I miss... Me.

I miss those nights of melancholy.
I miss the whirlwind of emotions that went on inside me.
I miss the helplessness and that struggle.
When my feelings gushed in form of words.
When my thoughts would wander away to an unknown land.
A land that seemed like my own.
A place where I belonged.
I haven't visited there in a long time.
I haven't written for myself in a long time.
I miss those nights of fulfillment.

The Big Bang

Yesterday when I was writing my journal. I realized a few of my Himalayan memories have faded away already. I don't remember every moment. I have forgotten the chronological order of the events that took place there.

I wish I could lock all those memories in a box, even the tiniest one, and reopen the box whenever I feel like going back. I wish all my memories could remain as fresh as a daisy, all my life. 

All memories? Would I really want that? 

Because there are painful memories as well and I don't think I would like to remember them. 

Good. Bad.

Happy. Sad.

Pros. Cons.

Black. White.

Odd. Even.

All things come in a pair. They are opposite but inseparable. Without one the other would lose its meaning. One is the reason for the other's existence. The universe seems clearly fathomable at one moment and utterly incomprehensible in the next moment.

Today's Favorite:

Bang Bang my baby shot me down - Nancy Sinatra

The Sixteenth

A month ago, on this day, I embarked on the most unexpected journey in my life. A journey that changed my life. A journey of an epic beginning.

Dear Mr. God,

I love you more than ever now. The happiness that my heart contains is of such magnitude that I am afraid to lose even an ounce of it. It feels like magic. You have surprised me, delighted me, blessed me. You have showered me with such love that  it goes beyond my imagination. I will be thankful to you till my last breath.

..........

I am at the Beas. The cold winds are making my lungs quiver. My clothes are not doing a good job at keeping me warm. I am loving the cold. My teeth clatter and my body shivers. I am standing on the rocks submerged in the river that is flowing effortlessly. The icy water is piercing each cell in my legs. My legs go numb after a while. I cannot feel them. I cannot feel the cold. I am smiling as wide as I can. A tear rolls down my cheek. I feel lighter. I am one with the river. I see pine trees around and the gargantuan mountains with a scoop of snow carelessly dropped on them. The river is feeling me, healing me. I feel empty. I feel full. I feel me. I am happiness. I am love. I am the river and she is me. We are one.

My heart yearns for her.

I wish...
Why do we wish so much?

Be busy. Be fine.

As we grow up, we care less about the world and more about us.
Or maybe not... it's a plain observation and not a conclusion.

 Heart Attack- Demi Lovato
Skyfall- Adele

I try to keep myself as busy as I can. It helps.

When a couple of so called "best friends" break your trust at the same time, you lose all the faith you ever had. But, as days pass by, the trust on life, on God returns. Though it takes more than just a few days or weeks to trust humans again.

Be the one- Ne-Yo

Self-discipline is an essential requirement for every human being.

"The first and the best victory is to conquer self." - Plato

There are moments when you are not particularly everyone's favorite. In fact, you can't go any more farther from that. During such moments, it's very easy to feel lonely because you don't feel loved. So, go for the midway, try not to feel lonely or loved. You'll feel fine.

Good Intent- Kimbra
Aashiqui 2 - Melodious!

Finally, I decided my path after a lot of thinking, being restless and brooding for days. I sort of now know what I want to do. As of now, stability is something I need to hold on to.

Advertising is fun and intriguing. :)

http://thedreamsville.blogspot.in/2012/09/a-new-me.html - I still believe so and always will.

What goes around comes around- JT

Got to work. Toodles.

But then....

You can never know someone completely... And, that's just fair. I'm not complaining.

"What would you do" by Anushka Manchanda, Grey's Anatomy.

Losing a friend is always hurtful, no matter what the reason is... Because you'll have all those sweet memories and jokes left behind after that friend is gone... But then, that's how it is... Always.

'Only hope' by Mandy Moore... such a soothing tune!

Then, there are other things that go wrong at the same time... And you can't do anything but accept it as your destiny because these are the things that are simply not in your hands.
And those things that were never right and you've already accepted what life threw at you... but then there are always bouts of malcontentedness.
Also the things that were never supposed to go wrong but you messed it up and everything went astray.

But then, if it's not wrong... it's not life.
You just have to put up with things...

'Everything fades away' by Poets of Fall.

It is complicated... When is it not!

