Non-ruminations...

Since last two days I've been partying with friends, I attended the first ever catholic wedding in my life, it was super fun! It's strange how different cultures actually differ so much!
I am super weary but I wanted to talk to someone and no one's available right now so this blog being my savior... I'm here. There's nothing grave or dour that I want to talk about, just want to vent out the words...


Sometimes, there's so much to blabber about and the very next moment you go blank... Sometimes, I want to say everything that comes in my heart and sometimes I find all my words meaningless, stupid and hollow...


'Kolaveri di'- stupid but addictive!


Almost everyone around me is undergoing love-troubles... Is love so troublesome? Really?
Everyone discusses their troubled moments but there's hardly anyone who talks about or elaborates their happier love moments. Why do people do that? I don't mind listening to the issues but it leaves me perplexed about the subject 'Love'. I know, I've been writing on love and relationships a lot these days but this is what's in the air, I think on what I see and I write what I think (well, most of the times).  


I love vodka. It's good! 
Red nail-color : Love it and hate it at the same time!


Variety and diversity is what I love, it is the need of life! 
'It will rain' by Bruno Mars- :) :) :)
Sometimes people are all that matter and sometimes it's only about you. Everyone likes to think of themselves as intellectuals. Maybe even I like to think so or maybe not.


My favorite season of the year has still not shown it's magic, I want the winds to be breathtakingly cold! I am desperately awaiting Christmas, not that I celebrate it in some grand manner. I just love Christmas, I don't why, it just makes me very happy.
I am in such a bizarre mind set. I cannot decipher whether I am happy or sad. But today, I am certain, I am either of the two, while most of the times I am not even this sure!!


Day before yesterday, at the wedding, one of my friend, well not that much of friend, asked me four times that why am I sad, when I was no where close to feeling sad!! I felt like kicking her ass hard and slapping her twice! This female and her boyfriend (who is also a friend to me) always ask me, why am I sad. I fail to comprehend, what is their friggin problem!! I am not feeling sad, you are bloody spoiling my mood!! Moreover, they hardly know me, how can they conclude whether I am sad or happy?! 
I do have this habit of smiling invariably for no reason but that doesn't mean I cannot give rest to my jaws by taking a break from smiling, which by the by, is not 'being sad'! 
I do embrace the fact that they just try to show their concern by asking this, but come on, the same thing every time is not some pleasant music to my ears!! 
I did show my annoyance on her repetitive questions, as much as I could. But, she still kept asking, then I decided to turn deaf to her!! And, it helped :) ;)


Pakistani singers have a good voice though I've noticed peculiarity about their voice quality.
Susheela Raman is one of the finest singers India can ever have! There's some kind of magic in her voice. Her songs have a tint of classical style as well as a tinge of modern music. I love her voice and I can go on and on about her!


I guess, I should get some sleep now. Ciao.

Me, the movie freak!!

Phew... I can die from an overdose of love-stories!! I have been thriving on 2 romantic movies per day since last three days! I am on a break for a week, from studies so I have been pampering myself by doing everything in excess (including excess-eating...LOL, though that is something I always do & not just while I am on breaks)... But seriously I should stop watching love stories, it makes me feel girlier than I actually am!!! (Yes, I do know, girlier is not a real word)


Listening to High school musical songs, Hannah Montana songs and Lizzie McGuire music takes me back to my teenage years and all the memories come rushing back, making me feel happy and sad at the same moment...
"It's hard to believe that I couldn't see, you were always there besides me, thought I was alone, with no one to hold but you were always right besides me....", such an awesome HSM song!
See, I told you, I am getting all mushy and silly and tooo girly!!


Tomorrow's 'To-do' list:
Watch 'Wild things', 'Gothika' and 'X-Men 2' to get the mush out.


I've been blogging everyday (rather every night). Also I've been writing my diary too much... Maybe I am trying to keep the writing alive in me... I dont want it go away... Decisions & choices are very difficult to deal with...


Looking at the old photos, is one way of realizing how time has just flied by. Around 13.5 years back, I had a baby in my hands.  From his first walk, first words & first report card to changing his diapers, carrying him in my arms, taking him everywhere I went, it all seems like a sweet and pretty dream... Now, he's got a slight mustache & he's too huge to carry him in my arms... But no matter how many years pass by, you will always be my baby and my first love... Oh God, I don't know how will I ever be able to share him with yet another woman!  


