Long time, no see.

Time heals everything. Fresh deep wounds turn into scars of the past. And then the scars begin to fade as well. The pain goes away, only faint marks remain.

If you are lucky, you meet a certain someone, who knows the accurate methods of helping you heal in a less painful manner.    
And if you are extremely lucky, you have more than just that one person, like a small gang of doctors working on you.

Times when you feel lost in all the new things that life has thrown at you.
Despite the excitement, happiness and contentment, you still miss something... Maybe what you miss is you. Because it's when things are out of order and life is in mess that you interact with yourself more and fathom yourself better. Maybe it's the chase you miss. Chasing your dreams.
Yes...
Living your dreams is an ecstatic feeling indeed. But when you are actually living it, you do miss the chase. You miss your journey.
Then... It's time to dream further. It's time to embark on a new journey.

The winter is good this year. The nights are chilly. I love cold. I love it when my skin wears millions of gooseberries. The air smells different, it feels good.

And...
Dear 2014,
Thank you for all that you have bestowed me with. The lovely places. The beautiful people. The learnings. The work. The love. I cannot be more grateful for it.
And for the bad experiences, the losses, the pain, the tears... I forgive you.
There are no qualms, no regrets.

Hoping 2015 to be as beautiful. :)

Moving on...
Love feels great. But it's too hard to not lose yourself in love. And that's a challenge, being in absolute love with someone while not forgetting to love yourself.
I like challenges. ;)

The Sixteenth

A month ago, on this day, I embarked on the most unexpected journey in my life. A journey that changed my life. A journey of an epic beginning.

Dear Mr. God,

I love you more than ever now. The happiness that my heart contains is of such magnitude that I am afraid to lose even an ounce of it. It feels like magic. You have surprised me, delighted me, blessed me. You have showered me with such love that  it goes beyond my imagination. I will be thankful to you till my last breath.

..........

I am at the Beas. The cold winds are making my lungs quiver. My clothes are not doing a good job at keeping me warm. I am loving the cold. My teeth clatter and my body shivers. I am standing on the rocks submerged in the river that is flowing effortlessly. The icy water is piercing each cell in my legs. My legs go numb after a while. I cannot feel them. I cannot feel the cold. I am smiling as wide as I can. A tear rolls down my cheek. I feel lighter. I am one with the river. I see pine trees around and the gargantuan mountains with a scoop of snow carelessly dropped on them. The river is feeling me, healing me. I feel empty. I feel full. I feel me. I am happiness. I am love. I am the river and she is me. We are one.

My heart yearns for her.

I wish...
Why do we wish so much?

A gift from nature

I am back from the mountains.
I am back from the snow.
I am back from the river.
I am back from the paradise.

Or may be I am not. I left a little of me there and brought back a little of them all.

It was a breathtaking journey. With every small patch of land, I learned more about me. It was a satisfying feeling. Just me and my backpack.

There are too many words coming to my mind at the moment but I do not feel like putting it all together right now. Piece by piece I shall keep posting.

I am happy to be working again. My work is as important to me as travel. It, too, defines me in a way.

Anyway,
This trip has been extremely special to me. Apart from adding a new dimension to my thinking, it has introduced me to a new side of me.
It seems like Mr. God is playing a prank with me. I hope he is not. I don't have that kind of an appetite for humor. I have taken a leap of faith. It's scary. It's exciting. It's beautiful. It's alleviating. It's fulfilling.

My heart tells me, it's a gift from nature, from Mr. God. 

To be continued...

A couple of times before this, I had clicked on 'New Post' but closed the tab without saving the draft. Because I'd been dumping all my frustration in here, this blog was emitting extremely negative vibes and I couldn't write. So I decided to terminate the negativity by writing something which is not negative.
...............
I could not torment myself anymore. I wanted to heal. And so I became the assassin of my own ego. I got rid of the grudge. Now... I am healing.

Life puts you to test in many different ways. Coping with them is already arduous, why do you want to further burden yourself by holding a grudge?

I always knew I could avoid this and live a happier life, but it took me two years to gather the courage to end my suffering.

I am a slave to my own demons and am fighting for my freedom. I have defeated a couple of them by forgiving and forgetting some things. But I know this war is not going to end soon.

My stepping stone!

