexplicably awful feelings...
I desperately need to outgrow all of this...

I wish...
Why do we wish so much!

Of Television and Schmucks!

After Friends, Everybody loves Raymond, Full house, Sex and the City and Make it or break it, The big bang theory has been qualified to be one of my favorite American sitcoms of all times! :)

Damn, I can watch them all my life and prove the Law of Diminishing Marginal Utility wrong! :D :D

I don't know how would I have survived today without TV.
It was one of those utter grave days today.

I thought I would never have to face you again ever in my life. No, rather I tried to think that but I knew this had to happen, not once, not twice but many times....
Yet another person added to that list, the list I wish no person on this earth to have...
Bah, who ever said there won't be any schmucks on this globe?!

trying... again...

When people are walking at a pace that almost looks like running and you are sitting on a cozy couch with a bowl of popcorn and looking at them... You can either sit back and brood about your situation or try to throw that bowl, get in your sneakers, brace up and get going...

It can get ugly when you realize you are the only one who believes in you.... And, after a while, you get used to it and stop giving a damn!

Concerned messages and phone calls seem worthless and needless...

Baby bird doesn't learn to fly because the mama bird teaches it to, it tries and tries until it really can only because it wants to...

It is not about what you should be, it is about what you want to be.
And sometimes, you just never realize when that "should" turns into "want"

Indeed, my enough wasn't enough....

"What doesn't kill you makes you stronger
 stand a little taller
 it doesn't mean I'm lonely when I'm alone..."  
(By Kelly Clarkson)


I wish...
Why do we wish so much!  

Rejected again

And, suddenly everything's falling apart...

How happy you feel when your work is appreciated and how awful you feel when it gets rejected twice in a row...

You start doubting your capabilities and dedication...




All you can do is hope, hope for things to fall in the right place. But doesn't hope give rise to expectations?

And expectation is the shortest route to disappointment. So, what should you do?

Some say why do you think so much? Well, those "some" should be interested in their own business and not mine because sometimes thinking, wondering, musing and mulling becomes ineluctable.

...........................

Ugh

Instrumentals-I love!
Listening to fatal attraction.

Deadline tomorrow- everything's pending!
Why? Why the hell do I HAVE to procrastinate every bloody thing!

Awful Mood- Various Reasons.

Met some old friends today... Friends, really??
To be true, they were more of a boring set of strangers.
Not going would've been a better option if I was given that alternative!

Spent a lot this week- Guilty!
Also ate a lot- Guilty again!

Have been hiding... myself, things, habits...

Losing the grip totally!

I have been truly and totally spaced out!

Fucked up! :S 

Moving along with the scars...

"Can we pretend that airplanes in the night sky are like shooting stars
I could really use a wish right now, wish right now, wish right now"


*sigh*


Whatever... it was a bad phase and I can already feel that it's fading away... it may leave behind its remnants but at least a major chunk will be let gone... which is good, isn't it?!


I discerned, I cannot brood for more than 3 days, that's the limit for me! Even when Badimummy passed away, I cried like crazy for 2 days, then on the 3rd day all tears had dried up and I went blank and after the 3rd day I started accepting things the way they were... and the similar thing happened now... 


Black pages are present in every person's life; you weep, yell, brood and finally you move on but moving on doesn't mean you forget about it completely. Just the way every page is a part of a book, every event that happened, be it good or bad, is a part of you, your life. It shapes your personality. Of course, what has happened in these past few days has impacted me badly but I cannot stop there, I'll at least start trudging ahead; the agony will still be there but then that's how it is...


When they say, no one can even imagine what you really are from within and what you have been through, they are right...
People see what you want them to see about you, well 97% of the times...
And, I'm not just talking about me but everyone... I have a few friends who've been through hell in real terms but when you see them, you may never be able to tell...
Such people are real life heroes to me! Kudos to each of them! 


One such source of inspiration to me is one of my best friend's little sister. How to live life and value it, should be learned from her! She may not know but she has indirectly been a great teacher to me, I do not pity her, not a bit... BUT I respect her with all my heart. Thank you, thank you so much darling!