I Should Because I Can.

Each ray emanated from the sun is a ray of hope.
Every 7 am comes with an opportunity to become a better version of yourself.

No one said following your heart will be the easiest thing to do.
But I can say, it is certainly the most satisfying feeling in the world.

To follow your heart, however, is not in your hands alone.
There are a hundred other things that need to function at the right pace so you can follow your heart.
Therefore, to be following your heart in itself is a stroke of luck.
Have you realised that before?
To do what you wish to, to work on your dreams, all of this is already a privilege.

Ask a child in Iraq who has lost his family and doesn't know if he will survive another day.
Ask a quadriplegic who was once an adventure enthusiast.
Ask a musician suffering from Alzheimer's who has forgotten how to make music, and worse, how to live.

Stop wishing for luck. You already are one of the most fortunate humans.
Go ahead, work on your dreams.
Whether they come true or not, at least you will have lived them.
   

You owe it to yourself

After squashing your wishes to do all that you really want to.
Letting a crooked organisation manipulate your true potential for their benefit.
Sacrificing the most active hours of your day in order to earn a living.
Refraining yourself from exploring the unexplored mountains and seas.

You owe yourself a few hours of doing something that restores your sanity, everyday.
Something that benefits your inner being. Something that commands you to be happy.

3 weeks ago, I began practising Yoga.
It has brought me closer to peace.
It has brought me closer to myself.

Yoga gives me the feeling of being on a mountain alone, of being at a bank of a clear and cold Himalayan river.

I am thankful to myself for doing this.

Someone had said and I quote, "Do not try to find your happiness in people, instead look for it in activities."
I cannot agree more.
When I doodle, I feel happy.
When I read a good book, I feel happy.
When I listen to music, I feel happy.
When I do Yoga, I feel happy.
When I write profoundly, I feel happy.

These joys are different in nature from those bestowed upon you by your loved ones. These joys are created by yourself. They are imperative to your being. They make you an independent person, a complete person and a happy person.

In a life full of chaos, you can never find your peace outside, for it resides within you. Therefore, take a plunge into yourself  and embrace the light of happiness. Only it can lead you to the path of tranquillity.

Schooling

It is astounding how people unknowingly and unintentionally teach you such important lessons of life. 

You never know the story hidden underneath a face. Why they smile like they do. Why they weep like they do. Why they talk like they do. Why they choose to stay the way they are. 

A million tiny reasons lie behind them being them. 

There is so much to learn from every person around. From their little habits to how they manage their emotions and face challenges. 

Or sometimes some of them show you what not to do at their own expense without realizing. 

When I look around, I don't see people. I see millions of experiences, thousands of hopes, hundreds of storms entangled and integrated with each other to form a body-like shape. 

Oftentimes I try to decode them, with the knowledge that whatever I can imagine their story to be, wouldn't even be close to what their reality must have been. 

It is true, the world is a school and everyone around has a dual role to play of a teacher and student.

Accepting the newness of today

It's new day.

Every day is, isn't it?

So that's good, right?

Every day brings an opportunity to start afresh. What more can you ask for? 

:)

If expectation is the mother of all problems, then acceptance is the mother of all solutions.

It is easier said than done, I know. But do we have an option?

Yes, happiness is a state of mind, and the mind will not enter that state unless you accept the current state of events. 

You have to accept that life has brought you a bagful of issues despite having the audacity of getting a truck-ful of them! You have to accept that all good things are temporary - love, happiness, moments, memories, success, appreciation, people - just like all the bad things. You have to accept your shortcomings, but don't settle down with them. You have to accept the metamorphosis that life is going through each day, every moment. You have to accept to be hopeful again. 

You simply have to accept... that's the first step to survival. 

Long time, no see.

Time heals everything. Fresh deep wounds turn into scars of the past. And then the scars begin to fade as well. The pain goes away, only faint marks remain.

If you are lucky, you meet a certain someone, who knows the accurate methods of helping you heal in a less painful manner.    
And if you are extremely lucky, you have more than just that one person, like a small gang of doctors working on you.

Times when you feel lost in all the new things that life has thrown at you.
Despite the excitement, happiness and contentment, you still miss something... Maybe what you miss is you. Because it's when things are out of order and life is in mess that you interact with yourself more and fathom yourself better. Maybe it's the chase you miss. Chasing your dreams.
Yes...
Living your dreams is an ecstatic feeling indeed. But when you are actually living it, you do miss the chase. You miss your journey.
Then... It's time to dream further. It's time to embark on a new journey.

The winter is good this year. The nights are chilly. I love cold. I love it when my skin wears millions of gooseberries. The air smells different, it feels good.

And...
Dear 2014,
Thank you for all that you have bestowed me with. The lovely places. The beautiful people. The learnings. The work. The love. I cannot be more grateful for it.
And for the bad experiences, the losses, the pain, the tears... I forgive you.
There are no qualms, no regrets.