Fear...
I was just trying to recollect the times when I was scared to death about certain things -Of course, I counted out all the times I had my exam results and other stupid things- and I concluded that it was a bad idea to reminisce them because the memory of all those events was not pleasant at all although I'm not scared of it anymore!
Fear is funny. Why? Because we know it won't last long and it won't help us either as in fear is one of those unnecessary emotions yet we are always submissive to it.
But then, that's just being human, isn't it? You get scared, face it and move on.

Is there anything that has never been said before by anyone or any feeling that has never been felt by anyone before?? I don't think so... It's all happened before and will keep happening... And since our souls have traveled through time, we have actually seen it all, heard it all and felt it all before, many a times probably...

'Trouble is a friend' by Lenka, an all time favorite.

I wish...
Why do we wish so much!

Happily Nostalgic!

I just finished my last article. I just hope the agency doesn't kick me out for another late submission. 
*fingers crossed*

Anyway so, I was just about to shut down the comp but I thought of turning on the TV first, for sometime before sleeping and started shuffling the channels. I stumbled on a channel named Z Smile and what do I see... 'Rishtey' is being shown on the channel...
Back in the late 90's 'Rishtey' used to come on Zee TV, once a week on Sundays at 10PM... and I used to love it, I never used to miss it. What a lovely show! One new story in every episode.
I am watching it right now and am feeling happily nostalgic... I am feeling as though, I am still that 7 year old girl watching TV and eating fast food at home since it's Sunday and we used to order food at home on every Sunday!

Thank you Mr God for this silly little amazing moment! :D

[Episode-Rishtey: Lucky 7, 1997]

Hmmmm......

:D :D

My POV!

Was watching 'Mere yaar ki shaadi hai' on Max yesterday, at this time.
I guess I was in 8th grade when the movie came out and since then each time it's been on TV and I've had the knowledge of it, I've seen it. In short, I love the movie!


YashRaj Movies are always worth watching... even if the script sucks, the locations and the cinematography wins you over!


Anyway so,
'Ek ladka aur ladki kabhi dost nai ho sakte...' , a discussion that goes on between Riya and Sanjay in the very start of the movie.
Hmmm... I guess everyone would've had this discussion with a friend, at least once.
As much as I hate to admit, the statement is not completely false!
Why?
I don't know... May be because everyone is so keen on looking for love every where that they even start considering their best friends.
Perhaps I'm wrong but it's just a personal observation.
Actually, it's the movies that are more culpable here, I mean for eg.,
'Made of honor', 'Ek main aur ek tu', 'Sky high', 'My best friend's wedding', 'Some kind of wonderful', etc etc etc.
All of them promote the subject of best friends falling in love. 
Okay so, is it a thumb rule that if you have a best friend from the opposite sex (and otherwise in case of homosexuals) and that friend understands you well, you are in frequent touch with that friend and you like the company... you have to date that friend?!
All of this is too subjective and situational. 
Actually, the society since the very beginning has always accepted a boy either as a brother or as a husband to a girl. Though the people have become open-minded about the 'friendship' aspect between a boy and a girl, with time but still some remnants of ancient orthodoxical and narrow-minded beliefs haven't vacated the human minds yet!


And, the struggle is still on...

Listening to Lost by Coldplay... Love it!

Basshunter- First time I heard the song was few days before the Taj-terror attack and each time I listen to the song, those visuals of terrorists firing at CST, Grenade explosions from the hotel windows and the blood shed, start running in my head and I get the cold-creeps! I can never forget those 3 terror-filled days, that attack had a huge impact on all the Mumbaikars, I guess... I vividly remember everything that happened in those 3 days. Still get tears in my eyes reminiscing that time. 
And, that Goddamn Kasab is still breathing the Indian air!! I mean, I respect the Indian law and order and also the fact that everyone is given an opportunity to be heard and defend themselves here but for heaven's sake, we know he is the culprit, he had ghastly and malicious intentions and also had killed many innocent lives so why the wait?!
Then I think, perhaps this serves him better... let him plead for his life, let him live in the fear of death, let him be all restless and anxious as to what and when will the court decide for him and then finally after all the mental torture, he should be sentenced to death! 
All in all, I want him dead, sooner or later!! 

In the groove :D

Mujhse fraanship karoge- Cute :)

Mango Cake- My new love! :D
(the taste is still lingering in my mouth.... damn... how can something ever taste soooooo crazily delectable!!! I wish it was low calorie, I'd eat it all the time!)

