It is so important to share happy moments with your loved ones. With each one of them. And no, I don't mean special moments. I mean simple moments, like having a fruitful shopping with a friend or watching funny videos in a cafe with another. It is in these simple, silly moments that happiness dwells. Very quietly they weave your bonds stronger.

...............

And dreams... Dreams about accomplishing career milestones and traveling the world with your beloved. Dreams about making your parents proud and celebrating life with the same bunch of friends. Dreams about contributing to the world and taking from the universe. Dreams about knowing more and thinking less. And just dreams. 

On love and change.

Yesterday I was at a cafe with two of my friends and a friend's friend.

We spoke about many things, philosophical and psychological.

The last discussion we had was on the existence of love and the longevity in relationships. We had to leave the discussion incomplete as I had to leave.

He (friend's friend) said love is a temporary phenomenon. I agreed then.
Then he said it does not exist. That reminded me of my younger self, who too believed the same.

I feel he has a set definition for love. So maybe as per his definition, love is a temporary thing. He said people change, and you might not respond to the change in your partner too favorably and eventually will fall out of love.

He said you love certain qualities in a person so when the qualities fade away, there is nothing left to that person. What will you love then? Because the person you loved does not exist anymore.

He so reminded me of myself. I was of the same belief system.

Have I changed? Yes.
Because I fell in love? No.

I have broadened my perception about love and change.

Change is inevitable.
I figured, there are two faces of change. There could be more. As of now I have discovered just two, in this context.
Okay so, the first is evolution and the second is death.

Say, there's a virtue in my partner that I thoroughly admire and adore.
With time, that virtue, say, evolves. Grows in intensity. I might be able to respond to this change positively. As the virtue still exists in him. Efforts will be required to deal with the increased intensity, but I will still do it because his basic quality remains constant.
Now say, his virtue that made me fall in 'love' with him has died in the course time. It has ceased to exist. What now? I don't think I will be able to love him. If I do, it will take a lot of hard work and coercing myself.

I believe, as of now, that it is the responsibility of a person in a relationship to be open to changes their partner undergoes, willingly or reluctantly. Along with being determined to not lose the quality that swept their beloved off their feet. You have to keep trying. You have to choose evolution over death. If you can't, then you better not expect your partner to 'fathom' you and 'adapt' to the new you.
It's a dual responsibility.
Yes, love is not easy. Not in the long run. The temporary nature pertains to the effortlessness that people believe should exist in love. But the truth is no relationship is effortless. Not even the one you have with yourself. Love is hard. Loving yourself is hard. Loving the same person all your life is hard.
I don't know if it makes you a great person if you dedicate all your love to a single soul, but it certainly makes you a good student of life because you learn toilsome and sapping lessons that nothing else, no one else can teach. And I would like to believe that each of these lessons will make you a better person along with making you fall in love with yourself and your partner more deeply.

He also said, loving someone is not like loving yourself. Because you don't have an option to not love yourself, to not accept the ever-changing mind of yours, Well okay, you do have an option but then life will be like hell.

I say yes, it is not like loving yourself. It is much more than that. It makes you much more than what you are or can be.

P.S.: I still don't know what love is and how to define it. Perhaps, it is undefinable. To me.

The war

It's a boring Saturday at work! I feel extremely lethargic today.

Anyway,

Being in a relationship changes your perception about a lot of things. It surprises you in many ways. You are appalled to see yourself doing things that seemed irrational and foolish when you were single. And if you are someone who entered the 'relationship phase' of life a little later, then you are going to have a hard time accepting the new you.

And yes, no matter how determined and adamant you were about not changing yourself for anyone, changes will engulf you. And fortunately, unfortunately, you will surrender to them.

This transformation is not going to be easy. Because you never needed one. But now something within you is welcoming this change. 

You better get ready to be on a war with yourself!   

Hello, Mumbai!

A new job. A new desk. New people. I feel so unfamiliar. And out of place. The discomfort felt on being away from home has taken over me.

But I am happy about the new desk. The new opportunities. And more than that the new location. Fort.