Hoping 2015 to be as beautiful. :)

Moving on...
Love feels great. But it's too hard to not lose yourself in love. And that's a challenge, being in absolute love with someone while not forgetting to love yourself.
I like challenges. ;)

It started with a pair of shoes

When you make a hasty decision that demands some compromises and adjustments and you readily do it with the belief that things will get better with time. Think twice. Things may get worse instead. You may have to make some more compromises, some more adjustments. Until finally you get accustomed to the pain, the hurt, the discomfort, the suffocation.

A couple of weeks ago, I purchased a new pair of shoes for the monsoon. They looked good, suited my purpose but were out of my budget. They were a little tight but I still bought them thinking they will loosen up as I wear them. I was wrong. The more I wore them, the worse it would hurt. The skin on my feet has been peeled off, I have a pus on my little toe and both my big toes are numb, I cannot feel them at all. Also, my feet look hideous.
There is no improvement, the shoes still hurt as hell. I just got used to it. Yet it feels like a prison I want to break free from. But I love them. I have my hard earned money invested in them. How can I let them go? Maybe after a couple of weeks more, they will fit me well and give me the comfort I deserve.

The comparison may sound foolish to you. But aren't relationships also like that. Not all of them. But the ones that don't work out eventually. Of course you get to know only in the end. You try to hold onto them for as long as you can until you finally cannot take it anymore. You free yourself from those painful shackles.

Why do we always have to wait till we know? Why can't we know beforehand?
Because how will we learn otherwise?
Earth is our school. People are chapters that teach us some lessons. Mr. God or the supreme power that is superior than us all or the universe, whatever you would like to call it, tests us if we have learned our lessons well. Depending on the results we know if we are promoted or demoted.
Yes, I believe in reincarnation. Why? Because I would like to. Because if I don't believe in the eternal existence of my soul, I would not want to improve. It wouldn't matter if I am a saint or a sinner or neither. I will cease to exist eventually. So why bother? I would kill, hurt and steal. There won't be any karma coming after me.
Questioning my existence will bring an incurable unrest. And I cannot accept that. You can call it denial. But that will be your opinion. Everything has a purpose. This life of mine has a purpose. The existence of my soul has many.

Sometimes uncertainity is good.

There really are no free lunches in life.

I can see months of uncertainity coming up, and I am glad for them.
It is better to have that thin ray of hope than having nothing at all. So I am happy, and more than that, charged up to do some mindblowing work.

It is so important that you learn a few ways of motivating yourself. 

  

On a cold Saturday...

It's not a secret that winter is my favorite season, but I would still love to say it again that I love, simply love, winter!

This year, Mumbai is actually cold during winter!

Oh my my... how happy this chilliness makes me! :D

Anyway,
Those moments when you don't wish to feel about certain people in a certain way because you know that it's unfair to be so negative towards them. But, you still continue to hold those little grudges for that little while, and justify doing so by calling it normal human behavior. However, that excuse doesn't really help you from not feeling guilty about feeling negative about them... because, in your heart, you know you are being unfair!

Christmas is almost here! Yay! I have no special plans. Doesn't mean I'm not allowed to feel special about it!

A Christmas shop at Bandra, Hill Road.

They had amazing decorative items and adornments in this little roadside shop. In fact, there were many hawkers also selling baubles and other cute things in Bandra. It was so Christmas-y and positive and blissful being there today, surrounded by the festive spirit. Loved it!

Also,
I don't understand why they call monsoon as the 'season of love and romance' when it should actually be winter! How can you not find this weather the most romantic, the most loving climate ever?
(Yes, love and romance are two very, very different things!)

Twitter is addictive! Very much.

Adieu bloggy doggy! See you soon. :*

Planet of Naricissists

Many a times I feel I’m a narcissist. Then I wonder who isn’t. And then I realize, I’m defending myself by generalizing this behavior, which adds to my narcissism. 

But, coming to think of it, I still haven’t met a single person who is not a narcissist and does not wish to seek attention in some way or the other. I don’t know how not to be one amongst them, but I really want to.

Realization always comes easy. But, doing the right thing is always arduous.

Monsoon is depressing. Or maybe my mood is… Whatever, I’m not very fond of rains anyway!

Doodling is like meditation for me. It always helps. It may not impart any positivity in me but it does clear all the negativity from the head.

Yesterday night, I was randomly thinking how my life has changed, it’s like complete revamping. I’m happy with the way it is right now. I’m happy that I learned to follow my heart. I’m happy that I’m doing it my way. I’m happy there won’t be any more blaming-others. The successes and failures will be completely mine. My life is completely mine.  No, this is not called being narcissist, it is called being alive.

It was all going good until last week. This week was very off.

Anyway... I'm sure days will get better.