Okay so...
I was just reminiscing how I was this silly girl who was always scared to do anything and everything, some years back! I used to be scared and intimidated invariably... I still remember how scared I was to open an Orkut account, I actually asked my mom whether I should do that!
And now, I never ask, I just do!
Damn, have I changed!
Though not completely...

Listening to Futuristic Lover by Katy Perry....
"Boy, your an alien
your touch are foreign
it's super natural
extra-terrestrial"


Katy Perry is damn good!

"Coz baby your a firework
c'mon show'em what your worth..."


Ohh,I love her!


Am I in a good mood or what! :D
It was an awesomely amazing weekend!

I had really expected a lot of writing to come my way post exams but none did! :(

I loveeee Movies!

Reading The Gift by Cecelia Ahern currently...

Love to dance!

Oh and FYI I still abhor summer!!

Damn, since when am I trying to download a few tracks but something's wrong, unable to download!!! Aaaarrgghh!! :/

'Good Girl', this movie always gets me thinking...

And,
I don't get why do guys love to assume that every girl who tries to interact with them is interested in them!!!
Dude, get a life... Shit aren't they desperate!! If a girl approaches you, it doesn't always mean she wants to sleep with you! Please for Christ's sake grow up and for once think of things other than intercourse and blow-jobs!!! Boys are highly and over-excessively self centered! And then they ask me why am I single!! Hellllooo....

(I am not generalizing, there can be exceptions but I haven't stumbled across many yet!)

Some freaky jerk concluded that I have a crush on a so-so friend's boyfriend just because I once said he looks good! What single-mindedness!! Since when did appreciating good looks turn into having an infatuation! Fuckerr! Ugh... I feel like shoving him off from the 26th floor of any goddamn sky-scrapper!!

I told him, how sick his thought process is but I still feel morbid reminiscing that conversation.... Dude I feel like puking on your face!!

Anyway... I need not let some thick-headed and obtuse fool affect me!
*Sigh* 


'Like I love you' by JT :))

Hoping and hoping and hoping and still hoping.....

Why can't rationality and positivity go hand in hand, for once?!
If I am positive, I am being impractical and if I am practical, then I lack a positive attitude...


So how do I do this?
Should I be positive about the future outcomes and then accept whatever that transpires later? 
OR 
Should I practice a rational approach, stop weaving stupid dreams and living in denial and accept what might happen in the future, right from the beginning?
.......................
Jeez... I guess, I'll keep oscillating between the two, because we can never decide what we want to feel or think... maybe we try to curb those feelings when they erupt at first but we can never stop them from coming to life...


hmm....


A Jewish proverb, "I ask not for lighter burden, but for broader shoulders".


The other day, I was watching SNL and I saw this gig where Justin Timberlake was a bottle of beer and Lady Gaga played a bottle of wine.... I loved that gig and the way JT said "Bring it on down to liquorville" each time, was H-O-T!!


Things, people that you leave behind... and times when you wish you could still have them... Isn't it strange, when we can have it, we never want it and once it's gone and not available anymore, you feel as though you always wanted it... 
ABSURD is the word for us humans!

And, 
When someone suddenly gets the life you've always dreamed of... the exact same things happen to them that you happened to dream (or rather day-dream) to be happening with you... and now you are just a mere spectator to all of it... it leaves you stumped, blued, speechless and exasperated!!!
And then comes acceptance... which marks the beginning of your new set of dreams!!


I am becoming unhinged by each passing day.... DUDE, wake up and let bygones (really) be bygones!! 


Anyway just 2 days more and a different shade of craziness will begin... I wanted things to go well so that I would welcome this new phase with a HUGE smile... nevertheless, I can still manage an average smile ;)


'Hit the road Jack' by Ray Charles always sets my mood up! What a pep-up!

The demented duo!

It's been circa 10 years, since we've been best friends... We know each other better than we know ourselves. There are many arguments and disagreements that happen between us frequently (& most of them are prodigal) ... And that's because we are so emotionally dependent on each other... But, still we stand strong and together and we always will. Our never-ending craziness... Sanity no where exists around us! The way we discuss our most important, serious and earnest problems and decisions also with sheer sarcasm and humor..(We can never be serious!!). How we never fall short of things to talk about...Yes, you are the only person with whom I ALWAYS have things to talk... I can't remember a single time when both us had nothing to talk about! Seriously! Hahaha.. maybe because we always talk crap and the world can never go out of crap!! We might have changed in all these years but when we are together, we are always those two silly school girls, who make fun of everything and anything that comes on their way... and I cannot be more sure of the fact that this, what we have, is never gonna change!!