This place used to be the heart of Mumbai during the eighteenth century. This business district is swamped with old colonial buildings. Some of them had a significant status in history while some are just manifestations of primitive living. Well, vital or not, all these structures look mesmeric as they depict the grand architecture of those times.
I love being surrounded by history. Just a walk in these lanes and I am transported to the olden era, when the Brits ruled us. I imagine how life would've been then... The people, the lifestyle, the business, the society, the food, the clothes and the language... A little less evolved, a little more peaceful.

The glorious streets and intersections here are used by millions of Mumbaikars every day. I thoroughly enjoy my walk from the CST to the new office. Though it barely lasts 10 minutes, but it makes me realize that it is not just I, who has been residing in this city since 24 years, but the city, too, has been living, breathing inside me.

Oftentimes, it takes something new to help you connect with something old that was maybe forgotten.

The end.

The grandpa computer sitting on a tape. The dusty black chair crammed in a torrid corner.
The weak Internet connection. The chaotic desk.The notepad. The missing pen.
The murmuring. The howling. The titters.
The tring tring. The ting tong.
The chuckles.
The gossip. The bitching.
The laughter.
The work. The brain storming sessions.
The giggles.
The arguments. The disagreements.
The lunches. The post-lunch walks. The cackles.
The yelling. The tears. The resentment. The abusing. The frustration. The forgiveness.
The smiles. The jokes. The chutyapa.
The dreams. The hopes. The aspirations.
The sharing of successes and failures, happiness and sadness.
The boredom. The music. The conversations. The insanity. The creativity.
The place. The people. The love.The empathy. The compassion.

I will miss them all.

It's not the end of a journey. It's the end of an era.

Insecurities. I don't like them. Therefore I turn my back as I see them racing towards me.
The only way one could get rid of them is by conceding them in front of the person concerned. Or maybe to a confidante.
If you don't blurt it out, it keeps swelling until it becomes a monstrous blob of negativity. 

Dependent Independence?

You live your life as per your whims and fancies.
Design your decisions by yourself.
You create your own happiness.
You compose melancholy for yourself.
You dance. You laugh.
You travel. You eat.
You drink. You smoke.
You rant. You cry.

And one fine day someone steps in your life.
Quietly. Without your knowledge. Yet with your permission.

Now there is an opinion you want to take while making your decisions.
You are no more the only person responsible for your happiness and sadness.
You are dependent now. Or maybe your independence is dependent.
Because you still dance, laugh, travel, eat, drink, smoke, rant, cry.
But with that someone.
You are not alone now.

Does complete liberty come with aloneness?
Can you continue being a freewheeling soul while being attached to another soul?
Should this connection be looked upon as enslavement even minutely?

Maybe... Maybe that someone will liberate you further.
Maybe they would just stand beside you, making sure that you don't fall as you balance on a water pipe below the terrace railing, gazing at the deep view of the world and trying to conquer your fear of heights.

So maybe you are not really depended on that someone, but on your own perception.

And then you never know, you might fall in love with that dependent independence despite its odds.

Wishes of the day

Today I wish to create something marvelous.

It could be a piece of writing. A doodle. Something edible. Something Audible.
It could be a picture. A painting. A word.
It could be something significant.Or trivial.
It could be the zeal to be efficient.
It could be a new hairstyle.
It could be anything. It could be nothing.

And I wish to go back.

To Himachal. To Manali. To Kasol.
To the rivers. The mountains. The trees. The blue sky. The snow. The stars. The winds.
My heart yearns to go back.
I feel sad.
I miss them all.

Today when I close my eyes, I see myself in the woods aside the Parvati River in Kasol.
 


 

The voice?

The voice that comes from within. The one that has a faint texture. And speaks your instinct and intuition. The voice that is you, your soul. 

How do you know if it is that voice helping you to make a decision or it is the opinions of others or the demand of the situation? Or is it just the random flow of occurrences that has forced you to take a step without calculating anything?

How do you know?

Maybe you never know...

It will be whatever you choose to believe. 

This year has been a joyful and exhilarating ride so far. A season of newness. A chapter with too many twists and turns. 

Today's Playlist:

Phir Le Aya - Arijit Singh

Phir Se Ud Chala - Mohit Chauhan

Peekaboo - Coke Studio

Pataka Guddi - Jyoti and Sultana Nooran

Pardesi - Amit Trivedi