A new me...

It will be a whole new day tomorrow

A new sun will rise and show

Fresh new flowers will bloom

Birds will chirp a new tune

A new sparrow will learn to fly

New bright stars will fill up the dark sky

With everything new happening around to see

How can there not be a new me

No more fretting...

I just had a look at my blog today and I realized that I've been fretting too much since a few weeks...

Each time something silly perturbed me, I blogged it out... and that helped... but I think I should just stop myself from getting affected or disturbed by trivial matters rather than collecting it all and spewing it in here!

I was ruminating about certain things last night and I discerned, how bigger issues don't pest me as much as smaller ones do... I am able to keep my cool when it comes to the 'real' problems but for things that are not even eligible to be termed as issues or troubles, I just lose it completely!

I better study persistently now...
Hardly a month and half left...

Listening to 'Who we are' by Ryan Calhoun. (It just speaks to my heart... I'll always cherish this number)

'...Life hurry now
I'm running out of time
And I am growing weak as are these dreams that are mine
Though the days are long, I'm still running strong
I keep looking up so I can hold on...
For now 
I'll choose this life I live
And for now I'll choose to take my hits
Coz at the end of the day all we have is who we are...'

Work-in-process

When you are being the bad guy, yelling and arguing while that little voice inside you is constantly asking you to shut up... but you just pretend as if you didn't hear it and continue being wrong, talking ill, which eventually results in a huge lump of guilt in your throat....

Anger is never good... Admitting is easy but eliminating it is certainly not!

Sometimes it just feels as though I am living a perfect life in an imperfect and erroneous manner.
It was easier when I was a teen, I used to blame God for anything wrong that happened with me, with my life...
But, as I grew up, I realized, He is not to blame, it's me... for this is not my life, this is a gift He's given to me, I'm the one who's not able to figure out how to deal with the gift... I cannot hold him culpable for anything as He's only responsible for the good things that have happened to me while me and my karma are responsible for all the bad things...
So since a few years, I actually have no one to pass on the blame... perhaps that's the source of all the anger generating within... but for how long??
Maybe, just as time taught me not to blame Him, it will also teach me to deal with all the anger...

I trust in You and no one can change that Mr God! :)
I may not be regularly visiting Your shrine... but I just don't need to because I know you are here... all the time; looking out for me! :*

And last but not the least,
Happy Independence day!
Yes, we still are a developing country, we still are struggling with immense poverty and corruption, we haven't bagged a gold in Olympics since last 3 decades... BUT there is something that has changed we are not as inert as we used to be towards the ills of the society, we are trying to search the answers, we have started pointing towards the wrong even if the wrong is someone sitting on the throne, we did bag 2 silver and 4 bronze medals and stood 55th out of the 83 participant countries and we are one of the fastest growing economies on this globe...
Desh badal raha hain....
I hope our great freedom- fighters up there would be happy to see that we are still fighting, fighting to be the best...

It's complicated... NAH!! It's simply me. ;)

Okay so, 'moving on' turned out to be having two faces. Which way should I take up and will it be right...? I have no clue but I have finally chosen and I'm gonna stick to that... It's just too hard to give up, not because I'm scared but because somewhere in my heart I still believe that I can... I just hope that I don't disappoint me this time...

Have I mentioned before how I hate choosing!!


"Just because I'm losing
 doesn't mean I'm lost
 doesn't mean I'll stop
 doesn't mean I'm across..." - COLDPLAY 
#loveit

Envy- is when you wish you were living someone else's life for that little moment...

It's not easy being yourself when you do not know who you really are....

And,
That moment when you realize... "Seriously, what was I thinking?? I never had a shot... and somehow I'm glad that I didn't!!"
Strange isn't it, I wanted something to happen so desperately for so long but it did not happen and so somehow I just argued myself into believing that it wasn't ever meant to be and now when I get to know that it can actualize, I mean there chances of it to happen... I don't want it anymore!
So what is it?
Is it my super convincing power OR perhaps, I was never really into it, ever... You never know...
But, as of now I'm sorted about it.

Life never fails to amuse you and the antithesis is that this is the best as well as the worst part about it!

'It's raining men' by Geri Halliwell- an all time favorite!

Complication has become my way of life now and I'm totally acclimated to it.
I kinda do it myself, though subconsciously. I guess, simplicity is just not my scene... And, I am more than okay with it!
 

Sick, physically and mentally.

I feel so messed up at the moment for no freakin reason!
Feeling queasy, insane sneezing, wild running nose... :(

Mood swings!
Sometimes you want your friends to bear with you, be nice to you even when you act like a total bitch, understand you without you asking them to do so...
Results tomorrow, my tummy is churning badly! There's just too much pressure being imposed on me currently...
Mr God, I truly trust on you, I know whether negative or positive, You'll always be in my favor! ;)

What is it with people?! Every time before results they call and ask you if you are tensed about the forthcoming results? Duhh isn't it obvious... I mean, who is not anxious about the results, yes the level of anxiousness does vary. 