Anyway, 
why do people choose to go for a movie on the basis of the reviews? Are their choices so generic? I mean, I used to think every person is different and they have differing choices, then how come do they decide to watch a movie based on someone else's reviews and opinions? May be you'll like the movie with a bad review, maybe you will really find it entertaining... After reading the newspaper review, you will so definitely have the same perception about it! Why do people ALWAYS have to be so logical and judgmental? Cant they watch a movie for sole entertainment purposes without judging it much?! You shouldn't think so much for seeing a movie, just watch it, simple! I love watching movies for the sake of entertainment, fun and emotions and not on the basis of some stupid weekly review!! Anyway, I care too less about whatever people think in this regard.


......

Amorphous...

No, this one has no strong topics like my previous two posts. I am tired of thinking now. It was a nebulous day today, just like most of my days. I was by myself today. I saw 'Mod', a bolly movie by Nagesh Kukunoor and it was simply adorable. I was in the movie the whole day (if you get it)!
I get so involved in movies after watching them. If a movie is really touching, the post movie effect stays for days! Just two days back, a distant friend said that I quickly get too attached to people. I argued saying it's not true. But today after watching the movie, I realized how I get attached to the characters, not for hours but for days and days. I keep thinking about the characters and what would their life be now i.e. after 'THE END'.
SO maybe this friend was right, maybe I do start getting emotionally dependent on people too fast. I don't know how to kill this... He was right. I always knew this about me but... sometimes somethings cannot be controlled.


Also, I had to deal with my over-possessiveness for the things that I considered ONLY MINE. There is nothing that is only mine, there never can be.... 'Mine' is a myth, it will be better for me to comprehend this gospel as soon as possible.  


'You were not there when I needed you' - You always invariably need that person but you don't realize this need unless that person is not around for whatever reasons.


Coming out of a salon unsatisfied leaves me utterly furious!! We pay them bucks to transform us from ugly witches to pretty maidens and not to render us even uglier!!
(I know, I exaggerated a little but it came straight out of fury)


'But baby, you're the right kind of wrong', another great number, I like the lyrics!


Oftentimes I feel, this is all a dream. Me, my life, it's not real... all of this is just a dream... is it?!
I don't know why do I always think about such silly, quirky and unanswerable stuff!!


There's a faulty tube light that turned bad a few days back, you still always turn on the button for that same tube light each time you enter the dark room, then within a nano second you realize that it doesn't work and you turn on the other light in the room. It's not that you forgot the tube light ain't working, it just happens out of regular habit. 
Loving someone is exactly like that... Maybe the relationship dies, what about the habit?! It's not easy to remember not-to-love... It takes years to get rid of this custom...
(By the way, there really is a faulty tube-light at my place since more than week now and I still press that wrong button!)  


'Macy's day parade' by 'Greenday' - a lovely song! 

The Realm of Loyalty

"All men are dogs!", a very commonly used phrase... On which one of my girlfriend once said that dogs are loyal while men are an antonym to the word 'loyal'.
I contemplated about her comment for quite sometime and I discerned, dogs sure are loyal but only to humans. What about the bitches? They mate with them, knock them up and go away forever... This is a common trait found in human males too and thus the derivation of the phrase, "All men are dogs!"
(Now tell me, am I a thinker or not!!)

In the past two weeks, I've have stumbled across two absolutely opposite categories of MEN.
First category:  Who love and lust only their partner.
Second category: Who love their partner and lust other women.
The first category comprises of 2% MEN. The second category i.e. 98% of MEN are the ones on whom women generally tend to fall.

TESTOSTERONE, I guess every one would be knowing about these specific male hormones. Testosterone is the reason why men are ruled by lust and not love. It is true that sexual temptations are not easy to curb BUT is it easier to hurt the person, who loves you and thinks the world of you, for such materialistic and physical longings? I am too baffled... Are these hormones more stronger and more powerful than love and emotions?!

Speaking of sexual hormones, it's not that we women don't have them, it's just that the male species have an extra bunch of them. Infidelity is not really just a man's forte! I know women who have cheated, some did it for pure physical and sexual purposes and the rest for other reasons.

So, should I expect loyalty or not? By loyalty I mean both, emotional and physical fidelity. Is it really so arduous to live with and be loyal to one single person for your entire life?

I am all questions about this loyalty issue!! And, I know, I will never reach to a single answer for it!!
I had read somewhere, "Loyalty generates inequality and partiality, it means the outsiders cannot claim equal treatment with those who are objects to loyal attachment. The loyal attachments are formed on the basis of the bond you share with that person, the liking towards that person."  So, if the attachment or the likeness diminishes, the extent of loyalty also diminishes?! There was much more written in that article on loyalty, it is so darn complicated! 