Waise bhi mere alava koi aur tujhe jhel nahi sakta... All thanks to my bad karma!!

A befitting quote that comes to my mind, for us:
"It's the privilege of friendship to talk nonsense, and have her nonsense respected"

From Deedo...

Happy birthday Nanakss!! You are 15!!! So unbelievable!!
It feels just yesterday when you were a 5 year old kid who couldn't do a thing without his deedo, who used to sit on the window and look at every red BEST bus passing by the street, who used to give me geeli pappis! I vividly remember, how dad used to get those blank coloring books with various colorless images in it and we used to color it together. As soon as I would put on music, you would start spinning round and round, you could actually spin around all day!
Scores of countless memories... Can't list them all even if I want to!
Your mere presence has been the biggest strength of my life! I wouldn't have survived without you! I am here because I have you...
Thank you Mr God... for the best gift of my life... You knew how much I needed him!
I love you! I love you more than any person in this world, I don't think I have or ever will love anyone, half as much as you! I love you beyond any words and boundaries!!


A quote that's just meant for you....
"I sought my soul but my soul I couldn't see, I sought my God but my God eluded me, I sought my brother and I found all three."  

Mix

"Waiting for tonight" by JLo = old memories!

I never ever like my photographs!! I don't think I ever will!! :l :/
I don't mind getting clicked. I never bother to check how I look in the snaps because the pictures are MINE only so how does it make a difference! But... I loathe them! Can't help it!

My friend who got married, her wedding snaps were out on FB yesterday... Although I hated all my clicks but still the memories each one of those pictures carries are priceless!!
Sigh... Where does the time fly?!
I am feeling overly reminiscent, at the moment!

I just found a very old playlist in my PC... :) :)
Angry birds- I love!
All Taylor Swift songs sound just the same to me!!

Sometimes you wish to eject a few people out of your life, even though they are important and valuable. Because, excess of everything, be it good or bad, is always bad...

Boredom- One common feeling (I won't term it as an emotion because I find it inappropriate), which every one feels too frequently! It's a very funny feeling. As a matter of fact, it's the only feeling, no would want anyone to understand or you know, empathize with...
So if this word never existed, is it possible the feeling also wouldn't have existed?! Perhaps...

Anyway so,
Everyday I read at least 1 rape case in the newspapers. They say only 15-20% of the cases are actually registered with the police and still we (India) rank amongst the top-most countries, where rapes are most prevalent! It gives me chills to read them or watch them on news! Rapists are as repugnant as the terrorists... They can never imagine what it can do to the victim! I wish each one of the rapists that exists on this globe anywhere, gets punished  and agonized so hard and so ugly that they would pray for their death but Mr God would not let them die; He would keep them alive and as miserable as a human being can ever bear to be, in fact more forlorn than that!! Rape is an incorrigible offence! 

(Papa...Belated Happy birthday! You will always be my SUPERHERO!)

Zoned out

There's a world in which we actually live, there's a world we've never been to, there's a world we think we are living in, there's a world where everyone else except you breathes in and then there's your world built with a million of your constantly changing thoughts and experiences. 

A chat with a friend made me wonder that everyone really does wonder...  

It was good. Although I wanted to make sure that the person I was chatting with, gets me properly but then... how does it matter?!! Well, as far as I discerned even that friend was trying to be more expositional. Moreover, I don't care about whether we comprehend each other or not; it was just good to know that I am not the only freakshow... all of us are! Well, if not all... at least I know a few who are! ;)

Those gospels that you are invariably aware of but still you need an awakening, every now and then, to remind you of their existence! It's weird isn't it... we don't really forget them but we still forget them!

I hate mosquitoes, they are present everywhere I go, in every nook and cranny!! They've invaded my house too!! Freaking 'Goodnight' has no effect... it feels as though they apply some 'Goodnight' repellent on themselves! Aaarrghhh.... I hate them! I know no one loves them BUT they really are loathsome... they are blood-suckers after all! It got me thinking, how did the first ever mosquito came to life?? And why... why did Mr God had to create any mosquitoes?!

Speaking of blood-suckers, I know a few humans also who are good at it... they are like human-mosquitoes except I can't really kill them with a single clap!

