Confessions of an ego-bound human

I have a problem with a lot of people around me.
If I see someone being greedy, I feel enraged. 
If I see someone talking behind another person's back, I feel disgusted.
If I see someone being violent, I find it unacceptable.
If I see someone bragging about themselves, I consider them repulsive.
If I see someone being mean to another person, I loathe them.
If I see someone talking about certain obvious things as if they were imparting words of wisdom, I find it derogatory.
If I see someone trying to prove me wrong (whether I am or not), I take offence.
If I see someone trying to gossip and create a controversy, I think they are absolutely incorrigible.

However, all these flaws I constantly see in those around me... are mine. In different ways, in different forms. But I have them.

I have done it all. I still do it. More often than not I don't realise while I am doing it because I am so full of myself. My ego does not let me come out of myself and see me as another. If I could do that, I would change a lot of things that I do or think.

As I continue to age, I see more and more aspects of mine that need improvement. I also see myself working on them.

The problem is not them, it is me.
I can't change them, I should not either.
I should change me, I can be better than this.

Complaint box

I need to get certain things off my mind in order to get back in-order!!

Note: These are things that are so petty that I do not feel like putting them in my diary and so this is the best possible way to get rid of all the aimless pondering and ANGER.

1. Enough with the drama!! Just leave me alone, will you?! I too feel bad even if I don't show it!!
2. When you talk bad... it still hurts... sometimes... Because there are certain things that one can never get accustomed to COMPLETELY, no matter how hard one tries... 
3. Boys are not the only topic that we girls can talk about! So please for heaven's sake, STOP!!
4. And, just because my friends are all dating doesn't mean I HAVE to see someone too!! I ACTUALLY am very happy being single and I do not understand why is it soooooo hard to gulp that in?!
5. To myself - Speed up!! FAST!!! Be assiduous and sedulous! 
6. To Mr. God - Help me to help me! *begging*
7. Beauty is not perfection! Some people need to comprehend that being good-looking does not mean you are above everyone else or average lookers do not deserve better than you!!
8. Being candid about your thoughts and opinions may seem to be a great thing when you are practicing it but when others practice it and start throwing their unwanted and unnecessary opinions on you... you'll know how "great" it really is!!
9. You are funny- HAHA!! Now shooo!
10. If you don't find me interesting then don't talk to me... it's just that simple! I really wouldn't mind even if you are a good friend!!
11. And... I've always believed that you need a break from every person in your life at some point of time, no matter how important or special that person is!! I do this... a lot.. I need my space.. now, is that soo bad?!
12. Yes, I can be a super bitch, at times... Deal with it or leave!!
13. I knew I had to face it... I was prepared...

And yet, I survived all of it, thanks to:

1. Mr. God
2. My stupid little brother [I love you!]
3. Music (Of course, duhh!!)
4. Food (Always!)
5. Finally realizing I was being stupid by even letting myself get bothered for the last 3 hours, for these silly thoughts!

*gasp*
*sigh*

P.S.: No comments or views or opinions will be welcomed here (unless they are expressly in my favor)!!

I'm just so sad...

I'm just so sad...

Why don't I get to do what I want to?
Why? Why?

Again,
even this is my fault!

Sometimes I feel it's better to be immature and self-centered, at least then you won't think about how the other person would be feeling and why they choose to behave like this and that they are completely wrong, whatever be the circumstances!!
I just somehow, in my head, figure out a way to not blame the other person for whatever he/she has done and then end up being angry at myself!

Aaarrrghh... I just can't concentrate on studies with all this running around me!!
*sigh*
Bah... I'll figure out a way (hopefully). After all, how many excuses am I gonna make?!

Anyway,
the truth is, if I would've done the right things at the right time, MAYBE none of this would be happening right now!

I wish...
Why do we wish so much!

Temperamentally exhausted....

Yesterday, me and my brother found our bad of old stuffed toys and here I am typing, with my little black stuffed king-kong sitting on my lap and staring at my blog!!

Childhood memories always manage to bring a smile on your face, no matter how old you are! (Of course, here I am referring to the HAPPIER memories only)

I also had a bright red stuffed poodle but I lost it :(... Well, I was not really a child when I bought the poodle, it was just 3 years back :D... But I'd be happy if I had it on my lap too!!

It's mom and dad's wedding anniversary today so congratulations to them for 23 years of great survival and I wish them all the happiness in the world for the rest of their lives because they deserve it, the most!! I hardly say it but I really love you both!!

Anyway so,
I don't know why, I just hate that date! Why do people have to make a fuss about it?! I know all of them care about me and all but seriously, I'd like to be left alone on that day! I am full of fury, absolutely irritable and emotionally vulnerable on that day! I don't have an explanation for it or may be I do have but I don't want anyone to know the real reason...
The day is almost here... I wish I could delete it from the calender! I care too little for what any person thinks of my attitude regarding this... "Stop throwing tantrums!", "What's your problem?", "You are so sad!!!", etc etc... I don't give a shit!!
I respect everyone who try to make it special but anything they do cannot change the way I feel inside or maybe I just don't want to change it... I may be a push-over but no one can rule my emotions in this case!!

I loathe the 'angry & furious bitch' side of me! I want to kill it ASAP... There is hardly anyone who has witnessed the real angry me. I can kill a person (and I am not kidding)!!!


I saw "The cell" yesterday, I quite liked the movie. I've been watching too many Sci-Fi movies these days.
"Be yourself" is a nice song. The wordings are good!

Why are people so stubborn? Why do we always want things to happen our way? And if things don't workout as per us, we get all annoyed and spiteful... Some of us are invariably stubborn while some of us get stubbornness pangs at decent intervals. It's strange how we get worked up for silly matters like, some cell phone of a particular brand, color of the paint for your house walls, selecting a diner or a cuisine to eat, etc.
When we think about it later, it all seems worthless, unnecessary and stupid. How does it matter whether an eating joint of your choice is selected or that of your friend's choice? The main motive of filling the tummy and having a good time, fades away... So maybe it's not stubbornness, it's ego...Or maybe stubbornness is just another shade of ego...Who knows?! I just know both are bad and negative characteristics and I hold certain quantities of both!!
Of course, I am not boasting them... Saint in the making... Haha !!

"High hopes" by Pink Floyd is another great number. I am listening to it right now...

Me and king-kong signing off here!! :)