The Magic called Music.

The only thing that has kept me going today is Music! EDM to be precise.

SAVIORS OF THE monDAY:
Hardwell
Avicii
Boneless
Best of Tomorrowland Vol. I Chaquea Mix

In order to live in the present, we have to stop anticipating the future. We all know that, right? Then why don't we concentrate on today, everyday? Why on somedays we prefer to dream about how it will be like in the days to come? Why can't we keep the dreaming bit for the night? Why day-dream?
Perhaps, because it gives us hopes.
But, what about the unnecessary expectations that start popping due to these hopes?
Now, that's life, isn't it? Learning to deal with unnecessary expectations... from yourself, from people, and from Mr. God.

I feel like going dancing tonite! :D

Warning! Mushy stuff ahead.

Friend... not anymore...

When I see you, I can't see a friend anymore. All I see is disappointment, and I am sure you too feel the same. It's just sad how two people, who understood each other completely, suddenly fall apart so badly. Maybe, they were never meant to be together. How I wish, for once, you could know what the real problem was, how you brutally ripped my soul... and, rather than agreeing to the problem, you would just put an end to it... Sadly, it did not happen and I know it never will because you are not the person who cares enough... enough to bring those days back in MY life. And, for the record, your relationship was never the issue, really. 

Trust me on this one, it's because of you that my belief in the word "Trust", which was almost dying anyway, has faded away completely. You may have lost a friend but I lost a part of me, and this is not an exaggeration. It's not a scar, it's an open wound, which will never heal. Partly, because I won't ever allow it to heal. 

I'm not blaming you. I know, I have made my share of mistakes, but I just wanted you to make things better whereas you went on making them worse. 

And now, to a certain someone...   

You make me happy. Please continue doing so.  

The butterflies in my tummy are not ready to leave. They love it here it seems! :) :D 

Disclaimer. This is just another bundle of rants.

I am really not the emotional person I used to be. Doesn't mean I don't appreciate or respect my friendships and relationships. I still am a human.

Uff! I'm just sick of being the incapable friend for everyone. Can't they just cut me some slack? Let me be. Not expect anything from me. My expectations anyway have all faded away. Nothing in life is going so wrong that I'm emotionally disturbed or anything. I'm just a more relaxed person, with a temper.

Having said all that, I still NEED people in my life! They all think I need to be left alone and I don't care anymore. Someone has rightly stated, "Presumption is the mother of all fuck-ups."

I don't understand how to explain! 

It's such a disappointment to be misunderstood by the people you thought understood you more than anyone else.

While having a heated argument today, a friend said, "You are at loss."

Sigh..

I know that and I even said it. Everyone's just walking away or I'm making them do so, perhaps. Whatever be the reason, I'm the one who's being abandoned, right? So, it has to be my loss.

Here's one big THANK YOU to EACH 'Friend' who has very conveniently (or not so conveniently) given up on me! True, you have left a vacuum in my life but you have also saved me from the guilt of being a disappointment in the name of a friend.
(This is not out of fury or melancholy, I mean it in a very positive and mature way. I can't be who you want me to be anymore and if you can't accept that, it's good for you to leave. I'll deal with it.)

And, This is not self-pity! I just know the nature of problems everyone seems to have with me and I don't feel like working on them and I don't feel sorry for myself for that. 

Once a friend in one of her blogs had called me an extremely emotional shit and hated me for being so. When I stopped being so, she said I've changed and hated me for that. It was funny and sad at the same time. 

Anyway...

By now I've understood that it's not a 'phase', it's my way of life. Because, that's how things have been since almost a year now and I'm pretty much okay with my social behavior, opinions and perspective. I have accepted myself with the so called 'change', only they haven't!

I won't say I'm sad but I'm not happy either. I'm just fine.

Conclusion: I have forgotten everything about the art of maintaining relationships. And, I'm not being pardoned for this crime.

I'm on this mad binging spree since a long time now! I should stop. I've gained a lot of unnecessary weight.

Songs that I can relate to, recently...
Dead and gone- JT
One step closer- Linkin Park

Awaiting certain changes. Positive ones, of course.

And the rebellious phase continues…

There’s freedom and shackles.

There’s wind and fire.

There’s tranquility and fury.

There’s belief and oblivion.

There’s bliss and melancholy.

As I read more about psychedelia and psychedelic art, I’m getting obsessed with that culture.

There are times when I make mistakes, which are not really big and don't affect anyone per se, but I rebuke myself because I'm offending someone in my head and it's mean. 

Moving on,

I read some awesome quotes today on tumblr, which made me feel better so I'm sharing them here. I hope this makes you also feel better.  I hope you are so content already, there is no need to make you feel better.

"A few nice words can help a person more than you think."

"Give as much energy to your dreams as you do to your fears."

"Life doesn't get easier, you just get stronger."

"Never let anyone ruin you."

"Dear problem, My dick is bigger than you! (And I'm a girl so you don't exist)"

"Don't expect anyone to understand your journey especially if they have never walked your path."