Times when you are surrounded by a group of chatty people and you are still talking to yourself instead of them!

Bumping into my favorite green tea flavor accidentally, after months, when I just concluded that they must've stopped producing it, in a store where I'd never expected to find any kind of green tea.... :) :) :) 

Life is unpredictable, all of us know and have experienced since birth. I like it... the unpredictability! Be it good or bad or happy or sad! I really like it! :)

'Don't think of me' by Dido... sweetly wicked :) ;) 

And the song that's STILL on my mind...

"Only you, only you, my beautiful dream I loved you.

Only you, only you, you gave me your heart." 

The other day 'Notting hill' reminded me of the song 'You say it best when you say nothing at all'. I love that song... I used to listen to it umpteen times in a day, back in college! 

And now, I am sick of only planning IT... I wish I could just precipitate myself somehow into IT... just headlong!!

Feminine!

I can see a slight beam of light coming out of the shut window so there's still a thin ray of hope left... So Mr stupid little brain, are you there?! Hellloooo?! Kindly start working!!!

Why are the heart and head always battling? Can't they for once settle on a single mutual thing?!

I've been listening too much to "Oh Johnny..." since last 2 days. It's a song by 'Andrew sisters'. It was a US chart-buster during the world-war!! I know... it's a very old song but it's very gleeful! 

Also, the soundtrack from the Bolly movie 'Life in a metro' is really good. Too romantic songs, not really my thing but sometimes they work well because the music is amazing (especially the guitar sounds)... When the movie was out years back, everyone was crazy about its songs but I never paid attention and now when people are bored of them... I've started liking them (All thanks to the radio stations that still keep playing them)! This always happens with me...late realizations... most of the times over songs and some of the times with real people!

Girls, females, women... No one can understand them, not even they themselves!

Sometimes we can take it all in good humor and sometimes something said sarcastically can hurt us immensely! 

I know guys who are like that too... in my head, I refer to them as 'girl-guys'!! I mean SOMETIMES it's OK for a guy to think like a girl, exceptions are allowed but dude.. not invariably!! It's easy to tell a girl-guy from the real guys! I personally know quite a few of them! Now, girl-guys are straight men, interested in women. They also have all the male body parts... the only thing they lack is some peculiar and necessary male thinking habits, which I can't elucidate properly... perhaps you'll need the girl-antennas to figure out what I mean here! And NO, I am not referring to the habit of lusting other women... because be it a guy or a girl-guy... they still own testosterone!! 

Anyway,

Why does being called 'fat' always bothers us? 

Maybe because girls have to be thin (not plump, not pudgy, not healthy... but THIN and LEAN) to be accepted by everyone! I don't know who started it... but now it's like the word 'Fat' sounds like an abuse to a girl, at times! I remember, till I was 17, I used to refer someone as 'fat' only if they were highly overweight or obese but as the years passed and my interactions with people increased, I've learnt that even if you are moderately out of proportion then you are freaking FAT!! 

But you know what... Screw you... Go eat yourself up and stop bothering me... I am fat and I don't fucking have a problem with that!!! 

We don't need anyone's acceptance, except our own! Often when people look at us scornfully, we start doubting ourselves (well, most of the girls do)... why do we do that?! However, sooner or later we do realize...we don't need to give a shit about it!

Right now, I am reminded of this song by Lady Sovereign, I enjoyed listening to few years back, that goes..

"Love me or hate me, is that an obsession

love me or hate me, that is the question

if you love me then thank you

if you hate me then fuck you!!"  

It's a fun song, you know! I really like it! ;)

Also, the movie 'Shallow Hal' is coming to my memory, at the moment... It is a good movie with a nice message... Somewhere I feel, all of us are just as shallow as Hal was before the climax of the movie...

And,

Sometimes, you call up a person, looking for warmth but all you get is a gigantic cold ice-cube! 

Sometimes, why is it necessary to hear the words we already know, from someone else?!

Sometimes, healthy flirting is fun! ;)

Today...

'Bumpy ride' by Mohombi is one of the best groovy track ever! How I love fast dance numbers!! I can really dance all day if I get a chance!

I love Milkybar and Milk treat. White chocolates are yummy! I remember when I was in school, Milkybar was newly introduced and it used to be wrapped in this hard paper cover, on the back of which, there used to be a tiny Milkybar man comic strip. Each time Milkybar man used to eat the bar, he would kick the villain's ass, bad! I loved Milkybar man!