My brain is feeling very heavy after mulling over such corpulent topics! I better stop thinking about it, as there cannot be a conclusion... I mean, I cannot stay single all my life contemplating about the fears of infidelity and neither can I live with the myth that a relationship is always loyal, so it's best not to over-think (or not to think at all) about such contingencies and conjectures! 
Living life as it comes, without thinking of past issues and future speculations, is the best and most difficult way to live and I am still striving to live each moment in this manner!!
(And, fortunately I never ever lose hope for betterment...)

Is the past really past??

No matter how much you try, you cannot get rid of your past. Those broken pieces somewhere still poke your heart. The past is a part of you, just as the present and the future are. The past is always present in you, it never leaves you, not even for a minute! BUT, you can leave the past if you want to, though it is immensely arduous to do so!


Watching Oprah Winfrey shows that are about forgetting, moving on and  FORGIVING, is not just it. I've seen so many of them. Without a doubt they inspire me but the implementation is such a gradual process that at one moment, you don't even feel that the process is moving a tad bit! After watching people who too have suffered a lot but have forgiven their abusers and pain-givers, you feel like even you should forgive and learn to move on. 
When you actually start practicing it, it's not an ounce easy. Maybe that's why 'Forgiving' is the biggest lesson that you have to learn and it takes numerous life-times to learn so.


(And I am not referring to some silly fights or issues between friends or some short-term failures...There are things bigger and badder than this but we often forget and land ourselves in such worthless and unnecessary troubles)


"I can forgive but never forget"
I don't understand why people make use of this statement, even I use it! See, if you don't forget that means you still remember the agony, the suffering and unless you let go all those feelings and surpass it, you cannot forgive. 
Forgetting is forgiving, this is what I have assimilated over the years, though I don't follow it hard-core but I genuinely try. Most of the times I am not willing to forget, even if I want to, I don't let me forget... 
I hope I implement my own beliefs in my own life soon... I know it can do me a world of good! 


Why is self- alleviation of sorrows and agony so difficult? Isn't life already too harsh for us to be so hard on ourslves?!


Also, 
'Never judge a book by its cover'.
You never know what the other person has gone through. Every person has got dark secrets, of which hardly anyone knows!


Anyway, I better study now, it's my last exam tomorrow (or rather today!) and I am still left with a big chunk of the portion. But now at least for the next 6months, there wont be anymore exams....phew!

Enticed...

I do not have anything in my mind to blog right now but since my computer is working perfectly fine :) (touchwood), I got enticed to post something.

'Who owns my heart' by Miley Cyrus is :))))

Bloomer died- RIP

I failed to take care of a plant, I guess I should drop the idea of getting a pet :(

People are so different. Sometimes I am flabbergasted with the way different people react in differing situations. Why is everyone so different? How can a single circumstance get umpteen different reactions? HUMANS are so confusing, it is very difficult to understand even one and most of the times, that one human is you yourself... I still don't understand myself and I know that I will take this entire lifetime to fathom me, and maybe my future lives too! Cluelessness is the most frequent feeling that runs inside me....

'Hiding my heart' by Adele is enchanting...

I've been so out of touch with writing. I mean, I do blog and write in my diary and blue book too. But content writing and the like, I miss! 

I had to choose... I loathe selecting out of two things I desperately need to let my life work in order... why do certain valuable and beloved things have to be mutually exclusive :(((

'Dil toh pagal Hain' really makes you believe someone somewhere is made for you and once the movie is over, the reality is back and you discern that it always happens in the movies. 

There so many characters from so many different movies that I would love to be... I was just musing the other day, oftentimes the actors who play certain characters in a movie and have been working on it for months would get attached to their reel roles so much that they would never want to get back to their real life, it would be so difficult to deal with such situations. Acting as a profession is not a child's play!

Speaking of  actors, I have been reading Shobha De's column since a past few months now and I feel she really has some major issues with these actors and their lifestyle. Could there be any more interesting and fun way to mint bucks?! Attending parties, going to places, meeting big people and then writing fowl about them...hmmm.... love her or hate her but you cannot ignore her!

P.S. I love the new look for my blog :D

Finally...!!