Datamatics Global Services Ltd.- Content Writer.

Thank you Mr God!

Who knows if this could be that turning point...

No Goa for me. Of course it feels sad not be a part of it but I can manage now, I guess... because Mr God helped! 

Moving along with the scars...

"Can we pretend that airplanes in the night sky are like shooting stars
I could really use a wish right now, wish right now, wish right now"


*sigh*


Whatever... it was a bad phase and I can already feel that it's fading away... it may leave behind its remnants but at least a major chunk will be let gone... which is good, isn't it?!


I discerned, I cannot brood for more than 3 days, that's the limit for me! Even when Badimummy passed away, I cried like crazy for 2 days, then on the 3rd day all tears had dried up and I went blank and after the 3rd day I started accepting things the way they were... and the similar thing happened now... 


Black pages are present in every person's life; you weep, yell, brood and finally you move on but moving on doesn't mean you forget about it completely. Just the way every page is a part of a book, every event that happened, be it good or bad, is a part of you, your life. It shapes your personality. Of course, what has happened in these past few days has impacted me badly but I cannot stop there, I'll at least start trudging ahead; the agony will still be there but then that's how it is...


When they say, no one can even imagine what you really are from within and what you have been through, they are right...
People see what you want them to see about you, well 97% of the times...
And, I'm not just talking about me but everyone... I have a few friends who've been through hell in real terms but when you see them, you may never be able to tell...
Such people are real life heroes to me! Kudos to each of them! 


One such source of inspiration to me is one of my best friend's little sister. How to live life and value it, should be learned from her! She may not know but she has indirectly been a great teacher to me, I do not pity her, not a bit... BUT I respect her with all my heart. Thank you, thank you so much darling!

Is the past really past??

No matter how much you try, you cannot get rid of your past. Those broken pieces somewhere still poke your heart. The past is a part of you, just as the present and the future are. The past is always present in you, it never leaves you, not even for a minute! BUT, you can leave the past if you want to, though it is immensely arduous to do so!


Watching Oprah Winfrey shows that are about forgetting, moving on and  FORGIVING, is not just it. I've seen so many of them. Without a doubt they inspire me but the implementation is such a gradual process that at one moment, you don't even feel that the process is moving a tad bit! After watching people who too have suffered a lot but have forgiven their abusers and pain-givers, you feel like even you should forgive and learn to move on. 
When you actually start practicing it, it's not an ounce easy. Maybe that's why 'Forgiving' is the biggest lesson that you have to learn and it takes numerous life-times to learn so.


(And I am not referring to some silly fights or issues between friends or some short-term failures...There are things bigger and badder than this but we often forget and land ourselves in such worthless and unnecessary troubles)


"I can forgive but never forget"
I don't understand why people make use of this statement, even I use it! See, if you don't forget that means you still remember the agony, the suffering and unless you let go all those feelings and surpass it, you cannot forgive. 
Forgetting is forgiving, this is what I have assimilated over the years, though I don't follow it hard-core but I genuinely try. Most of the times I am not willing to forget, even if I want to, I don't let me forget... 
I hope I implement my own beliefs in my own life soon... I know it can do me a world of good! 


Why is self- alleviation of sorrows and agony so difficult? Isn't life already too harsh for us to be so hard on ourslves?!


Also, 
'Never judge a book by its cover'.
You never know what the other person has gone through. Every person has got dark secrets, of which hardly anyone knows!


Anyway, I better study now, it's my last exam tomorrow (or rather today!) and I am still left with a big chunk of the portion. But now at least for the next 6months, there wont be anymore exams....phew!

I got to live it

When people are happy because of you and for you, it makes you feel worth living and I finally got to catch a glimpse of that moment, when you feel worth living...

Phew...I am still in awe

(I feel so emotional posting this one here..)

I finally defeated the demon, though I realize, this was the small one and the real son of evil still awaits me...

Finally getting to see that big, wide and hearty grin (that you caused) on your parents' faces is priceless...

Still cannot belive it...!! 

I am falling short of words to articulate this alleviation...It has happened only because of the Almighty and everyone's prayers... I hope, I dont dissapoint them ever again !!

And, the statement I was dying to own, since past 3years: 

  FINALLY REACHED THE FINALS !!