Today, when I was heading back home via a moderately crowded train, I was tired and wanted to sit but all the seats were pre-occupied with 3 females. I started looking around to spot a seat occupied with thinner women so I could get a decent place to sit. I found one and asked the ladies to shift in and make some space for me but they hardly budged, the place offered to me was not even big enough for a 5 yr old but I was so weary that I somehow managed to sit on that edge. I was very pissed and just as I started thinking, how Mumbaikars don't care about each other and why will a stranger's discomfort ever matter to them unless they themselves are at ease.... the lady sitting on the opposite seat noticed me and she asked the other two females sitting next to her to shift in properly, she made enough room and asked me to sit there! God bless that angelic lady! I mean, you can never conclude on Mumbai.... On one hand there are these narcissist people who don't give a damn whatever happens to you and on the other hand there are these compassionate Mumbaikars who try to do something to get you out of a sticky situation!
There are many such little incidences that happen with you everyday that make you feel good and bad about a particular thing at the same time and of course I cannot list out every such event every day, this one was fresh in mind so I decided to put it here.

I miss writing so much! I'll get back as soon as my exams get over. It's been like more than 7 months now that I'd done any assignment. It made me happy! Even the pressure made me feel good about myself. I really miss that feeling a lot!

'In the end it was you' by Kat Deluna - :o)
'Without you' by David Guetta is also amazing!

Have I ever said how much I love 'Friends' and 'Everybody loves Raymond'?! Ohh yess I have, several times!! And, I can say it a million more times... I just can't get bored of them! EVER!!

90 days to go for the exams..... Ciao!

Only trying...

Times when you get sick of yourself, when you know the reasons behind you not taking the essential and quintessential actions but still those actions are the need of the hour and you know what the consequences will be if you don't do them.

'I don't need nobody telling me just what I wanna
what I what what what I wanna
do about my destiny
I say no, no
Nobody's telling me just what I wanna do, do
I'm so fed up of telling me to be
someone else but me'
That's 'Overprotected' by Britney Spears. I remember I was in SYJC when I first heard this song and fell in love with it instantly. I still love the song. I was a huge Britney Spears fan back then. I still like those old Britney favorites but I don't like her recent albums.

There are some songs after listening to which you feel that they were just made keeping your story in mind. :)

'Nobody's perfect' by Jessie J, has been my ringtone since quite sometime and I am yet not bored of it.

I read an article 'Anger is a product of fear' in Speaking tree today. Strange, I never thought of 'anger' in that manner.

............

There are too many thoughts running around in my mind at the moment. It's actually more of me trying to explain me certain awfully important things. I wish I could just begin with things... I don't know what's happened to me. Or, maybe I know but I still haven't found a way to sort things out. Anyway, I know I will soon get it sorted, no matter how arduous it is! I have to! There has to be a way out. Every locked room has a door. All you need is the right key to it.

And, sometimes an unexpected friend, comprehends your situation lucidly and says those perfect words and gives you the requisite advice... :)
But, in the end, it's you who has to make real use of that advice.

Two amazing quotes I read today...
"Life is a journey and you don't always choose the people with whom you travel that journey" - Gautama Buddha
"Overcome the forces of negative emotions by cultivating the counter forces, like love and compassion" - Dalai Lama

Biding goodbye to the storm...

Reading old journals and blog-posts makes you realize how much you have changed in all these years and months AND how somethings about you can never change... Paradoxical isn't it!

Making a fuss about small and silly events that happen to you... is the worst thing you can do! Take a look around and you'll see, you are leading one of the best life, this universe has ever designed!!

I read an article a few weeks back that said, people feel sad and miserable because they want to feel special. Only by feeling miserable can you be different in your own eyes and in the eyes of the universe. When you are happy you dissolve in the happiness and you become the happiness, you lose your SELF to the happiness and there is no YOU. No wants to lose their SELF & their place in the world. So they opt for being sad and miserable.
I was mesmerized by it. It's like the truest fact ever. I'd decided to share it on this blog the moment I read it.
For everyone, life is imperfect in someway or the other. It's not about always smiling no matter what... it's about how quickly can you regain that genuine smile...
As it is, I am a firm believer in KARMA, what you are getting now is the reaction of your own past actions. And as per Dr Brian Weiss, we select our own life before taking birth on Earth (ooh that rhymed :p).
So, the cribbing, whining and brooding is technically totally invalid!!
BUT, still we are humans, who can never do it all right and we like to cry it out once in a while. So our emotional outbursts have a benefit of doubt...(Although it's good to keep them under check!)