Especially when you are already behind time and the circumstances need you to be in action immediately, such stupid and unwanted concern gets too exasperating!   

Movies and books are the saving grace, I tell you..

Results in 6 days. Alarmed!
I'm not gonna think about it.

Sleepy but not getting any sleep. No, it's not due to the results. Happens more than often with me.

I discerned, I enjoy movies more than books. :)
Okay, watching 'No reservations' (again)...
Cheerio.

Moving along with the scars...

"Can we pretend that airplanes in the night sky are like shooting stars
I could really use a wish right now, wish right now, wish right now"


*sigh*


Whatever... it was a bad phase and I can already feel that it's fading away... it may leave behind its remnants but at least a major chunk will be let gone... which is good, isn't it?!


I discerned, I cannot brood for more than 3 days, that's the limit for me! Even when Badimummy passed away, I cried like crazy for 2 days, then on the 3rd day all tears had dried up and I went blank and after the 3rd day I started accepting things the way they were... and the similar thing happened now... 


Black pages are present in every person's life; you weep, yell, brood and finally you move on but moving on doesn't mean you forget about it completely. Just the way every page is a part of a book, every event that happened, be it good or bad, is a part of you, your life. It shapes your personality. Of course, what has happened in these past few days has impacted me badly but I cannot stop there, I'll at least start trudging ahead; the agony will still be there but then that's how it is...


When they say, no one can even imagine what you really are from within and what you have been through, they are right...
People see what you want them to see about you, well 97% of the times...
And, I'm not just talking about me but everyone... I have a few friends who've been through hell in real terms but when you see them, you may never be able to tell...
Such people are real life heroes to me! Kudos to each of them! 


One such source of inspiration to me is one of my best friend's little sister. How to live life and value it, should be learned from her! She may not know but she has indirectly been a great teacher to me, I do not pity her, not a bit... BUT I respect her with all my heart. Thank you, thank you so much darling!

Not the time to cower!!

And the machine started working again :)

Mr God knew it very well that I need this now, so he decided to swing his magic wand and start my rickety computer! And also, Paa got a new spike-guard for it ;P

*sigh*

Gave my second exam today, it too dint go well, just like the 1st one! I so wanted this to be it! I am kinda stuck in this stolid elongated "study" phase... I know there are many others like me but that really doesn't help! 

I know I am stuck here, I know I am culpable for it, I know I myself will have to try hard and get out of here! 

*gasp*

I am so lost at the moment! Perhaps whatever did I was not up-to the brink. Perhaps some stones were still unturned, some pages were still unflipped... 

When the one who is to be blamed is you yourself... there are no words... seriously!

Nonetheless 6 more to go... Maybe things dint go well up until now but that doesn't mean I'm gonna sit back... I may have lost hopes but I am not gonna lose on the hard work... I'll continue with my efforts, though MY efforts are or won't be enough but that won't keep me back from trying... I don't know whether I will make it or not but certainly know I will not quit! At least not now!

It's getting arduous to maintain positivism... I have been a little negative since last 3-4 days but then when it comes to rationality, rigid positivism seems like denial... 

Anyway... whatever it is, it's not gonna wince me down... I will go on unflinchingly!!

Had read a quote long back, which was something like... Magic happens only when you believe in yourself...
I don't know how far I believe in myself but I know I am not quitting!!

  

In the light of positivism...

It's so easy to be negative. Being negative about those important ones in your life, about those important events in your life, about those moments that haven't yet transpired but they just might and... about your ownself! 


What is arduous and tough... is being positive! Being positive about those important ones in your life, about those important events in your life, about those moments that haven't yet transpired but they just might and... about your ownself! 


As they say, it's the tougher and onerous road that leads you to the right thing! Positivism can never mislead you!


I don't know how many have actually discerned that thinking negatively is actually a cinch! I myself took a very long time to learn this (circa 21 yrs)... But then as I always say, better late than never! And since that day, when I veritably had this epiphany, being positive has not been all that difficult and it gives me strength, to deal with issues and most importantly, to deal with myself!


Then there are those silly negativity pangs that come to you, after all you are a human! And it's all up to you, how you deal with it... do you let that poisonous and baleful moment take over your mind and make you do wrong things and wrong talks OR you somehow with a little calmness and patience manage to combat it so that no one gets hurt!


"Do not be satisfied with the stories that come before you. Unfold your own myth."- Jalalludin Rumi


Just always be grateful to God for what you have rather than blaming Him for what He hasn't provided you with! Before holding Him culpable, look at yourself and contemplate for a moment, 'Do I really deserve what I am demanding from Him?'
It will do a world of good to you!