Yes, my comp is back again and here I am blogging via it after long :)
Since days I wanted to blog but it turns out blackberry internet package doesn't go with blogger :(
See, yet another flaw... But I have decided I will embrace my BB absolutely now on. So here it is, I LOVE MY BB! (lol...that wasn't easy !)

All the excitement I had about partying after exams fell flat! I really shouldn't have been so enthusiastic about it at such an earlier stage.

One of my very close friend is getting married and I wish her new life turns out to be a great success! I am very happy and glad for her!

Today, I had gone out with a few friends, there is this one friend of mine, who is very critical about everything. When he looks at a person, the first thing that ever comes out of him is a negative comment, he has this habit or rather this is his basic characteristic! Sick!
Who the hell does he think he is.... I can get more tattoos and piercings on my body if I want so and no person on the face of this earth has the power to stop me! Get some substance in your life dude...oooppss did I say 'DUDE', I meant 'DUD'
And it's not just him, I know a few others too, who keep criticizing people like that!
Such kind of people think of themselves as the 'enlightened ones'... I don't think they deserve more of my words... Wannabe morons!

It gets a little confusing though, you like it when people compliment you unexpectedly but when the other set of people criticize for the same, you cannot take it! 
But you know what, in this case, these people who criticize or comment are the ones whom I don't give a shit about! If the genuine and important ones criticize, I can take that!


"Only you" is my new favorite these days.
During the exam leave I saw a lot of movies, on television of course (yes, the studies were on too).
'Sex and the city' - Sinful but enticing and fun... Carrie Bradshaw, I wouldn't mind being her! I would love to have a column of my own in a newspaper (I wish this happens).


Couples, relationships, commitments and the sorts have been all over the place now. Being the only single one between people who are all either in a relationship or in a 'sort of' relationship can get bugging at times. No, I am not a desperate damsel but when you are surrounded by lovers all the time, it is lucid that you will feel 'out of love' even if you are not those kinds, who are eager and day-dream about being in love. 
Then you eat a gooey dough-nut or an Oreo Ice-cream and that stupid 'out of love' feeling vanishes away completely! Food is the perfect solution to all problems.... at least my problems :))


I am very tired now as another set of exams is on.... so hooroo for now!
Love being back :))

Phoney!!

This is so not the original and genuine post that it was supposed to be!!

TWICE... Twice it so happened that I lost the entire post because I tabbed some wrong stupid key on this stupid phone!!
I am so aggravated!! Aaaarrrghhh!! To hell with this piece of crap!! I so miss my old phone, it was so much better. :(

This is sooo annoying! I am not typing it all again!

Damn this friggin phone!! Only if you were a real person BB 8520, I would've stabbed you right in the face and would have kicked your friggin ass till the time you would turn assless!! Ughh!!

This is not how I wanted say a 'short-term adieu' to my bloggy doggy but this fucking phone ruined it all!!

I cannot believe, I just abused a gadget like that!! Jeez, I can really be short-tempered and super-irritable sometimes (No, at all times actually)!

Anyway, see you after the exams!

P.S. How well does the title go with the post as well as the phone!! Pun absolutely intended (i.e. if you get it)!!

An enlightening day...

I have to re-type this post because I tabbed the back key of this stupid phone! Now, who can say I have an eminently important exam that is held at an all India level, in about 18days!! I can be so so so absurd at times!!

Anyway, I had yet another revelation about me (the inner me) today. Although I won't exactly put it here as it's a bit too personal.
But yaa, it's good to know you are wrong, at times, by yourself. It's better than living life in an utterly erroneous manner and presuming it to be the correct way! Well, how far will I be benefited by this epiphany is a different issue, though it depends on me...

Music- life (though not invariably!)
'When I dream at night' by Marc Anthony mesmerizes me. Yes, I should be engrossed in studies at the moment, instead of Marc Anthony BUT what the heck! Have I ever done the right thing at the right moment? HELL NO!!

You know I am so amazed with people, who work according to their plan, stick to a program and accomplish targets. Be it studies, be it work, be it career etc.
ME- I don't beat my targets but my targets do surely beat me HARD!! But someday even I will start winning from my targets ;)

'Perfect' by Pink makes me feel really good. I loved it's video as well, I could relate so much with it, I had this 'deja vu' moment while watching it... Moreover, she sings 'you are perfect' which no one has ever said to me...except for Pink ;p

In a day or two, my internet plan will get over and I don't plan to restart it until exams are through with so I won't get to blog after that :(

Anyway, Mr God do something, don't sit idle like that, c'mon help me concentrate!!