Post my previous blog-post, I am at peace with the fact that it really doesn't matter if "people" have misconceptions about you, even if these people are really important to you. It bothers initially but the moment you realize you cant do anything, you give a darn.

So, here it is, the difference between people that belong to my category and those with a 'care a darn' attitude... 'Care a darn' category already knows from the beginning that you cant change certain things and you don't need to change certain things... while, we try to make things work, we try to think of something to change the things and eventually we discern that we can't change certain things and we don't  need to change certain things. So, in the end, we too care a darn!!
It's just that we are a little slow. Otherwise sooner or later, all of us become a big pool of apathetic minds.

Then, there are songs which everyone in the room knows and they hum the lyrics together... while you are standing there completely unaware of the song, thinking who the hell made this stupid song!

'Good feeling' a nice and light-hearted number.
I don't hear to many Christina Aguilera songs but I love her voice.

It's one of my very good friend's marriage today and I am so happy for her! This is the same friend's marriage which I'd referred in previous posts. Where does time fly? Still feels it was yesterday when the 2 of us were sitting in our boss's cabin (of course after he would leave) and having warm heart-to-heart conversations! Feeling nostalgic! Mr God bless her with a super happy wedlock and make sure she always smiles!

More of me...

Well,
In my previous blog-post someone commented that I didn't accept something about myself so I'd been thinking about it and I concluded on: I do accept everything about it, it's just that at the moment, these are my thoughts about the subject but it's not like I'm reluctant to change. Maybe my views would be completely differing in the future but right now... this is me.
(Err, sorry for this elongated elucidation... that's one of my problems, I always like to explain and clarify tiniest of things!)


So, exam-results... is there anyone who is not apprehensive about them?! 


I am watching Disnep's 'Hercules'...It was one of my favorites during school times... 
There's something about certain cartoons, you know? No matter how old you get, you will always enjoy watching them! Especially me, me and cartoons had a longer relationship than other kids... Even when all my peers stopped watching cartoons, I went on for a few more years... that time TV was all about toons for me... Rugrats, Catdog, Aladdin, Hercules, Looney toons, Flintstones, Jetsons, Scooby doo, Jungle book, Captain planet, Timon and Pumba, Powerpuff girls, As told by Ginger, Courage the cowardly dog, Dexter's Lab, Superman, Little Mermaid, and many many more... It's an endless list!! And, that's how I ended up with my glasses!    
Ahh... those 'toony' days....were the best of all... these toons were my imaginary friends too. I didn't have many friends those days so I used to look for warmth in them and you know what? They did a pretty good job! They'll always hold a special place in my heart! :) :)
I loved the purple and violet colored sky in Aladdin, Hercules and some animated Disnep movies. That sky looked alluring, charming and fascinating. I wish it was real, I could gaze at it for hours!


Oftentimes, when things are perfectly alright and serene around you, you find a way to mess it up! 
So, what is it? Do I don't like being in a calm and peaceful atmosphere? Am I habitual to have stupid and prodigal issues and drama around me? Maybe yes...


Some two days back, I had a heated argument with a friend... and I cried... I hadn't cried after an argument with anyone, since long... this time, these tears were something else... they were the tears of an awakening... I really have changed a lot (as that friend emphatically said)... and most of this "change" is negatively colored. No, I don't regret this "change" but I am sure, with time, this "change" will also change! (fingers-crossed)


This winter has been blissful and now the fall, is even more pleasant and pulchritudinous... Thank you God for this wondrous wintertide... I've absolutely enjoyed every moment of it! God has His own magical way to keep you smiling. And, since these last 2 months, He has made the winds make me smile, all the time! Mr God, you really rock!! I love you!

Temperamentally exhausted....

Yesterday, me and my brother found our bad of old stuffed toys and here I am typing, with my little black stuffed king-kong sitting on my lap and staring at my blog!!

Childhood memories always manage to bring a smile on your face, no matter how old you are! (Of course, here I am referring to the HAPPIER memories only)

I also had a bright red stuffed poodle but I lost it :(... Well, I was not really a child when I bought the poodle, it was just 3 years back :D... But I'd be happy if I had it on my lap too!!