"Your soul is rooting for you."

"It's useless to show how much you care for special someone when that person is also too busy getting somebody's attention."

"Life doesn't give you the people you want; it gives you the people you need - to help you, to hurt you, to leave you, and to love you & make you into the person you were meant to be."

because there's no one to talk...

It's been an emotional roller-coaster, this week.

I'm tensed and petrified.

I love you and want you to be alright... 

When you need your people the most but you don't say it because you want them to understand automatically and come to you and stand by you. 

The reason behind not saying and wanting them to get it could be the hope that there is someone who is always concerned, knows you in and out and makes sure that you've shared every little thing that bothers you. 

Sadly, no such person exists in the real world.

Because people have their own problems and they are always dealing with them, there is no time for them to look at your troubles.

Moreover, have you ever done that for anyone before you can even think about expecting such a thing?

Life these days is all about work, doodling, reading and family. I have no complains about it. It's good.

And yesterday, 

When I was with my cousin venting many other emotions and thoughts, she said, "Remember Carrie Bradshaw from Sex and the City..."

I Said, "Of course."

"She once stated 'Maybe some women aren't meant to be tamed. Maybe they just need to run free til they find someone as wild to run with them.' Maybe this statement defines us", she said and smiled.   

And there it was, the right thing that maybe I wanted to hear.

There is something very similar in both of us. Maybe it was always there and we just realized. 

   

I felt like calling up a friend and talking but didn't know whom to call... so, I  turned to you bloggy doggy.

There's a difference between your personal diary, your blog and your friends. You should  know who out of the three should know what about you and who can help you the best at times.  

Lonliness

I see you. I can't hear you. I can't feel your presence around.
I see you looking at me.
I call out your name. You can't hear me.
I shout your name, quite loudly this time. You stand still as a stone.
My eyes well up. I need you. I scream your name with all my heart.
I see no movement.
I'm helpless. Tears break out from my eyes. There is no hope.
...........

I see!

Colors are the source of emotions. Each color invokes a different feeling inside. Each of them has special characteristics and a different meaning.

There’s only one common thing among all, each of them is beautiful. Yet in that similarity also there is a difference, the beauty of each has a different and unique shape.

They symbolize sadness. They symbolize happiness. And, all that lie in between. They impart beauty to every object, living or non-living.

It’s so hard to imagine life without color.

You can’t see the grayish road while you walk.  You miss that green little torn packet with light gold bordering of Radha Souf lying on the road. You can’t see the brown dog with white patches barking at a dark beggar with a white beard embellished with dirt, whose body is covered with dusty red and brown rags.

They are present in everything, big or small, real or unreal, natural or man-made. Even if you close your eyes or turn blind, you will see only one thing, black color.

Looking at life in that one single color keeps you deprived of those little feelings, epiphanies and discomforts, which only other colors are capable of producing.

Today, I want to thank Mr. God for bestowing me with the ability to see, for allowing me to feel every possible emotion.

Mixed Fruit Salad.

I don’t know what to do with myself! Procrastination has its roots stuck deep inside of me!

I've read a lot of articles on most writers being a victim to procrastination but I don’t want to be in that writers’ list or at least not in the first hundred.

Solution: Kill the laziness.

I’m feeling sick, physically and mentally.

This Sunday was fun. I miss Winter. 

One thing I noticed, sometimes you tend to say things just for the heck of it, to have a conversation going. At that time you feel what am I saying, do I even mean it, do I agree with myself, why am I talking like that. But, later you’ll realize, it was your sub-conscious mind speaking and it will all make sense then. And perhaps, you might be embarrassed that you revealed your true and hidden feelings out in the open.  

I like working in the nights with light music playing along. I like blogging while doing so. 

You know an eyelash cannot actually fulfill that big dream, that wish of yours but still sometimes out of hope you like to believe that it will do so, and you softly blow it from the back of your palm, which I just got to know is also known as 'Opisthenar'.
What is life without hope? Death, maybe (I know that was a rhetorical question I stated but the answer just came to me instantly.)

Music at the moment:
Life is Short
Since you've been around
Daddy Cool
Here is a heart
Scratch 
Other side of the world
The dog song
(Yes, these are the same old numbers I like.)

There's maddening traffic everyday in Mumbai. Traffic that doesn't allow any vehicle to move for hours! It's becoming difficult to cope with travelling in this city now.

NO HORN OK PLEASE

What is it with Mumbaikars and honking?

Okay so, you are stuck in traffic and want to reach some place urgently so you start honking like mad. For once, please notice that others are also stuck in the same traffic, and the person driving the vehicle ahead of you is not having the time of his life in that situation.

Stop creating unnecessary noise pollution you fucking moron!!

MONSOON GO SOON

Due to rains, all autowalas have become very pricey, quite literally also. I’m so mad at these autowalas; they think of themselves as the kings of Mumbai, which they are not! I badly need a Vespa now.
Soon I shall get one for myself post monsoon.

Anyway,
I should get back to work now and maybe pop another Crocin!