It's mom and dad's wedding anniversary today so congratulations to them for 23 years of great survival and I wish them all the happiness in the world for the rest of their lives because they deserve it, the most!! I hardly say it but I really love you both!!

Anyway so,
I don't know why, I just hate that date! Why do people have to make a fuss about it?! I know all of them care about me and all but seriously, I'd like to be left alone on that day! I am full of fury, absolutely irritable and emotionally vulnerable on that day! I don't have an explanation for it or may be I do have but I don't want anyone to know the real reason...
The day is almost here... I wish I could delete it from the calender! I care too little for what any person thinks of my attitude regarding this... "Stop throwing tantrums!", "What's your problem?", "You are so sad!!!", etc etc... I don't give a shit!!
I respect everyone who try to make it special but anything they do cannot change the way I feel inside or maybe I just don't want to change it... I may be a push-over but no one can rule my emotions in this case!!

I loathe the 'angry & furious bitch' side of me! I want to kill it ASAP... There is hardly anyone who has witnessed the real angry me. I can kill a person (and I am not kidding)!!!


I saw "The cell" yesterday, I quite liked the movie. I've been watching too many Sci-Fi movies these days.
"Be yourself" is a nice song. The wordings are good!

Why are people so stubborn? Why do we always want things to happen our way? And if things don't workout as per us, we get all annoyed and spiteful... Some of us are invariably stubborn while some of us get stubbornness pangs at decent intervals. It's strange how we get worked up for silly matters like, some cell phone of a particular brand, color of the paint for your house walls, selecting a diner or a cuisine to eat, etc.
When we think about it later, it all seems worthless, unnecessary and stupid. How does it matter whether an eating joint of your choice is selected or that of your friend's choice? The main motive of filling the tummy and having a good time, fades away... So maybe it's not stubbornness, it's ego...Or maybe stubbornness is just another shade of ego...Who knows?! I just know both are bad and negative characteristics and I hold certain quantities of both!!
Of course, I am not boasting them... Saint in the making... Haha !!

"High hopes" by Pink Floyd is another great number. I am listening to it right now...

Me and king-kong signing off here!! :)

Me, the movie freak!!

Phew... I can die from an overdose of love-stories!! I have been thriving on 2 romantic movies per day since last three days! I am on a break for a week, from studies so I have been pampering myself by doing everything in excess (including excess-eating...LOL, though that is something I always do & not just while I am on breaks)... But seriously I should stop watching love stories, it makes me feel girlier than I actually am!!! (Yes, I do know, girlier is not a real word)


Listening to High school musical songs, Hannah Montana songs and Lizzie McGuire music takes me back to my teenage years and all the memories come rushing back, making me feel happy and sad at the same moment...
"It's hard to believe that I couldn't see, you were always there besides me, thought I was alone, with no one to hold but you were always right besides me....", such an awesome HSM song!
See, I told you, I am getting all mushy and silly and tooo girly!!


Tomorrow's 'To-do' list:
Watch 'Wild things', 'Gothika' and 'X-Men 2' to get the mush out.


I've been blogging everyday (rather every night). Also I've been writing my diary too much... Maybe I am trying to keep the writing alive in me... I dont want it go away... Decisions & choices are very difficult to deal with...


Looking at the old photos, is one way of realizing how time has just flied by. Around 13.5 years back, I had a baby in my hands.  From his first walk, first words & first report card to changing his diapers, carrying him in my arms, taking him everywhere I went, it all seems like a sweet and pretty dream... Now, he's got a slight mustache & he's too huge to carry him in my arms... But no matter how many years pass by, you will always be my baby and my first love... Oh God, I don't know how will I ever be able to share him with yet another woman!  


Anyway, 
why do people choose to go for a movie on the basis of the reviews? Are their choices so generic? I mean, I used to think every person is different and they have differing choices, then how come do they decide to watch a movie based on someone else's reviews and opinions? May be you'll like the movie with a bad review, maybe you will really find it entertaining... After reading the newspaper review, you will so definitely have the same perception about it! Why do people ALWAYS have to be so logical and judgmental? Cant they watch a movie for sole entertainment purposes without judging it much?! You shouldn't think so much for seeing a movie, just watch it, simple! I love watching movies for the sake of entertainment, fun and emotions and not on the basis of some stupid weekly review!! Anyway, I care too less about whatever people think in this regard.


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